Mondays are the worst.

I wake with Ginny in my arms, and sigh at the thought of weeknights without her.

“Ginny,” I say as I flick on the bedside light.

She stirs. “What time is it?”

“Four. I’ve got to get to work.”

Her eyes flicker open. “Why are you waking me up?”

“I need to know. Will you stay the night?”

She closes her eyes again for a moment before frowning. “Owen, it’s so important that you and Ava get time together.”

“We are. She lives here now.”

Ginny sighs. “You need time with her, Owen. Just you two. It’s as important as the three of us spending time together.”

“The weekends aren’t enough.”

She reaches for me, pulling me down and planting a kiss on my lips. “I love you, but can we talk about this another time when it’s not four in the morning?”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted another night with you.”

“I just stayed three in a row.” She lets out another sigh. “Please don’t make this harder than it is.”

I nod. “Sorry. I’ll go to work. You get back to sleep.”

She watches in silence as I pull my clothes on and turn off the light.

It’s not until six, when the bread-making’s done and I take a breather, that I realise I left the room without kissing her goodbye.

What an arse.

“I’ve gotta go for a second,” I say to Mel.

“Ava’s not up for an hour. Look. I made a special Ava cookie.”

I turn. Mel’s used my gingerbread cutters to make a shortbread girl. It’s iced with a purple dress, and that touches my heart. “She’ll love it.”

“We’ve all got to do our bit to help her fit in, right?”

Ginny’s words come back to me. I’m impatient to be with her, but she’s right. Ava and I do need time together to get to know each other. We’ve barely scratched the surface. I may know her favourite colour, but what else about this little girl do I really understand? She doesn’t talk about her former life, and she must remember the accident because she remembered me.

“It means a lot, Mel.”

She shrugs. “Ava’s dad’s paying for it anyway.”

Ginny’s gone when I get back in the house. We didn’t have an arrangement for this morning, and Ava will wake around seven and come and find me, just like she did last week.

Given that she could have gone home and gone back to sleep, I’ll call her and grovel at a more appropriate time, maybe send her some flowers. I could kick myself for how I acted.

An hour later, as predicted, Ava’s at the kitchen door.

“You ready for breakfast?” I ask.

“Where’s Ginny?”

I bend, taking her hands in mine. “She’s gone to her place. She needs to get changed and ready for work.”

Ava’s lower lip droops, and you’d think from her expression that she’d lost her favourite toy.

“We’ll see her during the week. You and me need to get some groceries soon too, so maybe you could tell me what else you used to have for breakfast.”

“Coco Pops.”

“I’ll add them to our list. That list is getting pretty big now, and I know you’re sick of using my body wash in the bath.”

She nods.

“Let’s go and get something to eat.”

Ginny’s phone’s off for most of the day while she’s at work, and when I call I get her voicemail. I close my eyes at the sound of her voice.

“Hey, babe. I’m sorry about this morning. I was a bit of a dick, and I should have at least let you sleep. Call me later. I love you.”

I hang up the phone and stare at it.

This situation is so foreign and yet it doesn’t feel wrong. I’d rather have Ginny in my life and not staying nights than lose her altogether.

She hasn’t returned my call by nine, and Ava’s sound asleep.

Yawning, I look at the clock. I got used to Ginny staying a few nights, and falling asleep alone will be hard. How quickly things have changed.

I need to try and get some sleep. The whole “being up at four” thing is a grind, but I’m so proud of my little bakery. I worked my arse off to buy it, and it’s all mine.

Hugging Ginny’s pillow, I close my eyes.

“Owen?”

I open my eyes. It’s dark.

“Ava?”

As I sit, I reach for the bedside lamp. She’s standing beside the bed, her teddy-bear in one hand, her thumb in her mouth.

“Are you okay?”

She takes a step back and shakes her head.

“What’s wrong?”

Her eyes fill with fear, as if she thinks she’s going to be in trouble.

I slip out of bed and kneel in front of her. Stroking her hair gets me a small smile. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Her lower lip wobbles. “I wet the bed.”

My heart melts. “Oh, honey, it’s not your fault. Do you want me to sort it out?”

She nods.

“Tell you what. How about we get you changed and you come and hop into my bed?”

The clock tells me it’s a little after one, and I have three hours before I need to get back up.

She nods again.

“Come on then.”

Ava takes my hand, and I lead her back to her bedroom. I still have no idea what I’m doing, but I have to try for her, no matter how tired I am.

I open her top drawer. Ginny got her four more pairs of pyjamas, and I pull out the pink ones I know Ava likes. “Let me just grab you a new pair of knickers and we’ll get you cleaned up.”

“Mummy let me wear pull-ups.”

I spin around. Ava hasn’t spoken about either of her parents since she got here. Is this a good sign, or a bad sign?

“Really? You’re so good at going to the toilet.”

“Just for night-time.”

I smile. “Okay. So tomorrow, we’ll go and get some pull-ups for night. Would that be better?”

She grins, and I reach for her hand.

“Come on.” I strip off her pyjamas, and run some warm water on a flannel. After I wipe her down, I grab a towel from the rail and dry her off. Maybe I’m not so bad at this dad thing after all.

When I’ve dressed her, she giggles as I pick her up and carry her to my room. Covering her with the duvet, I turn to go out the door.

“Owen? Where are you going?”

“I’m just going to strip the bed and throw the sheets in the wash with your clothes.”

Her blue eyes, so much like Cara’s, stare at me, and it hits me in the chest. Before Ginny, the woman I grew closest to was Cara Mitchell. She was the only married woman I ever slept with, and every time I look at her daughter, our daughter, I think I know why she chased me so hard. Maybe I was the solution to her problem.

I gave her everything she needed but I never knew.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” I give Ava what I hope is a reassuring smile and leave.

When I return, she’s moved a little closer to my side of the bed, and she’s still wide awake.

“Let’s get some sleep.” I yawn as I climb into bed beside her.

“Owen?”

“Yes?”

“Can I stay here?”

I roll to look at her, and I see hope in her face. “Here? You need to sleep in your bed tomorrow when it’s clean.”

She shakes her head. “No. Can I stay here at the bakery?”

My throat tightens as I realise she’s asking if she’s going to be shipped off somewhere else. She’s four years old, and I haven’t even stopped to tell her that she’s living with me permanently.

“You live here now, sweetheart. This is your home. You can help me decorate your room. What’s your favourite colour?”

“Purple.”

I smile. “Then we paint it purple. I know you’re scared, Ava. So am I sometimes.”

“You are?”

“I’ve never looked after a little girl before. You have to help me. Telling me about the pull-ups was a really good thing, because now I know how to make things better for you.”

She bites down on her bottom lip. “Can I have a gingerbread man for breakfast?”

I go to sleep with a grin, giving her a promise that I’ll make her a special gingerbread man when I wake.

We’re getting there.

The alarm beeps at four, and I stumble out of bed.

Tugging on a pair of pants and a shirt, I head toward the door.

Ava.

Turning back, I switch the light back on and take a look. She’s fast asleep, and it brings a smile to my face. She knows where I am when she wakes up, but she’s not in the room she’s getting used to. I’ll have to come back and check on her.

Am I overthinking it?

This whole dad thing is not coming naturally, even if Ginny thinks I’m doing a good job of it. I’m second-guessing myself the whole way and now is no exception.

Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much.

Ava turns up in the bakery kitchen a little before seven. The grin on her face makes me grin. The longer she’s here, the more I see me in her.

“Good morning. Want some breakfast?”

Ava nods.

“Mel, I’m just going to go and sort Ava’s breakfast out.”

Mel nods. “Sweet as. Morning, Ava.”

Ava waves. She’s got Mel twisted around her little finger, and I need to get her out of here before she ends up with more cookies for her meal.

“Let’s go find something to eat.” I take her by the hand and lead her into the flat and toward the kitchen. “Toast with Marmite on it and a hot chocolate. Sound good?”

Ava nods.

“I don’t even really know what you like. I’ve been making you what I like.”

“I like Marmite. And hot chocolate.”

I grin. “Well, that’s a good start. But you can’t live on Marmite and hot chocolate.” I slip two slices of bread in the toaster. “I know you like spaghetti and meatballs. You like them so much that you lick your hands clean.”

She giggles as she sits at the table.

“Anything else you really like?”

Ava nods again. “Lots.”

“Nice. I’ll fill the cupboards with lots, then.”

I really can do this.

My phone buzzes on the table, and I pick it up.

Sorry. I left work early yesterday feeling gross and just woke up. I love you too.

Are you okay? Do you need anything?

I hate the thought of her being sick.

No. I’m staying home in bed today. I’ll come and see you two when I’m feeling better.

I can ask Lily to look after Ava if you want me to come over.

I just need to get some sleep. I love that you care.

Okay. Love you.

This is why I need to convince her to move in. Knowing she’s unwell and alone doesn’t sit right with me. We need her, and she needs us.

I really have to work this out.