Allison

 

I parked on the street, which sucked, but it was all this shitty apartment complex afforded me. And in all fairness, my car was a piece of junk anyway, so I wasn’t all that concerned about it. No one was interested in stealing something like that. They probably wouldn’t even believe that it ran unless they saw me driving around in it. Still, I’d have preferred covered parking for rainy days and things like that.

 

Getting out, I grabbed my bag from the back and headed into the building. The ground floor had the mail boxes and a front desk tucked into its own office off to the side, but no one was ever there. Honestly, anyone could just walk in if they wanted to. No such thing as security here. I’d heard a million complaints from my neighbors, but the owners of the place refused to update their security system, and they didn’t want to pay to make copies of the keys for the main door. So it just stayed unlocked and people waltzed in whenever they felt like it.

 

It bugged the hell out of me when Bree was living here instead of spending most of her time at the hospital, but since it was just me, I put up with it. Yes, I’d rather have a safer environment since I was a single woman living in a not-so-great part of town, but I was self-sufficient. I could take care of myself.

 

Even though this weekend had shown me that maybe I would have preferred it if I didn’t have to.

 

Don’t think about Jules, don’t think about Jules, I told myself over and over again.

 

Of course, that was impossible. Even with the great news of my sister’s heart surgery being set for tomorrow and the knowledge that I would have the money to cover all of it, it was stupid to hope that I wouldn’t think of him. He’d changed my world in such a short time and then he’d taken all of it away.

 

I was broken hearted like I’d never been before, and I was still trying to figure out how to overcome that.

 

“Everything will be fine, Allison. Stop being one of those women,” I told myself. Those women were the ones that Christel and I always made fun of. The ones that pined over men that were worthless anyway and broke their hearts. The ones that couldn’t move past an ex, even though it had been forever.

 

Sure, it had only just happened, so I was entitled to a little misery and heartache, but I couldn’t wallow in it. I couldn’t let myself be consumed by a tryst with some guy that I would never see again.

 

So what if it had been my first time?

 

So what if Jules had shown me a world I didn’t know existed and had sent me spiraling into the ecstasy of it all?

 

I could recover. I could move on.

 

At least, that was what I was telling myself. My puffy, stuffed-up head said otherwise, but I did my best to ignore that. No point crying over someone that didn’t want me. Pausing to check my mail, just to make sure that I didn’t get anything Friday after I left, I was dismayed to see that I had. All of them bills of course.

 

Sighing, I shoved them into my bag and headed toward the stairs to my apartment. The elevator hadn’t worked the entire time that I lived here.

 

I hoof it up the four flights of stairs to my apartment, then begin to dig into my bag for my keys. “Damnit, where are they,” I mutter aloud to myself as I dig through the clothes that I didn’t wear and the toiletries that I didn’t use.

 

I felt a blush creep into my cheeks as I remembered that I’d spent most of Friday and most of today completely naked in front of a man. It had been an incredibly erotic experience and I… I wasn’t sure what to do with that.

 

“Will I ever stop having flashes back to this weekend?” I asked no one in particular.

 

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I dug more aggressively into my bag, shoving my hand in there to the bottom. I should have just had my apartment keys on the same ring as my car keys, but I was always paranoid that someone would grab one and automatically have the other. It was stupid, but I couldn’t help it.

 

Finally, I felt a sliver of something cold and hard. Wrapping my fingers around the key, I yanked it out and went to put it into the door. Then I froze.

 

If I’d looked up about two minutes ago, I would have noticed instantly that my door was cracked slightly open. I’d been frazzled when I was leaving Friday – had that really only been yesterday? It seemed like a lifetime ago – but I knew for a fact that I’d locked my door. I knew, because I’d been paranoid about Shae who’d come to harass me before I left. I’d double and triple checked my door to make sure it was locked, because he had me so worked up.

 

There was no way I’d left it open.

 

I began to back away from the door, but I’d taken too long, and I’d been too loud when talking to myself.

 

The door jerked open and standing on the other side was Shae. I turned to run, not waiting to figure out what the hell he was doing in my apartment or how he’d gotten in there without a key. I just reacted on pure instinct, all of it telling me that this situation was bad. Really bad.

 

I got about two steps before I felt two large hands wrap around my upper arms. I let out a cry as Shae jerked me back, causing me to trip and fall on my rear. I tried to use that momentum to get away from him, but he held fast.

 

“Damnit Allison! Hold still!”

 

That was when I finally screamed. “Help!”

 

“Bitch!” Shae said, shifting his hands on me so that he had one arm wrapped around my front at my collarbone, holding me effectively against his chest. The other moved so that he could smack a hand over my mouth to stifle the screams.

 

My only hope was that someone had heard me. But in this apartment complex, I had the sinking suspicion that the people here were more likely to just deadbolt their own doors than come to my rescue.

 

“Don’t give me any shit, Allison,” he growled in my ear.

 

I didn’t listen. I struggled against his grip, but whatever I thought of his physique, he was definitely stronger than I was. Despite my efforts, he managed to drag me up and back, his arm baring me from any sort of escape or from really using my arms in my own defense. His back hit the partially open door and he dragged us both inside.

 

Once there, he released me by shoving me forward so that I stumbled and landed on the hard floor of my apartment. After only a couple of days with Jules, this apartment was tiny, cramped, and pretty close to worthless. But my mind barely even registered any of that, because Shae was still there, standing over me. He turned to slam the door closed, locking and dead bolting it.

 

I scrambled to my feet and mustered up all my courage. “Get the hell out of my apartment, Shae! We’re over! We’ve been over and I—”

 

He slapped me.

 

His hand was open and he moved faster than I’d ever seen him move before. It was like lightning and it seared across my cheek, sending me stumbling back to the ground. I’d only barely regained my balance from being shoved down a second ago, and I wasn’t prepared for that. I landed harshly on my rear end. It was shock more than pain that had me reeling, but it set the tone for everything else that was to come.

 

Shae had slapped me, hard, and there was every possibility that if given the chance he would do much, much worse than all of that.

 

“Why’d you go and make me do a thing like that, Allison?”

 

I stared up at him. What? How had I made him do a thing like that? Was he out of his mind? I thought of how Jules had punished me for disobeying. I thought of how he’d slapped my rear a couple of times. I thought of his rules and his demands and his orders. I’d been willing to obey all of them and had even wanted to. And I knew that all I had to do was throw out one little safe word and he’d stop, no matter what we were doing.

 

It was so different from Shae now that I was reeling from the shock of it.

 

“What do you think you’re doing Allison?” he demanded, rounding on me with wild eyes and a body that was trembling with rage.

 

I stared at him with wide eyes. I was still on the floor and knew that I needed to get up. This was not a good position to be in when you had a crazy man in your apartment. But my body struggled to move and was in shock from my last attempt of getting up. I was terrified of what Shae might do, because it was pretty damn clear now that he was out of his mind. He’d already slapped me. What else was he willing to do?

 

Phone, phone! I need to get to my phone! My mind screamed at me, finally offering a rational thought.

 

Except as I glanced around, I realized quickly that my bag wasn’t with me. It was still outside, probably sitting in the hallway where no one would even bother trying to return it to me. If I’d at least had a house phone, that wouldn’t be such a big deal, but I didn’t. Half the time I couldn’t afford to keep my cell phone on, much less think of paying for the house phone, too.

 

Now, I wished I’d shelled out the extra money, because it could have saved me right then.

 

Assuming he would have even let me get to a phone, I thought darkly.

 

In those terms, it meant that the phone was a stupid idea anyway. He’d never let me get close enough to make a call.

 

“Damnit, answer me, you stupid bitch!”

 

I flinched at his words, the anger lacing them so intense that I was honestly and truly frightened. “I… I d-don’t know what you’re talking about Shae. Please, just let me go.” I hated myself for stuttering, for showing my fear, but I was sure that it was already written on my face.

 

“Don’t play innocent with me!” he spat in my direction. “You know exactly what you’re doing. You think you can play me for some chump, but I know the truth! You’re a whore, just like the rest of ‘em.”

 

Now I really had no idea what he was talking about. Shae had turned out to be an abusive asshole instead of the decent guy I’d thought he was, but this was worse. Now he seemed… crazy. Like something in him had finally snapped, pushing him over the edge into whatever crazy land this was.

 

“Please, I don’t—”

 

He cut me off, not interested in hearing what he clearly perceived as my excuses. “Shut up! You wanna sit there and look up at me with those big innocent eyes like you haven’t just spent the weekend with another man, letting him fuck your brains out?”

 

I flinched again, but I finally got where this was going. For a split second, I thought he actually knew what had happened this weekend. That he knew about Jules and the bondage and the crazy things I did all weekend, all while I was naked. That he knew I’d done all of that for a million dollars. Which was bad, because Shae was the kind of guy who didn’t care what the reason was for doing something like that. He wouldn’t care that I’d done it to save Bree’s life. In his mind, he’d just see some prostituting slut and in that moment, I understood why that was so bad.

 

I’d refused to give my virginity to him. I’d refused to have sex with him.

 

But as Shae ranted and raved at me, beginning to pace in front of my closed and locked front door, I realized that Shae didn’t really know anything. He was just guessing.

 

And it’s my damn fault, I realized. If I hadn’t told him I was spending the weekend with someone else, he never would have known.

 

Not that that justified what he was doing to me right then and there, but I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I’d just kept my mouth shut. But I’d been so desperate to get him to leave me alone! I’d thought that maybe if I told him there was someone else, he would back off.

 

I couldn’t have known that it would backfire on me so badly.

 

“You kept telling me that you weren’t ready, weren’t ready, over and over again,” he ranted, pacing and throwing his arms about wildly. “And I was a good, patient boyfriend—”

 

It took everything that I had not to snort derisively at him. And really, it was only my understanding that Shae was far past the point of being reasoned with that kept that little reaction down.

 

Shae had hounded me for sex over and over. It didn’t matter how many times I told him no or that I never felt ready, he would push and push until we were fighting and he was pissed. In the end, I was the one who had to come back and apologize just so that he’d stop being a jerk to me. And then the cycle would start all over again. The idea of him being a ‘good, patient boyfriend’ was laughable. He’d been a lot of things, but never that.

 

“And now you just throw yourself at the first guy that looks your way?” His eyes flashed at me, alight with anger. “Did you let him put it in your mouth, too? Hell, you probably let him go from between your legs to down your throat without even protesting, didn’t you?”

 

I shook my head, denying his allegations because I didn’t know what else to do. How the hell was I supposed to get out of this? He wasn’t looking to be reasoned with and he didn’t want the truth, obviously. He wasn’t even listening to me at this point. He was just raging.

 

My mind struggled to find a way out of this. It was obvious that I couldn’t calm him down. He wasn’t interested in that. I wasn’t sure what he wanted at this point, but I knew it wasn’t good. And I had the feeling it wasn’t just to yell at me. No, he wanted something. Maybe to hurt me for denying him all that time we were together.

 

I knew the people in my hall weren’t going to call anyone for help. They probably recognized Shae and thought it was a lover’s spat. No one knew I was home. My sister was in the hospital and probably thought I was at work. Christel probably thought I was still at Jules’s – and she didn’t know where that was either.

 

God, how many stupid things had I done in a short amount of time?

 

Jules.

 

My mind pictured him perfectly. His tall, broad frame. Those rippling muscles. His commanding, fearless demeanor. He’d be able to take care of Shae in a heartbeat.

 

If he hadn’t told me to get out of his life. And if he had any idea where I lived.

 

With a cold feeling forming in my gut, I realized that I was completely and utterly on my own.

 

I need to get out of here, I thought, realizing just how bad the situation was. And in my pathetic little studio apartment, there was only one way out: the front door. The door that he was currently blocking.

 

With no help coming, I was going to have to figure out how to do it myself.

 

Shae didn’t pause in his tirade. In fact, he only got more vulgar as he continued. “Did you like it, you slut? You whore? How many were there, really? You kept telling me that you were a virgin and the time wasn’t right and you just weren’t ready, but I’ll bet you’re a little nympho. You probably love sex more than just about anything.”

 

“Shae, please—” I tried, still thinking around this huge problem. There had to be a way out of this, but all I could come up with was the door and Shae standing in front of it. I had to find a way to get him to move so that I could make a break for it.

 

“Shut up! All this time I wanted you and now you think you can just leave me?” he screamed at me, spittle flying from his lips. “Well, you can’t, Allison. You’re mine and you always have been. You belong to me and if you think I’m going to just let you go around fucking other guys, you’ve got another thing coming!”

 

It was then that I really understood how badly things could go. I’d been thinking only in terms of him hurting me, but now, I realized that this could be so much worse.

 

He was fixated on the sex thing and he clearly believed that I was still his – which I’d never been, in all honesty. Dating or not, I hadn’t belonged to him. But that didn’t seem to matter to him. He was already decided on this.

 

And that was dangerous, because there was always one thing he wanted from me that I would never give him. Sex. And now, with me trapped, and him so angry… I feared that he would finally take that, whether I wanted him to or not.

 

Panic welled up inside me. I couldn’t let Shae rape me. I wouldn’t. I had to get out of here now, before things got any worse.

 

But how?

 

And that was when it finally came to me.

 

Shae didn’t want to hear the truth, because he’d already made it up in his own mind. He wanted me and he wanted sex. If I could manipulate these things in him, maybe I could distract him enough to get out of the apartment and to safety.

 

Then I could call the damn cops, have him arrested, and at the very least get a damn restraining order against him. With any luck, a piece of paper and a record would be enough to keep him the hell away from me.

 

But until then, I needed to distract him and I’d come up with a plan – that was probably stupid, but I didn’t have a whole lot of options.

 

Dropping my eyes – which was hard enough considering he was volatile and my only means of escape was on the other side of him – I did my best to appear contrite. If I were submissive, showing him that I was apologetic and deferring to him, then maybe he’d drop his guard. Maybe he’s stop screaming and give me a chance to make a break for it.

 

It was a long shot, but I didn’t know what else to do.

 

Doing my best to imitate how I was with Jules – impossible, really, since I’d wanted to be like that with Jules – I spoke in a soft voice while keeping my gaze pointed downward. I could just see his shoes at the edge of my gaze. “You’re right.”

 

That stopped his shouting right away. “Huh?” He sounded legitimately confused. He’d stopped his pacing and based on where his toes were pointing, I was pretty sure that he was staring at me. “What did you say?”

 

“You’re right,” I repeated, keeping my voice soft and doing my best to hold back the fear that wanted to show up in it. “I’m sorry for b-being a bad girl.”

 

I felt slimy just saying the words, but I did my best to keep that off my face. I needed him to believe this lie or I was done for. And probably worse off than if I hadn’t tried anything at all.

 

“Yeah,” he said slowly, his tone still laced with a little confusion about the whole thing. “Yeah, you should be sorry.”

 

“I am sorry. So sorry,” I repeated.

 

“Yeah. You have been a bad girl.”

 

I shifted slightly, making a point to move slowly, so that I was sitting with my knees tucked underneath me. This was how I would sit for Jules when I was waiting and he was working on something. It could get uncomfortable, but it was better than just sitting there sprawled out on the floor.

 

“I never meant to hurt you,” I said, keeping my gaze down and my hands folded in front of me. I could feel the stinging in my cheek and the warmth there, reminding me that I had to play this smart or I was going to get hurt. “I don’t deserve a man like you.”

 

The words tasted sour in my mouth, the way only big lies can, but Shae seemed to buy it.

 

“That’s right,” he confirmed, aggressive still, but not as loud. He seemed to be a little bit calmer, maybe reacting to my body language and the softness of my tones. I hoped so, anyway. “I was a great boyfriend and you treated me like dirt.”

 

“I treated you so badly,” I confirmed. “You deserve so much better than me.”

 

He was quiet for a long time and I thought maybe I’d screwed up. That maybe I’d said the wrong thing and he was getting ready to take a swing at me. It took everything I had and then some to not look up to make sure, but eventually I heard him speak again, this time a little calmer than before.

 

“I’m glad you’ve finally realized how good of a guy I am,” he said smoothly, fully believing his own words. “And I want you to know that I’ll take you back anyway. I’ve always wanted you, Allison. I’ve always needed you in my life and I won’t let you go. Now that you finally understand that, we can move forward like adults.”

 

I felt sick to my stomach. This asshole thought he was honestly a good guy and that I had been the problem the entire time we were together. Even though he’d put me through the ringer, pressuring me for sex every second of the way and getting furious when I didn’t put out. He didn’t understand about Bree or how stressed out I was. He did nothing to help me out. He didn’t want to take care of me, he just wanted to have me and use me however he wanted.

 

Not like Jules.

 

Thinking of Jules hurt, but it also brought me a strange sort of calm. It was easier to deal with things when I thought of him. His strong, yet gentle hands. The way he pushed me, but no farther than I was willing to let him. Jules was a man who had needs… but still put mine first. He was everything I wanted and comparing him to Shae right now only confirmed that fact.

 

But I had to push those feelings aside for now and focus on what was happening to me. If I got out of this, I swore I would try one more time to convince Jules that we were made for each other, but the first step of that was actually getting out of this.

 

So I pulled in a deep breath through my nose and forced myself to be as polite, demure, and submissive as possible. “Thank you for giving me another chance,” I told him meekly. “Can I make it up to you?”

 

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized how bad they sounded. And then I heard the clinking of his belt as he undid it, confirming my suspicions. He thought I was talking about sex.

 

No. I refuse to sleep with him! I’ll fight him tooth and nail before I let that happen!

 

“Yes, of course, baby. I’d like that,” he told me in a thick voice that was full of lust and things that made me intensely uncomfortable.

 

Before things got farther – and before I looked up – I blurted, “Let me make you a cup of coffee. I remember how you like it. I’ll do a good job.”

 

I bolted up from the floor before he responded and as I passed him for the kitchen, I caught a glimpse of him. He was halfway to undoing his pants and had a wide-eyed expression on his face. He almost looked goofy, like some cartoon character that was the butt of someone’s joke. It helped with some of the panicky terror I was feeling, which allowed me to focus.

 

Get to the kitchen.

 

Start the coffee.

 

Stall him.

 

Distract him long enough to run.

 

If I could do those things, I told myself I’d be okay. I didn’t think about what would happen if I didn’t move fast enough or he decided he didn’t want any damn coffee. All I could do was move one moment to the next.

 

I went to the machine and turned it on. Filling up the pot with water, I poured it into the reservoir before replacing the pot on the burner beneath it. Then I grabbed the old filter with the used grounds to toss it. Ew, there for over two days, I thought in that mindless way that kept me from panicking. Moving on automatic now, I grabbed a new filter and the can of grounds from the cupboard. I measured out two scoops, dropped them in, and set the pot to brew.

 

I was practically trembling now and wished that I had more to do to keep my hands occupied, but I didn’t. There was no choice now but to look over at Shae.

 

He was staring at me from his spot in front of the door. I was grateful to see that he hadn’t undone his pants any further. That would have probably sent me spiraling into hysterics and all of my plan banked on me being calm. His brows were pulled down over his narrowed eyes and his thin lips were tugged into a frown. I could read the suspicion in his eyes, but I feigned ignorance. Smiling sweetly at him, I reached for the cupboard again and found an old mug for coffee. It was chipped along the edges, but they all were. I didn’t have a single new thing in my whole apartment, because I was so constantly strapped for cash. Now, that seemed so unimportant when it was clear that my life – and my body – were on the line.

 

“Milk and sugar?” I asked, though I already knew the answer. I really did remember how he took his coffee.

 

Narrowing his eyes, he nodded his head. “Yeah, of course.”

 

I held the fake smile in place, even though it felt like it was cracking beneath the pressure. He wasn’t going to buy this whole coffee thing much longer and he was still standing between me and the door.

 

Reaching for the fridge door, I jerked it open clumsily. “Thank you for giving us another chance,” I told him, smiling until it hurt. “I won’t make a mistake again.”

 

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he stared at me long and hard until he finally seemed to decide something in his head. His eyes narrowed and his frown turned into something more like a grimace. His shoulders went rigid as he stepped toward me, moving quickly. “You fucking bitch, you think you can just play me? You think I’m so stupid that you can just trick me and have a good old laugh about it?”

 

I didn’t even bother denying it. Instead, I looked around frantically for a way out or a weapon or—

 

My eyes landed on the frying pan sitting on the stove. Before I even thought about what I was doing, I reached for the handle and in one swooping motion brought it back in front of me, using all the power in my arms and shoulders to swing that frying pan around. I caught his head with the flat back of the pan, the sound a mixture between a loud clang and a thumping sound. He let out a cry, then went abruptly quiet. He went down quickly, then, landing on the floor with a heavy thud. At first it looked like he was going to try and hold himself up on his arms, but they gave out almost instantly. Then he was just flat on the floor.

 

I stood there in the kitchen, holding the frying pan, staring at him with wide eyes. I was frozen in those moments, looking down at him and wondering what I’d just done.

 

How badly did I hurt him? Was he… was he dead?

 

I shook away those thoughts, because I couldn’t handle them. Not right now. If he wasn’t dead, then he’d get up eventually, and I needed to be the hell out of this apartment when that happened.

 

My phone’s in the hall! If I can at least get to it, then I can call the cops!

 

Throwing the pan to the side, I raced forward, moving around the immobile form of Shae still lying on the floor. I tried not to look too closely at him, worried that I really had done some permanent damage. I scooted around him, scared of what I’d done and what he might still be able to do. It wasn’t until I’d gotten past him and to the door, that I heard his groan.

 

He’s alive!

 

It was both comforting and terrifying. At least I knew I hadn’t murdered someone, but that didn’t make me feel very good about being in the apartment with him still. I heard him mutter something that sounded a lot like “bitch” and I was reminded again that I needed to get out.

 

I yanked on the door knob, but it didn’t budge. “Shit!” I remembered belatedly that he’d dead bolted the door. With shaky fingers, I fumbled with the bolt until I finally got it unlatched. I threw open the door then, slamming it into the wall with a bang. Then I rushed out – only to hit a hard, hot wall of flesh on the other side.

 

Still panicked and scared I jerked back, but when two strong hands grabbed me by the upper arms, I paused. My eyes grew huge as I looked up to find that it was none other than Jules staring down at me.

 

“Allison? Are you okay?”

 

No, I wanted to say. I was panicked and scared and all at once, there in Jules’s arms, I felt just a little better. I collapsed against him and let myself sob into his chest.