The journey home is silent. Uncomfortable. I draw breath a thousand times to ask Ava what’s whirling around in her mind, but each time I think better of it. Maybe because I’m worried about what she might say. Does she want more space? Does she think I’m crowding her too much? Does she hate me for sending the kids away so I could focus on discovering us again? Question after question mounts until my head is pounding. ‘Ava—’ I’m interrupted by her phone ringing, and she answers rather than letting it ring off and giving me her attention. My hands flex around the steering wheel, irritation heating my bloodstream.
‘Hi!’ She sounds happy all of a sudden. ‘Yes, definitely.’ She laughs, and I frown, wondering who’s on the line. Kate’s in hospital. ‘I’ll see you there.’ She hangs up and looks at me. ‘What were you going to say?’
My mind is blank. ‘Who was that?’
‘Oh, Zara.’ She slips her phone into her bag. Zara. The friend from yoga. The woman putting stupid ideas in my wife’s head about getting another job. ‘You must meet her. She’s fab.’
I bite my tongue before we end up in an argument. It’s probably best I never meet Zara. I can’t guarantee I’ll hold back from putting her straight on a few things. ‘Sure.’
When we pull up the driveway, I’m about to unleash some of the questions mounting, but Ava speaks first, stopping me in my tracks. ‘Whose car is that?’ she asks, pointing forward, spurring me to look.
Ava’s parents’ Land Rover is parked up, and the front door is wide open. ‘The kids are home.’ Excitement mixed with apprehension swirls in my gut as I roll to a stop. I have no idea how this will play out. How will Ava be? How will the kids be? ‘You okay?’
‘Yeah.’ Her answer is quiet as she gets out of the car, hovering by the door for a few moments after she’s shut it. I remain in my seat, bracing myself for the reunion. I mustn’t get emotional. I mustn’t give the kids any cause to worry. On a deep breath, I exit the car and circle it to collect Ava. She smiles at me when I take her hand. ‘Ready?’
Her inhale is far deeper than mine. ‘Ready,’ she confirms, letting me lead her up to the front door. Each step she takes is measured, each breath audible. She’s doing exactly what I’m doing. Bracing herself. The hallway is a mess of bags and shoes, the house alive with the sound of the twins from the kitchen. It’s normal. Peeking down at Ava as we head towards the sounds, I find her smiling, a certain new lease of life in her eyes. That life gives me life, too, and I squeeze her hand, prompting her to look up at me. ‘Just tell me if it gets too much,’ I say. ‘If you need some breathing space.’
‘From you or the children?’ she asks on a cheeky hitch of her brows.
My scowl is playful as I drop her hand and wrap an arm around her shoulder. ‘Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, lady.’
‘So you keep telling me.’
We enter the kitchen to find the kids sitting at the island while Ava’s mum faffs around the space and Joseph follows, taking orders. Maddie is on her iPad. Jacob has his finger wedged in a jar of peanut butter. It’s like they were never gone. We both stand in the doorway for a few moments, silent and taking in the scene. Because it’s chaos and it’s normal and it’s beautiful. ‘Kids are home,’ I quip, and Ava chuckles a little, looking up at me with eyes full of love.
‘Thank you for the time we’ve had together.’ Leaning up, she pushes her lips into my cheek. ‘It’s truly been some of the best in my life.’
I don’t know whether the twinge in my heart is hurt or happiness. We’ve had some amazing times in our lives. And she can’t remember any of them.
‘Mum! Dad!’ Maddie’s off the stool like a whippet, racing towards us. I watch as she throws her arms around Ava’s body and hugs her fiercely, Jacob soon joining her.
‘Charming,’ I grumble, giving them each a rub of their heads. ‘You missed me, too, right?’ Neither of them breaks free of Ava, and I don’t hold it against them. Besides, I’m taking too much satisfaction and pleasure from watching the mother of my children embracing their attack, her eyes closed, her arms around their backs, her face buried in the tops of their heads. She’s smelling them, breathing them in. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so wonderful. Glimpsing up at me, Ava smiles faintly, and I see a bit of apprehension in her dark brown eyes. I wink at her, my own silent way of telling her she’s doing great.
Releasing her hold of Maddie, Ava motions for me to go to her, and as soon as I’m in touching distance, she pulls me in and I surround them all with my arms. My wife and my children. My world, all bundled safely in my arms. I have to swallow repeatedly to keep myself together.
The twins, usually allergic to any kind of affection from me unless they want something, stay put, uncomplaining, until Ava and I are ready to release them. It’s a job and a half, but I finally find the will to pull out, letting them all breathe again. Though my breath is still short, my heart still thumping. Overwhelmed. I’m so fucking overwhelmed.
Ava’s mother and father move in only once I’ve broken up our cluster of bodies, and Elizabeth nods at me as she takes Ava in a hug. ‘How are you, darling?’
‘The doctor’s very happy with my progress,’ she replies, because that is all there is to say. ‘I’m just glad the kids are back and we can try to get on with things.’
Joseph moves in and shakes my hand as the kids stand close by, their faces eager for some information. What to tell them has my mind twisting. ‘Good to see you, Jesse,’ Joseph says, following up his handshake with a firm slap to my shoulder.
‘How were the kids?’
‘Terrible,’ he mutters, though his tone is joking. ‘Disobedient, no manners, and constantly moaning.’
‘Oh, Joseph,’ Elizabeth laughs, giving my arm a little rub as she passes me. ‘I noticed you had nothing in the cupboards so I popped to the supermarket.’ She starts emptying bags, stocking up the fridge. ‘Milk, bread.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ I point Ava to a stool. ‘Sit.’
She settles at the island while I help Elizabeth unload the groceries, and I listen as Ava walks the kids through everything the doctor just told us. She smiles the whole time, telling them she’s happy and they should be, too. ‘And now I have you two back, we can do exactly that,’ she chirps. ‘Get back to normal.’
‘What about your memories?’ Jacob asks, reclaiming his peanut butter. ‘Will they ever come back?’
‘The doctor is very positive,’ Ava replies, looking up at me. ‘And if they don’t, then we make new ones.’
I smile, despite myself, feeling Elizabeth’s hand on my arm. I look at my mother-in-law and see encouragement reflecting back at me. ‘Thank you for having them,’ I say sincerely.
To which she smacks my arm before taking the empty carrier bag from my hand. ‘Shut up,’ she orders, stuffing it in the bin.
I roll my eyes, wandering over to my wife and kids and getting in on the excited conversation. I put myself behind Ava and curl my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder. Her hands land on mine, and she cranes her neck to get me in her sights.
‘Oh, Dad, please,’ Maddie sighs, losing all interest in the conversation and going back to her iPad. Whereas Jacob looks completely and utterly thrilled by my public display of affection. Of course he is. It’s normal for Dad to be all over Mum. He grins around his peanut-butter-covered finger, his attention set firmly on us.
Ava sighs, leaning back into me a little. ‘It feels right already,’ she says, looking a little sad, like she now appreciates how much she’s missed them.
‘Because it is right.’ I kiss her hair before breaking away. ‘Now, what am I doing for dinner?’
I get three different menu choices thrown at me all at once. And I smile. Because this is us.