ELLIE
WHEN I WOKE in the morning Jamie and I were a tangle of limbs, our naked bodies pressed together so intimately that memories of last night made my cheeks flame with heat as my insides sizzled with lust. It had been beautiful—adoring, sexy, sensual, everything I had wanted and much, much more. I’d forgotten just how great sex with Jamie was and how attentive he was. Last night proved that even after all this time, he was still in tune with my body. I’d felt every touch and kiss down in my soul. I hadn’t been able to get enough of him, and maybe I never would.
My head was nestled on his arm, tucked in the crook of his neck as we lay facing each other. Smiling, I scooted closer, pressing my lips against his neck, kissing softly. A contented sigh left my lips as I closed my eyes and just enjoyed being close to him again. It had been so damn long since I’d woken in his arms—and this lived up to every fantasy I’d envisioned in the last three years.
His words from last night danced in my mind and I couldn’t contain my grin. “Team Jellie forever.”
I’d joked that it was silly last night, but I actually really loved it.
Jamie gave a breathy little moan and his hand slid down my back, coming to rest on my rear, his touch leaving a burning trail across my skin that made my toes curl. A lust built within me so intense that I had to clench my thighs together to relieve some of the pressure. I remembered this feeling; he had always made me wild and desperate. I was glad to see that three years on he still had the same effect. I snuggled closer, feeling his arms tighten, his hand sliding down my thigh and curling around the back of my knee, pulling gently so my leg hooked over his hip. I gasped as the new position made us rub together in places that already ached in a delightful way from last night.
“You wriggling like that against me brings back good memories,” he muttered, a sleepy half smile pulling at his lips.
I grinned and wriggled some more, basking in the way his eyes closed in pleasure. “Oh yeah? What kind of memories?” I flirted, leaning in and capturing his lips with a soft kiss.
“The hot, sweaty kind,” he replied, grinning over at me as he rolled, the top half of his body now draped over mine as his fingers traced across my cheek and down my neck, his eyes following their path as they traveled across my chest. He sighed deeply and placed a soft kiss on my shoulder. “I wish I could stay in this bed with you all day,” he murmured against my skin.
“Me, too.” I cupped his face and guided him to look up at me. “But you can’t. I have to get dressed and go see my mom.” My eyes flicked to the bedside clock, seeing it was after nine thirty already; I actually needed to move my butt soon and get in the shower or we wouldn’t have long for morning visiting. “Didn’t you say your friend was coming here at nine to replace you on babysitting duty? It’s already half past.”
He groaned, his eyebrows knitting together as he pulled away and sat up. I felt the loss immediately, my body yearning for his touch.
“Yeah, he should be outside already.” He picked up his cell from the bedside table, sending off a quick message, and then dropped his phone back down and turned to look at me.
A slow smile spread across his face as he leaned back over me. “Thank you so much for giving us another shot. I promise I won’t let you down. I’m going to make you so happy that you’ll crap rainbows for the rest of your life.”
I burst out laughing, shaking my head at his absurdity. But when his mouth closed over mine, swallowing my laughter and stealing my breath, I felt the truth behind his words—I might not crap rainbows, but he was going to make me happy for the rest of my life for sure. He kissed me until my head spun, then pulled away.
“I love you, so, so much,” he whispered against my lips.
“I love you, too.” The words were natural and honest; they felt so right coming out of my mouth that it made my heart flutter in my chest. But somehow, it just didn’t feel like enough—one word, love, it barely even scratched the surface of what I felt for this boy.
When we were both fully clothed, I headed over to my door and peeked out, grinning to myself because this was just like old times when I’d have to sneak him out of my room. He stayed close to my back as we edged quietly down the stairs and to the front door. As he grabbed his jacket and slipped on his shoes, I pried the door open quietly, just enough for him to slip out. A car was parked behind his, and a guy in his midforties sat behind the wheel, watching us with a cigarette wedged between his lips. Jamie gave him a little nod before turning his attention back to me. His arms looped around my waist, capturing my lips in one last kiss before he turned and walked toward his car.
I sighed dreamily and leaned against the doorframe, pressing my finger to my lips as I watched him walk off. I’d never imagined that I would be able to feel this happy again, not after being so low for the last three years. Funny how one person can come into your life and turn the whole thing upside down.
About halfway to his car, Jamie turned. “Hey, want to get a late lunch or something after you’ve been to the hospital?” he called out, walking backward to his car.
I nodded eagerly. “Sure.”
“I’ll call you,” he replied. I waved good-bye and closed the door as he leaned down and began talking to Ed. As I turned, I came face-to-face with Kelsey, who was standing at the bottom of the stairs with her arms folded across her chest, one eyebrow arched knowingly.
I jumped and let out a little squeal. I thought we’d been incredibly stealthy. Clearly not.
“Morning.” I hoped she’d just arrived and hadn’t seen anything.
“Was that Jamie I just saw sneaking out of your bedroom?”
Well, shit. “Um...yeah,” I answered, not wanting to lie. “We got back together.” She frowned, her eyes dropping to the floor, and I wondered how much she knew from before and how much she had overheard about our breakup. She’d only been ten at the time, but she understood and heard a lot more than she let on. “He makes me so happy, Kels. I love him, I always have.”
Her lips pursed in thought, and then she nodded in acceptance. “He’s your zing.”
I raised a quizzical eyebrow. “My zing?”
She nodded, smiling now. “Yeah, have you not seen the movie Hotel Transylvania?”
I smiled in understanding. I had seen that movie with Toby’s kids, who had it on DVD. A “zing” was what they called it when you met the one you were supposed to be with, your soul mate. According to the movie, you only zinged once in your life. “He is my zing,” I confirmed, nodding.
She nodded, too. “I’m happy for you if he makes you happy.”
“He does,” I promised, even though happy didn’t even come close. Complete was more like it. I stepped forward and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, nodding toward the kitchen, where the smell of bacon wafted out tantalizingly. “Let’s go get some food and then visit Mom, yeah?”
* * *
At the hospital later that morning, Mom was already up and in a wheelchair, sitting by the side of her bed staring absentmindedly out the window that overlooked nothing but the brick wall of another building. My heart went out to her, seeing her so still, so lost in her thoughts like that. She didn’t even look up or notice when we entered the room.
“Mom?” Kelsey said, walking to her side and crouching so they were almost at the same level.
“Hi,” she said stiffly, dragging her eyes away from the window and looking around at each of us in turn as she shifted in her wheelchair, her broken leg jutting out in front of her on the footrest. She looked so different from the woman I’d had a heartfelt conversation with just a couple of days ago. She looked lost and so sad that it hurt to witness. The doctor said there’d be good days and bad, but I hadn’t expected her to go from the open and loving woman to this zoned-out emptiness in just a matter of days.
“Morning, Ruth. Are you hungry?” Nana rustled through her tote bag, pulling out cartons of food she’d prepared and setting them to the side. She popped the lid off one and held it out to my mom, offering her one of the freshly baked cinnamon rolls that were inside. “I know hospital food isn’t up to scratch, so I’ve made you a few things you like,” she said, smiling warmly at her daughter-in-law.
“Thanks, Betty.” Mom’s hand came out, taking one, her eyes still glazed over and vacant. A smile twitched at the corner of her mouth, but it wasn’t a genuine one. It was like she was trying to put on a brave face, pretend she was fine, but everyone could see she wasn’t. The light in her eyes had gone out, the life in them deflated and lost. I had no idea how to help her.
While Mom absentmindedly picked at her pastry, shredding it into little pieces and dropping them into a napkin Nana had given her, the door opened and the doctor stepped in. He smiled at us as he walked over to Mom’s side, picking up her chart on the way past.
“Good morning, Ruth. How are we feeling today?” he asked.
“Fine,” she answered flatly.
He didn’t seem affected by her tart answer. He pulled out his penlight and leaned in, checking her pupil dilation, making her follow the light. He took her blood pressure and checked the wound on her head and then announced that she was doing great and healing up nicely.
He was right, she was getting stronger every day. Her bruises had now all but gone, so it was just the broken bones and emotional damage that were left in the accident’s wake. I nodded, watching him scribble on her chart.
He turned to me and smiled. “I was speaking to Ruth about it earlier, and I think she’ll be well enough to discharge tomorrow, or certainly the day after if you have preparations to make at home to accommodate the wheelchair,” he said, hooking the chart onto the end of the bed and turning back to my mom. “I’m sure you’re eager to get home and sleep in your own bed, right, Ruth?” he asked, his tone warm as he winked at her and then turned for the door.
I watched him leave, a smile in my heart because she would be coming home and I could take care of her properly instead of having to leave her here on her own each day. “That’s great news,” I said, turning to smile at my mom, expecting her to be happy about it. But when I looked at her, my eyes widened in surprise.
She was shaking her head adamantly, her hands clenched into tight fists, tears leaking from her eyes.
I gasped and rushed to her side, dropping to my knees next to her. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked, reaching out and placing a hand on the side of her face, wiping a stray tear away.
“I don’t want to,” she croaked, shaking her head fiercly. “I don’t want to!” Her voice rose, panic detectable in her tone.
I gulped, confused as I rested my hands on her thighs, squeezing supportively to try to get her to snap out of it. “You don’t want to what?”
Her eyes widened and latched onto mine as her features twisted with anguish. “Home. I don’t want to go home.”
I frowned, looking up at my nana for some help or some sort of explanation for this outburst, but she appeared just as clueless as me. “Why not?” I asked, cocking my head to the side and regarding my mom worriedly.
“It’s too much, too many memories. Michael...” Her crying increased at the same rate as her desperation as she reached out and grasped my hands, squeezing tightly, her eyes pleading with me. “I can’t. I can’t go there. I don’t want to! Ellison, please?”
Her reasoning hit me like a freight train; my heart squeezed in sympathy. She didn’t want to return to the family home where all his stuff was, his clothes and belongings. The memories of him would be too strong for her to deal with in her fragile state. She might be healing physically, but emotionally she was still broken and wounded.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, Mom,” I soothed, pushing myself up and hugging her, feeling her body tremble with sobs against mine. “No one’s going to make you go home if you’re not ready, it’s okay,” I whispered, stroking her hair like she used to do for me when I was sick.
“I don’t want to go back there. How could I live there without him? I couldn’t,” she sobbed against my shoulder.
I looked desperately at Nana, wondering what we were going to do. She couldn’t stay in the hospital if they wanted to discharge her; they probably needed her bed for someone else. But I couldn’t make my mom go back to the family home if she wasn’t ready to face it all and deal with it.
Nana had tears shining in her eyes as she stepped forward and set her hand on my mom’s shoulder. “You don’t have to,” she said reassuringly. “You can come and stay with me for as long as you want. I have plenty of room for everyone. I rattle around that house on my own, it would be lovely to have some company.”
My mom’s eyes widened as she looked up at Nana, her lip trembling. “Really?”
Nana bent and planted a soft kiss on the top of my mom’s head. “Of course. I would love to have you stay. You don’t ever have to go back to your house if you don’t want to.”
Mom’s body sagged in relief as she nodded, reaching up and patting Nana’s hand, which still rested on her shoulder. The gratitude in her eyes was easy to see, and some of the life came back into them, too. Maybe the prospect of returning home was what was making her so worried and keeping her so low.
* * *
After Nana’s suggestion, the air in the room shifted, became less stifling, and everyone seemed more relaxed, including my mom, who sat holding Kelsey’s hand, listening to her talk about her science project at school.
Moving to the Poconos with my nana would cause a little issue with Jamie being an hour and a half away, but I was pretty sure we’d work something out. I wasn’t losing him again now over something as silly as having to drive to see each other for a while; after all, it wasn’t as if it was a full ocean away.
When visiting hours were over, we said our good-byes and I noted that Mom looked like she was in a much better place than she had been for the last couple of days. “Shall we go for lunch?” Nana offered as we climbed into my car.
I winced because I’d made lunch plans with Jamie. “Um, I can’t. I said I would meet a friend,” I replied, shooting Kelsey a look because a wide grin spread across her face when I said the word friend.
“Oh, maybe we could still go, Kels?” Nana suggested, turning in her seat to see Kelsey, who was buckling her seat belt in the back.
“Sure, that’d be great,” she answered. “Maybe we could go to that noodle bar and then get ice cream after?”
“Sounds like a plan,” Nana agreed.
My tummy rumbled at the thought of noodles, wondering what Jamie would suggest we eat for our late lunch. Then an idea struck me—I could suggest takeout to eat in his bed! A longing sigh left my lips at the mere thought as I started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road. A few cars behind me, Ed pulled out too, looking bored as he followed.
I dropped off Nana and my sister outside the noodle bar and headed for home. Jamie hadn’t called yet, so I wasn’t sure what time we were meeting. I decided that when I got home, I would send him a message telling him I was hungry. Maybe I’d send him a naughty flash down my shirt and then pick out some killer heels to wear to lunch. I wondered if he still had a slight shoe fetish. My cheeks flooded with heat just thinking about it as I smiled to myself.
I stopped at a red light, turning on my radio and singing along with Sia about her elastic heart, bobbing my head in time with the beat as the light changed to green. I shifted into drive and rolled forward, signaling a left turn.
If I’d been looking properly, I would have seen the white van speeding toward the deserted intersection opposite me. I would have seen him run the light. I would have seen him twist his wheel ever so slightly so that he was lined up to smash into the side of my little bug. But I wasn’t looking, I was too busy singing along with the radio, thinking about Jamie and food and my mom.
Everything happened so quickly, I barely even had time to react or fear for my life. The van struck the passenger side of my car with such force that it knocked all the breath out of my lungs and made my teeth rattle. Metal grated against metal, tires scraped against the road, gravel flew into the air. The windshield smashed from the force of the impact, spraying glass across my face and body. My head collided with the car door, and my vision blurred.
Pain gripped my body everywhere at once. The seat belt constricted, doing its job but forcing the air out of my lungs even further. My hands tightened on the steering wheel as the force of the collision shunted my car sideways several feet. My mind wasn’t making sense.
There was a feeling of weightlessness; everything that had been on the floor of the car was suddenly on the roof, then the floor, then the roof again as the car rolled several times. The noise was the worst; the scraping, loud bangs, and crashes made my teeth grate and my ears ring.
When the car finally stopped moving, it was in a ditch at the side of the road and everything was upside down. My arms were dangling, touching the roof, which was now where the ground should have been.
I blinked a couple of times, turning my head and seeing the contents of my purse scattered over the roof of my car, mixed in with the glass and broken pieces of my beloved bug. I groaned, the pressure across my chest and waist immense. I could barely draw breath; my lungs felt like they were being crushed by the seat belt that pinned me upside down to my seat.
Blood ran down the side of my face, tickling where it touched, dripping with a plop, plop, plop onto the ceiling of my car underneath me.
I groaned, trying to lift my arms, but they were heavy and uncoordinated as I floundered awkwardly, attempting to reach the buckle of my seat belt so I could free myself. Maybe then I’d be able to breathe. But my fingers fumbled fruitlessly at the buckle.
I smelled gasoline, acrid and burning my throat as I panted, trying to fill my lungs. I have to get out of here!
“Help,” I croaked, blinking as everything seemed to gray out and then come back into focus again. I tried my legs, noticing they worked although the dashboard seemed to be pressed against my knees, which would make freeing myself hard, even if I could get my belt off. “Help,” I tried again, my voice barely above a whisper.
I turned my head, ignoring the sharp twinge in my neck, and could see a pair of feet heading toward the vehicle. They weren’t rushing, just walking steadily toward me, the black boots worn and heavy looking. I blinked again, my eyelids getting heavier each time they closed. I could hear scraping on the driver’s door, a crunching of something being pried open. I licked my lips, tasting blood there. I was blacking out, I could feel it coming. As the door finally cracked open, a man leaned in, dropping the crowbar he’d held and reaching behind him, pulling out a large silver knife. As he reached toward my seat belt with it, beginning to hack me free, I opened my mouth to thank him, but nothing came out. The last thing I saw just before I passed out was the large spider tattoo on the side of my savior’s neck.