Chapter Fifteen
Logan returned home Wednesday night tense as all hell. And it wasn’t because of work, which was going well, or that Sabrina had moved in for a temporary stay, it was what he had to tell her. He sat in his car in the garage, trying to mentally prepare for how best to deliver the news. He really didn’t want to hurt her. The truth was, they were just starting as a couple, and he wasn’t at all sure they’d be able to keep going once she heard.
All right, get your ass out of the car. He just had to tell her, explain the situation, and hope she’d understand. He was still in shock himself.
He left the car, grabbed all of his stuff from the trunk, and walked into the house. He stepped into the kitchen, half expecting it to be full of weird appliances and kitschy farm animal decorations the way a woman might decorate, but everything looked exactly the same. The dark gray granite counters were polished and free of clutter. It smelled good, though, like Sabrina had cooked dinner, some kind of meat.
He set his laptop on the island and put his stuff down. He was about to look for her when she appeared, her long dark blond hair up in a cute high ponytail, wearing a pink long-sleeved pajama top and pink flowery pajama bottoms. Bare feet and her toenails were painted pink. She looked like she lived here, relaxing in her pajamas. God, he’d missed her. Three days apart felt like forever.
“Hi,” she said almost shyly. “I made pot roast.”
“Thanks. I ate on the plane, but I could have some for lunch tomorrow.”
She nodded, crossing her arms. A moment of panic gripped him because her expression looked a lot like the untouchable professional she used to be with him. Had she heard something?
He opened his arms to her, and she closed the distance, giving him a hug. Not an awkward hug, but a little stiff.
He pulled away and cleared his throat. “I need to talk to you.”
She blushed. “That story was from Claire. She’s been putting out the word through her contacts to counteract the bad press. You know, you and me happy newlyweds in our love nest.”
He jerked his chin. Thank God for Claire. Sabrina’s mom was still giving interviews and had appeared on a major news show this morning, a competitor to Sunshine America. He’d rather have no mom in the picture than a mom who profited off him like hers did. And the stuff her mom shared…no boundaries at all. Like that Sabrina had hung out with her stuffed animals the way other kids hung out with friends, imagining they were having fun slumber parties well past the age most girls moved on to real slumber parties. He read between the lines, imagining a young lonely Sabrina, but most people would probably just think she was strange.
“It’s not about that,” he said.
He took her hand and led her to the living room sofa. Once she took her seat, he met her eyes directly. “I care about you. A lot. I just want to say that up front.”
Her eyes got shiny like she was going to cry, which got him choked up, because he could tell the deep feelings went both ways. Dammit. Things were just starting with them, and what he was about to say might finish them for good.
“Me too,” she whispered. “A lot.”
He blew out a breath. “Olivia got in touch with me today and told me she’s pregnant. She says it’s mine.”
She slapped a hand over her mouth, her brown eyes wide.
He shoved a hand in his hair. “I swear I used protection, but I guess it’s not a hundred percent. I was with her two months ago, so it’s possible.”
Sabrina dropped her hand. “Do you believe her? She did cheat on you. Maybe it’s that other guy’s. He’s supposed to have an arranged marriage. Maybe she knew she couldn’t get anything out of him.”
“She heard we were married. I don’t think that would’ve stopped her. I told her I want a paternity test. I found out she can get one as soon as next week, totally noninvasive. She does a blood test; I give a cheek swab. I’m flying back to California as soon as she can get an appointment. I just wanted to prepare you for the possibility.”
Sabrina stared at him, her eyes wide and searching. “What does this mean for us? Are you going to move to San Francisco to be with her?”
“Not to be with her, but if it’s true, if that’s my kid, I want to be a part of his or her life. A big part. So, yes, I’d move out there for the kid, not for her.”
She stood abruptly.
“Where’re you going?”
She didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m-I’m going home. There’s no sense pretending we’re married. She’ll probably tell everyone she’s having your baby, while you’re supposed to be married to me, and the whole thing is so sordid.” She crossed her arms tightly over her stomach. “Oh, God, I’m going to be sick.”
She ran to the downstairs bathroom just off the kitchen.
He winced at the sound of her retching. This was fucked up. But what choice did he have? Never know his kid? His own dad had set such a strong example of what a good father was both to his own kids and all the other kids he took under his wing through the Police Athletic League. There was just no way Logan could ever be a long-distance father. He hadn’t expected to be a dad so soon, but here it was, and he had to step up.
~ ~ ~
Sabrina rinsed out her mouth and headed upstairs to pack her suitcase, her gut still churning, chest tight, eyes stinging. She should’ve known it was too good to be true. Of course Logan would want to be a good dad, but to know he was going to be that dad across the country for another woman’s child was more than Sabrina could bear.
She was glad she hadn’t brought a lot of stuff with her. It made this all easier. As if saying goodbye to Logan could ever be easy. She went straight to his bedroom, where she’d expected to have more time in his arms, and now she just wanted to get away as quickly as possible. She pulled on socks and shoes, too worked up to bother changing out of her pajamas. She’d just throw her winter coat over it.
Logan walked in. “Sabrina, I know this is a shock. I’m still half in shock too, but it doesn’t mean you have to go.”
She struggled to get a deep breath. “I can’t. I’m sorry, it’s just too much.” She put up a hand, trying to keep some distance between them. “It’s not you, it’s not us, it’s just…the situation.”
She wheeled her suitcase out of the closet and set it on the end of the bed.
“So does this mean the fake marriage is done or we’re done?” he asked quietly.
Her lower lip wobbled and she bit it. “I think we need some time apart.”
“I don’t want that.”
“I do.” She quickly emptied her one drawer and tossed it all in the suitcase.
“Maybe you could move with me, if it comes down to it. Open a practice out in San Francisco.”
She yanked the zipper on the suitcase, her vision blurring with tears. The zipper jammed, and she struggled with it, swearing up a storm.
His big hand closed over hers, pulling it away from the zipper, and pulling her into his arms.
She shoved at his chest. “I need to go.”
“I don’t want you to leave when you’re so upset.”
She lifted her chin, trying to be strong. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.”
A tear escaped and she wiped it away. “Okay, you want to know the truth? Before you told me your big news, I was working up the nerve to tell you I love you. There, I said it. I love you. And then you tell me you’re moving to be a dad with a woman who never deserved you, and it hurts. Okay? I’m hurting, and I need to go so I can stop hurting.”
“Okay.” He released her and zipped up her suitcase for her, setting it by her feet.
She grabbed the suitcase handle and walked out on shaky legs, nausea rising in her throat. Not just because of Olivia and Logan, which was bad enough. Because he didn’t say he loved her back.
~ ~ ~
Sabrina wasn’t surprised to see the gossipy news sites breaking the news the next day about her fake marriage. Claire had spun it like Sabrina and Logan hadn’t filed the paperwork, so it turned out the marriage wasn’t valid, but fake marriage headlines were way more juicy. None of it mattered now in light of the Olivia bombshell.
Last night she’d made it all the way home without breaking down, took one step into her apartment, and bawled her eyes out. Then she texted all of her friends, telling them she and Logan were through and why. It wasn’t just a break; it was a breakup. Her life had become the circus of her childhood, with messy relationships, children out of wedlock, and way too much drama.
She just could not go there again.
The next day, Friday, she turned off her Google alerts after a gossip site wrote a truly awful article about the love triangle between the Hollywood Love Guru (her), her fake husband, and his pregnant ex. Only Olivia could’ve spilled the pregnancy news. Sabrina’s friends would never have added fuel to the fire. Neither would Logan. But why would Olivia want the world to know she was pregnant from a man who was linked to someone else? It had to be pure venomous spite for Sabrina.
She dragged herself through work, not daring to cancel any of her remaining client appointments, no matter how bitter she felt about anything ever working out for anybody in a committed relationship. It shouldn’t be so hard for couples. Love should smooth the way. But if there was no love, or unrequited love, then there was nothing.
She drove home from work on Friday relieved she hadn’t run into Logan in their office building. She’d rushed in and out of the building and stayed in her office the whole day to make sure she didn’t. He’d probably be flying out to California soon, getting that paternity test.
What if it wasn’t his?
What if Olivia wasn’t even pregnant at all? What if she’d lied to get back at Logan for dumping her? Or to get back at Sabrina for telling Logan about Olivia’s cheating?
There was a way to find out. Why hadn’t she thought of this sooner? As soon as she got home, she dug into her purse for the business card she’d tossed in there. Good thing she hadn’t cleaned out her purse or she would’ve thrown away her connection to the one man who could help her, who specialized in taking sneaky pictures, who owed her for the big payday she’d given him with an exclusive picture—her dad.
~ ~ ~
Two days later, Sunday night, Sabrina had some photographic evidence. Her dad, still out in California thankfully, had sent her pictures of Olivia with Anil, the same man she’d been with for bathroom sex. And guess what they were doing? Shopping for baby clothes. She was definitely pregnant if she was shopping for baby stuff, and it looked like Anil was a real possibility for the father. In the picture, Anil was holding up a baby sleeper and Olivia was beaming.
She texted Logan the picture and called him, immediately telling him she thought Anil was the father.
He dug his heels in. “I won’t be satisfied until I see the paternity test results.”
“Did you have one?”
“No. She said she couldn’t get an appointment yet.”
Sabrina gritted her teeth. Olivia probably hadn’t even tried to get an appointment. She was probably stringing both men along, enjoying all the attention and drama.
Logan went on. “I know it’s not convenient to wait on a test, but she’s going to be pregnant for nine months either way. And I’m not moving until the baby’s born.”
“Doesn’t it seem like she’s with Anil now? Maybe she told him the baby was his, and he wants to be with her.”
“I don’t care about him. I care about the kid.”
“I know. I guess I just hoped…”
“I miss you. Come over or I’ll go over there.”
She was quiet. She missed him too, but this situation was out of control.
“Look,” he said, “there’s only two outcomes. One, the kid’s not mine and everything goes back to normal. Two, the kid’s mine, I move, and you have to decide if you’re willing to move to be with me.”
Leave her quiet, stable life? Leave her counseling practice that she’d built from nothing? Leave her friends who were like family to her? For a life as an outsider to another family? It would be just like when she was a kid—always the outsider—but worse because she’d have to deal with the fact that Logan would always be tied to Olivia.
“Sabrina?”
“What?” she asked softly.
“You said you loved me. When you love someone, you don’t bail on them.”
Her temper flared. “Do not put this on me. This is your drama.”
“And you’ve had your fair share,” he snapped, “which I helped you with.”
She took a calming breath. “I want you to ask Olivia if Anil is the father.”
“I don’t trust her word. I want the test results. For all I know, she’s playing both me and this other guy. But if she’s shopping for baby clothes, she probably didn’t lie about being pregnant.”
“I thought the same thing about her playing both of you.”
“And all of that has nothing to do with us.”
“Yes, it does!”
“Agree to disagree.”
She pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it. Was he nuts? Did he not see the problem here? This was a huge fucked-up deal. She put the phone back to her ear just as he was saying, “It’s been four days since I told you about this. I gave you some space, but shouldn’t you have calmed down by now? Can’t we just talk it through? Isn’t that what you specialize in?”
A flurry of emotions slammed her at once—angry, indignant, utterly flabbergasted. Really? Calm down? Like she was overreacting to such life-changing news. And then he threw her counselor status in her face. Isn’t that what you specialize in? Like she wasn’t holding up her end of the relationship deal. He was the one who got someone else pregnant. Maybe. She was so confused.
He kept talking. “Maybe we need relationship counseling and not from you.”
She gasped. “Who should we go to? The psycho counselor out to get me? That fits, actually, why not have a psycho advising me on my crazy life?”
“Did Lexi ever get an appointment with her?” She’d texted him about her plan to confront Tara before the Olivia drama.
“Yes. Next Thursday.”
“I want to go with you. Not for counseling, just to make sure she doesn’t try anything nasty.”
She clenched her teeth. “No. I need to do this alone.”
He exhaled sharply into the phone. “I told you we’re a team, but all you do is push me away. You suck at relationships.”
She glared at the phone, fury rising within her, and hung up. He’d gone for the jugular. He knew all of her history with her noncommitted family, her own lack of success in relationships, how much she really wanted to be good at a relationship with him, and then he twisted the knife in her tender heart.
You suck at relationships? Too damn far.
He called back, and she let it go to voicemail.
Love shouldn’t hurt this much.