Harlee
“I can’t do this,” I whisper brokenly. “We just hit the hell out of each other and then fucked all throughout the carnage.” I look down at myself, and notice I have blood and guts all over me. So does he. We fucked through this mess, and didn’t bat an eye at it. Fucked up, that’s what we are, so fucked up.
“Baby, it was hot. Best sex I’ve ever had.” He grins at me, blood coating his face, not getting how wrong this all is.
“I can’t live like this. The fighting, the anger I feel all day and night. Hell, I don’t even trust you. You say you’re sorry and that you love me, but if that was true you wouldn’t keep fucking every chick in sight.”
“Baby, I vow to you, if you tell me you’re mine, I will remain faithful to you.” His words sound sincere.
I shake my head, tears running down my face. “How can I trust you? You promised me that before, and you still fucked around.”
He cups my face. “What I did before, when we were together, it was work. Your father knew about it, he’s the one that would send me out on those assignments. Fucked up part was, when you found out, he punished me for hurting you by making me remain a prospect. If I didn’t love the club so much and the brotherhood it brings, I would have walked away. I was too deep into the life to walk away from it.”
“I hate my father,” I whisper harshly. I know I say that often, but how could he do this to me? His cheating hurt mom, which of course hurt me. The other kids he had. But this. He basically made my boyfriend cheat on me. What father would do that? Was he teaching me a lesson?
“I know, Princess, I know.” He leans his forehead to mine and I pull away. This all too much. I can’t even think straight right now. “I need space, Wrecker.” I put my hand to his chest as a tear falls down my face. God, I’ve cried more in the last few days than I have in five damn years.
“What are you saying, Harlee? Are you done with me?”
“I don’t know…I feel overwhelmed and need time to myself. I need a shower.”
Tiny Tits comes over looking at me empathetically and hauls me onto my feet.
“Come on, sugar, let’s get you cleaned up.” I don’t miss the look of disgust she shoots at Wrecker.
I look back at him over my shoulder and my stomach lurches. There’s so much blood and those guys, they didn’t deserve that. They only did what I asked but it’s my fault. I knew Wrecker would flip out and I didn’t care. I only wanted to put him in his place. Look where it has gotten me.
**
I hardly remember getting in the shower. I just know TT shoved me in and set to cleansing me of the blood and gore. I almost told her to get her hands off me, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to clean myself without her help. Then she made me take a bath after that. I don’t even know what room I am in, but at least I am alone. After my bath, Sophie Ann came to me and made me drink a shot and take some pills she said would help me sleep. I slept for two days and I have no idea where Wrecker is or even if I want to see him right now.
Last time I blocked him out for two days, he fucked someone else. But when I mentioned it to Tiny, she said he’s been sticking to the security room and his own. He hasn’t taken another girl since our night.
Someone brought some food in and left it on the nightstand on a tray. I am famished. I gobble up the soup and grilled cheese sandwich in record time and my body is grateful for the nourishment. I’ve tried contacting my father but he won’t take my calls. I’m ready to get the hell out of here and away from Wrecker forever, he’s making me crazy. I thought I was over him. I thought I hated him but deep down I know that isn’t true. I hate myself for loving him. I hate myself for wanting him. Look at all the terrible shit we have done to each other. How do we move past it all? How do I forgive him when I can’t forgive myself? I may act all tough but I’m not.
I don’t even know how to tell him I lied about the abortion. When I first left I went to see my mother’s sister. They hadn’t spoken since my mom had married my dad, but she welcomed me with open arms and when I gave birth to my daughter, she promised me she would take care of her. And she has. Leaving her was hard but when I saw my father’s men start to show up in town I knew I had to. If I hadn’t my father and Wrecker would have dragged us home. I don’t want the outlaw life for her. I didn’t want her growing up like I did thinking she had a perfect dad only to find out he was a sleazy male-whore. I send most of the money I make stripping to my aunt to take care of Ellie. Being away from her kills me and I haven’t been able to check in on her since I have been here. Gladys is probably worried sick about me. I always call Ellie and tell her goodnight. Everything I do is to protect her and look at me, I am right back where I started.
I start debating on if I should call her now, but I don’t. What if Wrecker overhears the call? Or someone else and they tell him? I just can’t chance it at this time.