CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

Trevor

I took the last evening flight from Dallas to New York, armed with newfound confidence by my plan for the future. But time was running short. I knew without a doubt that Emma would’ve fortified her defenses by now. She’d most likely push me away. Having Simon in my corner, though, would hopefully help.

For example, he knew where she stayed and was able to call to get her room number. Without that, I wouldn’t have known where to start looking for her.

I knocked on her door at eight o’clock in the morning, hoping to catch her before she might go out. I’d texted her, but nothing had been delivered. Hell, even Simon had called her, and it had gone straight to voicemail. All part of her self-preservation mode, I was sure.

Another knock, and I could sense her on the other side of the door. “I know you’re in there, Em. Open up, please.”

She finally did so, seeming none too pleased to see me. “What do you want?”

“To come in. To talk.”

She looked beautiful, but sad. Her eyes were swollen from crying, and she was dressed in pajamas.

It broke my heart to see her like this.

“There’s nothing to talk about. It would be better if you just left.”

“You mean easier. It would be easier if I left. We can talk in the hall or inside, but I’m not leaving until we do.”

She backed away from the door, allowing me in. This gave me my first glimmer of hope until she spoke again. “What are you doing here, Trevor? You made it pretty clear with your reaction yesterday that things are over.”

“No. I most certainly did not. I was pissed.”

“Yeah, well, as much as I wish I had a time machine, I can’t go back and change things. So it doesn’t matter. It was fun, this thing we had, and though I don’t enjoy the way it ended, it would’ve gotten there eventually anyhow.”

We were squared off in the small living room area only a couple feet apart. Her arms were wrapped around her waist in a defensive pose while I fought not to close the gap and pull her into my embrace. “You haven’t been paying attention if you thought this thing was ending.”

“But you left. The moment you found out about Tom, you got angry and bolted.”

I winced with regret that she’d perceive my actions as another abandonment. “You’re right. I did. I had every reason to be angry. And yes, I needed a fucking minute to get over it. But it wasn’t your long-ago affair with Tom which made me mad. It was hearing it from him. In that way. By having it thrown in my face. Knowing you hadn’t trusted me enough to confide in me. That we weren’t a team. I’m on your side, Emma, but that was an ambush I walked into with you knowing the whole while there was a chance for it.”

“How exactly was I supposed to tell you in a way you could still work with him? How did you see that playing out, exactly? I didn’t enjoy keeping it from you. But I was in a no-win situation.”

This was similar to what Simon had said. And I wished I could say it wouldn’t have affected my working relationship with him, but I knew it would have.

“I realize that now, which is why I got over it by the time I boarded the plane here.”

My words seemed to dissipate the tension in the room.

“Did you love him?” I had to know.

“No. Not at all.”

“But he broke your heart.”

“No. He broke my trust. And worse. My self-worth. He was the first relationship I allowed myself to start. To trust in. Two weeks into it, I found out he was married. He didn’t even act contrite when I confronted him. He simply told me I only had enough value to be someone’s side piece. Obviously, I got my petty revenge with the tattoo. Then I told him if he ever said anything about us I’d tell his wife, but I never forgot that lesson.”

I gripped my fists, suspecting what she was about to say and hating Tom even more. “What lesson?”

Her eyes welled up with tears, her voice breaking on the first three words. “That I’m nothing. I grew up with nothing. I have nothing to offer, and I’ll die with nothing. People like me don’t get the happy beginnings, the happy middles, or the happy endings. And glimpsing it only makes it harder to accept in the end.”

“That’s not true. Not true in the slightest.” Now it clicked home why she had a history of one-night stands with men who called her names. Because, deep down, she didn’t feel worthy of anything else.

She stood quietly while I raked a hand through my hair. Then she uttered words that nearly broke me.

“I need you to go.”

It took everything in me not to do as she asked and just leave. But I sensed this was a test. One I was determined to pass.

“I’ll go if that’s what you want, but I’m not giving up.”

“Then you aren’t listening. I’m moving to New York.”

“Fine, then I’ll figure out a way to be here, too.”

“No. You won’t.”

“Em. I love you. And I don’t care how much time it takes to get it through your head. That’s not going to change. This was merely a bump. This is merely a fight. Now we work things out. I realize this is hard, but most things worth having are.”

She shook her head sadly. “You don’t know what hard is. You don’t know what it’s like to be rejected by your own mother. Then rejected by an adoptive family because you weren’t as good as them having their own blood. I was passed around from foster home to foster home after that. Most used me for the monthly check they’d get, which meant they’d try to keep the food costs low, not caring if I was hungry. But those were the better ones. Worse were the places where I had to hide outside in the shed to avoid the drunk foster father who touched me inappropriately.”

My stomach recoiled while I tried to keep my voice smooth. The last thing she’d want was for me to feel sorry for her. Yet every fiber of my being wished I could hunt down these people and make them pay for damaging such a beautiful soul.

“You’re right. I don’t know how hard it must’ve been for you. But I’m certain out of your experience came a survivor. Someone who has figured out a way to not let her past define her.”

She simply stared at me for the longest minute. “I’m not Rufus. You don’t get to sweep in and rescue me.”

“I don’t need to, sugar. You did the rescuing. All I want to do is be with you. Share my life with you.”

I caught the glimmer of surprise on her face which caused me a quick flare of hope. Until her next words hit. “You need to go. Just leave me and go live your life. I’m sorry about your feelings, but—”

“No.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“I said no. I’ll go now if that’s what you want, but tomorrow I’ll be back and the day after that. I’ll call you and text you and send you flowers.”

“I abhor flowers.”

“Too fucking bad. Because for the first time in my life, I want to send them to a woman. I want her to know I’m thinking of her. And that I love her.”

“You can’t possibly love me.”

And this was what it came down to. She truly didn’t believe I could. “I can. And I do.”

She crossed to the door and opened it, waiting for me to leave. “Please go.”

There wasn’t one ounce in me that wanted to. “Okay.” I stepped within inches of her, cupping her face and leaning in so I could breathe in her scent. “But I won’t go far. And I won’t stop trying to convince you that we belong together. Or how much I love you.” I placed a kiss on her temple and forced myself to step back and out her door.

The sound of it clicking closed was the worst sound in the world. That horrible metallic sound echoed in my ears. And all I could do was count. Count as far as it took and pray she wasn’t done. Mercifully, she opened it when I got to forty. I’d stayed because I was either a glutton for punishment or an eternal optimist.

“For how long, though? For how long would you love me?”

Finally. Progress. I moved quickly, putting my hands at her waist and backing her up inside of her room. “Em, you’re it for me. Forever.”

Her expression was so sad it made my heart break. “It doesn’t work that way. Nothing lasts forever.”

Now I was getting my temper up. “No, it doesn’t. If it did, my mother would still be alive. She’d be adored by my father who was gutted to lose her and by her children who don’t go a day without thinking about her. But I guarantee if you’d given her a choice to have experienced that kind of love even knowing she’d leave us or never have it at all, she’d choose a hundred times to do it all over again. And so would I.”

She swallowed hard. “Nobody has ever loved me. You asked me about my dream. It was always to find someone who finally would. But I stopped believing it was possible.”

I couldn’t fathom being a child and not having love. And how hard it would be to finally allow yourself to be vulnerable to it. Taking her hands, I spoke, meaning every word. “If anyone deserves to be loved and have happiness, it’s you.”

Tears were streaming down her face. “But there had to be a reason nobody loved me. I’m broken, Trev. There’s a darkness inside of me, and I don’t know if I can be fixed.”

I pulled her closer, barely able to keep the emotion out of my voice. “You’re not broken. They were. It was them. Never you. You’ve had to be strong, but now you get to be happy. You just have to let the light in.” I stood there holding her while she sobbed, my own eyes tearing up from the pain she’d endured for so long.

Finally pulling back, she expelled a broken sigh. “What if I can’t do this? A normal relationship.”

Knowing we were at a tipping point, the difference between won’t and can’t, I had to shift the balance to try.

“Then I’ll do it for us until you’re ready. At least try for me, Em. It may take some time for you to trust in my love, but baby steps is all I’m asking. Because I need you. Hell, so does Simon. This morning, he’s also on a plane to New York to help convince you to still work with him.”

“I can’t work there any more.”

“He resigned from the Stone Group. So did I.”

Her expression showed her shock. “What? That’s not what I wanted. He and you shouldn’t have to choose.”

“There is no choice. Not even a hesitation. He won’t work with Tom anymore. Neither will I. And frankly, now that Simon and I are starting our own business of real estate investments, it’s a win for both of us.”

“You’re doing what?”

“Simon was looking for a way to stay in Dallas and not have to travel. He’s wanted to get into real estate for a while. And since it’s always been my dream, we’re starting together.”

“But won’t Phillip be pissed? I mean he has a lot of power and—”

“Simon has promised to stay in an advisory role if Phillip agrees to be amicable and not have him work with Tom ever again. And I couldn’t be happier to be in a job where I won’t have to lay anyone off. As for loving you, I hope you understand I’m not the only one. In addition to me, both Simon and Peyton adore you. Then there’s my sister. She’d be over the moon at the possibility of you becoming a permanent fixture in her life.”

“Permanent?” Her voice was a whisper full of panic.

Time to go big or go home. “Yes. Nothing lasts forever with the exception of love. And since there aren’t enough lifetimes for me to love you, I’ve gotta pack it all into the one we’ve got.”

Tears glistened in her eyes. “Why? Why would you love me? Even now while I’m pushing you away.”

I held her face, swiping my thumbs over her cheeks to catch the tears now falling. “Especially now. Because now is when you need it. Now is when you absolutely need to believe without a doubt I’m not going anywhere. And as for all the reasons, I’ll need years to scratch the surface of them all.”

“I don’t think it’ll be easy to love me.”

I stroked her face. “That’s where you’re wrong. Loving you isn’t hard. What’s hard is convincing you how much I do and having you believe it. But don’t you worry, sugar. We have the rest of our lives for me to show you.”

“I’ve never done this.” Her words were vulnerable.

“Me, neither. So we’ll probably suck at it for a while until we get it right.”

A smile played at her lips. “It might take me a long time to be able to say what you want to hear. I’ve never said it. Or heard it before.”

It broke my heart to know that. “It’s okay. Because when you do say it, I know you’ll mean it. But don’t ask me to stop telling you.”

She blew out a breath. “I won’t. Were you truly ready to move to New York?”

“I still am. In fact, I’ll search out dog parks, a good butcher, and a place with a barbeque. But under no circumstances should you expect I’ll become a Yankees or Giants fan.”

She laughed for the first time, and it was music to my ears.

“I’m guessing those are American sports teams’ names. And I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I don’t want to stay here.”

“Really?” Now it was my turn to be surprised.

“I wasn’t comforted by the obscurity the city has to offer this time around. Instead, I was lonely and felt empty.”

“Because?”

“Because you make me feel. Even when I don’t want to. Even when it scares me.”

I met her lips, letting all of my emotion pour out into a kiss.