CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Mia zoned out in front of her computer. The screensaver was blank, except for the lonely square bouncing corner to corner. A Magic Mike highlight reel could’ve played on repeat, and she wouldn’t have noticed. Instead, she twirled a pencil between her fingers. Her last patient cancelled, and she was left with empty time.
She drank so much coffee that the next step would be mainlining espresso. That wouldn’t do. Coworkers were already whispering. After the professional inquisition from her coworkers about her bruises and scratches, she decided all the cover up and foundation wasn’t hiding the tired eyes and sad smile they really wanted to know about. It was too bad the frown was here to stay.
She stared at her coffee cup, debating the drawbacks of the shakes. A jittery caffeine headache would kick this defective day over to the pointless category. She held her hands out to ensure her fingers didn’t tremble.
Someone knocked on her closed door. She should have turned out the lights. Disruptions weren’t welcome. Her next appointment wasn’t for at least another hour, so whoever it was could find someone else to bother. If she didn’t move, they might leave her alone.
The door clicked open. She cringed, disinterested and annoyed. But then an infant gurgled, offering a slew of nonsensical words. Her heartstrings quivered, wanting to see the baby, needing to see Colby. She inched round in her chair, heart punching into her throat. Disappointment exploded in her chest. Not Colby.
“Judith.” Her throat stung. Mia failed a happy smile. It was more of a smeared grin. Of course it wasn’t him. Why would it be? She hated herself for even hoping he’d show his face. The man had no reason to, but as much as it pained her, she was so desperate to hear from him. Pathetic. She was steps beyond pathetic. “What are you doing here? I mean, I’m glad to see you. But, is everything okay?”
She stood, fidgeting with her shirt. Oh…no. Something happened to Colby.
Softness creased Judith’s face. Clara knotted her hands into the woman’s hair, then, excited and flapping her arms, offered Mia a conversation of sounds and syllables.
Judith waited for Clara to stop. “Hi. How are you?”
Not a big fan of lying, she shrugged. “Would you like to sit down?”
Judith seemed to hesitate. She took one slow step, then another, finally relaxing onto a leather couch.
“I’m not the interfering type. But…” Clara reached for her, and a piece of her heart broke. “I’m sorry, Mia, would you like to say hi to Clara? Hold her?”
Mia closed her eyes against the hot tears that threatened to wash away her cover up under her eyes. She blinked twice. “It’s okay. I don’t think I should.”
I can’t, because I’ll fall apart.
Judith fidgeted, toying with Clara’s hand. “I just want you to know, Colby is... He’s just not right in his head. I don’t know what you two went through, but he’s never come home shell-shocked before. Beneath all that bravado, there’s a guy who’s just scared of losing everything.”
“We went through a lot. I just… thought things were different than they were.”
Judith shook her head as if disappointed in herself, or maybe in Colby. “I’m meddling. I know I crossed the line. I shouldn’t be here.”
“You’re not meddling, Judith. Don’t worry.”
“It’s… I’m sorry, Mia. I saw a shine in my son when you were around. He was different, and it was special. I’d hate to see him lose you because he’s an ass.”
“He is special. I hope he’s doing okay.”
“You care about my son?”
“I do.”
“I’m sorry you’re hurting.”
Mia shrugged again. She couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t magnify the hurt. And Clara. Sweet Clara. She wanted to hold that baby as bad as she wanted to smack Colby and hug his mother.
“He’s hurting, too. His fault, but he is.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Her voice broke. She couldn’t believe she’d said that out loud.
Judith was off the couch in a second, wrapping a motherly hug around her, with Clara giggling in the middle.
This is what a hug from a mom should feel like.
“Oh, honey, me neither,” Judith said. “I’m so sorry.”
Mia’s tears fell, and Judith kept her close. “I’m sorry to cry.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I miss him.”
“We all miss you.”
Mia wiped at her streaking makeup. “Thank you for saying that.”
“Alrighty, I had no intention of making either of us cry.” Mia didn’t even notice Judith’s watery glance until she’d said that. “You know how to get a hold of me, right? Please call. If you need anything, call me.”
“Sure. Thanks for coming by and for bringing Clara.”
“Of course. And again, I’m sorry to interfere—”
“Please. You’re not interfering, Judith. Besides, you can’t compare to Jared and Cash. They’ve made it their personal mission to make sure I’m okay. I’m like their adopted younger sister or something.”
Judith laughed.
Mia smiled. Cash had shown up, armed with jokes, and Jared had tried to act like a hard ass. He failed each time.
“I was surprised to see you and not one of them. The guys keep popping in. No idea how they’re getting on base.”
“They can get anywhere. That I’ve learned.” She gave a pause, possibly thinking what Mia thought. If they can get on base, Colby could’ve done the same. “Those boys. They’re like a nuclear, adrenaline-junkie, gun-toting family. Blowing stuff up and drinking beers together. They think I don’t know what all they do. But I know. And I’m proud of them.”
“Me, too.” With each passing moment, she missed him more and more.
“If he ever comes around, tail between his legs, I hope you’ll give him a second chance. That is, if you think he deserves it. I’ll see myself out. Take care, Mia.”
Clara reached her chubby fingers to Mia and called out gibberish again, sweet and innocent, as Judith walked them away.
Mia plopped into her chair, spun in mindless circles, and drifted to a stop. She shuffled papers and tried to ignore the jewelry-sized box under her desk. It beckoned to her, screaming for attention. She wheeled away from the desk and bent down to wrap her fingers around it, wishing she could crush it.
Everything happened for a reason. If nothing else, she now understood how family was supposed to feel. She deserved it. The deluxe package. A husband, kids, and a happily ever after.
She fingered the brown leather box and listened to the muffled rattle as she flipped it over again and again in her hand. Mia shut her eyes and pulled the top off, dumping the contents into her palm. Metal shards. Disfigured, corkscrewed, and hooked. Shrapnel.
For whatever the reason, Jared brought her the box with the metal fragments from Colby’s shoulder. It should have been gross, but it wasn’t. It served as a brutal reminder of the way Colby protected her from gunfire and explosions. That Colby would rather have died fighting than let her go down under his watch. But did he know losing him this way was just as terrible?
She tossed the box toward the trash can. The box bounced off the wall, remaining shut, and jumped to a dark corner under her couch, where it could stay.