Chapter 8
Tabitha didn’t have words to explain to him what she was feeling, so she pulled his head down and kissed him, a gentle kiss that she hoped would convey everything she was feeling right then. Owen let her kiss him, knowing that it could possibly be the last kiss he ever got from her. It was time to tell her about Sarah, he should have done it sooner, but things had happened so fast he hadn’t been able to. He couldn’t explain why he was so scared to tell her about Sarah, she was old news, a part of his past, but he’d never had to deal with a situation like this before.
“Tabitha,” He finally said, when they’d been silent for a long time. “I need to tell you about something.”
She knew what was coming and braced herself, she’d almost convinced herself that there was nothing standing between them, but the tone of his voice told her that she’d been deceiving herself. “I’m listening.” Was all she said.
Owen took a second to collect his thoughts, then said, “I had a fiancé back in Australia, we’d been together since we were kids, started dating when we were fifteen. I always thought that we’d be together forever, it was something I counted on. When we got engaged the plan was simple, I’d build us a house and then we’d get married, but life kept interfering and when I came to America she wasn’t willing to wait for me to come home. She married my best friend last spring and didn’t tell me for months.”
Tabitha was silent for so long Owen began to get nervous, but she managed to muster some courage. “Is that what you were upset about the night we met at the wedding?”
“Yeah, she told me earlier that week, but it really hit me when Jack and Chloe got married that I’d lost her.” Owen said, sitting up in the bed.
“What really happened between you two? Why didn’t she come to America with you?” Tabitha was having a hard time understanding what had happened. If they loved each other, it didn’t make sense that Sarah would stay behind in Australia.
“Maybe I should start at the beginning.” Owen said, with a big sigh, knowing that it was the only way Tabitha would understand.
For the next half an hour, Owen talked and Tabitha listened, not only to his words but to what he wasn’t saying. When he’d finished, she was silent for a long time, but then she said, “The one thing I didn’t hear you say during that whole story is how much you loved her. You talked about her fitting into your plans and being the perfect woman for the life you wanted, but never love.”
Owen thought back on his words and realized she was right. “But I did love her, I think.”
Tabitha was relieved to hear him use the past tense, but still thought there was something he needed to understand. “Owen, you talked so much about hating change, but I don’t think you hate it so much as you fear it, and the way you deal with that fear is to fight it.”
“That’s not true, ask anyone I hate change.” He protested.
Tabitha held up her hand, “Hear me out. Every time something changed in your life you fought it, but eventually you adapted to that change. You’ve done that here — just look at your life. Change is scary and some of us adapt faster to change than others, but what matters is what happens in the end.”
“Maybe, but that still doesn’t explain why I couldn’t adapt enough to change to marry Sarah. What if that’s something I can never do?”
“If you want my honest opinion, you knew deep down that although Sarah seemed to be the perfect women for you to marry, you didn’t love her. Sure you might have been scared, but if you really loved her you would have married her. Think of all the times you pushed it off and the reasons why you did.” Tabitha said, hoping that her words were right, knowing that if they were wrong she might have just driven him out of her arms and back to Sarah.
Tabitha’s words slowly penetrated the confusion he was feeling and after some careful thought he realized that she was right. He’d been making excuses not to marry Sarah, if he’d really loved her none of that would have mattered. In fact, he should have wanted her with him all the time, especially when his parents died. But thinking back, all he’d wanted was for her to leave him alone.
The thought should have depressed him, but then he realized that if things had turned out differently he never would have met Tabitha, and it was quickly becoming apparent that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. “How did you get so smart?” he asked, needing a little more time to think about the past.
Tabitha pulled Owen back down next to her and rested her head on his chest, “It’s easy for me to see it, I’m looking in from the outside.” She said, happy that Owen had finally shared all of his past with her.
Owen leaned up on one elbow and gave her a strange look, one that had her scared for a second, but then he said, “The last place you are is on the outside. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, Tabitha. I hate it when I’m not with you.”
His words shocked them both, but Tabitha smiled up at him and said, “I feel that way too, but I was afraid it was only me.” Her heart soaring with joy to know that Owen felt the same way she did.
Owen was so overcome by emotion that all he could do was kiss her until they were both breathless. When they came together again, it was slow and passionate, the bond between them only fueled by Owen’s honesty and vulnerability. They finally fell asleep wrapped together late that night, each with thoughts of the future they could share.
They arrived home on a cloud of passion and mutual desire, each moment not spent together filled with longing. Whether at the restaurant apartment or Owen’s cabin, they came together each night to explore the passion they shared, the bond between them only growing stronger day by day. Now that so much of the uncertainty had been resolved in both their minds, they were free to explore the gift they’d been given.
Both were clearly aware that life wouldn’t continue to go on so perfectly, but they refused to worry about the day that they had to face the real world and the disappointments that would test them. They’d been home for two weeks when the first problem surfaced, one that Tabitha had never anticipated, but as it turned out would be the first test of their relationship.
That night they were at the restaurant sitting on the porch watching the sun go down. “I have to go with Jack and Chloe up to the pasture to do a health check on the new sheep.”
At first, Tabitha didn’t think it was a problem, he often when up to the pasture for a few days to check on the sheep. “How long will you be gone?”
“It’s going to take about two weeks.” He said, hoping it would bother her as much as it bothered him that they’d be separated for that long.
“Oh, that’s a long time. Do you really have to be gone that long?” Tabitha knew it was wrong to whine, but she didn’t want him to be gone that long.
“I’m afraid so. We have to give every sheep a full physical and that means rounding them all up, which is part of why it’s going to take so long.” Owen explained.
“I wish you didn’t have to go. I’m going to miss you.” Tabitha said, curling up closer to him. “When do you leave?”
“We were supposed to leave in a few days, but there’s a storm coming in so Jack wants to leave tomorrow.” Owen said, pleased that she would miss him, but not wanting to leave her. Suddenly the perfect solution popped into his mind, “Why don’t you come with us. It would be great, you’d get plenty of riding in and we could be together.”
Tabitha loved the idea of two weeks in the mountains with Owen, but she had the restaurant to think about. “I wish I could, but I can’t leave the restaurant for that long.”
Owen was silent for a few minutes, then he said, “Joe can handle things and you’ve got a full staff now, you hardly ever have to cook anymore.”
“I wish it was that simple, but I have so many more responsibilities than just cooking.” She said, a little surprised that he didn’t understand just how hard she worked.
“But it’s only two weeks, besides it’s not like you need the money, I’ll buy you anything you want.” Owen said, thinking it was the right thing to say, but knew that he’d messed up again when Tabitha pulled away from him.
“Did you really just say that? I can’t believe you think this is all about money.” She said, getting up from the swing to stand at the railing, trying to control her anger. “This restaurant is the culmination of all my hopes and dreams. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to just leave it to follow you up to the mountains.”
Owen was a bit shocked by Tabitha’s anger, but he got up from the swing and stood next to her, “I just thought it would be fun to have you along.” He said, thinking that would smooth the waters.
“It would be fun, but life’s not always about fun, some of us have to make our own way in the world.” She said, frustrated that he couldn’t see how important the restaurant was to her.
“Are you saying that I don’t make my own way. I work hard too.” Owen was beginning to get angry too.
“I’m not saying that you don’t work hard, but if you chose to quit right now, you wouldn’t starve.” Suddenly Tabitha saw a huge divide between them.
“It’s not like you would starve. I can take care of you.” Owen said, still not sure why she was making such a big deal of this.
“I don’t want you to take care of me, nor do I need you to.” She said, wishing he could get that through his head.
Tabitha’s words were like a slap in the face, making him take a step away from her. When she saw the look on his face, she closed the distance between them and put her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry that came out wrong. I know you could take care of me if I let you, but Owen my work is important to me. Do you have any idea how much I’ve sacrificed to get where I am? I left home at 18, worked as a dishwasher for years until someone gave me a shot. Since I was just little, my dream was to own my own restaurant and Coldwater Canyon has given me that chance, I have to see it though, I want to. Can’t you understand that?”
“I’m trying.” Owen said, the frustration in his voice pulling at her heart strings, but she knew that now was the time to make him understand that she had her own dreams to fulfill and giving them up was out of the question.
“I don’t want to fight with you about this, maybe we’ve been going a little too fast. I love being with you and I hate it when we’re apart, but it might not hurt for us to have some time away from each other.” She hated to say those words, but knew that it was what they needed, a chance to step back and put some perspective on their relationship.
That was the last thing Owen expected her to say and he felt a stab of pain deep inside. To cover the hurt, he did what he always did and backed away, “Fine with me. I have an early morning tomorrow so I think I better get home.”
“Oh, Owen don’t go away mad.” Tabitha practically begged, but she could see that he’d made up his mind to leave.
“I’ll see you when I get home.” He said, kissed her on the cheek and walked away.
Tabitha stood motionless on the porch, a bit shocked that he could blow her off so easily. When Owen drove off without even a wave, she went back into the restaurant and straight up to her apartment and cried until she had no tears left. She’d know that there would be problems, no relationship was perfect, but she’d never expected that it would be such a big one so soon. If Owen couldn’t understand how important her career was to her, they had no chance of making it.
They’d been on the trail for hours, but it already felt like days. Owen hadn’t slept more a couple of hours the night before. His fight with Tabitha had upset him more than he could have imagined it would and all he wanted to do was turn around and make up with her. But the problem was he just couldn’t understand what had upset her enough to suggest that they needed to spend some time away from each other.
Jack had been giving him questioning looks all morning, but the last thing he wanted to do was talk about his love life with his older brother, especially with Chloe right there. The fact that Chloe was with them frustrated him even more, he’d finally found a woman he couldn’t live without and she was more concerned with her career than him. If she really cared about him, she would have found a way to have both; Chloe seemed to have no problem doing that.
By the time they reached the upper pasture and made camp for the night, he’d convinced himself that he and Tabitha just weren’t meant to be, they were just too different. They’d only been sitting around the fire for a few minutes when Chloe announced she was going to bed and gave Jack a look that only the two of them understood. After she left, there was a long silence, one that made Owen uncomfortable. When Jack cleared his throat, and crossed his arms over his chest, he knew that he was in for a lecture.
“What’s going on Owen? You’ve been acting like a jerk all day.” Jack and Chloe had been enduring Owen’s sour mood all day and it had to stop if they were going to spend two weeks together.
“Nothing.”
“Give me a break. I’ve known you your entire life and something’s wrong. I know I haven’t been home much lately, but when I got home you seemed so happy, now you’re worse than you were when I left.” Jack wasn’t letting Owen out of talking to him.
Owen was tempted to storm off to his tent, but he knew that Jack would only follow him, so he gave up and said, “I had a fight with Tabitha. I wanted her to come along with us but she chose the restaurant over me.”
“You’re mad because she had to stay home and do her job?” Jack asked.
“If she’d really wanted to come, she could have found someone to cover for her.” Owen said, stubbornly, “Chloe’s here with you.”
Jack gave him one of those looks he remembered from childhood, when he’d done something especially stupid. “Sometimes I think you’re an idiot. Have you forgotten that this is Chloe’s job? Do you think I expect her to stop doing what she loves to be with me all the time? I can’t tell you how many times I go to bed alone because there’s an emergency with one of the animals in the park, but it’s part of who Chloe is, so I have to accept it.”
“But it’s just a restaurant, I could buy her another one.” Owen wasn’t going to give an inch.
“Now I know you’re an idiot. Are you telling me that you want Tabitha to give up something that she’d worked so hard for so that she can follow you around? Seems to me that you already had one woman who did that, and it didn’t turn out so well.”
“This has nothing to do with Sarah.” Owen practically growled at Jack.
“Really, seems to me that your trying to turn Tabitha into Sarah, she was perfectly willing to make her life all about you. If you’d married her, she’d be here with us right now.” Jack said, not the least bit fazed by Owen’s anger.
“But I didn’t want that.” Owen said, reality finally getting thought the hurt he felt.
“I didn’t think so, being a chef is part of who Tabitha is. If you take that away from her, she won’t be the same person. Is that what you want?” Jack was relieved to finally see that he was getting through to Owen.
“She said that we needed some time apart.”
“Well, she might not have been wrong. I haven’t been here but it seems like you two might have been moving a little too fast. Maybe you do need to take a step back and think about what you want. Think about who Tabitha is and what’s important to her.” Jack said, hoping Owen would do just that.
Owen hadn’t expected his brother to agree with Tabitha, but as he sat there he realized that maybe that were both right, but he wasn’t ready to admit to anything. “I’m going to bed.” He said, stalking off to his tent, to lick his wounds in private since his brother was no help.
Jack watched his brother go, knowing that he’d eventually come to his senses, but feeling sorry for him all the same. He’d chosen a strong woman to fall in love with and he knew all too well how difficult that could be, especially for Owen who had always gotten his own way with Sarah, it had been for all the wrong reasons, but a fact nonetheless. It would be good for him to have to bend a little bit, but it wasn’t going to be easy for Owen to see that.
It had been the longest two weeks of Tabitha’s life, she regretted the way they’d parted the night before Owen left for the high country and had almost immediately wished that she’d handled it differently. But Owen had to understand that her career was as much of a part of her as anything else. She wasn’t going to give it up to for anything including a man, even if that man stirred things in her she’d never felt before. As wonderful as their physical relationship was, it wasn’t the foundation for a life together. They had to connect on a much deeper level, and she wasn’t sure that they would ever get there.
Still, she wasn’t ready to give up and she hoped Owen wasn’t either, she could still see them together with an adorable baby making the picture complete. She knew that he’d be home the next day and hoped that he’d come see her, but if he didn’t she’d go find him. Deep down she felt like there might still be hope for them and she was going to do everything she could to give their love a chance to survive this hurdle.
She was just getting ready to close the restaurant when Flynn showed up looking for dinner. Happy to see him, she got him some food and some for herself and they sat down to eat together. They’d been sitting in companionable silence for a while before Flynn said, “Owen will be home tomorrow.”
“I heard. Did things go well?”
“The sheep did great, they’re all in excellent health and we should get a record amount of wool in the fall. Looks like we’re going to be able to pull this off.” Flynn said, finishing his last bite of food.
“That’s good.” Tabitha said, without much enthusiasm.
“I bet you miss Owen.” Flynn said, thinking Tabitha’s bad mood was because she missed him.
“I don’t know; I want him home but I’m kind of dreading it. We had a fight before he left.” It hurt to talk about it, but she hoped that Flynn might give her some insight into his brother, so she told him about the fight.
Flynn was silent for a while, then he said, “He’s probably already realized that he was being an idiot. My brother can be stubborn and stupid sometimes, but give him a chance, he’ll figure it out.”
“I hope you’re right.” She said, taking their plates back to the kitchen. When she came back she added. “I really care about him, but this place is everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“Don’t worry, it’ll work out.” Flynn said.
When he’d left Tabitha thought about his words and hoped he was right, but one way or another she’d find out tomorrow if they’d survive this. She went to bed that night missing Owen in the bed next to her and wondered if she’d have to get used to sleeping alone again. It was a sad thought, but she’d done it before and she could do it again.