Chapter 23

Ted

Ever since I can remember, I’d woken up to the smell of bacon or some other breakfast delicacy wafting from the kitchen, but sleeping in had screwed with the system. It wasn’t often that I got to sleep in, but the smell of cologne filling my room and my nostrils was proof that it was a bad habit, especially on Sundays.

“What the hell are you doing in my room?” I rolled over and faced Luke, who stood at my dresser messing around with my cologne collection.

“Borrowing your cologne. Why do you have so many?” He picked up another and sprayed it into the air, giving the space a sniff.

“I like smelling good, and you’re not borrowing it, you’re stealing it. It’s not like you’re going to bring it back to me.” I stood and made my bed, tucking the covers back into place. Mama had always appreciated the habit.

Luke sniffed a bottle and then slapped some on. “Don’t be stingy.”

“Go easy with that.” I pointed to my favorite bottle. “Where are you going, anyway?”

“I’ll give you three guesses and two hints. It’s Sunday morning, and I’m wearing a tie.” He fussed with his hair, glaring in the mirror as if willing the stray strand to behave. He knew better, he’d had that same unruly lock since he was five and cut his own hair.

“But you don’t go to church.” I noticed not only was he wearing a tie, but he had on his shiniest dress boots.

“Ding, ding, ding. I do today.” He fussed with his tie, and I let out a breath wishing he’d go back to his own room.

“Why come in here hogging my mirror and what’s with the tie? Isn’t that a bit of overkill?” I never understood why a nice, pressed button-down wasn’t enough for some people.

“You know I don’t have a mirror, and because you broke it, I’m making you suffer.”

“I suffered enough when Daddy whipped my ass, and I still maintain it was Mason’s fault. If he’d learned to catch a damned ball, you’d be in your own room right now.” Somehow Daddy never saw my side of that story, and I’d gotten the whipping of my life. “We were little kids. You shouldn’t hold a grudge. Come to think of it, maybe you do need church.”

He flashed me a wicked smile, his eyes wide and fiery. “If you see the fire trucks pass by, you’ll know I burst into flames.”

“Who is she and why go all out with a tie?” He looked like he was about to go to a funeral and I wondered if this was the one he’d referred to as a freak in the sheets.

He turned from the mirror and leaned against my dresser. “A girl I met. Her name is Audrey, and her Dad is the worship leader at church.”

“So you’re trying to impress him or her with that noose you’re tying on?”

“I’m trying to look presentable and respectable. You might try it sometime. Have you ever even worn a tie?” He lifted his shoulders and narrowed his eyes as if trying to remember ever seeing me in one.

“No way. Not even to funerals. Mama never made me because I fussed too much.” I remember Daddy trying to bust my ass over wearing a tie to Granddaddy’s funeral, but Mama had stopped him. Said we were all hurting enough and everyone should be comfortable.

“Oh, that’s right, you didn’t go to your prom.” He grinned and waited for my reaction which was an extended middle finger. “No, really, you should try one now and then. The ladies love this shit. They want us clean and pretty so they can dirty us up.”

“No thanks, I prefer them clean and pretty so I can dirty them up.” I laughed, and he shook his head. I punched his arm. “Well, I hope the pussy is worth it is all I’m saying.”

“Shit, it was worth it prom night. I thought I’d hate wearing that tux, but it was worth it.”

I realized I was the only one of my brothers that hadn’t gone. “Did it bother you to go to prom? I mean, did you see it as a bunch of girly shit?”

He laughed. “I had a blast prom night. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the dance and the pictures weren’t my favorite, but damn, my date was sexy.” He stared off into space for a moment as if he could still see her.

“I remember that girl. Lula was her name, right?”

“Lucinda. Lucinda Reese. Man, did she have curves and the nicest rack in school. After the dance, I took her down to the Dew Drop, fed her some peach schnapps, and peeled that dress off of her nice and slow. She sucked me off, swallowed, and sucked me hard again. Then she rode my cock till the fucking sun came up.” He wiped his brow. “That was a hot night.”

“Sounds like it. I’ve never been much for that kind of bullshit though. I wanted to take Lauralee to dinner and make it special, but no, not good enough.”

“You should step out of your comfort zone sometimes and compromise.” He turned back to my mirror and straightened his shirt collar again, then brushed down his shirt front. “Look what it did for David. He stepped way out of his for Sarah and now look at him. He’s the next big star.”

The last thing I wanted to do was talk about Luke’s idol, our older brother David, so I steered us back on point. “So what you’re saying is, you plan on getting laid after church?” I raked my fingers through my hair and grinned as he walked to the door.

He turned back, clicked his tongue, and winked at me. “If I’m lucky, right after Sunday supper.” I shook my head and disappeared into my bathroom.

I couldn’t help but think of what Mama had said about comfort zones, and now Luke was preaching the same sermon. While the rest of us boys had been made clones of our father, Luke had gotten Mama’s sense and reasoning. Even though I hated to admit it, he’d been right about David, too. He’d made a tough decision in changing his life around and putting it in Sarah’s hands. The two had barely known each other, but he’d decided to take a leap of faith with her.

I stripped out of my shorts and stepped into the shower, letting the shock of the cold water hit me as I turned it on.

I wondered if I could ever trust in someone other than Lauralee in the same way. It didn’t seem possible or feel right. As long as I could remember, she’d been there. Then it dawned on me, maybe she was, in a sense, my comfort zone. Being with her had always been comfortable, like breathing, at least when things were good. But they were miserable when they were bad. Like I had lost my only friend. Too comfortable, so comfortable I was miserable without her.

No, that wasn’t the comfort that mattered. I wanted her to feel the same way, and if it meant making myself miserable, I’d give her what she wanted, even if it was time as friends. Friendship wasn’t the worst thing in the world, and at least we’d be together. Then there’d at least be a chance to grow into more.

I needed more, and I knew it. But how? How did I go back to being more in her eyes? A simple line or move wasn’t going to work anymore. It simply wouldn’t do, and she deserved much better. No, I had to think of something that brought me away from my comfort zone just to prove to her that I was the man for her.

I could clean up and put on a tie as easily as the rest of them. Sure, I’d feel a bit ridiculous, but a tie wasn’t all that bad. I’d take her to dinner, buy her the best dinner of her life and then maybe get us a special room somewhere. It seemed fine to me, but then I realized that was the point.

Not only was that me keeping things in my own comfort zone, but I had already tried that idea on her six years ago when I wanted to take her out to dinner instead of prom. That had blown up in my face, and Andy’s.

The feel of his face as my fist connected with it, stung so bad. I’d never forget it, and I got an itch thinking about it. I washed my hair, soaped up, and then let the cold water wash it away. I watched the suds accumulate and then disappear down the drain and then I stepped out and pulled the towel from the hook on the door.

I dressed and went out to the barn to see the horses and couldn’t help but miss Dozer who’d usually accompanied me. I’d let the pain of losing him be buried until Tilly brought up the memories. I loved that old dog and wondered if I’d ever find another one as good as him.

I was awful with change. When Lauralee and I split up, I’d been so messed up I thought doing everything that moved would make things better. I sighed realizing that all my thoughts were leading back to her as usual.

As I brushed Major, I contemplated what I should do about Lauralee’s job. I had needed to hire two hands so it would free me up to be in the office more often, but I despised the thought of being tethered to that desk and computer the rest of my life. Sure, I’d still be working in the field, but even Daddy had put in many hours behind his desk and on the phone. Although now the phone wasn’t that big of a deal. I could forward the phone to my cell phone and take it with me, but that left the other work. Daddy was content to stay inside with Mama.

Then it hit me. If I hired Lauralee to man the office, I would be free to do more work in the field, and then I’d only need one ranch hand. That way her job wouldn’t run out, and I could keep her close.

Damn Bailey for interrupting things the day before. I would have made a move for sure. The dreamy look she had in her eyes made me feel like she wanted it, and who was I to refuse her anything she wanted?

Keeping her close would give me more of a chance to make things right, and make her mine again. I decided if I flirted with her relentlessly, she’d eventually break and I’d have her right where I wanted her.

I wasn’t sure she’d go for the job, but it was worth a try.

I moved on from Major to brush Midnight, and as I worked the stiff bristles across his back and down his flanks, Mason approached, stinking of booze, sweat, and his sex from the night before.

“I’m in love.” He tossed his shirt over his shoulder and stood there bare-chested leaning against the stall.

“In love? Please don’t tell me it’s Ella.” I didn’t want to hear about it if it was. I hated the woman enough since she’d corrupted my younger brother like a notch on her Dawson belt.

“No, I don’t know her name. I saw her at Kinsey’s last night, and I’m telling you, she’s the one.” He put his hand over his heart, and I studied his mannerisms wondering if he was still as drunk as he smelled.

“You stink. You should go bathe in the creek before Mama smells you.” Mama was about to tear him a new one over his staying out all night. I saw it coming. She’d done the same to David and me when we were his age and our habits had gotten the better of us.

“You’re not hearing me, man. She’s a goddess. She came into Kinsey’s and jaws dropped all over the bar.”

“I bet that was messy.” I swept the brush across Midnight’s glossy black coat and put the brush back in the bucket and lifted up his leg to check his hoof.

“I’m not fooling around. She’s the hottest girl that I’ve ever seen, and I’m going to ask her out. I would have made my move already if I hadn’t been with Gina.” The name sparked my memory, but only because I remembered her being a friend of Ella’s.

“So you were hanging with Ella and her posse again?” I shook my head. The boy would never learn and never slow down. Lauralee thought I was bad, but Mason was giving me a run for my money lately. I might still hold the record for most notches, but he’d pass me soon enough at this rate. I wondered how many women we’d both experienced but then shrugged off the thought. Some things are better left unknown, and besides, I didn’t have enough free time for comparisons.

“No, Ella wasn’t around. Gina didn’t want her knowing we’re hanging out. She said Ella had some family business with her mother. And before you keep giving me that look, I haven’t been hanging around her, and I haven’t slept with her again. Once was more than enough.”

I shook my head and turned back to the horse. “I’m not the one you have to worry about being judgmental. You know David is coming home soon. You can tell him all about your adventures.”

“Hey, like I said, I’m going to pursue the goddess. Besides, David doesn’t have to know I banged Ella.” He crossed his arms as if challenging me.

“What if you don’t tell him and Ella does. Trust me, that’s even worse. You should be the one to tell him and not in a boastful way either.” I had regretted the way I handled things with Ella and me, even though at the time I didn’t. It seemed like a harmless move, but in the end, it had cost me my brother’s respect and things hadn’t been the same between us since.

“What am I supposed to do, bring it up over the breakfast table in front of Sarah? It’s not like he cares. He’s well past the days of being jealous over you fucking her, and he’s moved on to much better.”

“It’s not like that, Mase. Tell him or don’t, but you’ve got to own up to it when it comes back to bite you in the ass. And trust me, Ella’s that kind of dog. She’ll be around, especially if she catches wind of David coming home.” He had no idea what a rabid bitch that woman could be.

“Anyway, I came out here to tell you about the goddess.” He turned to leave but stopped in his tracks. “Oh yeah, and to ask you when you’re hiring the two hands? You know we have that big truck this week, and we’re going to have to round them all up for shots soon. I’d rather not have to do that all alone. If I take a hand and Luke takes a hand, we can knock it out much sooner.” I could sympathize with him. It wasn’t something I wanted to do alone either.

“I’m not hiring two hands. Lauralee’s back again, and she’s going to work the office. At least, I hope she’ll stay on. That will put me beside you, and I’ll hire Luke one hand.” I took a deep breath as his eyes narrowed and he grinned like an idiot.

“She came back? Man, you two deserve each other. You’re both gluttons for punishment.” He released a deep breath. “Well, I guess it can work. Maybe you two will finally work out.”

“No, it’s not like that. We’re trying to be friends and nothing more.” I couldn’t even keep a straight face saying it, and Mason belted a belly laugh in response.

“Yeah, right. Good luck with that,” he said. The laughter faded as he left the barn.