Chapter Nine

Discharge Note

Ollie kicked his loafers off against the wall and slammed his door shut. His jaw ached from grinding his teeth the whole bus journey home. He knew he was in for some serious trouble now that Dr. Rawlings had seen him with Jacob. The fact that the doctor hadn’t said anything and simply marched out of the care home was more unnerving than if he’d summoned Ollie to follow him. He hadn’t. So Ollie had to await the inevitable repercussions that would no doubt come to him at work.

He stripped out of his clothes, throwing them around the flat without any care or attention to where they fell. All he wanted was his duvet and at least four hours of uninterrupted sleep. Thankfully, Jacob hadn’t followed him there and instead had allowed Ollie to head home by himself, citing that Ollie needed sleep and Jacob had other things he needed to attend to. Possibly finding a solicitor and get the ball rolling with his custody battle for Daisy. Whatever it was, Jacob had seemed in a hurry to get away. Ollie couldn’t blame him.

Leaving Jacob’s boxers on, Ollie tore off his glasses and threw them onto the bedside table, then collapsed face-first onto the bed. He scrambled to find the ends of the duvet and wrap it around his body. He needed to block out the world for a few hours. All the fears, worries, and weights on his shoulders could fly off to dreamland for a while. Then the scratching of a key in his front door lock, followed by the slamming of the door and muttered cursing as items were kicked against a wall after having been tripped over startled Ollie awake. He launched off his bed and jumped over to his open bedroom door. He squinted at the blurred figure staring back at him and swallowed down his fear. “Forget how to knock?”

“Why would I knock? You gave me a key.”

“For emergencies. And you’ve never used it before.”

“Well.” Dr. Rawlings raised an eyebrow and clapped his dress shoes farther up the hallway to the main living space. “Perhaps I see this as an emergency.”

Ollie thumped the doorframe and cursed under his breath. He slipped his glasses on and followed the doctor to the living-kitchen area. Ollie had a small flat. Not much space and cluttered. The brightly painted orange walls made it seem more closed-in somehow, but Ollie liked the garish color. It brightened his mood. Elliot’s tall, dark, and broad frame took up most of the room as he silently ran a finger along Ollie’s worldly possessions displayed on his white shabby-chic wall unit. Ollie leaned against the doorframe and waited, folding his arms across his bare chest.

Elliot picked up a couple of framed family photographs, gave a slight humph sound from his nose, then replaced them. He moved onto the other items, mostly theater memorabilia Ollie cherished. Since moving to London, Ollie had become an avid West End-goer and collected programs and other merchandise from each show he’d seen and loved. His mother and sister often accompanied him when they were down visiting, and each of those keepsakes told a story. Mostly they reminded Ollie of each stage of his father’s deterioration.

The doctor clapped down a Les Miserables mug with a sigh and turned to face Ollie. He raked his gaze down Ollie’s near-naked torso and stopped short at the boxers. His eyes narrowed. Ollie unfolded his arms and tugged at the tight material on each leg, then covered his arms over his bulge. The boxers could be easily explained away. It wasn’t like the doctor knew all of his underwear. Still, it made Ollie uncomfortable the more Elliot stared at his groin covered by Jacob’s boxer-briefs.

“Shouldn’t you be going to bed?” Ollie finally snapped.

Elliot dragged his gaze up to Ollie’s. “Is that an offer?”

Ollie snorted, violently. To the point his throat scratched.

Elliot smiled. He rummaged around in his trouser pocket and pulled out a gift-wrapped box. He stepped forward. It only took one stride for the doctor to be a whisker away from Ollie. He leaned in to press his lips to Ollie’s ear, tucking the box into Ollie’s clamped hands. He made sure to brush against Ollie’s flaccid cock beneath the thin material.

“For you.”

Ollie closed his eyes as Elliot kissed his cheek. He inhaled, gripping the box-shaped present, and the familiar strong musky scent meshed with hospital-grade hand sanitizer washed over him. The doctor always smelled good, even without the expensive brand of aftershave he wore out of work hours. As Elliot brushed Ollie’s cheek with his knuckles, Ollie came to his senses and turned his face away.

“Aren’t you going to open it?”

Ollie glanced down at the gift. He ran his thumb over the elegantly wrapped jet-black paper with its thin red ribbon. He knew what it was without having to unwrap it. Givenchy. The brand of cologne Elliot always bought Ollie and insisted he wear for their liaisons. A completely opposing scent to that of the doctor: Ollie was required to smell sweet. Ollie hadn’t used up the entire bottle Elliot had last bought him. He’d just taken to not wearing it so much anymore. His first act of defiance and self-preservation, he supposed.

Ollie shrugged. Elliot stepped away, tucked his hands into his pockets, and sighed. His silent breath trickled Ollie’s neck.

“I’ve found somewhere else for you to live.”

“Excuse me?” Ollie pushed away from the wall.

“This flat is too far from the hospital.”

“And from you,” Ollie pointed out.

Elliot chuckled. He spun to once again to roam the minimal surroundings. Ollie’s heart thumped. How ironic of Ollie’s father to claim the beat was to let him know he was alive, and yet he stood here with Elliot, Elliot once again planning his life for him.

“This place is rather poky, wouldn’t you say?” Elliot slid his gaze from the wall-mounted picture of Ollie and his sister taken several years back to stare back at Ollie.

“I like it.” Ollie shrugged.

“It really isn’t the sort of place you should be in.” Elliot shook his head and continued his sideward slant through to the kitchen. He opened the fridge, slammed it shut, and checked through the cupboards.

Ollie shivered. Not only did the fridge waft some of its cold air his way, but the doctor encroaching on his personal space was more than a little unnerving. He could only remember Elliot being in this flat once before. Possibly twice. Elliot had claimed to hate it then. There could only be one reason for his presence here now. Ollie needed him to cut to the chase. He still had three hours of sleep to fit in. So, for that matter, did the doctor.

“Why are you here, Elliot?”

“Hmm?” Elliot didn’t even turn around from the open cupboard he was poking into.

“Why are you here?” Ollie repeated, enunciating the words just to be sure he couldn’t be misheard.

Elliot picked up a bottle of half-drunk red wine left on the sideboard and read the label. His nose turned up, and he slapped the bottle back down. Ollie rolled his eyes as Elliot continued rummaging through another cupboard.

“What are you looking for?” Ollie asked, his exasperation seeping out of every orifice from his near-naked body.

“Why do you ask?” Elliot slammed the door. “Would you be hiding something from me?”

Ollie flinched. He bit his lip and slid a thumb along the silk ribbon of the gift box. Shaking his head, he couldn’t look the doctor in the eye.

“Good.” Elliot stalked back to stand in front of Ollie. “I really would urge you against keeping secrets, Oliver. Especially ones that could be somewhat damaging to you.” Elliot breathed in deeply. “And our relationship.”

“Relationship?”

“Yes, Oliver. Relationship. And I do feel the need to ask if this is the first one.”

Ollie rubbed a hand over his perspiring brow. The cold shivers were making way for clammy sweats.

“The first one what?”

“With whom you have cheated on me.”

Ollie couldn’t hold in the laughter. “Are you kidding me?”

The stern expression the doctor gave him answered Ollie’s rhetorical question.

“Do I often joke?” Elliot cocked his head.

“No,” Ollie replied without any need for thinking that one through.

“Then answer the fucking question!” Elliot bellowed, striking a hand against the doorframe behind Ollie’s head with a thud.

Ollie nearly jumped out of his skin, and his heart leaped into his throat. He was well aware of Elliot’s angry side, but it didn’t come out all that often. The doctor was usually neutral. No emotion either way. Steady. Even his climaxes weren’t particularly earth-shattering. But the scarlet glow on the man’s face right then was more than a little startling.

“I’ve not cheated on you,” Ollie mumbled. “I believe you first need to have a normal functioning relationship in order for that to occur.”

Elliot ran his fingers along the edge of the doorframe, then rubbed the dust away with his thumb. “And what is it you think we have?”

Ollie breathed out a laugh and shook his head. He was finding this whole conversation rather absurd. “An arrangement.”

“Well, yes.” Elliot scrubbed a hand under his chin, scratching at the stubble. “And that arrangement expects certain standards.”

“By me?” Ollie confirmed more than questioned.

Elliot laughed. “You think I am sleeping with anyone else, Oliver?”

Ollie shrugged. “Probably.”

The eerie smile evaporated from Elliot’s face as he stared at Ollie. The intensity of that gaze unnerved Ollie, and he rather wished the previous unfathomable reaction would return. The silence became unbearable.

Ollie hated silence. It reminded him too much of the hospital bays when his sister was out of surgery and his parents would sit by her side, not knowing what to do or say. Ollie had learned his incessant babbling and artful conversation skills from there alone. He was able to mask the fear, pain, and misery, to avoid having to think about what was really happening by simply talking to his parents about mundane things that filled his brain. He knew that was what made him a popular nurse among the children and the other staff. If there was a difficult situation to address, Ollie could always bring light relief in the form of his chatter. Never underestimate the power of idle chitchat.

But right then, as Elliot continued to stare uneasily at him, Ollie lost his ability to talk. Instead, he squared his shoulders.

“I am rather tired, Elliot,” Ollie said. “So…” He waved toward the front door.

That seemed to snap the doctor from his thoughts.

“Becoming involved, sexually, with patients’ family members could destroy your career, Oliver.”

“I am aware,” Ollie replied. “I am not involved, sexually or otherwise, with anyone. Jacob Monroe was with me at the nursing home as I had agreed take him to the support group place when I had the call about my father.” Ollie shuffled on his feet and glanced down at the floor. He was walking a thin line. “I didn’t expect the man to come with me, but I am sure you can understand my mind wasn’t thinking of work at that point.”

Elliot hummed. “Well, I wouldn’t want this ‘mistake’ to cost you your job. I know how important, and vital, it is to you.”

“Is that a threat, Elliot?”

“Not at all. You are a fantastic nurse. A valuable asset to my team.”

Although the delivery of the doctor’s words sounded genuine, and ones he had uttered many times previously, Ollie couldn’t miss the flicker of deviousness in Elliot’s eyes. Especially after he leaned in and ghosted his lips along Ollie’s cheek.

“I need you.”

Ollie shuddered. Those words. The ones that had also been used countless times before. Ollie froze, clutching so hard at the box in his hands that the paper crumpled.

Elliot tucked his hands into his trouser pockets and sauntered down the hallway.

“Before shift,” Elliot said, his eyes on the door. “You should head to the sexual health clinic.”

Ollie twisted around. “Excuse me?”

“Test yourself for everything. I’ll have the report sent to me.”

“I do hope this is one of your really bad jokes, Elliot.”

Elliot shot a look over his shoulder. “No, Nurse Oliver Warne. I have to know that my staff are clean when working with patients. And I wouldn’t want anything passed on to me.”

“I am clean,” Ollie replied through gritted teeth. “I don’t recall a time you didn’t wrap your sordid penis in an extra-thick, extra-safe condom.” Ollie shuddered at the memory. “Would you like me to note that on the form they ask me to fill in, Doctor?”

Elliot chuckled. “You can write anything you like on that form. Perhaps even the list of current partners.”

Ollie closed his eyes only to hear the door being yanked open.

“And, Oliver?” Elliot barked. “You will come back to my place when I ask. We will discuss where you are to live and what’s to happen next in our arrangement.”

“And if I say no?”

“I’m sure you already know the answer to that one.”

The slam of the door was exceptionally loud, and Ollie was rather surprised Elliot didn’t succeed in making the walls tumble down upon him. But that would have been all too convenient.

* * * *

Seven thirty p.m. and the freezing temperatures in the city had plummeted drastically. Frost had already settled along the pavement, the parked cars, and yellow ambulances clogging up the High Street. Ollie jumped off the 252 bus, whipped up his coat collar to stave off the chill, and waved at the server clearing the bistro tables outside the café. Checking for any speeding taxis, Ollie scurried across the miniroundabout, passing the corner pub steadily filling up with the afterwork business crowd, and trudged through the sleet to the glass-fronted hospital. The huge poster displays of children smiled out at him, but Ollie didn’t feel the usual pride he’d grown accustomed to. He suspected the blood running through his veins lacked any warmth for him either.

The automatic doors slid open, and even though general appointment hours had finished for the day, the reception area still swarmed with families dotted around the brightly colored seating area. Children giggled and ran over the rock-pool projection on the floor, chasing the animated fishes off the picture and creating pretend bubbles in the simulated water. Ollie nodded a greeting to the purple-T-shirt-wearing volunteer at the entrance and followed the whitewashed walls decorated with brightly painted animals indicating each separate wing. His freshly sanitized loafers squeaked with every vexing step toward the staff lifts, and he almost ran on the spot waiting for the doors to open and take him to the third-floor Bear Ward. His incessant trembling couldn’t be put down to the temperature alone. And he wasn’t sure what was making him more nervous, the fact that Elliot had gotten under his skin—again—or that Jacob could be waiting for him in that ward.

He changed into his scrubs in the staff locker room, his neck hurting from twisting around at every entrance. He sighed and flattened down his hair, adjusted his glasses and tucked the fob watch onto its clip. He looked at his reflection and tried to see if there was anything off about his appearance. Nothing obvious to scream out what he’d been doing that day. He was still shivering as he gave his hands and lower arms a thorough clean under the warm taps and then walked to the ward.

He slapped through the swinging double doors to the cardiology wing and acknowledged Taya behind the nurses’ station. She grinned and held up a pack of nicotine chewing gum. Ollie snorted. At least she was trying; more than he could say for himself. He gave her a peck on the cheek.

“Not a single cig all day.” Taya beamed.

“Wow. Well done.”

“Thank you.” Taya nodded. “I’ve had about a million of these, though.” She threw the pack of gum onto the desk. “Plus I’m wearing the patches.”

Ollie chuckled, skimming through the files laid in his in-tray.

“And I bought one of those vapors. Strawberry flavored. Quite nice,” Taya babbled on.

Ollie shook his head and opened Daisy Monroe’s file. He rolled his finger down the day notes and scanned each compartment for anything he hadn’t seen from last night’s checks. There was no letter or note to say the mother planned to take the patient on a flight, so Ollie slapped it shut.

“Where’s Patty?” Ollie asked. “She’s meant to give the handover.”

Taya waved a hand over to Daisy’s room. She’d sneaked in another stick of gum and couldn’t speak through the amount she tried to chew. Ollie squinted to see through the gaps in the blinds of room one. Daisy sat up on the bed, her mother by her side and Patty, her day nurse, clearing up around her bed.

“What happened?”

“Been sick a few times today,” Taya explained through a muffled mouth. “She’s off all meds, apparently,” Taya continued, clearly not picking up on Ollie’s unusual concern. Not that he wasn’t always concerned about patients, but this one had a tug on his heart. Or more accurately her father did. “Patty’ll explain. She told me to send you in as soon as you got here.”

Ollie pulled his scrubs top down, took a deep breath, and sauntered over to room one. Just like any other shift. Any other patient. Any other family to deal with. He swallowed as he pushed the door open.

“Hey, there, Supergirl,” Ollie said with a beaming smile.

Daisy didn’t return it. She didn’t even try. She slumped back on the mounds of pillows and groaned. Ollie peered over at Becky, who looked right through him as if he wasn’t there. Ollie figured that was the best response he could get right then.

Patty held a mound of wipes, blankets, and whatnot all reeking of vomit. She, however, did offer Ollie a smile. She angled her head, and Ollie followed her to the doorway where she proceeded to tell him that Daisy’s recovery had taken a turn for the worse. Sickness and diarrhea, dizzy spells, no energy. She was off all meds until the doctor could assess her, and Ollie was to do to fifteen-minute obs while sharing his patient load with Taya and the other night nurses. Ollie nodded. Patty squeezed his shoulder, offered a wave over to Daisy, and trudged out of the room to go home and probably get her eight hours of recommended sleep.

“Right.” Ollie stepped back into the room. He walked to the side of the bed and perched to sit down, checking her face. “Are you just trying to stay here because you don’t want to go back to school? Having too much fun on Bear Ward, eh?”

Daisy shook her solemn head. The poor girl looked exhausted. Eyes bloodshot and droopy, skin pale, her long dark hair like rats’ tails dangling around her shoulders. Her lips were dry with cracked skin from all the dehydration. And when Ollie placed a palm to her forehead, she was clammy and hot to the touch.

“When will the doctor get here?” Becky asked.

Becky, just as weary as her daughter, folded her arms. Her hair grabbed back into a greasy ponytail made the lines of concern on her forehead more noticeable, along with the fear behind her eyes. Ollie had to swallow down his personal guilt and slap on his professional demeanor to acknowledge the woman.

“I’ll have to check,” Ollie replied. “I’m sure he knows what’s happening and will make it his priority to get to her.”

“I’ve been waiting a while to talk to him. I have other things to discuss too. Can you call him?”

Ollie stood and wandered over to the sink by the wall, pushing down the soap holder and washing his hands thoroughly. “I’ll go check.”

His stomach flipped like a spin wash as Jacob approached the door. He gave a brief nod, and Jacob returned it before walking past and fully into the room.

“How is she?” Jacob asked.

Ollie was about to answer before he realized the question had been addressed to Becky and quickly shut his mouth.

“Sick,” Becky snapped. “She’s had fucking heart surgery, Jacob.”

Jacob sighed and perched on Daisy’s bed. Her eyes were flickering shut, and he stroked a hand down her cheek. Ollie could feel those fingertips. He knew those fingertips.

“I know, Becky,” Jacob replied, exasperation in his voice. “Can we keep this civil, please?”

Ollie did his best to ignore the domestic scene that he was already far too involved in and tried to maintain his professional status. He picked up the clipfile at the end of the bed to read through all the obs and check what needed to be done.

Becky slammed her hands down to her sides and made a noise in her throat Ollie couldn’t describe. As though she was hacking up, Daisy-style. “Who was he?”

“Who was who?” Jacob replied, calmly.

“The man you were fucking while your daughter lay in a hospital bed and threw her guts up,” Becky hissed, leaning threateningly forward.

Jacob stood and pointed a trembling finger across the bed. “You weren’t here either,” he managed through gritted teeth. “You came to me. Who was with her then? Who was with her last night? And the night before?” Jacob ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t judge me, Becky. I’m doing the best I can under the circumstances you put me in.”

“You put yourself in those,” Becky snapped back. “You can’t play the wounded party here. You can’t be all Fathers 4 Justice when you weren’t a fucking father to begin with.”

Jacob clenched his fists, and Ollie was sure he would launch across that bed and ram them into the woman. So he stepped forward to stand beside him.

“Please,” Ollie begged, looking from one to the other. “If you want to argue, you’ll have to take it outside the hospital. This is Daisy’s room. Daisy’s recovery. This is completely unacceptable.”

“You think he’s a good father?” Becky asked, waving a trembling hand over the bed at Jacob but addressing Ollie. “I’ll bet you see tons of decent fathers in here. How does he measure up to you?”

“I’m not answering that,” Ollie replied. “Now you have to calm down, or I’ll need to call security to take you out.”

Becky snorted. She refolded her arms and stood her ground. Ollie took the opportunity to throw a brief reassuring smile Jacob’s way. Jacob nodded in response.

“You can go,” Jacob said.

“I’m not leaving until I see the doctor,” Becky replied. “You leave.”

“I’m not going, either.” Jacob unzipped his coat to throw it on the chair. “Looks like we might have to try and get along.”

Both parents glared at each other across the mattress. Ollie’d seen parents of sick children arguing and taking their stress out on each other countless times. He remembered his own parents’ battles when Tilly was undergoing her chemo and surgeries. But this stare-off was making him even more uncomfortable than it had in those days. And that was simply to do with how close he was to the situation. Yet another reason to explain why not getting involved in patient-family conflict was a rule he should have stuck to.

Ollie slapped on a pair of disposable gloves and moved around to Becky’s side of the bed to check all Daisy’s obs via the machine. Becky stepped back to let him pass, and as Ollie brushed the hair away from Daisy’s face, he locked eyes with Jacob hovering over the other side. Jacob smiled, and Ollie couldn’t help but return it. The machine bleeped, and Jacob’s eyes grew wide. Becky started forward, and Ollie checked the readings. He dropped to sit on the bed and tugged open one of Daisy’s eyelids.

“What is it?” Jacob asked.

“She’s passed out,” Ollie replied. “She’s too hot.”

Ollie shoved down Daisy’s bedcovers and removed pillows to get her some air. His fingers brushed Jacob’s. Ollie felt the electricity and wanted to reach out for more. But Becky stopped all chances, hovering by his side.

“She’s done that already today,” Becky said, biting her shaking thumb nail. “The other nurse says we need to keep her hydrated.”

“Yep,” Ollie replied over his shoulder, laying Daisy flat on the mattress. “I’ll get a drip put in.” He glanced up to Jacob, whose fear was evident. “She’s okay,” Ollie reassured him.

Jacob nodded. All was quiet while Ollie checked the ratings on the obs machine. Becky hovered, eyes on her daughter with a noticeable shake on her shoulders. Until she stilled, staring hard at Ollie, more precisely at his pristine white loafers with the red stripe along the rubber sole

“Nice shoes.”

Her hard, tight voice breaking the silence made Ollie jump. “Thanks?” He waggled one. “Nurse standard.”

“I’ve seen a pair just like them, just recently.” Becky glared at Ollie. “And those glasses.”

Ollie swallowed. He paused, not having anything he could say. Frozen like a statue, Ollie avoided looking at anything other than Daisy, now sleeping soundly and far more peaceful than the atmosphere in the room. Focus on the job, like I should have been doing all along.

“You disgust me,” Becky spat, her fierce glace now locked onto Jacob. “Not even his daughter’s hospital is safe from Jacob and his need to get his cock sucked. Get the fuck out!”

“Becky—”

“Don’t.” Trembling with rage, Becky shook her head. “I cannot do this again! Not now. Not with Daisy like this.”

Ollie stood and held out a hand to each of them. “This is not the time.”

“Never a truer statement, Nurse,” Becky sneered. “Leave, Jacob! Before I get really fucking angry.”

Jacob opened his mouth, about to retaliate. Ollie couldn’t allow Jacob to speak. Whatever he said, confirmation or denial, it wouldn’t make the situation any better. Ollie needed to stop this quick before it went any further and ruined everything he had worked so hard for. “Maybe it’s for the best.” He addressed Jacob.

“Ollie—”

“There’s a parents’ lounge, Mr. Monroe.” Ollie cut him off. “Perhaps you could wait there?”

He heard the snort of disdain coming from Becky and guessed it was her way of letting him know that, regardless of his use of Jacob’s full title, she wasn’t convinced they weren’t on more than first-name terms. Ollie raised his eyebrows, urging Jacob to let this be. Heaving a heavy sigh, Jacob grabbed his coat from the chair, leaned forward to kiss his daughter’s cheek, and stroked his hand down her face. He then turned and stomped out of the room without a second glance at Ollie. The flapping of the ward doors echoed after.

Becky gave Ollie a once-over. Ollie stared back, unflinching. The silence dragged on, neither removing their gaze from one another, until Ollie remembered he had a job to do. He cleared his throat.

“I don’t know what you think you’re insinuating, here, Ms.…” Ollie hoped she would complete the rest.

Becky folded her arms. “Miss Daley,” she spat.

He could see why she kept Daisy’s name as Monroe. He shook his head. “Miss Daley—”

“Did he say you were beautiful?”

Ollie’s throat stuck. He wanted to refute the accusation. He needed to. He had to find some way of convincing both this woman and his patient’s doctor that they had got it wrong. But as he stared up at Becky, his heart hammering and chest tightening, her expression said it all. He’d never seen a woman so angry. And so full of hurt and anguish.

“Did he stroke your face and whisper sweet nothings?” Becky’s voice was light now, almost as though she simply detailed facts. “Did he ask, ever so politely, if he could fuck you, but he was already halfway there anyway, making it impossible for you to refuse?”

Ollie sucked in a breath, his nostrils flaring through the tremble. The bleeping of the machine had evened out, Daisy’s fragile body returning to normality. He began ruffling the sheets to drape them back up to her stomach.

“Did he say he wanted to see you again but couldn’t say when, and then, ever so conveniently, forget to give you his number?” Becky stepped forward, at Ollie’s back. “I’ve lived this, Nurse. I know. A leopard doesn’t change his spots and a cheater will always be a cheater.”

“Miss—”

“You’re definitely his type. He likes the ones he can manipulate. The ones with a kind heart who’ll fall for his sob story and be suckered into thinking he’s a decent man, with morals. When really? He’s got a dozen of you. In every fucking city.”

“Miss Daley, I urge you to stop.” The tremble in Ollie’s delivery overwhelmed him. He couldn’t look the woman in the eye. It would only give him away. And what hurt more than anything was that everything she had said was true.

“I don’t blame you.” Becky lowered onto the bed beside Daisy and stroked her daughter’s hand, her previous anger dissipating to make way for a woman beaten by life’s circumstances. At that moment, Ollie couldn’t blame her either. Not for the anger, or the contempt, or her brash and hurtful words. If anyone knew how Becky felt, it was Ollie.

“Can we focus on Daisy, here, please?” Ollie’s professional tone kicked in for one last time.

Becky’s eyes glazed over. “That’s what I’ve been trying to do. For years. Keeping Daisy away from all of that. And yet, here I am. Again. We’ve all been sucked in by Jacob Monroe. You’re not the first one, Ollie. And by far you won’t be the last.”

Ollie couldn’t respond. Not to anything. There was no point denying anything or defending his or Jacob’s actions. The less he did or said, the better his position would be. But the blood that ran through his veins was like ice on his skin. The plummeting in his stomach made him want to reach for one of the cardboard pots and hurl his guts into it. Instead, he checked all the wires leading to the obs machine, pushed his glasses farther up his nose, and inched around the bed for the exit.

“Just so you know, the only one who’ll ever be in his heart,” Becky said before Ollie reached the door, “is this little one.”

* * * *

Jacob’s head shot up when Ollie opened the door of the parents’ lounge. He was the only one in there, with it not really being used all that much during the evening. It was a simple room, neutral shades and soft furnishings, innocuous pictures on the wall, comfy chairs set in a circle so parents could talk, a kitchenette equipped with kettle, fridge, and microwave. It was a space for parents to escape the bustle of the ward and give themselves quiet time to reflect and recuperate.

And as Ollie walked in, Jacob’s wide pleading eyes ripped him in two.

“How is she?” Jacob asked.

“Stable. Sleeping. No signs of stress. The doctor will see her soon.”

Jacob nodded. “I’m so sorry about Becky.” He closed his eyes tight.

Ollie slipped down on the seat next to him and inhaled a deep breath. “Maybe you should stay away.” The words stung Ollie’s tongue as he said them.

Jacob opened his eyes. “What?”

“I’m just thinking what’s best for Daisy, and having two parents at each other’s throats in her room will not aid her recovery. Maybe it’s best, all round, if you were to leave.”

“What did she say to you?”

Ollie tucked his hands under his legs. “Nothing I didn’t already know.”

Jacob snorted. “Just sounds much worse coming from her, though, right?”

Ollie met Jacob’s eyes, and that penetrating blue cut through him like a knife. He knew it had been foolish to get involved. He knew it was ridiculous to believe anything the man said. Ollie didn’t know him. He didn’t know who he really was. He’d gone on face value and that could never lead to a good thing. He also knew he couldn’t listen to the scorned ex either. All he could listen to was his heart. But it was beating so fast he wasn’t sure what it was trying to tell him.

“Ollie.” Jacob uttered his name so softly that Ollie couldn’t help but tingle.

“Jacob.” Ollie was sterner with his delivery. “I can’t, right now. I can’t. I’ve had my fill of being second.” He sucked in a deep breath and licked his lips. “I know I’ll never be first for Elliot. He’ll never take care of me like he does his patients. I know I’ll never be first to my father, or my mother. They’ll always have Tilly, or each other, to focus their attention on. And I’ll never be first to any of those little kids out there I spend twelve hours a day making my main priority, just so I don’t have to think about how I’m always cast aside. But, God, Jacob.” Ollie slid his hands out from under his legs and wiped them down his trousers, ridding them of the clammy sweat. “I’m not sure I can be another afterthought.”

Jacob laid a trembling hand down on top of Ollie’s, making him look up and finally face him. “Everything I told you is true,” Jacob said. “I’m no saint, Ollie. Neither are you. But this,” Jacob gripped Ollie’s hand tighter, “this I feel. And I know you do too.”

The door to the parents’ lounge clanged open, and another parent walked in. Ollie snatched his hand away from under Jacob’s and stood. The mother, who Ollie only recognized from Taya’s patient load, went into the kitchen to put the kettle on to boil.

“Feel free to stay here, Mr. Monroe,” Ollie said. “I’ll ensure you are informed of your daughter’s progress.”

With that, Ollie flattened down his scrubs and headed for the door.

“Ollie,” Jacob called after him.

But Ollie couldn’t do it. If he turned right then, he’d most definitely feel not just something, but too much.