Zane

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" Slash says incredulously. "This is an amazing opportunity, man! Look, this is going to be the new shit on the street—everyone's going to want a hit. Consistently gets you high like nothing you've ever tried before and you're hooked after one dose. After the initial push, customers will be a given! Lucrative doesn't even begin to touch how big this is going to be." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small bag of some silvery looking dust. "Look, I brought a sample for you to try before you decide to buy."

He grins, shaking the small bag.

I'm not even slightly tempted.

I shake my head, raking my fingers through my hair as I turn away. Yesterday, I would have jumped at this chance. Hell, I would have jumped at it just a few hours ago. Some new indulgence to sample, money to make. Business and pleasure wrapped in one.

Sounds like a good deal. Or it would have.

Now…

Now I've just seen myself through Ruby's eyes. And the picture wasn't pretty.

She doesn't even know the whole deal and I could already see the disgust, the hurt, the betrayal, the devastation in her eyes. It had made me feel about an inch tall.

Her reaction wasn't even wrong. Even as I saw her shutting down, pulling away, I couldn't come up with a good argument for her to stay, to give me a chance.

I didn't have one.

What I saw in her eyes was a reflection of who I actually am. How do you argue against the truth? All I could do was watch helplessly as she left in tears. Sobbing because she found out who I really was.

And for the first time in way too long, I saw who I'd become with a painful clarity, without any justification or anything to take the edge off. That man isn't who Ruby should be with. She was right to run away.

But I don't think that's who I want to be anymore.

"I can't," I repeat, turning to meet my friend's eyes. We've been through a lot together, done a lot together. He's like the brother I never had. "I don't think I want to do this anymore. Be this."

His eyes narrow and he crosses his arms. "What the hell are you talking about? Be what?" he demands. "Is this about the girl? Look man, we'll get you another just like her. Don't let some hot sex cloud your mind like this."

"I don't want another like her," I say, shaking my head. "I want her."

He shakes his head, disbelief clear on his face. "I can't believe I'm hearing this," he mutters. "She's just a piece of ass man. A pretty one, but that's it. They're a dime a dozen for someone like you."

"Don't call her that," I growl, feeling the wolf rising inside me at that affront.

Even as I feel the anger, I know it's out of character. But I don't care. Ruby isn't just like every other girl. She isn't disposable.

Slash holds up his hands in mock surrender.

"Fine. Fine. But it doesn't matter if she's the world's most perfect woman, or that you want her so badly. From what I just saw, she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. Or did I read that whole situation wrong and she was running away to bake you some cookies?" I stay silent. He isn't wrong. His stance softens a little. "Look—don't try to be something you're not for someone who doesn't even want you. It's not worth it."

An expression flickers over his face, there and gone. Is he speaking from experience?

I shrug it off. It doesn't matter if he is.

I start pacing, my emotions in turmoil as I consider what he just said. Maybe Ruby won't want me even if I change. Maybe this is it. No redemption, no second chances.

But I don't want to give up. I need to at least try. I want her in my life.

And not just because of the physical, though God knows that's mind blowing enough. Her touch, her taste, her curves. Her natural responsiveness to my touch. I feel my cock twitching just thinking of what happened between us, the heat, the explosiveness of the encounter.

But it's more than that. I've had a lot of sex, and it's never been like this.

Even before I touched her, she drew me to her. Something about her, the goodness inside her. The purity of her spirit. I wanted to be closer, closer to that light that I don't usually see. Not with how I live my life.

And spending the night with her was nothing short of amazing. She was intelligent, funny, sweet. I felt like I was holding something worth keeping, something worth cherishing and protecting. Like I was holding something precious in my arms for the first time in a long time.

Maybe ever.

"I need to try," I say firmly, meeting Slash's eyes. "I want to be a better man for her. I don't want her to look at me like that."

Slash's jaw tightens and he lets his arms drop as he turns away. "Whatever, man. Call me when you shrug off whatever the fuck this girl has done to you," he mutters, the resignation and disgust his voice clear.

Well.

That's two people who've been disgusted with me tonight. For two very different things.

Must be some kind of record.

I don't stop Slash as he stalks out of the room, his shoulders tight. I meant what I said.

Sighing, I drop down on the couch, leaning forward to put my head in my hands. This whole situation is fucked. How did I meet the girl of my dreams and manage to screw it up so badly all in one night? That's fast work, even for me.

I rub at my eyes, feeling lost. Cut adrift. I haven't felt this empty before.

How am I going to be who Ruby needs me to be? And will changing even be enough at this point?

Have I completely ruined us?