***Maci***

 

I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much in all these years in comparison to the tears I’ve shed since I’ve been with Xerox. Yet it has never felt so right. The words I just voiced about my father and my family have never been spoken out loud. It was my best kept secret. Even from my own blood, who I’ve been protecting ever since I was the only one left to do so.

Xerox cups my face. “Tell me the rest of it, love. Give me the burden of it all, and let me help. You’re not alone anymore. I’m here, and we’ve got a whole family that resembles an army to the outside world. I won’t ever let anything happen to you or your brothers.”

I nod slowly and his arms loosen a bit before they tighten around me again. He gives me his strength that allows me to feel safe in his embrace and spill something I’ve been dreading to tell anyone. “My father signed a contract on the day they killed my mother. He traded his life for ours. That was the only way he could get out of Dario’s office. My dad figured he’d skip town and run from Dario, the second he walked out of the office. He came to us and rushed my mom to pack a small bag. He was going to take all of us with him, even though he wasn’t living with us at the time, to make it safer for us. My father always tried to put us first, by walking away, making it seem he wasn’t in our lives. Yes he was, only from a distance…his intention to do the right thing, make it seem we weren’t a family anymore so they wouldn’t harm us if something happened to him.” I swallow at the huge lump in my throat. “I never told my brothers that our dad didn’t leave us. It was his choice to keep us safe from the shit he got himself into.”

Again, I need to swallow for adding the next part. “Didn’t help one damn thing in the end, because life has a way of catching up to you, you know?”

I feel Xerox’s cheek slide along mine as he gives a slight nod.

For a brief moment, I close my eyes before I continue. “My brothers were fast asleep in the bedroom they all shared. Dad told us to leave the boys sleeping for another ten minutes so we could pack and then wake them when we were ready to leave…but it was too late. Somehow the gang knew and they kicked in the door. Men came in, weapons drawn, checked every room, and closed the door to my brothers’ bedroom because they were still sleeping in their beds. Two guys grabbed a hold of me and my mom. Dario strolled into the house…” My fists dig into Xerox’s shirt, holding on tight.

Memories of that night crash into me, vivid images that I’ve suppressed for years are now flashing before my eyes. I need to swallow back the pain, get it all out.

“Dario walked up to the guy who was holding my mother. He nodded once, the guy placed his palm on her forehead and an arm around her waist, pinning my mother against him. Dario pulled his fist back and crashed her windpipe in one fluid motion. I will never forget the look in her eyes. The arm around her waist went to her jaw as the guy laughed and snapped her neck. Pure terror shot through me, her body sagging lifeless against the idiot who was restraining her. He held out his arms, still laughing, and she crashed to the floor.”

A strangled noise comes from Xerox’s mouth and a growl rumbles through his chest right after. He pulls me tighter against him. Even if it makes it harder to breathe, it’s what I need. The struggle for air, the tight grip, it all means I can feel, it’s the fact that I’m still alive.

“I tried to scream, tried so hard, but the hand that was covering my mouth was smothering me. Fear gripped me and I froze. Dario strolled over to my father and told him that he was the one to blame for all of this. Dario told him he would make sure my dad paid his dues by giving his own flesh and blood, to make sure they fulfill the contract. Dario turned to me and told me to be smart. He said if I ran, he’d find me and my brothers and would gladly repeat what he just did to my mother.” I push myself away from Xerox’s chest and look him in the eyes.

“The guys who were with Dario dragged my dad out of the house…they took my mom’s body too…I never…my brothers never got to say goodbye. Michael woke up and walked into the living room…finding me standing there with Dario. When Michael asked me what was going on, Dario answered. He told him he was there to tell us that our mother died, and since our dad wasn’t in our lives anyway, that he never cared. He soothed my brother by telling him I was going to take good care of them, and that he would make sure we were looked after. Dario turned his gaze back to me and winked as if we had a little secret, before he walked out the door.”

I feel the same anger starting to take root in my body again. Creating distance between Xerox, I stand up and start to pace the room.

Coming to a stop, I point my finger at Xerox, who’s watching me. “Dario came back two weeks later. Just knocked on the door…one that didn’t have one of those freaking peepholes to check through. He was able to push it open after I answered it. He strolled right in. Luckily my brothers were asleep. He reminded me about my father’s contract. Then he casually told me my dad was shot by the cops during an armed robbery. Dario stated that all his hope was set on me and my brothers; four perfect soldiers and a nice wife for his son. His exact words were ‘you need to get them when they’re young, so you can mold them to suit your needs perfectly.’” Fury starts to boil inside me. “He was talking about humans like they were less than a dog he needed to train to follow his every command. Dario made sure I knew he was coming back when Michael turned sixteen. I was so scared. After he left, I cried for hours…by morning I was filled with so much hate for him. I vowed to change the future. I needed to be strong, needed to keep the boys away from Dario and his gang. I didn’t hear about him or his gang again until three years later, when the six o’clock news on the TV mentioned that the leader of the Eastside posse was eliminated. I thought that was it; we’re free. That was until Nero walked into our lives a few months ago.”

My breath halts, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m hugging myself at this point. All those memories, ripped open, bringing immense feelings through my body. I’ve put the rawness of those memories behind me, or so I thought. Maybe it wasn’t the best decision to keep all of this inside and only to myself.

Dario told Michael about our parents…lies…I could have told them…but they would have been hurt either way. What’s the difference, right? Because it doesn’t change the fact that both of our parents are dead. They would have grown up with all the hate that consumes only me. Like how the truth weighs like lead on my shoulders. Carrying it with me for years, but I had to, I couldn’t bear to give some of that to my brothers. The way my mother’s life was ripped away is forever branded in my head.

“You’re the most amazing, strong, fearless, honest, and gorgeous woman I’ve ever met. With everything you just shared with me, it’s amazing that you’ve become the person that’s standing in front of me. Don’t doubt yourself, or your actions that lead you to this point in life.” Xerox’s tone of voice is gentle. Like the sweetest caress. Similar to his knuckles that slide along my cheek.

“I want to…no, I need to tell you about Nero, but I can’t right now,” I whisper.

Xerox cradles my face in his hands. “Whenever you’re ready, darlin’. I know enough and I trust you completely. I can see you’re drained. Come on, we’re gonna get some coffee.”

How does he do that? That phrase keeps popping up in my brain. All these years it’s like I’ve been rushing through everything, like being on a high-speed train. Now I’m taking stops and I’m allowed to get off and enjoy the scenery.

We stroll into the big room where tables are set along the walls. There’s a large door on the left wall that leads to church. The exit is on the opposite side, that leads to the front of the clubhouse where the parking sits. They’ve got a rather large space here with enough room for every member. A large iron gate completes the fence surrounding the place, but most times it’s open.

We stroll over to a bar sitting in the corner and a prospect puts a large mug of steaming coffee in front of Xerox. “There you go, Prez. What about you, Captain? How do you like your coffee?”

Captain? I look back at Xerox and it’s like he can hear my thoughts.

He leans in close, his breath stroking my ear. “Club name, darlin’. You’re the Prez’ Old Lady. Seeing I gave you that nickname, it kinda sticks. They’ve asked to use Captain to address you, and I’ve agreed.”

 “Prez and Captain, how nice,” I murmur.

“That’s right.” Xerox pulls back and winks. “Both know how, and are capable, to taking lead.”

I give him a bright smile and turn my attention back to the prospect. “Just cream, and don’t be shy about it either.”

He nods and rushes off to make my coffee. Xerox grabs his mug, turns slightly, and places his elbow on the bar. He brings the steaming coffee to his lips. Yes, I’m watching the man, because every movement of his arms and muscles is a sight to be seen.

Xerox’s eyes widen, he’s got his gaze locked on something. I see the mug travel in high speed back on the bar, slushing over the rim. I follow his line of sight to a TV that’s pinned to the wall.

“Incoming.” I hear a voice bark through the room.

There’s rustling behind me. When I spin around to see what the fuss is about, I’m grabbed around the waist and pulled against a solid chest. Good thing too because I’m jolted with pure anger and revenge as I see Nero standing in the doorway.

That’s the only thing my mind registers as I struggle to move forward. I need to get my fingers wrapped around his throat and squeeze the ever-loving-fuck out of it. I want to pop his head like a zit that explodes against the mirror the instant you put pressure on it.

“Easy, darlin’…glance left, then right. Breathe, Captain Cookie.” Xerox’s voice breaks through my murderous thoughts.

Swiping my eyes in the direction Xerox told me, I see Barlow standing on one side with Mike next to him, Morgan and Beecher on the other side. All four of them have their arm raised, gripping their guns.

For a split second my brain flares with ‘why the fuck do my brothers have guns?’ before some sort of calming sensation flows through me. Nero’s surrounded. There’s no reason to go crazy. I’m safe here…I’m not the single person anymore who needs to handle things on her own.

“You’ve got quite the nerve, showing up here,” Xerox growls.

Nero holds up his hands, a white envelope in one of them. “I only came to give Maci something. I’m not carrying and I left my guys out front as a show of good faith. I’m not here to…”

Max walks up to Nero, rips the envelope from his hands, and strolls over to me. I take it out of his hands and snatch out the papers that are inside it. My whole body freezes up when I recognize what I’m holding. The contract Dario made my father sign. Nero brought the deal our fathers made, why?

My eyes meet Nero’s. “What? Do you think you could come here, wave these, and magically make me drop to my knees and start giving you blow jobs as your future wife or something?” I snap.

Xerox rips the papers away from me and glances them over. A growl rips from his lips and by the tightness in his shoulders and the way it flows through his body, I know he’s about to surge forward.

Stepping in front of him, I place my hand on his chest. “Easy, love.” I take a quick glance behind me, raising my voice so everyone can hear me loud and clear. “Everyone here knows I’m already taken. Seems Nero here wanted a public reminder.”

“Like I said,” Nero snaps. “I didn’t come here to start something…I came here to end something.”

“Like how your second in command ended Nancy?” I seethe.

Nero’s eyes widen. Shock clearly washing over his face.

“Didn’t know that little fact, did you now?” Xerox bites out those words before he closes the distance between them. “Are you even aware of the shit that fucker does behind your back? Not much of a boss…are ya?”

I walk up to both of them and place my arm around Xerox’s waist. He immediately tucks me underneath his arm.

Nero eyes our action, his jaw ticks. “Seeing I was clearly distracted by something I wanted for my own, I might have been neglecting other things.”

“I was never yours to begin with.” My hands clench into fists, itching to get a few punches in.

Mike steps forward, his gun still raised. “What’s this about, sis?”

“Step back, Mike. We’ll discuss it later.” Xerox’s voice is firm.

My brother backs up, surprising the hell out of me yet again. These last few weeks have been a struggle. Mike is getting older and has already become one hell of a tall guy. They grow up so fast these days. And yet…ever since my parents were killed, I’ve been working out. Getting into shape and learning how to fight, and I made damn sure my brothers followed me in this. Young boys, creating bulging muscles as years went by. Maybe because I needed them to be strong, knowing this day would come, sooner rather than later.

“Quill,” Xerox snaps. “Search the fucker.”

Quill steps closer as Xerox pins Nero with his gaze. “You carrying?”

“No. Like I said, I didn’t come here to start something, I came to end it. I wanted to return the contract because it never meant anything to me. Seeing she wasn’t at her house…”

“Because your second in command shot the place to hell,” Xerox snaps. “See a pattern here, fucker?”

Nero reaches inside the pocket of his black jeans and pulls out his phone. With this movement, he now has steel plastered against his temple.

“Not a very smart move, fucker. My finger is itching to pull the damn trigger,” Barlow says, his voice calm.

“I already told you I wasn’t carrying,” Nero growls.

“Well, excuse the fuck out of me, when I don’t believe your criminal, murderous, vendetta spree ass, motherfucker,” Barlow states, his voice still as calm as a lake on a summers day.

Nero works his phone and brings it to his ear. His gaze slides to the TV that’s pinned to the wall. I follow his line of sight and see three guys leaning against a truck. One of those guys, the one on the left, moves and brings his hand to his ear.

“Hank,” Nero addresses the person who’s standing outside. “You were right, he’s gone rogue. End him.”

Glancing around the room, I see all eyes are pinned to the black and white screen TV, zoomed in on the three guys standing against the truck. It’s like a damn movie playing out when the guy on the left reaches smoothly for his gun. The one in the middle catches the movement and works fast to take it away and blows the left guy’s brains out. The body hasn’t even dropped to the ground before the man that was standing in the middle, holding the gun, turns on the guy on his right, repeating the action. The only guy that’s left standing hops in the truck and speeds off.

It’s dead silence until Quill snorts. “Told ya we needed the full color instead of the black and white camera. That right there had some killer movie skills.”