By five o’clock on Friday night Ben was on the road heading back up to Napa. Again.
He had to cancel what promised to be a lucrative contract, and referred it over to Rangley and Sons. Paul Rangley had been a generous mentor, and Ben didn’t mind sending business his way.
He’d made two conference calls during his ride, only having to pull over once to take notes and check his calendar. Worried Alexis would take off if she knew he’d be staying at Martevino as well, he didn’t let her or his sister know he and Sophie were on their way.
He fed her before leaving and she slept the entire ride, only making a few noises when he’d stopped. Knowing his sister and niece and nephew would be thrilled to babysit, he stopped at her house first to hand off the baby.
“Diapers and wipes are in the middle pocket.” He dropped the diaper bag in the foyer. “She likes to eat every three hours. Four ounces should be enough for her next feeding in—”
“Thirty-four minutes. Yes, you said that already. I’ve had two babies. You can trust me to babysit my niece for a few hours.”
“She’ll need to be changed when—”
“When she poops,” Nora giggled. At four-years-old his niece was more than excited to have a little baby to play with.
“See?” His sister laughed. “Sophie is in good hands. Go have your…business meeting with Alexis.” Adrianna didn’t even try to hide her cheeky grin.
“Yeah. Uh, thanks.” The last thing he needed was his sister meddling in his love life. Or lack thereof.
“I approve, by the way. So fix whatever you did.”
Ben groaned, kissed his sweet Sophie, and turned on his heel, opting to walk—or rather, jog—to the guesthouse than drive. He told himself it was in case his sister needed to take Sophie somewhere; she would have his car with the base to the car seat, and not so Alexis wouldn’t see him drive up.
Following the crushed rock path to the backfield, then over the footbridge to the two-bedroom guesthouse, he tread lightly on the front porch steps, and knocked on the front door.
“Hi.” Alexis opened the door with a sad smile until she realized it was Ben. “Oh. It’s you.” Her eyes and lips turned down and she stepped back, closing the door in his face.
“Can I come in?”
“No,” she said through the closed door.
He didn’t remind her he had a key and practically lived there. “How about outside? On the porch.”
“I’m all set, thanks.” The stereo turned on, to country music of course, a loud female singer screeching about keying a guy’s car and busting it with a bat. Yeah. She was pissed. The singer and Alexis.
Knowing whatever he said couldn’t be heard over the loud music, he sat in one of the rockers on the porch and waited. When that song ended, another started. Another angry song about cheating hearts. Alexis must have figured out how to connect her phone to the system.
Ben had the beginning of a headache that he was pretty sure wouldn’t go away until he and Alexis talked this out. His jaw tense from clenching it, relaxed a little when he took out his phone and sent her a text.
I’m not a cheater.
The music blared even louder, and Ben squinted in pain and sent her another message.
I haven’t been with another woman since the day I met you. Hell, in the months before I met you.
She replied instantly.
Nine months
Ben got up and paced the porch. When the music stopped he called out again. “Alexis. I admit I should have told you I got a woman pregnant—” The music cut him off again, and he lost his patience, not caring if it was rude to enter the house.
He dug out his key and inserted into the lock, opening it to find Alexis curled in a ball on the couch. She didn’t hear him enter and he stood in the doorway, waiting for her to notice. When she wiped her eyes with her sleeve she looked up and gasped.
“I didn’t let you in.”
“I know.” He turned off the stereo and sat on the couch opposite her. “I won’t stay long.”
“Yes. You need to get back to your baby and your girlfriend.”
“My baby, yes. Adrianna is watching her right now. I don’t have a girlfriend.” He considered Alexis his girlfriend but didn’t think she’d be open to that title at the moment.
“Well, whatever you metro people call them. Your lover or sex partner. One of the many, I assume.”
“You assume wrong. I’ll admit I’m a bastard for not telling you I was going to be a father.”
“You think?” Alexis straightened and crossed her arms across her chest.
“Honestly?” He ignored her loud, exaggerated snort. “Honestly, when I’m with you I’m not thinking of her. Or the baby.” Again, she snorted and he leaned in closer. “I was a bastard to Sophie and her mother as well. None of it was real to me until thirteen days ago when I first held her in my hands.”
Ben couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face. That’s what Sophie did to him. So small and fragile, and a part of him. He had made her. Some day he’d teach her Italian, how to ride a bike, make gravy, even pass down the family tradition of harvesting and pressing grapes. In the meantime, he’d soak up every minute he had with her, breathing in her clean powdery scent, stroking her delicate, soft skin.
His daughter was fragile. Just like Alexis. He blinked away the sentimentality and focused on the woman in front of him. Or rather, the woman who had been in front of him. Alexis stomped to the kitchen, opening cabinets, the fridge, the drawers, until she found what she was looking for, a bottle opener.
Opening a bottle of his family’s Cabernet, she stilled, glared at him, then brought the bottle to her lips, swigging the expensive wine like a pirate. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and spun on her bare feet, heading out back to the patio.
Ben watched her plop down into a chaise lounge and drink from the bottle. It pained her as much as him, he bet. Knowing he’d said all she would listen to, he gave one last appeal before leaving.
“Everything that happened between us was real, Alexis. I care about you. A great deal. Things may never be the same between us again, but I’m hoping you don’t hate me.” He waited for any indication she’d heard him. When she didn’t budge, he added, “I’m staying at my sister’s. I hope we can talk tomorrow.”
When he got back to his sister’s, Adrianna was waiting for him, a hand on her hip, a disappointed dip in her eyebrow.
“You and Alexis, huh?”
“Where’s Sophie?”
“Sleeping. I take it she didn’t know and I spilled the beans.”
“Yeah, thanks for that.” Ben gathered the pink polka dot blanket and the package of wipes from the couch and tossed them in the diaper bag.
“I didn’t know Sophie was top secret. The farm hands even threw you a baby shower.”
“They sent me gifts. They were unnecessary and appreciated.”
“It meant a lot that you personally addressed each thank you card.”
“Look, Anna, I’m tired. Where are you going with all of this?”
“You’re a good father. An asshole at times, but a good man. From the little time I spent with her, I like Alexis. I’m assuming you two had an affair and you neglected to tell her you were about to be a father.”
“Yeah. Something like that. Sophie up in the guest room?” He needed to get in an hour or two of sleep before she woke for her midnight feeding.
“She’s in the portable crib next to your bed. I wasn’t sure if you’d be staying in the guest house tonight.” Ben laughed. “Alexis has a right to be mad. And hurt. You lied.”
“By omission, which—” he held up a hand to stop his sister’s lecture “—is just as bad, but I didn’t cheat on her.”
“Did you make promises?”
“No.” He was sure to avoid any talk about relationships and commitment, knowing life would be unpredictable once he had a baby. What he wasn’t expecting was Felicia’s hands-off approach to motherhood and his role as a single dad.
If he’d thought her getting pregnant was a way to trap him into a relationship with her, he’d have had a paternity test months ago. But Felicia wasn’t the motherly type. Even carrying Sophie for nine months and delivering her, she still hadn’t formed a bond. Ben read that it was common for it to take some time before a mother bonded with a child, especially if the pregnancy was unwanted.
Only he figured it would be him with the delayed bond, not Felicia. She wanted a relationship with Ben, not with Sophie. And now that he had a daughter, one was not possible without the other. They were a package deal, Sophie and him.
He only hoped Alexis would accept them into her life. Both of them.
To say she cried herself to sleep was an understatement. Sleep never came. The blazing sun streamed through the skylights in her bedroom forcing her to crawl out of bed. Not wanting to witness the bags under her eyes or the mess of tangles on her head, she avoided the bathroom mirror while she brushed her teeth.
The kitchen was stocked with high-end coffee, frozen waffles, and boxes of cereal. Only the coffee appealed to her. Making a pot, she poured herself a cup and brought it to the front porch that overlooked the endless acres of grapevines.
It was a beautiful spot with mountains to the north, the tallest being Mount St. Helena if her research was correct, neat rows and rows of grape vines, and the pretty white tasting house in the middle. Her gaze followed a dirt path that led to what must be the pressing room. Or mansion.
The Martevino Vineyard website had dozens of pictures encapsulating the many angles of the varieties of grapes, the oak barrels, the stainless steel drums, and the staff. She’d studied the family picture a few days ago, tracing the familiar Italian lines in Ben’s face, and now she worked to erase his image from her memory.
Unfortunately, that was hard to do when the female version of him came traipsing up the walkway.
“Good morning!” Adrianna held up a paper bag. “I brought muffins. Mom’s been up since dawn baking. It’s what she does. Feeds us all.”
Alexis didn’t want to like Ben’s sister. She reminded her too much of him, from the cheeky smile to the blue eyes that popped against tanned skin and dark hair.
“Thank you,” Alexis said, remembering her manners.
“Mind if I join you?” She didn’t wait for a response, and took the rocker next to Alexis, opening the bag and offering a muffin. “They’re white macadamia nut orange something or other. I didn’t inherit the baking gene. Just the eating and drinking one.”
“They smell delicious.”
“Careful. Stick around here and you’ll gain ten pounds in the first week.” They ate their muffins in silence, Alexis mostly picking at hers, and stuck the wrappers back in the bag. “I thought I’d warn you. Mom is on her way after the next batch comes out. She adores your parents and is itching to meet you.”
“Oh.” There went her privacy, her time to mourn the loss of someone wonderful.
“And because I’m the talkative nosey sister…” Adrianna hedged, leaning forward in her chair, crouching down so her head was almost level with Alexis’s belly, and looked up. “I’m sorry about throwing my brother under the bus. About taking you by surprise. I had no idea you two were a thing.”
“Is that what he said?”
“No. He didn’t tell me anything. I’m just that good at reading people.” Alexis frowned and hid behind her coffee mug. “I’ve never seen my brother so torn up over a woman.”
“He led me on. Made me believe…” What? That they were in a relationship? No, he never said anything about commitment. They didn’t talk about their future, hardly about their pasts, keeping conversations light and about the present. And his child was something of the present.
“He didn’t tell you his ex-girlfriend was pregnant, I take it.” Alexis didn’t need to confirm. “I’m sorry for dumping that on you yesterday.”
“It’s not your fault. I’d rather know than be made a fool of.”
“I hope that’s not what you think. If anyone’s a fool, it’s Ben. And his bimbo ex-girlfriend who hasn’t given his daughter the time of day. Which I think Sophie’s better off that way, but still.”
Alexis had no experience with children, especially with babies, but she couldn’t imagine a mother not wanting her own child. She remained quiet, sipping her coffee, listening to Adrianna ramble about Ben.
“Here comes Mom. She, uh, doesn’t know about you and Ben. Not that I know anything about you and Ben either. Only that he has serious feelings for you. Feelings he doesn’t want to discuss, and he seems pretty peeved about right now.”
There wasn’t any time for her to react to Adrianna’s statement before Mrs. Martelli rounded the corner and came up the steps, opening her arms for an expected hug. Her dark hair, streaked with gray and red, was pulled back tight in a bun, her eyes big and blue like her children’s.
“You’re Shane and Claudia’s Alexis. I recognize you from the pictures they’ve shared.” She didn’t wait for Alexis to stand, embracing her in a warm, welcoming hug. “What a beautiful name. You look stunning here, sitting on our front porch. You’ll have to visit more often.”
“Mom, give the poor girl time to breathe.”
It was evident where Adrianna got her sociable personality. “It’s okay. It’s very nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Martelli.”
“Bah. Call me Sarah. Mrs. Martelli is my mother-in-law. I’ve been cooped up in her tiny villa for the past three months with my in-laws. I love Italy, but California is my home.”
“I thought you were from Ireland.”
“Ah, so my son speaks of his mother when she’s not around. That’s good.” Sarah’s bright eyes danced with love and adoration. “My boy. I thought my Nora would be the only one to cause so many gray hairs. But Benito,” she sighed and sat in the rocker Adrianna vacated.
“I need to get back to the house. You two enjoy your visit.” Adrianna held up her thumb and pinky to her ear signaling for Alexis to call her if she needed her.
“Papa is hogging Sophie, if that’s who you’re after,” Sarah called after her daughter. “Benito made me a grandmother again. You should see her. A full head of hair, and blue eyes like her daddy’s and mine.”
“I’m sure she’s gorgeous.” If Sophie looked anything like her father, she had to be stunning. Hopefully she wouldn’t inherit his cunning way of avoiding the truth by covering it with white lies.
“Oh, she is. Enough about us, though, tell me about you and your family. Your parents wanted to make sure the winery was in tip-top shape before handing it off to you. Were Benito’s plans helpful? He’s the best, my boy. I’m biased, but right.”
Had her parents sought support so she could continue working at the winery and not have to look for outside income? Instead of feeling humbled and appreciative, Alexis took it as an insult. Her parents had no faith in her; they didn’t believe she could make it on her own, living off the profits they split from the winery. Why didn’t they tell her about their financial concerns, or their hope to retire soon?
Alexis looked up to the sky and blinked back tears, feeling more alone than before. Ignorance really was bliss.
“Darling? What’s wrong?” Sarah kneeled at her feet, taking Alexis’s hands in hers. “Is it your parents, are they okay?”
She nodded and shook her head and nodded again, not knowing what to do with her head, or with her heart. Two months ago her life was simple, easy, routine. Predictable. She had no idea her parents wanted to retire. Did they want to sell? Alexis couldn’t afford to buy them out. Heck, she couldn’t even afford her own apartment.
The plans to expand and build the function hall must have cut into their savings; it would take years for them to make the investment back.
Before she met Ben she was satisfied with her lackluster love life. It wasn’t a priority. Again, ignorance was bliss. Had she known what it felt like to be wrapped in the arms of not only your lover, but the man who held your heart in his hands, to laugh with someone who not only appreciated your sense of humor but thought you were beautiful as well, she would have gone searching for Mr. Right a long time ago.
If there was such a thing. Ben was as close as it came, and he’d lived so far away. Not only that, but he played her for a fool. What kind of relationship could they have, visiting each other every few months for a handful of days, having a secret life on the side?
“Alexis, darling, I’ve seen that look before. One doesn’t bear four children and not witness the face of heartache. This isn’t about your winery. This is something deeper. My Benito had the same look on his face this morning. Did my boy do this?”
Bowing her head, Alexis closed her eyes, afraid if she opened her mouth her heart and soul would come out as well. She said nothing to lead Sarah to this conclusion, yet, like her daughter, her evaluations were spot on.
“This is why he brushed me off when I asked if he’d met Shane and Claudia’s daughter. He knew I’d hear it in his voice.”
“It?”
Sarah stroked Alexis’s hair, twisting it around her fingers.
“I raised my boys to be honest men. To have integrity and treat others, especially women, with respect.”
Ha! Then the jerkface asswipe was just as much a letdown to his mother as he was to her.
“I apologize for the sadness he put in you.”
“It’s not your fault.” Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, Alexis looked up with a sad smile. “Your family is very kind. I can see why my parents took to you. And your children…I haven’t met the other two, but Adrianna is wonderful. She makes a wonderful first impression to your vineyard.”
“Benito, though.” Sarah shook her head, the look of disappointment evident in her face.
“Ben is…it’s my fault for getting too caught up in the drama, of the romance I thought was there. It was silly of me, really. We live on opposite ends of the earth. He has his family, a baby to care for, and a business to run. I didn’t mean to get in the way.”
“I don’t think you were in the way of anything. My son’s trips back east had little to do with work, I assume.”
“It’s in the past.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Alexis stood on trembling legs and concentrated hard on making her voice sound calm. “I called the airline and they said I could switch my ticket to tomorrow morning. Your vineyard is lovely. Thank you for your hospitality.”
“You’re leaving so soon?”
“I think it’s best.”
“I’ve never seen my son look so miserable. Even my orange muffins didn’t cause a rise out of him. Sophie managed to squeeze a smile out of him, but it only lasted for a second.”
Yes, the baby that Alexis already grew to resent. And now she was the jerkface for resenting an innocent baby. Sophie made the situation more complicated though. Even if Ben was being honest about not seeing the Felicia woman, he still had a newborn to care for. She’d need to be with her mother and her father, and Alexis wasn’t about to get involved in that mess.
She liked her simple life back home.
“Ah, here is Benito now, with my beautiful grandbaby. You have twenty-four hours until your flight. Why don’t you two use this time to…mend fences?” Sarah squeezed her hands and placed a motherly kiss on her cheek.
Alexis didn’t turn, afraid if she saw the man she loved holding the baby he made with another woman she’d turn into a weak pile of bones and crumble to the ground.
“Ah, my little Sophie,” she heard Sarah coo. “Come to Gran-mama, my precious one.”
“I’m starting to get a complex,” Ben said, an ill attempt at casual banter. “Everyone is more excited to see Sophie than they are me.”
“That’s because Sophie isn’t an idiot,” Sarah said.
If her heart didn’t hurt so much, Alexis would have laughed at his mother’s insult.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I like this girl. Benito Gino, you fix what needs to be mended.”
Alexis wanted to run and disappear inside, but Ben had a key so her efforts to hide would be futile. Taking the high road, she sat back down in the rocker and reached for her cold coffee, anything to keep her hands busy.
When Sarah was nothing but a spot in the distance, Ben moved closer, stopping to sit on the top step. He sat sideways, his back resting against the post, stretching his long legs across the step.
The same long legs that climbed the maple tree outside her window. The same legs that crisscrossed with hers when they cuddled in her bed.
The same legs that stood by another woman’s side as she delivered his baby.
“My family is quite enamored with you.” He picked at the cuff of his khaki shorts, keeping his gaze focused on the fields.
“They’re nice people.”
“They’re not too happy with me right now.”
“You seem to have a way to piss everyone off.”
Ben chuckled. “No. It’s just you. My family is mad at me because they know I hurt you. They don’t know the details, unless Anna coaxed them out of you.” He tilted his head and those amazing eyes, as blue as the Napa Valley sky, turned to her, stirring up the pile of rubble in her chest. “She’s smart and pieced two and two together.”
Alexis didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything to say. Ben screwed up. He led her on and he knew it. What else could either of them do?
Nothing. The trust was gone. The hurt took over. End of story.
“I’ve been thinking of ways I can make this up to you.”
“You can’t.” She set her cup on the wrought iron table and stood. “You…made your bed. Now you have to lie in it. Lay, lie, it’s a two-for-one deal with you.”
Ben shot to his feet and stood between her and the door. “I never lied to you.”
“It’s the same—”
“Damn it! No, it’s not. We became friends, then lovers. I mentioned Felicia and…stuff I had to take care of at home. We never talked about pursuing a relationship. I purposely avoided that conversation because I knew I couldn’t commit to one.”
Her eyes were too sore and dry to shed any more tears. Her body too numb to feel any more pain. So she stood there, expressionless. The dagger in her chest twisting until she grew numb from head to toe. He couldn’t have hurt her anymore if he tried.
Admitting he had no plans to ever be in a committed relationship was the final nail in the coffin. Even if she had the energy, there was nothing left to fight for.
“Well then, I guess my time here is done. There’s nothing else to say.” Shoulders slouched, she slipped past him and into the house, gently closing the door behind her. Ben didn’t follow her in and she didn’t wait to hear him leave.
Collapsing on her bed, she finally crashed, falling asleep, not waking until the middle of the night when she escaped under the cover of darkness, not wanting to go through the painful process of saying goodbye to Adrianna and Sarah.
To Napa Valley.
To Martevino Vineyards.
To Ben. Although he was already gone. She lost him two weeks ago, if not before. All she could do now was pick her head up and move on.
Alone.