Chapter Ten
Candice
I could not believe what I had done. Had I really just kissed Dominic? Had I really done it while I was still going out with Derek? It wasn’t the sort of thing I did. I wasn’t a cheater. I had never been that sort of girl. So what was going on?
After a long shower, I climbed into bed and thought about my situation. It was all suddenly very obvious to me. I wasn’t in love with Derek. I had never been in love with him. I had liked him at the beginning, but I had only really agreed to go out with him because I could see how happy my doing so made my father. Deep down, I had always just wanted to please my father. And this had become the basis for so many of my decisions. But why was I going out with someone just to make someone else happy? Surely I had to also think about myself.
I thought about Derek then. I tried to imagine getting married to him, and growing old with him. I imagined him getting more and more involved in the political world, while I let my own dreams and aspirations fall to the wayside to support him. I loved my mother, but I sometimes found it so unfair that she was always putting herself second in the relationship. At least she loved my father. I didn’t love Derek, and I knew I couldn’t pretend any longer. The two of us had never truly been happy together. He just wanted to be with me because of who my father was, and I knew that he was pretending too. That kiss with Dominic had just reinforced what I really knew to be true.
The kiss with Dominic. I had never felt anything so amazing before—it had been electric. Never in my life had anyone made me feel the way that he had at that moment. I felt desire, want, lust, and emotion building up inside of me just thinking about it. I would never be able to stop thinking about that kiss. I knew, as I fell asleep that night, that I would never rest until I got it again. Derek had never kissed me the way that Dominic had. I allowed myself to think about it more as I finally drifted to sleep.
I expected to wake up feeling deeply ashamed of what had happened. But the moment my eyes opened, I knew what I was going to do. I had to break up with Derek. I looked around the dorm and collected everything that I could that belonged to him. There wasn’t much but more than there should be. I wondered if he had left stuff here just to show that he had some sort of claim on me. He’d done the same with my room at my parents’ house, but I would have to deal with that another time. If I went back, I would only have to sit and explain to them what was happening, and I wasn’t ready to do that yet. I knew my mother wouldn’t be surprised. I was sure that she knew how I really felt about Derek, and even though she had always been nice to him, I was sure that she didn’t really like him either. She’d never said so to my face, but I had always felt her looking at the two of us with a bit of sadness. One day, I would sit and talk to her about her true feelings about the two of us. I would tell her that I would rather her speak honestly with me than always wondering what my father would have to say on the matter. She was her own person too, and I respected her decisions.
Once I had everything collected in a box, I called Derek and asked him to come and see me. It was the first time that we had spoken since the fight. He’d sent me one message telling me to call him when I had grown up, and I was sure he thought this was just me asking him over to apologize. The moment I opened the door and saw the smirk on his face, I knew I had done the right thing.
“Derek, come in,” I said formally and opened the door for him.
I sat on the bed and waited for him to do the same. But he didn’t. He just stood there, looking at me with that stupid smile on his face.
“So, aren’t you going to say you’re sorry? You shouted at me in front of your mom, and then I had to explain to your father what had happened.”
“What did you say to him?” I asked.
“I just said that you were spending time with some boy I didn’t like. Your mother told him that it was only for a project, but I’m sure he could see that I only got upset because I cared so much about you. Anyway, the whole thing was embarrassing and unnecessary. I’m sure you’ll agree.”
“Absolutely,” I said. “And I couldn’t believe that you would talk to me like that in front of my mother. Look, Derek, things are not working out between us. You probably know that just as much as I do. I’ve put all your things in this box. If I find anything else, I’ll let you know. I know you have stuff at my parent’s house, but I’ll make sure I get all of that for you too. I’m sorry it had to end this way, but I think it’s better for the both of us if we go our separate ways.”
The smiled that was on his face wavered. “You’re kidding, right?” he said but then frowned when he saw the box of his things lying by my feet.
I shook my head. “I’m not kidding.”
“You’re breaking up with me. Really? But why? This is crazy, Candice. It was just one fight.”
“It’s not just about the fight. I don’t think that you and I are suitable for each other. I’m sorry, Derek, but I think it’s best for the both of us if we stopped seeing each other.”
An angry laugh burst out of him, and I quickly stood up. I didn’t like that I was sitting while he was standing. He was a very tall guy, but he suddenly seemed huge and menacing as I looked up at him. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but he was still making me feel uncomfortable.
“Oh, I know what this is about,” he said. “I guess I should’ve seen it coming.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“You’re seeing that other guy. Dominic. Nicky. Whatever the hell you call him.”
“I’m not seeing Dominic,” I said. “This has nothing to do with him. This is about you and me.”
“Oh yeah? Just funny how all this happened as soon as you met him. Couldn’t keep your dirty little paws off him, could you? What, are you more interested in football players now? I guess you don’t like a guy to have brains as well as brawn.”
I groaned. “Derek, this has nothing to do with him.”
“Go on, tell me the truth. You’ve slept with him, haven’t you?”
“What? No, I haven’t!” I had kissed him, but Derek didn’t need to know that little fact.
“And I saw the way he was looking at you that day in the library. What did I tell you? I knew it! You think I’m stupid, don’t you? You see, I knew that you would do something like this. You were better off being homeschooled. At least then I knew you were safe!”
“Are you being serious? This has nothing to do with Dominic,” I shouted. “I am breaking up with you because we do not love each other. That’s it.”
“Is it Professor Jackson then? Is that what it is? Are you seeing him? Are you sleeping with your professor?”
“What? What are you talking about, Derek? Have you completely lost your mind? I’m not sleeping with the professor. I’m not sleeping with anyone. You are disgusting. How can you even say that about me? I was right to break up with you. I should’ve done this a long time ago. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like you to please leave my room. Just take your box and go. We could’ve done this in a civil way, you know. We could’ve stayed friends. But you’ve ruined all hope of that. I’m glad we’ve broken up now,” I said.
I tried to stay strong, but I could feel my body trembling, giving me away. I hoped he didn’t notice. I wanted him to think that I wasn’t at all intimidated by him. I didn’t want him to see me as nervous or fragile, even though that was how I was feeling. I wouldn’t tell him that when I came home that night from the fight that I had cried myself to sleep. I didn’t like anyone to know that I was a crier. I kept those moments to myself.
“You’re really something, Candice. I cannot believe you are doing this to me. You know what? You’re going to regret doing this to me. You’ll see. One day you are going to look back at this and realize what a mistake you made. Nobody talks to me like this. Nobody breaks up with me. You’ll be sorry!”
“Just go!” I said and walked over to the door and opened it.
The moment he walked out, I felt an immense sense of relief wash over me. I was so glad that I had done what I had done. It felt so good to finally be rid of him. Things hadn’t been right with us for a very long time, but I still had no idea he would react like that. Goes to show what sort of a guy he really was. I sat back down on the bed, thinking about what I had done. I was going to have to do some serious explaining to my father, but I was sure that he would understand once he heard how Derek had treated me. Breaking up with someone was never good, but I was surprised at how calm I felt. I had done the right thing.
I sat there for some time, hoping that Derek wouldn’t come barging back in. I’d locked the doors just in case. But after about an hour, I felt safe that he wasn’t going to return. He probably just felt embarrassed that I had broken up with him and not the other way around. I was sure that things would be very different if he had been the one to break up with me. His ego was just bruised.
I wasn’t sure what to do with the rest of my day. I had work to do, but I couldn’t absorb any of it. My mind just wasn’t there. Every time I read through a page, my mind would wander, and I would have no idea what I had just read through. Eventually, I put my books away. I was a little ahead with anything, anyway. When you didn’t have many friends, there wasn’t much else to do but study, so I had gotten ahead with my work without the teacher even asking us to. I didn’t need to study right now. Instead, I picked up the phone and called Dominic.
“Oh, hi,” he said. “Uh, how are you?” I knew he was thinking of the kiss. I needed to tell him about Derek. I didn’t want him to think I was that sort of girl.
“I have some stuff I want to talk to you about,” I said.
“You okay? You sound weird.”
I smiled. “You know what, Nicky? I’m actually better than I have been in a very long time. Any chance you have some spare time today?”
“Uh, yeah, why?”
“I’d love to go on another bike ride.”