Eleven
“Moretti?”
Luca looked up from his brand-new smartphone when the nurse called his name. His stomach ached with dread. This was a moment he’d avoided for ten years. He’d almost called and canceled this appointment three times. The only reason he didn’t was because he knew he’d have to face Gavin eventually.
His friend had listened sympathetically while he told him his sad tale. But instead of taking his side, he’d surprised Luca by pretty much saying the same things Claire had said. That he was a chicken. That his hurtful accusations were unfounded. Gavin had finished the conversation by telling him he needed to visit the doctor. Until he was tested and knew for certain that the baby couldn’t be his, he needed to hold his tongue. He’d already said a lot he’d regret if he was wrong.
Luca knew Gavin was right, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Instead, he’d scheduled an appointment and that’s where he found himself. Putting his phone away, he stood and followed the nurse down the corridor.
First, Luca was taken to a private room to produce a specimen for testing. When he was finished, he left the cup in the window and was led to an examination room to wait for the doctor.
It was an agonizing wait. He watched every minute tick by, the sense of anxiety growing with each second. At last, a soft knock came at the door and the doctor stepped inside with his file. It was the moment he’d dreaded and avoided since he’d finished his radiation treatments. Now he would know for certain if he was really the damaged man he’d always believed himself to be.
The doctor shook his hand and sat down on the tiny rolling stool. “Mr. Moretti,” he began, flipping through the pages. “We have done a quick preliminary test of your sample. We’re going to send it out to the lab for more detailed analysis, but I’m comfortable at this point with telling you that you are, in fact, able to have children.”
Luca froze in disbelief. This was not what he’d expected at all. “Are you sure?”
“I’m not saying it will be as easy to impregnate a woman as it is for men without your medical history. Your sperm counts are lower than they would’ve been before your treatments, but you do still have motile, well-formed spermatozoa. With the right mix of circumstances, you can absolutely have children.”
Luca wasn’t sure what to say. He sat dumbfounded on the examination table as the doctor’s words ran though his brain again and again.
“If you find you’re having difficulty conceiving with your partner, a fertility clinic could be of some assistance.”
Luca chuckled low and shook his head. “I’m through with fertility clinics, but thanks for the suggestion.”
The doctor narrowed his gaze at Luca. “I’m not sure what that’s about, but do you mind if I ask why you were tested today if not to start a family?”
Luca looked down at his hands. “Apparently I’ve already started a family. I didn’t think it was a possibility, but it seems the right mix of circumstances happened.”
The doctor’s white eyebrows drew together in concern. “I’d say congratulations, but you don’t seem very excited about the prospect of fatherhood.”
“It’s not fatherhood that bothers me,” Luca admitted. “I’m thrilled by the idea of it, even though I still run the risk of my cancer returning someday. I’ll face that if it happens. It’s just that I’m going to have a lot of apologizing to do to the baby’s mother.”
“Ahh,” the doctor said, closing his file and setting it aside. “Well, if you want to know for certain, a blood test for paternity can be conducted even early on in the pregnancy.”
Luca shook his head vehemently. Edmund would probably want that, but after everything he’d said to Claire, he couldn’t ask her for that. He had no real reason to believe she was lying about the baby aside from the fact that he’d thought it to be impossible. They’d hardly left each other’s side for weeks; she hadn’t had the opportunity to meet and seduce another man. Now that he knew otherwise, there was no doubt.
Claire was pregnant with his child. And he was an ass.
“Okay, then I think we’re done here unless you have any other questions. Good luck with your situation.” The doctor stood and shook Luca’s hand again. Just as quickly as he’d arrived, the doctor slipped out the door, leaving Luca alone with his thoughts.
He could have children. The old-fashioned way.
The idea had never really occurred to him. The oncologists had been so doom and gloom about his prospects that he’d presumed the worst. Then he’d presumed the worst about Claire.
Claire. The woman who had been so mistreated by her husband that she had been loath to trust him or anyone else. The woman who had accepted him as he was. The woman who hadn’t pushed him to talk about his past even as she struggled with her husband’s dishonesty. The mother of his child. His children.
He’d treated her terribly. Luca never thought he could be so cruel to someone he cared about, and yet the harsh words had rolled off his tongue. Hopefully, the apology would come just as easily.
Luca sleepwalked through the motions of checking out of the doctor’s office and making his way toward his apartment. Truthfully, he should’ve been calling for a car to take him back to the office, but he needed a little time to process all of this. That meant time away from his family. None of them knew where he’d gone or what had happened with Claire after they left Martha’s Vineyard, but they would know something was wrong if they saw him right now. He was certain that shock and heartache were etched all over his face.
Stopping at a streetlight, Luca looked up and saw the Brooks Express Shipping building just ahead. Gavin would be expecting an update, so he might as well go on in and give it to him directly. Maybe he’d have a suggestion on how to make it up to Claire after everything he’d said and done.
In the lobby, he dialed Gavin and waited for his answer.
“Do you realize you’ve called me three times in the past month or so? I’m starting to feel special.”
Luca sighed. “I’m in your lobby. Are you in?”
“I am. I’ve got a meeting in a half hour, but for now, I’m all ears.”
Luca took the elevator up to the floor where Gavin’s office was. He waved at his receptionist, blowing past her desk and into Gavin’s office before she could stop him.
Gavin turned from his computer with an expectant look on his face. “So? Can your boys swim?”
Luca had to laugh at the way his friend phrased such a delicate question. “Yes, they can. They won’t be winning any medals, but they can make it across the pool.”
“Congratulations! Sit down.” Gavin pointed to his guest chair as he got up from his own. “This calls for a celebration.” He wandered over to his wet bar and poured two glasses of dark honey colored liquor.
Luca sat, eyeing his friend’s desk. It was decorated with photographs from his wedding to Sabine, him holding his daughter, Beth, for the first time, all four of them on a plane, then on a beach. It made Luca want that. He wanted to litter his desk with family photos. But something kept holding him back.
Gavin carried the glasses back to the desk and handed one to Luca. Frowning at his friend, he said, “What’s the matter? You look less than enthusiastic about the news.”
Luca sipped the drink and winced at how strong it was. He wasn’t much for Scotch, especially after overdoing it the other night. “I’m happy. Really, I am. But knowing the truth makes my fight with Claire that much worse. I’ve got to get her back somehow, but I don’t know if she’ll forgive me after what I said.”
“Do you love her?” Gavin asked.
Luca nodded without hesitation. He hadn’t actually thought about it, but the minute Gavin asked, the answer popped into his head as clear as day. Claire was unlike any woman he’d ever met. Since the day of their fight, he’d walked around with an aching hole in his chest. He missed her. He missed Eva. Now he even missed their baby growing inside her. He hadn’t been around to take Claire to the doctor, listen to Eva’s heartbeat or supply her with her strange cravings the first time. If he didn’t get this fixed, he would lose his second chance at having the full fatherhood experience.
“I am madly, desperately in love with her, Gavin.” Saying the words aloud made him feel better and worse at the same time.
“Okay.” Gavin’s brows knit together in thought. “So tell me why you’re in my office telling me this instead of on Claire’s doorstep telling her?”
Luca supposed he could go to the museum right now and track her down, but he still had reservations. “It’s not that simple. I’ve never let myself feel this deeply for anyone before. I always felt like I was a broken toy that no one would want, so I never even let myself have the dream of something like that.”
Gavin just shook his head. “You’re a fool, is what you are. You’re a successful guy. You’re handsome enough.”
“Thanks,” Luca said dryly.
“My point is that you’re a great catch. Even with one testicle.”
Luca ignored his friend’s jesting slight. “I’m not a catch. I’m a time bomb. So what if I tell Claire I love her? What if she forgives me and we get married and have the baby together? What if I do all that and my cancer comes back? She’s already been a widow once. I can’t be responsible for her going through that a second time.”
“You can’t live your whole life waiting to die, man. You’ve got to get out there and start living. Anything can happen to any one of us. I could get hit by a cab or have an aneurism and drop dead at my desk with no warning at all. You’ve been in remission a long time. Stop letting your former illness hold you back. If you don’t go to her, you’ve virtually left her a widow anyway—she’s raising your children alone.”
“And what if she’d rather be alone than be with me?”
“Then that is her choice. You can’t make other people’s decisions for them. I went years without Sabine because she decided we weren’t a good fit. I never would’ve let her walk out that door if it had been my choice. But you’ve at least got to give her the opportunity to choose.”
Gavin was right. Luca knew he was right. He just had to take all these old anxieties and put them aside. If the cancer came back, it came back. At least this time he would have Claire and the children to give him a reason to fight even harder.
He still didn’t think he could march up to her and get a warm reception, however. He needed to open with a grand gesture. Not just jewelry or another flashy gift. It had to be something that would mean more than anything to her.
There was nothing in the world more important to Claire than Eva. Luca knew what he had to do. Taking another burning sip of his drink, he reached for his phone and called his lawyer.
* * *
Claire climbed the stairs of her brownstone with a heavy heart and even heavier limbs. She wasn’t very far along in this pregnancy, but it was already wearing her out. That, combined with a return to her routine after a month away, left her thoroughly exhausted.
Yes, that was it. It wasn’t the crushing oppression of heartache that was slowing her down.
Opening the front door, she found Daisy and Eva playing on the floor in the living room. Her nanny immediately stood and went over to give Claire a hug. “Hey, Mama. How did the doctor’s appointment go?”
Claire reached into her purse and pulled out the roll of sonogram pictures. There wasn’t much to see, just a blurry little blob that looked something like a jelly bean. The first time she’d seen that image of Eva, her heart had nearly exploded with love and excitement. She and Jeff were finally going to be parents. This time the sight just made her sad. She would adore this baby, she had no doubt, but she couldn’t help but think that she was once again having a child without a father around to love it the way it deserved to be loved. Was a mother’s love enough? She hoped so.
Daisy snatched the photos out of her hand and gave a little squeal of excitement. “Congratulations. This is so exciting. I can’t believe after how hard you worked to have Eva that you could get pregnant so easily.”
Claire nodded absently, but she wasn’t really listening. For the past week and a half, she’d been almost sleepwalking through her days. She certainly wasn’t sleeping at night. She couldn’t concentrate. All that ran through her mind again and again were the horrible things Luca had said to her.
“So I was thinking if we coated Eva in some flour, we could pan fry her and she’d come out with a nice crispy crust.”
“Sounds good,” Claire said automatically.
“Claire!” Daisy shouted in consternation. “You’re not listening at all.”
“I am,” she argued.
“And what did you just agree to?”
Claire sighed and shook her head. “I have no idea.”
“Sit down,” Daisy demanded, pointing toward the couch.
She didn’t feel like arguing, so she did as she was told. Daisy sat beside her, Eva playing with soft blocks on the floor in front of them.
“Just a tip, you might not want to agree to anything while you’re in this state,” Daisy said. “Now tell me what’s going on? This isn’t plain ol’ pregnancy brain, is it?”
Claire opened her mouth to answer, but before she could say a word, the tears rushed to her eyes and all that came out was a strangled sob. Daisy hugged her to her chest, letting her get all the pain and heartache out of her system. It took several minutes and a soaked-through blouse, but eventually Claire was able to sit up, wipe her eyes and tell her sad tale.
“He doesn’t believe the baby is his. I don’t know how he could say that. I’ve spent the past month alone with him. Whose baby could it be?”
“I think he’ll come around,” Daisy said, holding her hand reassuringly. “Like you said, it sounds to me like he’s spent too many years thinking that it could never happen. To believe he’s the father means that everything he knows is wrong. If he’s thrown away the past ten years of his life, too afraid to fall in love and disappoint his wife, it’s got to be a serious blow. It’s easier to push you away with angry accusations than to face the fact that he was too chicken to find out if he was sterile all this time.”
Claire listened with a slow nod, but she wasn’t convinced that Luca would realize he was wrong. Luca was stubborn, and that same stubbornness might keep him from finding out the truth and admitting he was wrong. It might take a court mandated paternity test after the baby was born to convince him of the truth. At that point, he could apologize until he was blue in the face and it wouldn’t make a difference. She didn’t know if she could forgive him for how he’d treated her.
“The worst part is that I let myself fall in love with him, Daisy. It was so stupid of me. He just seemed to know how to get past every barrier I had. It had been so long since I felt like a man really cared for me. I must’ve been desperate for affection. Look where it got me...pregnant and alone.”
“You are not alone, Claire.” Daisy clasped Claire’s chin and turned her so she was forced to look at her. “You’ve got me. You’ve got Eva. You’ve got this new baby. We’re going to make this work, with or without this deadbeat billionaire.”
“How?” It seemed like a ridiculous question to ask, but she felt so bogged down in all of this, she could hardly come up with an answer.
“I’m going to move in,” Daisy declared. “I’m going to be your live-in nanny to help take care of both the children. We are two strong, smart, capable women. We will be just fine without a man. Frankly, we only need them to start the baby process, after that they’re kinda useless.”
Claire chuckled, wiping away the last of her tears. “You’re right. We will be just fine. No matter what happened between Luca and me, I’m coming out of this with another beautiful baby. I never dreamed I could ever have another, so I need to start thinking about this as the blessing that it truly is.”
“That’s the spirit,” Daisy said with an encouraging tone. “Now, there’s a roast chicken and vegetables in the oven for your dinner. Eva has already eaten her dinner and had her bath, so you two can take it easy tonight. Eat, relax and try not to beat yourself up too much about all this. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
Claire nodded. “Thank you for the pep talk, Daisy. You deserve a raise.”
Daisy laughed as she got up off the couch. “I’ll remind you of that when you write my next paycheck.” She walked over to the front door, slipping on her coat and waving good-night.
When the door clicked shut, Claire took a deep breath and tried to do what Daisy had told her to do. She scooped up Eva off the floor and carried her into the kitchen. She placed her in her swing and set it to a soothing rhythm the baby liked best. That kept her daughter occupied long enough for Claire to remove supper from the oven and make herself a plate.
Pulling up a stool at the breakfast bar, she took a few bites of chicken and started sorting idly through the stack of mail Daisy had left there for her. Bill, junk, bill... She stopped when she noticed the notepad that Daisy used to leave messages about phone calls.
Stuart, her attorney, had called. She’d had a missed call on her cell phone while she was at her doctor’s appointment, but it had come at a critical time and then she’d forgotten to check it later. Searching through her purse, she found her phone and she was right. Her screen declared she’d missed a call from Stuart Ewing. She pressed the button to listen to the voicemail message.
“Claire, this is Stuart. I really need you to call me back tonight. It doesn’t matter what time. There’s been a development.”
He left his personal number for her to call him. Claire’s hand was shaking as she copied the number onto Daisy’s notepad. She wished he hadn’t been so vague in his message. “A development” could be anything. It could be that Luca decided to backpedal on their agreement and sue for full custody. She didn’t think a judge would go along with that, but she couldn’t be sure. The last time she saw Luca he’d been angry enough to do almost anything. Would he try to take Eva knowing she was the only thing Claire had? Just to spite her?
She had to stop speculating and just call Stuart back. She was going to make herself crazy if she didn’t.
“Claire,” Stuart said as he answered the phone. “Thanks for calling me back. We’ve received a request to meet with Luca and his lawyer tomorrow morning.”
“Do we know if it’s good or bad news?”
“I have no idea. I wasn’t really expecting to hear from them when I did. Do you have any thoughts? How did the trip with Mr. Moretti go? I haven’t spoken with you since you got back from Martha’s Vineyard.”
That was a loaded question. “It was a nice trip. I think we had everything worked out between us, so maybe it’s just a finalization of our agreement to submit to the judge.”
Stuart hesitated on the line. “What aren’t you telling me, Claire? There’s something about your tone that tells me you’re leaving something out.”
“Well, that’s because I am. Things have gotten a little complicated since we left Martha’s Vineyard, so I can’t be certain that Luca will stick with the agreement we made.” Claire could hear Stuart sigh heavily on the line.
“What happened when you got back?”
“I found out that I’m pregnant with Luca’s child.” She spit out the words as quickly as she could and waited for the fallout.
“Pregnant? I should’ve known you two going away together for a month would lead to trouble. Are you two an item, now? I hate to say it, but that would probably help the cause if you were.”
“Not anymore,” Claire admitted, dashing her lawyer’s hopes. “He didn’t take the news about the baby very well. He stated pretty bluntly that he didn’t think it was his and got quite angry about the whole thing. So like I said, I don’t have any clue what we’ll face tomorrow.”
“You know, I’ve been thinking over the past year about retiring. You may be the client that puts me over the edge.”
At that, Claire had to laugh. She knew Stuart would work until he dropped dead in the courtroom, but he was a curmudgeon about it anyway. “Look at it this way, Stuart—you just have to represent me in court. This is my life.”
“You’re right,” he agreed. “I’ll meet you at Edmund Harding’s office at 8:45 a.m. tomorrow.”