Chapter Twenty-Four
Summer
As we disentangled ourselves, I was in a full body blush and tingling from the tips of my hair to the underside of my toes. Jake was amazing. Everything about him. The way he touched me, the things he said to me, the way he manipulated my body into feeling things I’d never thought possible. After our little sexual rendezvous, the rain stopped as suddenly as it had started, and we were ready to head back.
All the while, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said right before he’d ejaculated—that he didn’t want another man to know me intimately. Those words had thrilled me as soon as he’d said them and they were continuing to thrill me because I didn’t want to even think about being with another man. Jake was the only man I could think about, the only one who held my interest.
My head was dizzy, swimming with all the images of him naked and inside me, all the things he’d said, the way he looked at me. I felt like I was living a dream, but the most wonderful, realistic dream I’d ever had.
Jake held Jenny for me and his hands lingered on my calf as I mounted. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking after we’d just had sex for the second time. And it wasn’t like I was shy or nervous in general but I wasn’t going to be the one to bring up whatever this was or wasn’t. The last thing I wanted was to act from a place of insecurity or desperation. Not after the beauty we’d just experienced together.
Jake mounted Breezy and glanced over at me. “All set?”
I nodded and slipped my fingers a few inches up the reins. “After you.”
It didn’t take us long to get down the mountain. As soon as they saw Jake, the cows instantly started shuffling around like they’d missed him while he was gone. He whistled, calling to them. I was fascinated at how their ears perked up; they weren’t the dumb, ignorant creatures I’d thought them to be.
“Are the light brown ones the same type of cows as all the others?” I asked, noticing that some of the cows’ faces seemed a little flatter and their heads shorter and wider than the others. Not that I was really that interested—I was more trying to find something to talk about so my mind wouldn’t stay fixed on the subject of what happened next between Jake and me. I was determined not to let it go there. Instead, I wanted to soak in the last hour, to make the memories last. I didn’t want to dilute them with my own insecurity.
He stared at me for a few seconds. “I’m impressed you noticed. They’re a new line I’ve been trying to introduce for the last couple years. They’re a little more durable in the drought conditions we’ve been having here over the last decade.” He shrugged. “I figured I could cross breed them with our other cows and make some sort of super cow,” he finished with a laugh that I echoed.
I looked over at a black and brown one standing together. “I guess that makes sense. That you could pull characteristics out of cows, just like we do for horses.” I shrugged. “I’ve just never thought about crossbreeding cows before but it’s a good idea.”
“Thanks.”
He whistled at one of the cows and apologized before loping off to bring her back into the herd. As he called to the herd, he gave me directions too, and together we pushed them through the pasture toward the ranch.
“You’re doing great,” he called to me. I wasn’t so sure about that, as another cow spurted out from between us and hid behind me. Jenny stopped and turned, circling back for the cow.
“It’s a good thing one of us knows what we’re doing,” I answered with a laugh as I motioned to Jenny. Somehow, and I wasn’t sure how it was even possible, considering I didn’t feel like I was doing much of anything to help, but the ranch finally came into view. I was both elated at making it home alive, and disappointed that Jake hadn’t bothered to bring up the subject of us.
Even though we’d had sex twice now, and maybe that was all it had been, somehow it didn’t feel like that to me. It felt like so much more. There had been a tenderness about him, like he actually cared about me. Maybe I was just imagining it but I felt like he was my refuge, just as much as the carved-out section of the mountain had been during the storm.
Maybe you’re just projecting, Summer, I warned myself. Maybe you need someone close to you so much that you’re imagining things about Jake that aren’t really the truth. Maybe you aren’t really anything more to him than just another woman he’s had sex with. Maybe he’s like this with all of them.
There were a lot of times over the last several months that I could have used someone, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to. And yet, I’d only been able to rely on Aria or myself. So maybe there was some truth to the way I was thinking. And if I was merely projecting my own needs and wants onto Jake, that was the last thing I wanted to be doing.
As we got closer to the ranch, the cows become more vocal, showing their joy at being home. It was so strange and another facet to their hairy personalities that I hadn’t expected.
“Why don’t you ride Jenny up ahead and open that gate?” Jake asked. “We’ll leave them in the big corral, and then, depending on what Brady wants to do, we’ll either leave them for a day or get Marlene and the kids to help us push them up north.”
“Okay.” I twisted my fingers around the end of the reins and flattened them against my thigh. With his hat pulled down low over his eyes, I could barely see his face, let alone what emotions he was hiding, if any at all. His lips curved up in the corners and he winked. A rush of heat bloomed out of my collar and I lifted my hand in a slight wave, then turned Jenny and jogged off toward the corral.
She stood quietly while I dismounted and unhooked the gate, then pushed it wide so it would stay open until we got the entire herd in. I tickled the underside of her chin. “You’re a good girl, Jenny.”
I climbed back on and glanced up at Jake to figure out where I was supposed to go now. He waved me off to the side and I made a big circle so that I was at the back with him again. He’d slowed to an easy walk as the cows hadn’t needed much encouragement and Jenny quickly matched Breezy’s stride.
We still had a couple hundred yards to the gate. “Well, other than the rainstorm, how was your first time?”
The blush turned into a full-on wildfire as I had to remind myself he wasn’t talking about sex. “It was definitely an adventure.”
He grinned. “I think so too.” He hollered at one of the cows that broke formation before getting to the gate and quickly moved Breezy to intercept her. I kept pushing the cows forward and then dismounted, running to grab the gate. Jake pushed the last cow through and nodded to me to close the gate.
On the way by, he grabbed Jenny’s reins and held them for me while I latched the gate shut. Then he dismounted and together, we walked back to the barn. “I really couldn’t have done that without your help.”
I laughed. “Whatever. I was no help. Jenny did all the work. You’ve trained her well.”
He shook his head. “You were...” His sparkling eyes dropped to my lips as I felt myself gulp. “You were awesome, just like I knew you would be.”
“Thank you, Jake.”
Jake took Jenny from me and led both mares into the barn. “Why don’t you run up to the house and see what help Rue needs?”
“Good idea.”
I hurried to the house, but the moment I pushed through the door, it was evident that everyone had left. I wandered into the kitchen as a piece of paper fluttered off the counter. I grabbed it mid-flight and read Rue’s scrolling penmanship:
Brady and I took Marlene and the kids into town since the weather was still lousy. Leftover lunch in the fridge for you guys when you get back. I’ll be home in enough time to get dinner ready.
xo,
Rue
I folded the paper in half, set it on the counter, then pulled the dishes out of the fridge and tossed them into the microwave. While our food was reheating, I grabbed plates and silverware and tried to ignore the shake in my hands. I wasn’t sure I was ready to be alone with Jake again. Especially after it was becoming evident that we weren’t going to discuss anything important. And it wasn’t like I could ask him what we were doing, not without sacrificing my pride and I wasn’t about to do that. So maybe that meant we were still just coworkers, with no relationship to speak of? That brought up the question of whether I wanted a relationship? Of course I’d sworn to myself that I didn’t want one, that I wanted nothing to do with men in general. But now, if I were going to be honest with myself, all of that had changed.
I did want a relationship—or at least something where I felt confident and secure. I knew for damn sure that I didn’t want Jake sleeping around with other women and there was no way I was going to do that with another man. So maybe that only left a relationship? Or a weird sexual friendship? Hmm, I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
Well, while I might have seriously enjoyed the sex with Jake, I also wasn’t just some floozy he could sleep with whenever he wanted. I wasn’t the type of woman to let him come and go as he pleased without respecting me. Not that I thought Jake would do that but I also figured he was something of an opportunist.
Jake came in just as the microwave buzzer went off. He jerked to a halt as he glanced around. “Where is everybody?
I shrugged. “Rue left a note saying they all went into town.”
“Oh.” He hung his hat on the hook beside the door and ruffled his hair.
I tried not to stare but he was so handsome with his dark hair falling thickly over his forehead, especially next to his bright blue eyes. I quickly put the rest of our lunch in the microwave, staring at the timer as it counted down. I didn’t want this to be awkward, but after what had just happened between us, I wasn’t really sure how to avoid it either. It would have been so much easier with Brady and everyone else here.
From my peripheral vision, I saw Jake slipping off his boots. He was almost silent as he came around the corner. The silverware drawer chimed as he leaned a hip against it.
“We’re just having leftovers. I hope that’s okay.” My voice was high and tight.
“Sounds great.” His voice was low and sultry.
All of a sudden, I was nervous. And I was sure I looked it. Glancing back at the microwave, I noticed there was still a minute left on the timer. It felt like it was the final round of some game show and there was stressful music playing in the background. Needing something to do, I grabbed the casserole dish and took it over to the table. The entire time, Jake watched me silently. On my way past him, he hooked a finger through one of my belt loops and pulled me backward.
“Hey, you.”
I froze. Not sure if I should turn around or let him reel me in. He slowly drew me closer until I was standing between his legs. His hands rested on the tops of my hips. I still hadn’t turned around, and my hands were shaking. His fingertips slid through my belt loops, he pushed one, and pulled the other, rotating me in the same spot. My gaze landed first on the square cut of his jaw, covered in that dark stubble. My hands lifted and I stroked it once.
His hands were heavy on my hips and my eyes dropped closed. I leaned into the pressure, then I was facing him and my feet slid into the arches of his. It was strangely intimate. He shifted my weight back and forth, slowly twisting me in place. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me—no hat, no shield to hide those fantastic eyes. Just him, and I wanted to drown in him. His tongue swept across his lower lip and I was mesmerized. I wanted to feel them again. My own parted on a breath and I leaned forward.
“Brady’s going to kick my ass for this,” he mumbled as our lips collided. I should have pulled back and asked him what business it was of Brady’s but I didn’t want him to stop, not even in the seconds that it would take to explain. I needed him like air and I’d never needed anyone. Not my mother, not my friends, not even my dad and certainly not a man. But Jake was... different. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to be, but there was no way to deny it. My hands lifted to his waist and I linked them carefully behind him.
His kiss was tender, and he didn’t ask for anything more than the brush of mine. When the microwave buzzer went off, he lifted his head, those blue eyes penetrating as he studied me.
He linked our fingers together and we just stood there, looking at each other, and then he smiled. “You’re something else, Posh.”
I tilted my head, smiling at him and his silly nicknames. “Oh, yeah, cowboy? I’d say you’re a piece of work too.”
We laughed and I stepped away until our hands unlinked. He moved to the table and pulled out my chair, waiting until I brought the other tray of food over. I sat and he scooted my chair in. I’d been to enough big events that I was used to that kind of thing, but somehow, it was different when this cowboy in stockinged feet did it for me versus when it was some random rich boy who was only doing it to impress my father.
I served up some salad and handed him the bowl, then did the same with the other two plates. “So, have you always been a cowboy?”
He loaded his plate and carefully set the dishes down in front of him. One shoulder lifted and fell in a careful shrug. I knew he didn’t like talking about himself, but I had to know who he was, where he was from, how he’d ended up here.
“I’ve been around cows my whole life, so I guess if that makes me a cowboy, then yes. I’m not sure I ever wanted to be a rancher though. My dad always wanted me to go off to college and make something of myself.” He lifted his fingers and made air quotes at the last part of the sentence and I got the feeling that the relationship between father and son was a strained one. I wanted to ask about it, but I also didn’t want to come off as nosy.
“So why didn’t you go to college?”
He took a bite of salad. “Like I said before, the job offer from Brady came up at just the right time. I never had the money to pay for college anyway.”
“What does your dad do?”
He took another bite and chewed slowly, staring at his plate, then he swallowed and turned those blue eyes on me. They appeared haunted. “He’s dead.”
I blinked, startled. “I’m sorry I asked.” I shook my head both in sympathy and to clear the emotion from my throat. Thoughts of my own father bubbled up and I quickly extinguished them. Jake had his own problems and I didn’t need to color them with mine.
“Don’t be,” he answered with a shrug, like it didn’t bother him, so why should it bother me?
“How long ago?”
He shrugged again and I started to wonder if that was what he did when he wasn’t in the mood to answer a question. Still, I waited, hoping he would answer.
“Couple years.”
Me too, I thought.
I wondered if voicing the similarity would give us any more of a connection, but then I decided against it. Just as I was wavering about asking how it happened, he volunteered the information.
“He got in a real bad car wreck down one of the narrow winding roads near our ranch. I was pretty sure he’d been drinking but nobody said anything about it.”
I reached over and covered his hand with mine. When he glanced down at me, I stared into those gorgeous blue eyes. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
He turned his hand over and curled his fingers around mine. “Thanks.”
We ate the rest of the meal like that, my hand in his.