WARM CALIFORNIA SUNLIGHT drifted lazily through the windows, illuminating her long tawny-blonde hair like a halo. She smiled up at me, as the bare skin of her shoulders peeking out from under the dark cobalt sheets.
That was how I always remembered her.
I pushed back from my desk and turned away from the photo. I’d placed it there weeks ago because I needed to see her face again, and I needed a reminder of why I was here and not in that bed, holding the woman I loved.
Maybe it was a bit sadistic, having a token that constantly showed me everything I’d lost and didn’t have. But every day since I’d made that call to Roman and walked away from her had done the exact same thing. Just sitting here in this office was enough of a reminder.
At least seeing her beautiful smile, her love radiating in her tender blue eyes, confirmed everything I was doing, the reason I was here.
She was alive.
Somewhere in Santa Monica right now, she was starting over, having the life she’d always wanted, and none of that would have happened if I wasn’t sitting here.
I looked at my watch and realized I was nearly late for a meeting. I pressed the intercom button and waited for Stephanie, my secretary, to respond.
“Yes, Mr. Cavanaugh?” she replied.
“Jude, Stephanie—it’s just Jude.” I laughed.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Cavanaugh—Jude…sir?”
Stephanie had been my father’s secretary before she inherited me, and I thought the loss of formality I’d instituted with the few employees who worked directly for me confused and scared her.
When I’d told her she was free to wear whatever she’d like to work from now on, her response had been, Do I have to?
She’d stuck to her pencil skirts and tailored jackets while the rest of us would throw in casual days every once in a while.
I had been Californianized—at least, that was what the staff had said.
“Is lunch all set for my meeting with Roman and the board?”
“Oh, um…actually,” she stammered. “Your brother—I mean, Mr. Cavanaugh canceled the meeting late yesterday.”
I raised an eyebrow at that. He’d never canceled anything I’d scheduled.
“He canceled it?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Did he say why?”
“He did, yes. He said he had some business to attend to, and he wouldn’t return in time.”
“What the hell? What kind of business?” I clamored, instantly regretting my tone. “I’m sorry, Stephanie. Forgive me. Thank you for the message. I’ll be sure to immediately follow up with my brother.”
“Um…well, actually—”
“Thank you.” I hit End before the anger in my voice rose again.
I quickly tried Roman’s cell phone, but it went directly to voice mail.
I should have known better than to trust him. For the last six months, he’d been nothing but doting and dedicated to our plans to revive and refurbish this company. We’d been on the same page.
Now, he’d bailed without notice to me, canceling a very important meeting with the board.
Rising from my chair, I stalked to the windows and stared out at the bustling city down below.
“One…two…three…” I started, trying to see the method behind my father’s madness. “He probably picked up the first woman he could find,” I muttered. I pictured my brother on some far off island, boozing it up, while I sat around, scratching my head.
“Actually…” a sweet voice echoed from behind me.
I turned around and lost the ability to breathe.
“I probably wasn’t the first woman. It did take him six hours to reach me, and he did see Grace first, so I don’t know what that would make me, but definitely not the first,” she babbled.
Finding the words to respond escaped me as I took her in while she stood in the doorway of my New York office. She’d gained some weight, filling in curves I never knew existed. Dressed in a simple green sweater, tight jeans, and boots, she looked like perfection.
“You’re here,” I managed to say.
“Yeah.” She smiled.
“You’re really here,” I said again, the reality setting in. I moved quickly, taking several long strides toward her.
Lifting a shaky hand, my fingers grazed her cheekbone. My eyes squeezed tight, emotions overwhelming my parched soul. “Dear God, if I’m dreaming…I don’t ever want to wake up,” I whispered.
“You’re definitely not dreaming. But if you need proof…”
My eyes opened just in time to see the palm of her hand make contact with my face.
“Ouch!” I yelled. “What the hell was that for?”
It wasn’t exactly the reunion I had expected.
“That,” she said, her eyes blazing, “was for making important life decisions without me, Jude.”
“Nice,” my brother’s baritone voice said as his towering figure appeared behind her. “I like her.” He grinned. “Not even five minutes here, and she’s already putting you in your place.”
“Get out,” I growled.
“Oh, I will. You two have fun. By the way, Jude, you’re welcome.”
He pivoted around, and I listened to his chipper whistle evaporate down the hall.
I turned and walked over to the plush sitting area my father had put in for small business meetings. I’d used it for a bed on several occasions when I hadn’t felt like catching a taxi home. Right now, I thought we could both use a comfortable place to sit and talk.
Still rubbing the sting out of my cheek, I watched her slowly lower herself to the sofa, her beautiful blue eyes meeting mine as she settled. Right then, everything in me that had been lying dormant for months roared back to life.
Take her.
Take her now.
My fists balled at my sides as I showed the greatest physical restraint of my life. I’d dreamed, fantasized, and pictured her in my mind nearly every second since the day I left her bedside. Seeing her here, healthy and recovered, made me want to do every sort of cliché caveman thing to her.
“So, you want to explain yourself?” she asked, her foot bobbing up and down as she sat with her legs crossed.
“Explain what, Lailah?”
“Why you decided to leave me?”
“Obviously, you know why,” I answered.
“I do. Your brother is apparently a good investigator…or he has friends who are. I didn’t ask specifics. So, yes, I know exactly why you left, but I still don’t understand why you couldn’t have just told me.”
I let out a deep breath. “Would you have let me go?”
Her mouth opened quickly and then closed again.
“Exactly,” I said. “You would have never let me leave, Lailah. You had thrown in the towel, given up, raised your little white flag in surrender to your fate. And I understood that, I did. You’ve been through more shit than most people experience in an entire lifetime. But understand it from my perspective. Put yourself in my shoes. You were dying with no hope for a recovery unless you got that surgery. I did what I had to do to keep you alive. It was the only option for me.”
She nodded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “But why didn’t you come back?” she asked. “I remember now—when you were in my hospital room after the surgery. You wanted to stay. Why didn’t you stay with me?”
“I should have known you’d remember that,” I said with a slight grin. “I wanted to, more than you could possibly imagine. Walking away a second time, especially after you’d just undergone very risky surgery, was like taking a bullet to my heart for every mile I put between us. But I can’t run this company from Santa Monica. This was my deal to Roman for returning, my penance for giving you a life you deserve. I can’t abandon my family, not again.”
“So, where does that leave us?” she asked, her eyes meeting mine.
I took a deep breath, letting the air slowly vacate my lungs. “I don’t know, Lailah.”
Silence settled between us before I heard her lilting voice again.
“Did you know that NYU has an excellent cardiology department?”
My heart skipped a beat.
“I didn’t know that,” I answered, trying to gauge her blank expression.
“They do. Marcus says that transferring my care to the East Coast would be relatively easy if—”
“If you moved here?” I finished, my eyes widening.
She nodded, her expression brimming with excitement. “It’s already done. My things are being shipped next week. See? You’re not the only one who can make life decisions all on your own.”
“You’re moving to New York?” I asked in bewilderment.
This can’t be possible.
“Yeah, but I can’t decide where to live. Do you think you could help me find a place?” She grinned.
Reaching out, I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to me. She let out a high-pitched yip and laughed as her legs fell around my thighs.
“You will be living with me,” I said. “Forever.”
Our lips met, and I was in heaven again with the sweet taste of her kiss and the way she molded her body against mine. She was my salvation.
Life—it really did go on, even after insurmountable grief, debilitating sorrow and a life waiting to begin. As long as we were able to love and be loved in this world, no heart would ever be beyond repair.
Love had brought me to her and there, within her arms, I had found a reason to live again. She was my angel, my Lailah, my love.