Chapter Seven
Ramsay
We settled into Island life easily. I guess it really wasn’t that different from what we did in Indy except Osi typically lived out of his duffle bag and here, his clothes were hanging in the closet. We both got up early because that was when we could actually use the internet. I wasn’t really working but I did send Edwin lists of things to get done. I mean, I wasn’t paying him to sit around waiting for business to appear. When it started to take too long to send or receive, Osi ran on the beach while I did yoga or lazed around.
Bean and Ollie were great hosts, they didn’t require much of us, except to meet for dinner unless they had plans with their friends. Then we would go into town. There were a few hiccups. On the morning of our first full day, Osi asked if he could use one of the cars.
“I wouldn’t mind taking a trip, where are you headed?” Ollie folded the newspaper that he was reading and put beside his breakfast plate.
“Meeting someone in town.”
I knew that Osi was talking about a connection.
“I’ll wake Bean and we can make it an outing.” Ollie pressed.
I didn’t intervene. This was Osi’s show so he could figure it out on his own.
“This isn’t what I would term a family kind of thing.” Osi’s gaze was steely.
Of course Ollie wasn’t looking in Osi’s direction, he was too busy planning God only knew what? “Well any friend of yours is welcome to join us.”
“I didn’t say it was a friend. It’s more of a business deal.”
I wanted to smirk, dealing with my brother-in-law could be trying. His generous and friendly nature could get in the way.
Ollie leaned forward on his forearms. “I see.” He gave Osi a very serious look. “Look, we don’t, well what I’m saying is…Bean and I we don’t want any of that here. I’m not going to lecture either of you it’s just that in our crowd, we’ve seen what drugs can do and I don’t want it here.”
“Jesus Ollie!” I pushed back my chair and threw up my hands in frustration. “He’s not talking about drugs. He means a gun.” Probably three or four but I didn’t think I needed to tell him that.
Ollie looked at me and then at Osi. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” I shook my head. “I can’t believe that you’d think that I’d be involved with…” Shut up, just shut up.
Ollie held his well-manicured hands in the surrender position. “No, you’re right. I wasn’t thinking.” He rushed to correct himself.
Osi broke up my staring contest with Ollie. “I think it would be best if you knew nothing about this.”
“Certainly. Take any car you wish. The keys are in the garage, hanging on the wall.” Ollie added helpfully.
Osi stood, “Be back in a bit.” He rounded the table and gripped the ponytail at the back of my head, forcing me to tilt my head back. He kissed me and it wasn’t exactly a proper kiss for a public display but I didn’t mind.
By the time the fog left my brain, he was gone.
Ollie was giving me a speculative look. “You like him.”
“Sometimes,” I answered with a cat-like smile.
“But you haven’t been honest with him.”
Damn his, I told myself that it was his acute power of observation but sometimes it was eerie what Ollie knew. “I haven’t been dishonest with him.”
His answering look screamed, “Really.”
“We do he don’t ask, don’t tell thing.” I explained. “So far it’s working for us.”
“That’s no way to build a foundation. Avoidance and subterfuge, they waste so much energy. He’s the type of man that can handle things, Ramsay. I’d say, he’s had his share of events that needed handling.”
I shifted in my chair. “I, I’m not good at relationships. I think I proved that all ready.”
“Then what are you doing with that man? Because I must say, it appears that you are in a relationship.” Ollie’s smile was sad.
“It’s only a matter of time.” I answered tersely. I stood, “I’m going for a swim.” I needed to escape. I didn’t want to discuss my feelings for Osi. I didn’t even like to admit having them. We were two adults who had fun together, enjoyed one another but that was all.
Kenton Wainwright had come for dinner and invited us on a three night cruise. Bean was excited and I think Osi was curious. It was going as I expected. I’d been around this crowd many times. They were too rich and bored. They always wanted something new so the constant importing and exporting of overnight guests didn’t surprise me.
I was lounging on the lower deck. Bean was beside me. She loved meeting new people and connecting with old friends. I liked sleeping or reading in the sun.
“Babe, you want some more oil on your back?” Osi’s shadow blocked the sun.
I raised up on my arm to look at him. “Sure.”
Bean stirred beside me. “I think I’ll go find a drink.” She dug around in her tote and donned her t-shirt. She then stood and left us alone.
Osi sat down on the chaise that Bean had vacated. “I never know where to look. It seems wrong to look at your sister.”
“Tits are tits out here.” I answered as I rolled onto my back.
He eyed my chest and then one side of his mouth hitched up. “Yours I can appreciate.”
A bolt of heat warmed my belly. “They could use some oil too.”
“Not with an audience.” His voice had gone quieter.
I dropped my sunglasses onto my eyes and tried to scan the deck above us. I saw them then. The two men that had joined our group last night. The claimed to be from Brazil. I swung my legs over the side of my chair and leaned over to reach under it to grab my t-shirt. I stuck my arms through the holes and pulled it over my head.
I couldn’t read Osi’s eyes because of his shades but he raised one eyebrow in a silent question.
“They don’t seem to be the vacationing type.” I lowered my voice so that it wouldn’t carry.
“The one that calls himself Carlos, likes to look at you.”
“That’s the thing with these yachting types. They hook up with friends of friends or people that they meet on land. You never really know who they are.”
“I’ve noticed.” His thighs that bracketed mine moved closer and he took the bottle of suntan oil and started to apply it to my arm.
“It’s a great way to disappear. I mean, you just drop the right names and you can boat hop around for the season. Nobody would be able to trace you as long as you kept a low profile.”
He’d finished both arms. “Give me your leg.”
I turned my body to my right a little and draped my leg over his lap. “So what are they planning for this afternoon?”
He made a grunting sound. “I guess they have some giant slide that you can use to land in the water.”
“I guess I forgot to mention that most of this group are giant children.” I would go to our room when that hell began.
“I can see how that could happen when your only worry is which luxury hotel will I stay in next.” He finished that leg and motioned for my other.
“Only one more night here and we can go back to the villa.” I promised.
“It’s not bad. I didn’t mean it to sound that way.” He apologized.
“I understand.” I pointed my toes and tickled the side of his hard belly. “They are sort of clueless at times.”
“Not Ollie. He doesn’t miss much.” Ollie closed his hot hand over my foot and held it.
“Ollie is…well I’ve never met anybody like him. He’s so smart but it’s not just books. He understands people.” I finished weakly.
“I imagine that if he wasn’t so rich, he would have been recruited to work for the company or a company.” Osi told me offhandedly.
“What kind of company?”
“MI5, CIA,” he shrugged, “Spooks.”
He was totally correct. “Spies. Yeah, you’re right.”
“His skills, he doesn’t even seem to realize he has them. It’s like they are natural.” Osi sounded impressed.
“His dad was sort of a mad scientist type of doctor.” I explained. “Or that’s what people said. I don’t know, I think that these crazy Irishmen like to invent a little bit of an affectation. You know, like they are a little mad.”
“Ollie’s all there.” Osi contended.
“Bean described him to me as ‘Heathcliff come to life.’” I gave an unladylike snort. “Not that he’s so damaged but he’s is a hero to her and then there’s the black hair and floppy bangs.” I combed my own bangs back from my forehead.
“I like them. They are a little different but they have kind hearts.”
“Yeah, and they put up with me.” I teased. “Now hand me the oil because I don’t want you to burn.”
He chuckled, “I’ve got a better idea. Let’s go.”
We spent the afternoon in our room, in bed. I’m betting that it was better than any damn slide.
I woke early. We were leaving early tomorrow morning and I knew that we had to go back but a part of me didn’t want this time to end. I was relaxed and felt at peace. Osi was still Osi. His eyes constantly searched the nooks and crannies looking or threats but I’d seen him laugh and joke with Ollie and he and Bean found a mutual love of ancient poets. It was nice knowing that he fit in with my family.
Osi shifted and his arm tightened around my waist. “You okay?”
I shifted minutely, as if I could get any closer to him. “Yeah.”
“Maybe we should take it easy today.” His hand lightly brushed over my ass.
“Probably a good idea.” I might have overindulged a little last night and when we got back into the bedroom, things got out of control.
“I can see if there’s some kind of ointment.”
“Are we going to play doctor?” I rolled over to face him.
“Taking it easy remember.” He pressed his hard cock against me.
“Trying but failing,” I giggled.
“I’ll go slow.”
I loved the sound of that. “Please.”
I’d asked Ollie and Bean to not invite anyone else to dinner. I wanted our last night together to be just us. We were sitting around the fire pit on the beach, drinking beer and talking about this and that.
“Tell me about your tattoos.” She asked Osi.
“What do you want to know?” He took a swig from his bottle.
“Do they commemorate special events or do you just like the designs?”
“Some are old, I started getting inked when I was around fourteen.”
Bean sat up straighter and pointed to the viper that was on his neck. “The snake?”
“That’s from a dark time, it’s to remind me that I should always be on guard.”
“And the letters over your stomach?”
I looked at him, puzzled. I’d traced every inch of his body with my fingers and my mouth. What letters?”
“You saw those?” He was studying Bean.
“I have to do these brain exorcises that make me find shapes that are hidden.” She ended by biting down on her lip.
“You’re the first person that has ever found my son’s name.” He gave her an approving nod.
Wait. What? SON? I had to clear my throat twice to squeeze out the words. “You have a son?”
“Yes, his name’s Isiah,” my sister told me.
“Osi?” I couldn’t keep the note of hysteria out of my voice.
He turned his full attention on me. “Babe?”
“You. Have. A. Son.” I enunciated each world slowly. “When were you going to tell me?” I’m ashamed to say that it came out as a screech. “That’s something that I should know.” When I finished my outburst my chest was heaving and my hands were fisted.
He scooted forward in the Adirondack chair, “You never asked. But if it makes you feel any better, he’s dead.” He got to his feet and stalked toward the house.
I know that I opened and closed my mouth five times. I felt the tears burning in my eyes. I followed his progress until I couldn’t see his back any longer. I licked my dry lips and looked at Bean and Ollie. “I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, we got that.” Bean’s words were clipped.
“He should have told me,” I mumbled, “he should have told me.” I looked to the couple for guidance.
“He said that you never asked.” Bean pointed out with a hint of derision.
That stung. “I…I…didn’t.” I realized that my cheeks were wet.
Ollie cleared his throat, “Perhaps you don’t want to ask, Ramsay because you don’t want to have to talk about your own secrets.”
I shook my head “no.” Of course he was right, Ollie was always right about shit like that.
“Honey,” Bean’s voice was gentle and I looked at her. She didn’t look angry, she in fact looked resigned and that hurt also. “Go to him. Ask him questions. Learn about him.”
I stared at my sister as I tried to make sense of her words.
“Ramsay,” Ollie’s voice broke through my thoughts. “Go to your man.” He ordered.
I wiped my wet cheeks and got to my feet. “Okay,” I stuttered. “Okay.” I squared my shoulders and headed toward the house.
I was a coward. As I neared our rooms, it felt like my flip-flops weighed twenty pounds. However, I kept going. I opened the door to our living room and saw that Osi was sitting on the sofa. He had a small glass of amber liquid in his hand. He didn’t even look up.
I rounded the furniture and dropped my ass onto the glass topped coffee table right in front of him. “I handled that really badly.” I started.
He continued to stare at the glass in his hand.
“It seems like I do most things badly.”
“Don’t Ramsay.”
His tone cut through me. I felt like he’d shredded my skin.
“If you want to ask about Isiah then ask but don’t make this into a ‘poor Ramsay, she doesn’t handle emotion well’ thing.”
That was a bullseye. I think I even heard myself take in a sharp breath. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to make sure that I wouldn’t burst into tears. “Osi, would you please tell me about your son.” I felt like I was going to sob so I swallowed again. “About Isiah?”
He nodded once.
I waited, not sure about how to handle this side of Osi. I could feel the emotions rolling off of him.
“My mother had me when she was fifteen, she’d had my brother at thirteen.”
Holy shit.
“We grew up rough but my mom, she worked three jobs so that we had food and a place to live. The neighborhood sucked, drugs, gangs, guns, kids having babies and then their babies having babies.”
I nodded.
“My brother, Legs, he joined a gang before he was fourteen. My mom wasn’t pleased but it bought us some protection and the deal she made with him was that my future was my decision.” He leaned forward and placed his glass on the table beside me. “I did okay in school and I think he hoped that I might get out.”
“Daja grew up with us. Her people were affiliated and so she grew up in the lifestyle.”
I had questions but I didn’t unhinge my jaws.
“We messed around. I mean, we were kids, sex it didn’t really mean anything to us. I was sixteen when she told me that she was pregnant.”
“Sixteen,” I breathed. Dear God so young.
“My mom made me swear that I wouldn’t drop out of school that I’d do my senior year.”
I wanted to throw my arms around him and hug him. I’d never seen Osi show hurt. Anger, frustration many times, but never anything like this.
“I got a part-time job washing dishes and then after I graduated, I started working as a busser, then a waiter. I tried but I wasn’t making enough money to take care of my son.” He looked at me pleadingly.
“They need a lot of stuff.” I added helpfully.
“When I walked to the El on day, I saw a flyer from a recruiter. I knew that it would be regular pay. So I signed on.”
“What about Day…Dayja.” I could barely get out the words.
“She was living at my mom’s place. She moved in before Isiah was born. We never were really a couple. More like neighborhood friends.” He grimaced. “It’s hard to explain.”
“You were kids.” I understood.
“Anyway, I got stationed in ______ and by then Daja and Legs were together.”
“Oh?”
“That was the life she was used to. It didn’t bother me except that I missed my son.”
I couldn’t wait a second longer. I took his hand and gripped it tightly.
He held onto mine too. “So Legs was doing a deal at a house four streets away and it was hot, so Daja sat on his car’s hood holding Isiah.”
“A car came by and sprayed everything.”
I made a choking sound but I didn’t let go of his hand.
“Leg’s died there on the porch. He didn’t even get to pull his gun. Daja got caught in the crossfire she got hit five times.”
I had to blink and I felt a tear fall onto my arm. This story was affecting me.
“Isiah might have made it. He got hit in the leg but when Daja got hit, she dropped him.”
“Oh God,” I whispered.
“He landed on his head.” Osi’s voice cracked.
I got to my feet and climbed onto my knees on the sofa beside him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and hugged him.
“It still hurts.”
“Of course it does.” I dropped a kiss onto his head. “He was a part of you, he’ll always be a part of you.” I was crying. I hated to cry. I sucked at it. My cheeks got blotchy and my throat always constricted and I felt like I was choking.
Osi had wrapped his arms around me. We stayed like that for over an hour. I would have stayed all night.
I needed to do better. I didn’t know how long this thing would last between us but while Osi was around, I needed to be a better person.
Hours later we were in bed facing one another. We hadn’t made love, it wouldn’t have been right, but I still felt we had been intimate. That another chunk of my walls had been torn away. I asked softly, “Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if …if he had lived?”
I felt his breath against my cheek. “He’d be a man. I might be a grandfather.”
I tried to imagine that.
“Tell me. Tell me your dream. Tell me about the perfect life.”
“I don’t deserve a perfect life.”
“None of do, babe.” He flexed his hand on my hip. “Just for tonight, do it. Tell me.”
I sighed, “Okay. I’d want to live in a farmhouse. You know, not a fancy place but maybe some place old that’s been renovated.” I smiled for a second. “Lots of hardwood floors and braided rugs that we could replace when the kids or the dogs made a mess.”
“Kids?”
“Yeah, I’d want kids.”
“You know they are messy, loud and your pretty dresses would have to locked up in a vault.”
I could hear the smile in his voice. “The clothes I love but it’s a filler. A house full of kids, that would be chaotic and crazy but fun. I’d love every minute of it.” I felt his eyes on me. I think I surprised him. “Anyway, we’d have an antique spool bed. Do you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I know the one.”
“I’d paint it…red maybe and have a bunch of handmade quilts. The kitchen would be big and there’s be one of those huge farmhouse tables where we’d eat and do homework and hold family meetings.”
“Meetings, huh?”
“We’ll there’d have to be some semblance of order. Plus somebody has to feed the dogs.” I chuckled.
“Dogs?”
“And a horse or two. Did you know that I know how to ride?” Another giggle escaped. “And maybe, some goats and cats but the cats would live in the barn.”
“No chickens?”
“No,” I shivered dramatically. “I don’t like them.”
“Then we won’t have them.”
I liked that he’d said we. Tonight, right now, I wasn’t going to let my worries or that dark voice intrude. I was going to enjoy this memory forever. “What about you?”
“My dream’s changed.” He shifted his leg so that it was higher on my thigh. “I was fine for years, working, making money. Working for Limited is fine. Forde is a good boss, he doesn’t get in my way very often. Then I met you.”
“Osi,” I moved my hand to his lips. “Please.” I didn’t want to hear what he had to say.
He took his hand and covered mine. He placed a gentle kiss on my fingers. “Not tonight but soon Ramsay. Soon.”