Five
Claire couldn’t sleep that night. Her head was spinning with everything Luca had said to her at dinner. She wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth or if he had the ability to charm a woman by knowing exactly what she needed to hear. They’d spent only a week together. Was she that easy to read? Either way, it was working. A combination of gentle words and strong wine had weakened her defenses. By the time they’d finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen, she would’ve agreed to anything he suggested. Even the kind of things she knew were a bad idea.
Like touching him. All through dinner she wanted to run her fingers though the dark waves of his hair. She wanted to brush the pad of her thumb over his bottom lip as he spoke the words she’d longed for a man to say to her her whole life. What would he do if she reached out to him? Would he pull her into his arms or push her away? Would he call her tesorina? She had no idea what it meant, but whenever he said it she felt her knees soften beneath her.
Now there was a restlessness inside her, keeping sleep at bay. An ache deep in her belly. She didn’t know if it was heartburn from the spicy tomato sauce or her long-dormant desire coming back to life, but neither was welcome.
She’d come here to get to know her baby’s father, but not in the biblical sense. After her disastrous relationship with Jeff, she’d resigned herself to not falling in love again. It was too hard on her heart, and she didn’t think she could take that risk a second time. If she did, she needed a man who was first and foremost honest, and she couldn’t trust a word out of Luca’s mouth right now. They were on opposite sides of this custody battle. But between the beautiful beach views, the amazing meals and the stimulating conversation, it was easy to let that slip her mind. That would be a dangerous mistake, as she was pretty certain Luca wouldn’t do the same.
Frustrated, she flung back the blankets and headed out into the living room. Tonight, she’d been warm from the wine, so she’d opted for a thin, baby-doll nightgown with spaghetti straps. It was short and nearly see-through, but she couldn’t bear to put on her flannel pants and top when she went to bed.
Fortunately the house was dark and quiet when she stepped into the hallway, so her attire wouldn’t matter. Claire wasn’t entirely sure what she was after, but she ended up in the kitchen. She didn’t bother turning on the lights. Doing that would ensure she’d never sleep.
Instead, the moonlight through the windows illuminated what she needed to see. Deciding on a cup of tea, she found some in the cupboard and put a mug of water in the microwave to heat. She opened the refrigerator door, looking around for something of interest, but nothing caught her eye. When the water was warmed, she shut the refrigerator and pulled the mug out of the microwave. She let the tea bag steep, then added some honey to sweeten it.
It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness again, but when they did, she turned and noticed a large, dark figure standing at the edge of the kitchen.
A jolt of panic rushed through her as the shape came closer, until she recognized Luca’s gait. Finally, the moonlight from the window lit him, and her heartbeat started to return to normal. Well, at least until she realized he was wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts.
The silver light highlighted the curves of his muscular arms and cut of his chest. The sprinkle of dark hair across his chest narrowed and ran down his belly. Her eyes followed the trail along his hard abs, and she felt the heartburn start to rage more intensely inside her.
Okay, it wasn’t heartburn, she admitted to herself. It was desire. She’d almost forgotten what that felt like.
When her gaze drifted back up to Luca’s face, there was a faint curl of a smile on his lips. Could he tell she was checking him out?
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes. I just couldn’t sleep.”
“Me, neither.” His gaze drifted over her thin nightie with appreciation in his eyes. His jaw clenched tightly, making her wonder if they were both suffering from the same cause of insomnia.
“Would you like some tea?” she asked, distracting herself. “I just made myself some chamomile with honey.”
“No, thank you.”
As he continued to stand there, Claire felt herself at a loss. She could sense the tension in the air between them. It was electric, yet neither of them seemed willing to do anything about it. Probably because they both knew it was a bad idea. And yet...
Claire needed to go back to her room, drink her tea and go to sleep. That was the only thing she needed to do. She just had to get past Luca’s hulking figure blocking the path between the fridge and the kitchen island. “Well, good night then,” she said. Dropping her gaze to the mug in her hands, she pressed forward, expecting Luca to move out of the way.
But he didn’t.
Instead, she felt his hand catch her waist. The heat of his skin burned through the thin fabric of her gown, nearly branding her with his touch. “Claire?”
She stopped cold, her breath catching in her throat. Using just one word, he’d asked a hundred different questions at once. She turned her head to look up at him. He was looking down at her, with his own ragged breaths making his chest rise and fall as though he’d been running. He swallowed hard, the muscles in his throat contracting. She watched his tongue snake over his bottom lip. All the while, his intense eyes were devouring her.
Claire knew in that moment that whatever question he was asking, the answer was yes. Setting down the mug of tea, she turned to him. “Yes.”
Luca didn’t hesitate. He scooped her up into his arms and pulled her hard against his chest. His mouth met hers with the ferocity of a man dying of thirst and she was his glass of water. He drank her in and Claire was powerless to stop it. She didn’t want to. It had been too long since she’d been desired. Wanted. Jeff had never once in their years of marriage kissed her with as much passion as Luca did in this moment. She didn’t want to let that go.
Claire wrapped her arms around his neck and arched her back to press her hips into him. She felt the evidence of his desire there, insistently nudging against her. He groaned her name against her mouth when they made contact, then spun her around until her back was touching the cold stainless steel of the refrigerator. The chill did little to dampen the heat building inside her. With every stroke of his tongue and graze of his hand along her body, he stoked the flames that she’d once thought had died out for good.
When she felt his hand slip beneath her nightgown and his fingers brush the lacy trim of her panties, she felt the slightest hesitation. Like a lightning bolt, it startled her out of the hormone-driven haze she’d fallen into. Things had moved fast. Too fast. Was she really ready to have sex in the kitchen with a man she barely knew? The man who was trying to take Eva from her?
Before she could answer, the sharp, angry wail of her daughter interrupted her thoughts. It wasn’t Eva’s usual cry for hunger or a wet diaper. Something was wrong.
Luca stilled and pulled away, his lips a fraction of an inch from hers. He was breathing hard, likely cursing his bad luck and hoping that Eva would fall back asleep. That wasn’t going to happen.
Claire pushed against Luca’s chest and he took a step back. “I’m sorry, I have to go check on the baby.” She fled the kitchen as quickly as she could, both out of concern and awkwardness. That situation had quickly gotten out of control, and thankfully Eva woke at just the right time to keep things from going too far.
Entering the bedroom, she turned on the lamp and scooped her red faced and teary daughter from her crib. “What’s the matter, baby?” she asked, but the second Claire’s cheek touched Eva’s, she knew what was wrong.
Eva was burning up with fever.
Claire started frantically searching through her diaper bag for the baby thermometer. Her desire-addled thoughts were scrambled by the sharp cries in her ear. “Shhh, you’re okay,” she soothed, but Eva could not be comforted. Poor, sick baby.
“Is she okay?”
Claire turned to find Luca in her doorway. “She has a fever.” She finally located the thermometer and placed it inside the infant’s ear. “One hundred and three.”
That seemed high. She felt the panic start to well up inside her. She hadn’t brought her baby book. She was hours away from Eva’s pediatrician. She knew that the seriousness varied by age and temperature, but she didn’t recall what the cutoff was for calling the doctor. The louder Eva cried, the harder it was for her to try to focus.
“Here,” Luca said, gently taking Eva from her arms.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Claire asked.
“I’m taking care of our sick child.” Ignoring her irritable tone, Luca immediately started unsnapping Eva’s onesie. He seemed unfazed by the sharp screams of his daughter, so in control when Claire felt anything but. “I’m going to put her in a cool bath to make her more comfortable. Do you have any medication to bring down her fever?”
She nodded. “It’s in the diaper bag. I’ll dig it out.”
Luca disappeared into the master bathroom and Claire quickly dug around in the bag until she found the medicine. By the time she joined Luca in the bathroom, Eva had started to quiet down. She was lying in her bath chair in a shallow pool of water while Luca rubbed a damp sponge over her skin. The lukewarm water and lavender scented bubbles seemed to soothe her. After a few minutes, the tears were dried, and while she still seemed a little cranky and uncomfortable, they’d made good progress.
At last, Luca lifted Eva up into her yellow bath towel with the ducky hood and bundled her up. He squeezed the dropper of medicine into Eva’s mouth and handed the bottle back to Claire. “While I get her dried off, can you make her a bottle with cool water in it? She might be a little dehydrated from the fever, and it will make her more comfortable.”
Claire nodded and wandered off toward the kitchen, feeling oddly useless as Luca took charge. She wasn’t even entirely sure what had just happened, aside from the fact that in a crucial moment she’d choked and given Luca the window of opportunity he’d been waiting for. When she reached the kitchen, she eyed her abandoned mug of tea and the smudged refrigerator and shook her head. Apparently tonight was a night of missteps.
At the same time, she was happy to have someone here with her. This was Eva’s first real fever, and although she thought she was prepared for it, she’d been completely off her game coming fresh from Luca’s kisses. She supposed that was the benefit of having two parents, to split the responsibility and pick up the slack for the other. She didn’t know what that was like.
As she filled a small bottle with filtered water, she felt the unexpected prickle of tears in her eyes. This was just one more moment to remind her what she’d lost with Jeff’s recklessness. Her dreams of having a family had been shattered, creating a new reality that was so much harder than she ever imagined. He’d left her to raise a child alone all so he could get a hand job on a winding road.
“Claire?”
Claire quickly batted her tears away and sniffed. She tightened the bottle’s cap and turned to face him. “It’s ready. How is she doing?”
Luca watched her with concern as he took the bottle. “I think she’ll be okay. I’m not so sure about you, though.”
“Me?” She must not have done as good a job of hiding her emotions as she thought.
“Eva’s going to be fine, you know. There’s nothing to be worried about.”
Claire nodded in agreement. “I know.”
“Okay, so what is bothering you then?”
That was a loaded question. “Something. Everything. Don’t worry about me, Luca, really. Lately, I seem to have too many hot buttons for life to push.”
Luca adjusted Eva in his arms and gave her the bottle. “Is it the kiss? Did I press you too quickly?”
“No,” she admitted. “The kiss was...lovely. Probably not the best idea for us, but I don’t regret it.”
“Then did I overstep with Eva tonight? I’m sorry if that’s it, but you seemed a bit overwhelmed and I wanted to help. My youngest sister had a lot of ear infections when she was little and was prone to fevers. I’ve spent more than a few nights up with my mother bathing fussy babies.”
That explained a lot. Despite being a mother, Claire was learning as she went. As an only child, she didn’t have any experience caring for children. Her every move was a mix between her research and maternal instincts. “No, that’s not it, either. Thank you for all your help with her. You’re right, I was feeling a little frazzled in the moment and was glad to have someone step in. I shouldn’t need help, but it’s nice to have it every now and then.”
Luca placed a comforting hand on Claire’s shoulder. The warmth of him against her bare skin reminded her of his earlier touches, sending a shiver running down her spine. It wasn’t just about temperatures, though. The simple feel of his large, strong hands on her body was enough for her to want to pick up where they’d left off a few minutes ago.
Suddenly, she was aware of how close Luca was and how good he smelled. It had been a long time since she’d been touched by a man, even in comfort. For some reason, that combination along with Luca’s radiating masculinity was more than she could take. Of course she’d given into it. Any woman in her position would have. He told her she was beautiful. They had a child together. He kissed her as if there was nothing more in the world he could ever desire. But once the spell of their kiss faded away, she knew that nothing more could come of it.
There was a wall up when it came to Luca. She could tell the moment their discussions went off into uncomfortable territory for him. Even the most harmless questions about his high-school prom seemed to set a glaze over his eyes. The answers that followed felt hollow and inauthentic. Not necessarily that he was lying, but that his response was practiced. Claire had her fair share of practiced speeches with Jeff as he successfully hid his infidelity. She wasn’t about to make that mistake twice, even with a man who was ten times more thoughtful and charming than Jeff ever was.
“You’re a mother, tesorina, not a superhero. It’s okay to accept help.”
“Thank you.” Claire knew that, at least in theory. Putting it into practice was harder. Aside from Daisy, she didn’t really have anyone to lean on for help. Despite the messy circumstances, perhaps having Luca in Eva’s life wouldn’t be so bad. There would be someone else she could call when she needed help, and when Eva stayed with her father, Claire would get the occasional break to recharge and relax. She didn’t realize just how much she needed that until this moment. She wasn’t quite ready to just give in on the custody agreement yet, but she was starting to see the silver lining of the situation.
“I’ll stay up with her for a while if you want to go back to bed.”
Claire immediately felt anxious about his offer. It was one thing to let him help and another entirely to let him take over. She hated questioning his every motivation, but she couldn’t be naive. What could he tell the judge then? That when Eva was sick, he was the one who had to care for her? No, thanks. “That won’t be necessary,” she said, reaching to take Eva from his arms. “I was having trouble sleeping anyway. I’m going to stay up until she starts feeling better.”
Luca didn’t immediately release Eva. He watched Claire suspiciously, and she fought to swallow the onset of an unexpected yawn. “I think the sandman is ready for you now. My time will come later. We’ll be fine, I promise. Go back to bed. I’ll wake you up if something happens. Otherwise, I’ll rock her until she falls back to sleep and put her in her crib.”
Claire was resistant, but she could tell by the firm, yet gentle expression on Luca’s face that he would insist. Perhaps he was just being nice and not looking for ammunition to use against her in court. Her eyelids were getting too heavy for her to argue any longer. “Okay, thank you. I’ll leave the door open to the bedroom.”
“Good night,” he said with Eva snuggled into his arms.
She could tell that Eva would probably be asleep before she was. Not much to worry about, then. She reluctantly returned to her bedroom and burrowed beneath the down comforter. With the late night emotional highs, quickly came the lows. Before she knew it, she crashed.
The last thought as she drifted to sleep was how Luca’s lips had felt as they pressed against hers. And she wondered—would she ever feel that again?
* * *
It seemed as though she’d just closed her eyes when she opened them to daylight streaming through the window. Claire sat up in bed, noticing the bedroom door was still open and the crib remained empty. If Eva hadn’t fallen asleep, why hadn’t Luca woken her up?
Climbing from bed, she pulled on her robe and returned to the living room. She expected to find them milling around the kitchen or out on the deck, but it seemed as though things hadn’t gone as Luca planned. There on the couch under a chenille blanket, she found Luca and Eva. Both were asleep, with Eva curled into a little ball on his chest. Claire stood there for a moment, watching the two of them together. It was precious. They both made the same little grumpy faces while they dreamed, their brows drawn together and their lips pouty in sleepy consternation. She wanted to capture the memory of them together like this and never forget it.
“Good morning.”
Claire was startled to notice Luca’s eyes had opened, and he was watching her as closely as she was watching him. “Morning. You two look pretty cozy.”
Luca looked down at the infant drooling on his bare chest. “I guess so. We must’ve conked out pretty quickly after you went to bed. I don’t think I’ve moved an inch the whole night.” He sat up slowly as to not disturb the baby, groaning softly as he stretched his stiff limbs. “What time is it?”
“A little after nine.”
“Wow.” Luca ran one hand through the messy waves of his hair and shook his head. “I haven’t slept that late in years.”
Claire approached him and held out her arms to relieve him of Eva for a while. “I’ll take Eva. Why don’t you take a shower to loosen up, and I’ll make us all some breakfast.”
Luca stood and handed off the sleeping infant. “Please make coffee. Strong, black coffee.”
“I can do that.”
He started toward the staircase, but before he could reach it, Claire said, “Luca?” He stopped and turned. “I wanted to say thank you.”
“For what?” he asked.
“For last night.”
He gave her a guilty smirk in response. “Which part? The part where I lost control and almost took you against the refrigerator? Or the part where I pushed you aside to take care of Eva when I could tell you didn’t want me to?”
That was a good question. The words had leaped from her lips before she’d really thought them through. “Both, maybe. The combination of those two things gave me a little taste of what it’s like to have someone in my life again. To help me, to hold me. It was nice.”
“I know what you mean,” he said. “I think you and I have both gotten too used to being alone. My mother is always reminding me that’s not how people are supposed to live. I’m starting to think she’s right.”
“I may not know you that well, but from what I’ve seen you’re a good man, Luca. The woman you let into your life would be very lucky.”
A sadness Claire didn’t understand washed over Luca’s face. Why would a compliment like that steal the light from his eyes so quickly when her angry insults of the past didn’t seem to make the slightest dent in his armor?
“Thank you,” he said, but she got the feeling he didn’t believe it, just as she didn’t believe it when he told her she was beautiful. They both seemed to have a lot of doubts when it came to their self-worth and value to the opposite sex. Claire knew why she felt that way, but Luca? He was an attractive, thoughtful and wealthy businessman with a way of complimenting a woman so her knees turned to butter. She wasn’t sure why he wasn’t fighting women off with a stick. He wasn’t the kind of man she needed in her life, but he would be a great choice for any other woman.
Claire wanted him to know that she really meant what she’d said, that it wasn’t just some flattery. “I wish I’d found a man more like you when I was younger and looking for someone to start my life with. If I had, perhaps I wouldn’t be a widow wondering how her life went off track.”
The sadness faded away and Luca’s jaw tightened along with his grip on the banister. He looked up at her with eyes that reflected a confusing combination of regret and irritation. “If I were you, I wouldn’t waste my wishes on a man like me,” he said, and headed downstairs.