Chapter 26—Clashing Helmets

The next night Lavender opened the door to her little house. Tyler dwarfed her entryway with his size and presence. Outside, rain battered the single-paned windows, while wind rattled the walls. Water dripped down Tyler’s face and matted his hair to his head.

She couldn’t stop the huge smile on her face. She’d never been one to take sex slow and gentle, but after last night, hard and raunchy might be vastly overrated. He’d shown her a place she’d never imagined existed, swept her into an ecstasy so sensual she felt as if they’d left their bodies and the earth behind. For a moment that lasted forever yet didn’t last long enough, she bonded with Tyler, soul to soul. She saw his hopes, his fears, his dreams, and she knew him like she’d never known anyone.

Then it was over.

And she wished that it could work, wished they could find a way to make it work. A girl shouldn’t give up on chemistry like this. And now it was her birthday and his ninetieth day, both causes for celebration and mourning. He’d be free to leave now.

Lavender threw her arms around the waist of the gorgeous man gracing her doorway. “Hi, baby, I missed you.”

He grinned, as he literally bounced on the balls of his feet. “It’s only been, what, a few hours or so.”

“Too long.” She sounded like a sappy teenager in the throes of puppy love, but she didn’t give a shit.

“Happy birthday, Lavender. I have a surprise for you.”

She caught a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. Holding her breath, she almost expected him to drop to one knee and profess his undying love like any good Prince Charming. Only Tyler didn’t drop to one knee, didn’t turn into a fairy-tale prince. Instead, he moved to one side.

And her prince became the worst kind of frog.

Lavender looked beyond Tyler to the man who stood behind him on her front porch. Her stomach lurched. Her knees wobbled. He heart stopped beating. She grabbed the back of the chair and froze, unable to move, to talk, to think. Still grinning and oblivious, Tyler motioned to the hesitant man at his side. The two men entered her house, uninvited. Her legs refused to function. Her voice deserted her.

The door clicked shut, sealing her inside with the man she never wanted to see again in her life.

Her father.

With the exception of those few fleeting seconds at the awards banquet, she hadn’t seen him in years, except on a TV screen during a football game. He looked older, more tired, sadder. A million images flashed through her brain: his laughing eyes as he told his infamously corny jokes, sitting in his lap as he read her a bedtime story, watching him roam the sidelines coaching his team, and shouting encouragement to her from the stands as she stepped up to bat.

She shut out the pleasant memories and focused on the pain of a father who’d missed her graduation, ignored her calls, disappeared from her life when she needed him most, and turned her brother against her and her mother.

Her next coherent thought involved murder. Tyler Harris was her intended victim.

“Happy birthday, Lavender,” Tyler announced in his big, booming voice. His grin collapsed into a confused grimace as he took note of her scowl.

“Lavender. Happy birthday.” Brian Gerloch stepped forward, rubbing his hands on his jeans then holding his arms out to her. His fingers shook slightly. “Andy says hi. He’d like to see you.”

Lavender backed away from his outstretched arms. “What are you doing here?”

He dropped his arms. “Tyler and I discussed the idea.” He continued to smile, but it stopped south of his eyes.

She whipped around, finding it easier to take her wrath out on Tyler. “How dare you butt into my business. Again.”

“Don’t blame him. It was my idea.” Her father started to step forward but the look on her face appeared to stop him.

She truly doubted Brian Gerloch concocted this untimely plan, especially considering the guilt etched across Tyler’s face. “I’m not ready to deal with this.”

“I just want a few moments to talk. To explain myself.” Her father stood his ground, which upset her all the more.

“I can’t. Not now. Not yet.”

His shoulders slumped, and he hung his head. Her hard heart cracked a bit. Her father looked pathetic, lost, not in control. She’d never seen him like this. Fighting her reaction to this man she’d once called Daddy, she shored up her defenses.

Lavender shot a glare at Tyler, who shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes hooded and his mouth pressed in a tight, firm line.

“Please, honey, just hear me out. Can you find some room for a little forgiveness?” Brian laid his pride at her feet like a sacrificial lamb.

“Not now. Not yet. Maybe someday.” She resisted, even as she longed to hear his story.

“Lavender, just listen to what he has to say.” Misguided, Tyler reached out to her.

She ignored Tyler and addressed her father. “You gave up the right for forgiveness years ago.”

Brian slumped and backed up a few steps. “This was a mistake.”

Lavender twisted her ring until her finger ached. Her father’s gaze narrowed in on the ring.

“You still wear it.”

Lavender blanched. “I like it.” She refused to admit the ring, given to her shortly before her father moved out, was her one connection to him.

“Look, honey, I know I wasn’t there. I admit I gave up too easily. I didn’t fight for you like I should have. I just don’t know if it would’ve turned out any differently if I had. I didn’t want to put you and your brother in the middle of a contentious situation. It would’ve torn you in two. I backed off. I think either way you’d end up hating me. I hoped someday you’d come around, ask to hear my side, and forgive me. Your brother did.” Her father stared down at his feet, but not before she caught the stark and vivid pain in his eyes.

“Yeah, look where it got him. He’s lost a mom and a sister.” She lashed out like a wounded animal, hating herself for being vindictive like her mother, while enjoying her power in a perverse way.

“Andy shouldn’t have to lose anyone. Neither should you. There’s room for both of us in your lives. No parent should make a child feel like they have to choose.”

“My mother did the best she could. You deserted us.”

His face fell. He gnawed on his lower lip and closed his eyes for a moment. “I didn’t. Believe me, I didn’t. We had a hefty amount of money in savings, and Brenda got all of it.” He held a large envelope out to her. She ignored it. “If you’d only take the time to look at the items in here…”

“I’m not interested.” She crossed her arms over her chest and hugged herself tight, but nothing eased the ache of her broken heart.

Brian laid the envelope on the table. Lavender ignored it. “Please, just go.”

“I’ll leave, but honey, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’m not giving up on you again. I’ll be waiting when you’re ready.”

“Please. Just leave.” A sob welled up in her throat. Unshed tears blurred everything, except she still saw sorrow in Brian’s eyes. It almost undid her.

His body caved as if it’d been deflated, his expression that of a broken man. He shuffled to the door, and she almost went after him, almost threw herself in his arms. The door closed quietly behind him.

“I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I thought seeing your dad would be a good thing.”

“You were wrong.” Lavender rounded on Tyler. All the confusing emotions combined, and she directed her anger at him. “You need to go, too.”

Tyler stood up straighter. “I have to pack anyway. I’m leaving in the morning.”

He stopped in front of Lavender and looked down at her, his expression unreadable. “If you want me to stay, I will.”

For a moment, gazes meshed and held. He let her see things she’d never thought she’d see in his eyes. In the next moment she convinced herself she’d only seen what she wanted to see, nothing real.

A million things ran through Lavender’s mind, their fights, their bickering, Tyler’s control issues, his vulnerabilities, his passionate loving, his enthusiasm, his wicked sense of humor. His mastery of the F word and attempt to break his bad habit. All of it.

She couldn’t deal with everything right now. She wasn’t strong enough. She needed time to sort through all the broken pieces of her life and determine what could be put back together again.

“Are you sure?”

“I need time.” She choked on the words, a sob strangling her.

Without another word, Tyler left. The door clicked shut behind him. Lavender sank onto the worn couch and buried her face in her hands as the floor fell out beneath her.

* * * * *

Lavender watched from her window as Tyler locked the front door of the mansion. For a moment, he stood on the veranda and gazed around him. Then he walked down the front steps to his truck. Unable to stop herself, she trotted across the muddy field and slipped through the gate between the two properties.

Tyler saw her coming and paused, his expression guarded, his eyes hooded.

She met his gaze and held her chin high. “I’m angry at you for what you did last night, but I still can’t let you go without saying goodbye.”

“You’re mad because I tried to fix what’s broken. I get that. It was a stupid move on my part.” His hard blue eyes never wavered from hers, and his asshole mask was held firmly in place.

“You can’t force everything to be the way you want it to be.”

“Why not? It’s worked for me in the past.” He skirted around her and threw his duffle bag in the passenger seat.

“There are some things you can’t control.” She stood behind him. When he turned around, she effectively blocked him in.

“You need to figure stuff out. I get that.”

Lavender had championed her mother for so long, defended her, put her on a pedestal, she couldn’t change her behavior overnight—even if she wanted. Tyler and her father had tried to force Lavender to see her mother as human with flaws. She was beginning to see this situation differently. But until she could bear to look at the evidence and decide, she couldn’t take on anything else right now, even if it meant losing Tyler.

“Goodbye.” She stepped away, but he stepped forward into the space she’d just vacated.

“I’m going, but I’ll be back. I’m keeping this place, Lavender. You can’t run from me and your life forever.” Tyler leaned forward, filling her nostrils with his clean, woodsy scent. Her entire body angled toward him, even as she kept her head thrown back.

Determination glinted in his eyes, the same determination she’d seen in TV interviews just before his first Super Bowl. “When you decide what you want, you know where to find me.”

She didn’t respond at first. “Tyler, do one thing for me.”

He stared down at her a long, long time. Regret, need, and sorrow showed on his face and he made no attempt to conceal the emotions.

“Find your passion. If it’s not football, retire, and don’t give up until you find out what it is.”

“I have to go back to football.”

“You don’t have to do anything. You could retire if your heart’s not in it.”

“I don’t want to retire.” He spoke softly, almost reverently, almost as if he’d just discovered the truth for himself.

“Then go back to your team and show them you’re in this 100 percent.”

“I could stay a while longer.”

She almost succumbed, begged him to stay, but something held her back. She needed the space to rediscover the truth of her past and figure out who she was now. If she didn’t take care of herself first, she couldn’t be everything Tyler needed.

“We don’t start training camp for a few more months.” He touched her face. The look of tenderness in his warm blue eyes sucker-punched her.

“Is Zach at the practice facility working out right now with the young guys?”

“Yeah, every day.” He regarded her warily, as if he knew what was coming.

“Go back. Go to team headquarters, start working out, throw yourself into it with all you’ve got. Show the doubters it’s still your team, and you aren’t giving it up without a fight.”

Hands on her shoulders, he studied her for a long time. He made no attempt to hide his feelings from her. He’d definitely come a long way. Had she?

“You’re pretty special, Tyler Harris. Let the rest of the world see what you let me see. Be the person you can be, and you’ll find your passion again.”

His deep blue eyes searched hers, peeling away her defenses layer by layer. His gaze trapped her, chipped at her armor, made her believe in miracles. “I think I love you.”

Her heart danced at the words until she wrapped her brain around his actual words. He thought he loved her. But that wasn’t enough. He needed to know he loved her.

“You love me, too.” With a confident nod, Tyler stepped back and released her, as if he knew something she didn’t.

No sense denying the truth.

With a sigh, he planted a chaste kiss on the tip of her nose then turned back to his truck.

“Tyler.”

He hesitated, hand on the door handle. “Yeah?”

“I’ll miss you. Make your dad and uncle proud.”

He nodded and swallowed. “I have, and I will.” On that note, he got into his truck and shut the door. Cougar stared at her through the window from his place on the back of the seat. The cat’s accusing gaze said it all.

You’re a coward.

That she was.

With one last sad smile, Tyler pulled down the driveway. She watched until his truck rounded a corner and disappeared out of sight. A lump sat in her throat almost choking her. She was a coward of the worst kind. She refused to see the truth because hiding behind lies and assumptions made her life easier in the short run, even as it ate her up inside a little bit more every day.

She trudged down to Twin Cedars’ dock. A storm moved in. Dark clouds brewed angrily in the distance. Waves crashed against the rickety dock and rocked it. She braced her legs apart to keep from falling into the swirling waters. The wind whipped at her hair. Rain peppered her face, but she didn’t feel any of it.

Instead she recalled a night of passion on this very dock on a calm, starlit night and a man who made love to her with such profound tenderness, it rocked her to her very soul.

The ever-changing waters rolled onto the beach then receded, only to return again. Like life, the waves altered the landscape by pushing driftwood up the beach, cutting away at the rocky bank, carving a new shape to the islands, adding some here, taking away there. A constant evolution, ever adjusting to nature’s demands.

Wiping a tear from her face, Lavender splashed through the mud puddles back to the house, ignoring the rain, which found ways past the protective shell of her raincoat. A blast of heat welcomed her as she opened the door. She removed her coat and shook it out on the vinyl flooring of the entryway. After hanging it on a peg near the front door, she wandered into the small living room. Slicking back her wet hair, she pulled a bulging envelope from its hiding place under the couch.

She stared at it for a moment then stashed it back under the couch. She wasn’t ready. For a lot of things. She wondered if she’d ever be ready for the truth.

* * * *

Tyler ground his teeth so hard his head throbbed. A vein pulsed in his neck from the tension. He pulled his truck onto the ferry. Shutting off the engine, he leaned his head against the headrest and closed his eyes. Coug climbed over his shoulder and purred in his ear. He rubbed his face against Tyler’s five-o’clock shadow, as if loving the scratchy feel of Tyler’s chin.

Tyler’s laugh rang hollow to his own ears, as he spit out a mouthful of cat hair. He pulled Coug onto his lap.

“Damn cat.” He stroked the animal’s soft fur, while the ferry engines thrummed as the boat pulled away from the dock.

“We’re going home, buddy. You’ll like the place.” The cat stared at him. “Okay, maybe you won’t. No mice, and you can’t go outside in the city. You’ll get used to it.”

Yeah, but would he?

Dang, he’d told Lavender he thought he loved her. Maybe not the best choice of words. They’d just bubbled from his lips. As soon as he’d uttered the three scariest words known to man, he knew he’d meant them. He didn’t just think, he knew. He gritted his teeth harder, which didn’t help the pounding in his head. Nor could he drown out that cracking sound, which surely signaled the splintering of his once-hard heart.

Damn, he fu—effing hated this. He never let down his guard. He never let a woman inside his most secret places. Never. But he’d let Lavender in, and she’d rejected him. Okay, maybe shoving her dad down her throat as a birthday present might qualify as a stupid-assed idea.

Still, she’d reacted as if she didn’t believe him. That hurt worse than anything else, because for once he’d been honest about what was in his heart.

He guessed honesty didn’t count.