Chapter Twenty
Candice
Other than the few odd messages over text, I hadn’t seen Dominic in the past few days. In a way, it was good. I needed to clear my head and to figure out what I wanted to do. I knew that seeing Dominic would just confuse me even more. Being around him always drove me completely insane. It was hard to be around him and not touch him, especially if the two of us were alone together. That morning I woke up knowing I was going to have to make a decision between college and Dominic. It wasn’t a decision I was going to take lightly, but it was one that I had to make soon.
I made my way to class that morning, filled with trepidation. It was Professor Jackson’s class, and I was going to have to see Dominic. In fact, not only was I going to see him, but I was going to have to sit next to him. I walked in and saw that he was already there. I took my seat beside him and smiled tersely at him. He looked like he was just about to say something when Professor Jackson walked in and began the lesson. I barely listened to anything that the professor said the whole way through class. All I could think about was that Dominic was sitting next to me. I could hear him breathing. I could smell the scent of his familiar aftershave. It was driving me completely insane.
Then, just as class was about to end, the professor asked Dominic and me to stay behind. I gulped. What was going on? We waited while everyone around us packed up and made their way out the room. We still hadn’t said a word to each other. I assumed he could sense that something was on my mind and I resisted the urge to reach over and take his hand.
The professor walked up to us and grinned. Then he handed us both our assignments back with our grades on it. I looked at it in surprise. I had expected to do well, but not that well.
“I just wanted to tell the two of you in person that you were the best in the class. I’m sure you knew it, but I just wanted the chance to congratulate you. Dominic, as usual, I’m glad to see that you are working so hard. And Candice, it’s an absolute pleasure to have someone like you in the college. You’re going to go very far in life if you continue in this way.”
He talked to us a bit longer, gushing about what a great student I was. The whole time I kept thinking about how happy I was to be at the college, and how important it was for me to be there. I liked Dominic, a lot, but so far us being together had only served to work against us. If I stayed with him, then there was a big chance that he was going to ruin his football chances. And I was also going to ruin my chances of staying in school. For now, we needed to stop seeing each other. At least until we were able to get Derek to calm down and for my father to see our way. We had jumped into all of this too fast, and we had to slow down. We thanked Professor Jackson and walked out, still not saying a word to one another. We walked like that all the way outside.
“Let’s go to the tree,” he said, and I nodded, glad to get away from everyone around us.
While we walked to the tree, I practiced what I was going to say to him, but before I had the chance to say something, he beat me to it.
“Candice, we need to talk,” he said.
I nodded. “Yeah, we do.”
I swallowed hard, trying to formulate the words when Dominic spoke.
“I think we should break up.”
The words floated in the air. It took me a while to realize that he had been the one to say it, and not me. Wait a second, what was going on? I was about to break up with him. I looked at him in surprise, trying to determine whether or not he was joking. Of course, the stern look on his face told me otherwise. He really was breaking up with me.
“You do?” I croaked out.
He sighed. “Candice, I don’t want to break up with you. Hell, I don’t even know if we’re even going out. But whatever this is, whatever we are, it’s probably all happening too fast. My coach has called me out again for not focusing, and things are just going wrong all around us. I think we need to part ways for a while. I need to focus on my football career. I’m so sorry.”
I might have just been about to break up with him, but his words still stung me more than they probably should’ve. I felt hurt, and angry. He wasn’t supposed to break up with me. He was supposed to fight for me. Why did he never fight for me? I guess deep down I was hoping that I would break up with him but that he would tell me that he wouldn’t leave me. It felt like such a big slap in the face. I had risked so much because of him, and now he was standing here telling me that he didn’t want to see me again. I could feel the tears about to form, and I didn’t want him to see me cry.
I nodded. “Okay,” I said and turned to walk away.
“Wait. Candice. Let’s talk about it,” he said.
“Nothing to talk about. It’s fine. Good luck with your football,” I said and walked away. The tears were streaming down my face as I walked off and I was glad to see that he hadn’t followed me.
I went back to my dorm and paced the small space over and over again. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I decided to go and see my mother. I called her to see if my father was there and she said that he was out.
“Darling, have you been crying?” she said when she saw me.
I nodded. “Yeah. Mom, everything is a mess. I have no friends. I have no boyfriend. Dad is angry at me. Dominic and I have ended things. I feel like I have nothing.”
“You have me,” she said.
I nodded. “I know. I know I have you. But Mom, it feels like everything in my life is going wrong. And all because I decided to do something on my own for a change. What am I supposed to do? Just follow Dad’s rules all the time?”
She sighed. “You must do whatever it is that makes you happy.”
“Dominic makes me happy. But so does college.”
“I know. I know. Trust me, darling, I’ve been having words with your father.”
“You have?” I asked.
“Don’t look so surprised. I can stick up for myself when I want to. Especially when I think he’s doing something I don’t agree with. And I don’t agree with this.”
“What did he say?” I asked. I didn’t know my mother had it in her. I felt so proud of her at that moment, and so pleased that for the first time someone had finally taken my side.
“Oh, you know what he’s like. He thinks he’s doing the right thing. He thinks he’s protecting you.”
“He’s only trying to protect himself.”
She sighed. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“College is good for you. I’m glad you’re there. I don’t want you to lose out on the chance of a normal life. So stick it out, no matter how hard it is for you. Things between you and Derek and you and Dominic will slowly work their way out. You’ll see. How about we forget about everything and just spend the day together? I don’t know about you, but I’m in the mood for ice cream.”
I laughed. “Ice cream solves everything,” I said.
I was glad that I had gone to see her. My mother had always been one of my best friends, and even though she always went along with what my father said, I knew that she had my back. We spent some time eating ice cream and walking around town, just forgetting about our problems for a while.
“Want to spend the night at home?” she said. “I can make your favorite lasagna dish again.”
I smiled sadly at her. Eating lasagna at home was exactly what I felt like doing, but not with my father around. I knew we’d just end up fighting. I shook my head sadly.
“I better not, Mom. I have to get back. But thank you for spending the day with me. It was just what I needed.”
She smiled. “Chin up, Candice. You’ve always been the strong one in the family.”
Really? I didn’t know she thought that about me. It made me feel a bit better, and I walked away promising myself that I would continue to be the strong one. As I got back to my dorm, I saw that Derek was hanging around the hallway. I was just about to turn and walk the other way when I reminded myself of what my mother had said. I was strong.
“What are you doing here?” I said to him, impressed at how calm my voice was.
“I’ve come to see you.”
“Well, I don’t want to see you. You should know that by now. And I’d appreciate if you didn’t come to my dorm room. I will report you if you come here again.”
“Oh come on, Candice. Don’t be like that,” he said and grabbed my arm.
I pushed him off me and glared at him. “Don’t you dare touch me again like that. I swear to God, Derek, I will report you.”
“Why are you being like this? I just miss you, that’s all. What’s wrong with that?”
I laughed. I couldn’t believe that he had the nerve to come to me like this after everything that he had done. “You miss me? Well, you sure have a nice way of showing it. I know that you are behind everything that has happened. You’ve ruined my chances with Dominic. And you know what, Derek? He actually made me happy. If you cared about me at all, you would’ve let me be with him. Are you happy now? You ruined things. You got what you wanted. But you will NOT get me.”
I opened the door, walked into my room, and closed it behind me, making sure to lock it. Derek called after me but I told him to go away. Several minutes later I heard him walk away and I breathed a sigh of relief.
The exchange had emboldened me. I waited until I knew he had long gone and then made my way out to the local hairdresser. I walked in with determination.
“Well hello there; what can I do for you?” the lady behind the counter said.
“I’d like to go blonde again,” I said. “Blonde is my natural hair color.”
“You sure? The red is gorgeous,” the woman said.
I nodded. “I’m sure. I went red to hide who I was, but I’m sick of hiding. I just want to go back to who I really am.” I was sick of making excuses, and hiding behind a persona. I was going to stay strong and be myself. And I didn’t need my father, or Derek, or even Dominic to help me make the change. I could do it by myself.
She smiled. “Come on then, sit down; let me see what I can do for you.”