JAMIE
I WATCHED HER back disappear into the crowd, heading toward the side door to the club. My left cheek stung. She’d given me a damn good strike, but the slight pain was nothing compared to seeing the disdain in her eyes as she looked at me. I hadn’t been prepared for how much she would hate me. Seeing that look made my whole body cold.
“You had your chance, and you blew it,” she’d said. And I had, I really had. I’d given up the best thing that had ever happened to me. But not for the reasons she thought. She thought I’d cheated, she thought I didn’t love her, she thought I didn’t want her, and of course she did; those exact words had come from my lips. But the reality of it was, nothing could be further from the truth. I had always loved and wanted her. She was my life. I had just been trying to save her from wasting her time on someone who didn’t deserve her.
Right now, watching her copper hair disappear through the exit door, I wondered if I’d made a huge mistake all those years ago. Maybe I should have told her the truth, asked her to wait for me, and then once I was out, we could have built a life together if she was still willing. Maybe I’d been wrong to take the choice away from her.
I ground my teeth. I could still feel the ghost of her lips on mine, still feel the warmth of her body in my arms, her taste on my tongue. God, I’d missed her more than I’d even allowed myself to admit.
Before I even had a chance to think about it, I was on the move, heading after her.
“Hey!” Stacey cried behind me, her hand closing around my upper arm. I stopped and turned to look at her, meeting her icy stare. “Where the hell do you think you’re going? You’ve done enough, don’t you think?” she snapped, stepping in front of me, blocking my path to Ellie.
I frowned, my eyes flicking behind her as I watched the door swing closed and click into place. “I just need to talk to her.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and raised one eyebrow. “You have some nerve, Jamie, you really do. She doesn’t want to talk to you!”
“Look, Stacey, you can kill me with your eyes all you want, but I’m going out there to talk to her and you’re going to let me, or I’m going to have one of my staff come over and restrain you,” I warned.
“You really are a douchebag. I saw what you two had, how you were together. She would have done anything for you, and you just threw it all away and broke her heart. She might not want to tell you how much of an asshole you are, but I have no problem saying it. You, Jamie Cole, are a prize dick, and she’s better off without you.”
A small laugh escaped my lips at the words and the venom that went into them. Stacey hated me—that was glaringly apparent. But she’d never be able to hate me as much as I hated myself.
“Straight to the point, no mincing your words. I always liked that about you,” I replied. I bent to look in her eyes before she could make the bitchy comeback I could see brewing. “Look, you’re a good friend, and Ellie is lucky to have you, but I told you I’m going out there to talk to her whether you like it or not.”
I signaled Ed, who had begun walking over to me earlier but had stopped a few feet away, and nodded toward Stacey. “Hold this one for five minutes. In five minutes you can let her go,” I ordered, sidestepping as Ed instantly reached for her, wrapping his large hands around her upper arms, holding her in place as he whistled for one of the security guards to come over and help restrain her.
Ignoring Stacey’s roar of protest and struggles behind me, I headed for the door, stopping next to Carl and digging into my pocket for my car keys. “Get my car and bring it to the side alley. There’ll be two girls out there in a few minutes who will need a ride. I want you to drive them and make sure they get home safely. Understand?”
He nodded, so I dropped the keys into his outstretched palm and pushed on through the door and into the alley. I squinted into the darkness, letting my eyes adjust to the dimness of the night. I heard her before I saw her. She was on the other side of the alley, leaning against the wall, crying softly.
My heart sank at the sound. I hated the fact that she was sad and that I’d been the cause of it. She looked up as the door opened, her posture stiffening as she reached up to swipe at her eyes.
“I told you to leave me alone,” she snapped, anger still fizzing in her tone.
“I just wanted to come and see if you were okay. I didn’t want to leave things like that,” I said. “We have too much history for those to be the last words between us.”
She sniffed and looked down at her hands, but didn’t say anything else. I’d never seen her so low. Ellie was usually such a bright spirit, soaring high, but now it was like her wings had been clipped. All I wanted to do was close the distance between us and wrap my arms around her, shield her from all the hurt, be there to support her. My whole body ached seeing her so sad.
“This is kinda awkward. I mean, what are you supposed to say to the guy who cheated on you and left you to fend for yourself in a foreign country?” she asked, her voice sarcastic as she stared at the floor.
Her words cut like a knife because none of it was true. I cleared my throat, hoping my voice would work. “Um...how about, ‘Hi, how are you?’ ” I joked, just trying to lighten the atmosphere a little.
She laughed softly, but it was humorless, not one of her heartfelt laughs or the little giggle that I loved to death. The weight of the world was inside that laugh, and all I wanted to do was lift it off her.
I sighed and walked to her side, leaning on the wall next to her. I wished I could close the gap, take her hand, stroke the back of it, raise it to my mouth, and kiss her fingertips. I missed the closeness we used to have, even with just the simplest contact. I hadn’t had that intimacy with anyone else. Since her, it just didn’t appeal. It was Ellie or nothing.
“It is awkward,” I admitted. “Look, I’m sorry I kissed you, all right? I was shocked to see you. I hadn’t ever expected you to be in my club and I just...I don’t even know...you were there, and I hadn’t seen you in so long, and you looked so beautiful, and you were walking away from me, and I couldn’t let you. I just...” I stopped talking, frowning down at the floor because I couldn’t express myself properly. I always rambled and said the wrong thing when I was around her.
Silence hung in the air and stretched on for what seemed like forever, the only sounds the muted music creeping through the door, until finally she spoke. “Red’s is your club?” she questioned, obviously choosing to ignore my “you looked so beautiful” remark.
“Yeah,” I replied, waving my hand at the posters stuck on the side of the building, advertising upcoming themed or party nights. The logo of the club blazed from the top—a redheaded girl in a white crop top and red shorts, holding a tray of drinks while winking seductively. Ellie didn’t say anything, and I wondered if she picked up the significance of the name or the beautiful red-haired girl I’d had drawn there. “I have a few bars across town and couple in Queens too, but this one is my favorite,” I said.
She licked her lips slowly, seeming to be deep in thought. “So you’re not into stealing cars anymore, then?”
“Not tonight,” I answered, sidestepping the truth.
Her nose scrunched up, her lips twisted in thought. “What happened to you, Jamie? You wanted out of all this stuff. You said you wanted to go straight...or was that just a lie, too?” she asked, her eyes meeting mine.
You happened. Brett happened. Everything happened. Nothing happened.
I shrugged. “I guess I lost my reason to change.”
Her forehead creased with a frown, and she studied me carefully before speaking again. “Why did you come over and batter that guy? I was handling it myself. You didn’t need to jump in and go all macho like that. Now you’re bound to get in trouble for it.”
I shrugged, not looking away as I answered truthfully. “I was jealous.”
Her mouth popped open. “You have no right to be anymore.”
“I know.”
“I’m engaged,” she continued.
“I know.”
She swallowed awkwardly. “He’s a really good guy; he takes care of me. I...I love him.”
I nodded slowly, trying to keep the hurt from showing. “I know that, too.”
Her eyebrows knitted together at my responses. “How could you possibly know that?”
I smiled ruefully, unsure how to admit that I was basically her stalker and that I had people check in on her to make sure she was happy. Thankfully, as if someone was sending me some sort of reprieve, the side door to the club squeaked open and I turned to see Ed standing there.
“It’s been five minutes, Kid,” he said.
I held up one finger. “I just need another minute or two,” I answered, silently telling him to keep Stacey inside for a little longer. He nodded and went inside again, closing the door behind him.
I turned my attention back to Ellie. “I never thought I would see you again. You were traveling for so long that I figured you’d never come back.”
She kicked at the wall with the heel of her sneaker, a small sob hitching in her throat. “Yeah, well, I had to come back.”
Sighing, I reached up and dragged a hand through my hair, wanting to keep my hands busy because they were itching to touch her. “Yeah, I heard about what happened on the news. I’m so sorry about your dad.” Loss and sadness swelled inside me. “He was one of the good guys.”
She raised her chin, her eyes flicking up to the sky as she blinked a couple of times, probably trying to quell her tears. “Yeah. Sucks,” she croaked.
I turned my head, watching her, taking in every mesmerizing inch of her, committing her to memory. If possible, she looked even more stunning than she had three years ago.
“How’s your mom?” I asked, even though I already knew. I’d made a few calls, asked around, had people everywhere. I reached out, brushing my little finger against hers, reveling in that small touch of skin on skin, wishing I could steal more of it, but she whipped her hand away quickly, hugging herself across her middle.
Ellie scowled over at me. “As if you care. You never liked her.”
I recoiled from her anger. She was like a little feral cat, poised and ready to strike. “I care, Ellie,” I replied firmly. No, I had never liked the woman and the feeling was mutual, but I cared because she was important to Ellie. I would always care about things that had the power to hurt someone I loved.
She stared at me for a few seconds, her hard eyes locked on mine before they softened and her lip trembled and she closed her eyes. “She’s in the hospital still. There’s a ventilator helping her breathe. It’s bad.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Everyone always says that. Like it’s their fault or something. Every person I called up and told about my dad today said sorry to me, every single one. I’m kind of sick of the word,” she said.
I sighed and edged closer to her, noting how she didn’t move away this time and how my arm gently pressed against her side. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
She shook her head, the movement making our bodies brush against each other where we were so close. “I’ve done everything and arranged the funeral. There’s not much left to do.”
“You’ve made the funeral arrangements?” I questioned, hating that she had to do that and take responsibility for something so morbid.
“Yeah.”
“When is it? I’d like to come, if that’s okay.” Michael Pearce had meant a lot to me, had always shown me kindness and treated me like I was one of the family. He’d never thought I wasn’t good enough for his daughter.
She gasped and pushed away from the wall, rounding on me, her eyes furious again. “No. It’s not okay. Toby will be there and everything else is going to be hard enough already.”
“Ellie, please? You won’t even know I’m there, I just want to pay my respects,” I pressed.
Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times, her face undecided, but before she could answer, a car pulled up at the end of the alley, my black BMW i8. Ellie and I both looked up at it at the same time. I held up one finger to Carl, who rolled down the window and nodded to me in understanding before rolling it back up again.
“Who’s that?” Ellie asked.
“My driver. I’ve asked him to take you and Stacey home, I just wanted to talk to you first.” I sighed and walked over to the metal door, banging my fist on it a couple of times. Moments later, the door swung outward, and I nodded to Ed, who was on the other side. He turned and motioned with his hand, and then a blur of blonde head shoved past me, deliberately bumping me with her shoulder as she stormed past, her face like thunder.
“Ellie!” she cried, going straight to her side and wrapping an arm around her shoulders before turning back to me. “You’re an absolute asshole; I have half a mind to call the cops and tell them you held me there against my will.”
Ellie frowned, looking between the two of us. “What?”
I raised one shoulder in a half shrug. “Carl will take you two home.”
Stacey made some sort of snort and looked away from me distastefully.
I reached for the two girls’ coats, which Ed was holding, and turned, passing them to Ellie, who smiled gratefully, slipping on hers and passing the other to Stacey.
“Thanks,” Ellie muttered, turning toward the car, pulling Stacey along with her.
“Hey, Ellie?” I called to her retreating back. She turned, her red-rimmed eyes curious. “You didn’t say if it was okay for me to attend the funeral or not.”
Stacey’s scowl deepened, but Ellie sighed and nodded. “You can come to the service, but I don’t want you back at the house. It’s three p.m. Friday at Everglade Drive.”
I smiled gratefully. “Thank you.”
I watched them get safely into the car and drive off before I turned back to Ed, who was still standing in the doorway. “The Salazars still here?”
“Yep. Dodger is with them. Mateo wanted to wait until you got back, apparently,” he replied, holding out a paper towel to me. “Your hand is bleeding.”
I nodded, taking it, and dabbed at the small cut that had opened up on my knuckle as I followed him back into the club. The music drummed around me as people danced and laughed, completely over the incident that had happened a few minutes before. I walked past a guy with his arm around a girl, a big grin on his face, and a wave of envy hit me. All around me people were with friends and lovers, and I was alone, as always. A week ago—hell, just four days ago—I wouldn’t have even noticed this couple, but now here I was jealous of the guy because he had his girl and I didn’t.
As we wove through the crowd, I spotted Dodger standing off to the side, talking to one of our crew. When he saw me he came over, his face a mask of concern. “Hey. All right, buddy?”
I nodded and looked past him to the Salazars, who were still sipping whiskey, though the bottle was now almost half gone. Sitting with them was the guy I’d knocked unconscious; he seemed a little dazed as he held a rag to his nose to stanch the blood flow.
“Come with me,” I instructed. Dodger and Ed followed me to the table, and both the Salazar brothers looked up in unison. A slow grin spread across Mateo’s face, his eyes locked onto mine, his posture slumped cockily in the chair.
“Why are you still hanging around? Was there something I forgot to say?” I snapped, looking at each of them in turn. The guy with the bloodied rag flinched in his chair, shying away from me. I turned back to Alberto. “This meeting is over. Take your prick of a friend who thinks it’s okay to degrade women and get the hell out of my club. I don’t want to see any of your scumbag dealers in my establishments again, you hear me?” My voice was thunderous, livid. I wanted this night over; I wanted the guy who dared put his hands on Ellie out of here before I finished what I’d started.
Alberto sighed and stood, and the other two followed suit immediately. He didn’t speak as he turned and walked off, signaling for his crew to leave, too. I stood still, raising my chin and watching them carefully.
Mateo stopped in front of me, a huge smirk on his face. “Looks like Kid Cole does have a weakness after all.”
I saw red again. Fuck, I saw all colors. Anger so extreme I could almost taste it flowed through me, and I reached out and grabbed him with both hands, yanking him closer to me. My face was so close to his I could see his pupils dilate and feel his whiskey breath on my face. “If you even look too long in her direction, I swear to God, I will beat you into the fucking ground,” I growled, tightening my grip. “Don’t fucking try me. I’ll kill you, but first I’ll kill your brother and make you watch,” I promised.
Alberto had come up behind Mateo, pulling on his shoulder, his expression concerned as he tugged his brother away from me and toward the exit. Dodger was holding me in place, obviously feeling the volatility of the situation, too. The whole time, I keep my eyes locked on Mateo’s, letting him know I was serious. If he went anywhere near Ellie, I would ruin him; I would rip his fucking heart out.