Chapter 12

Bethany and Ida woke me up to the rising sun and the realization that today I would be getting married.

My first wedding as I expected, was a quick affair.

It was an affair that I had never given much thought to in my years growing up but knew that would one day come. And how did I feel now that it finally had?

Devastated.

And I wasn’t sure why. The reason behind the marriage in the first place was an obvious reason, but I was certain that my sadness went deeper than that.

I got dressed in a cream suit that I had picked out myself with what little money I had. My friends had raged at the choice and tried to enforce the option of buying me something more expensive themselves, but I refused.

The ceremony was held that afternoon in the courthouse downtown, with our friends and Xander's mother present.

We looked into each other’s eyes and said our vows, and when we were done, I accompanied Bethany to her home to retrieve my things. Thereafter I was transported in Xander’s SUV back to his apartment.

As I entered my new home, I reminded myself that this was not a chance for me to luxuriate, but one for me to pour my all into creating the best work that I could possibly could. This was my last chance and if after this year was over and I still failed to make any break whatsoever, I was going give up my dreams, hopes, and wishes, and move on with my life.

The house was empty since Xander had left with David and a few of their friends immediately after the ceremony, and I didn’t know when he would return. My own room was just a few doors down from his, so I settled in, uncertain about how our relationship would go and what awaited us down the line. I brought out my laptop, sat at the desk in my room and began to work.

The words flew from my fingers as I focused and kept my mind from all else, and the next time I looked up it was almost dawn. I had been hard at work for the last six hours without stopping. That was a first for me as my brain usually need frequent pauses during writing sessions.

I read over what I had written and felt tears fill my eyes. It was going to be my last attempt, and I was going to write it out straight from my heart. I was just about to head to bed then when I heard footsteps coming toward my door.

A light knock sounded a few moments later, but I didn’t respond.

It came again, this time more quietly, but still, I couldn’t bring myself to move. It stopped.

I climbed into bed and wondered what would become of the primary reason we had gotten married in the first place. We had burned with passion for each other, but now that we had complete access to each other would it still be the same? Would it still be worth the price that he had to pay to acquire it?

I wasn’t sure when I fell asleep, but I awoke hours later to rays of sunshine filtering into my grey and lavender room. The bed was significantly more comfortable than any I had slept in over the last few years. I rose, took a shower and walked out of the room.

I was a wife now and from my own mother I knew the extent of standard duties that were required, but for Xander, I was not sure. I was hungry so I decided to make something for myself and perhaps leave a little extra for him if he was interested.

I opened the gigantic refrigerator to find it filled with every food and fruit that two people could possibly need, and immediately shut back. It amused me that I was overwhelmed by so much food, and at that moment my mother sent me a text message. “It’s a new life for you and I wish you nothing but joy and peace. Make breakfast for your husband this morning.”

Xander was my husband.

I took a deep breath at the reminder and turned around to reopen the fridge. I decided that some eggs and toast would do. Anything heavier and I'd be battling with sleep throughout the rest of the day instead of working.

I found some sausages to make it interesting and worked up a reasonably sized batter for the both of us. Then I set it to fry and attempted to brew his coffee just the way he had shown me back at the cafe.

I couldn't believe that I was living with him now. And married. We had not exchanged rings and as I glared at my empty finger I thought that it was befitting.

Soon breakfast was ready. I thought of how I was going to call him or if I should even bother at all. I didn't want to be too forward. However, when I turned my heart almost left my chest.

He was standing at the entrance to the kitchen and watching me.

"What are you doing?" I cried, startled, but he didn't respond. He just kept watching me, a frown on his face. I kept my head down as I headed over to the counter where I placed a platter of food and plate of toast. Then I raised my eyes to his, trying as much as possible to avoid his toned and bare-chested torso. It seemed so wide, blocking out my view of the rest of the house and arousing me in places that I didn't want to be. My obvious concern on our desire for each other now was baseless.

His hair was combed away from his face, and his eyes smoky and impossible to decipher.

Damn.

Perhaps he was upset that I hadn't responded to him when he had knocked the previous night, and it made me all sorts of uncomfortable. "I made breakfast,” I said to him. “Coffee’s over there.”

"You don't need to do that," he said.

"I actually did, I was starving.” Being caught in my attempt at wifely duties was quite embarrassing but I wasn't going to cower in defense. "If you're not hungry just ignore it then. I'll have the rest for lunch."

He remained where he was for a few more moments before finally walking away.

My appetite was suddenly gone. We were off to a bumpy start.

 

 

 

 

♡

 

XANDER

 

 

I walked up the stairs, every fiber of my being itching to head back down to apologize, but that very itch was what bothered me.

The moment I had seen her at the stove, I had wanted to freeze the image in my mind for as long as possible. Warmth flooded my chest and the excitement had scared me shitless. I was going to fall in love with her. If I didn't watch myself I was going to be at the short end of this stick, more than I already was.

She was so beautiful and even the flash of anger in her eyes this morning at my dismissal of her generous offer of breakfast had made me hard. I stopped as I got to the top of the stairs and looked down at myself.

She was now legally my wife, and both by our contract and the marriage itself I was now allowed access to her body. Why did I hesitate? I was wondering and contemplating if today would be all right for her if she would need the time to adjust to the new living situation, and that very consideration of her feelings bothered me. It had nothing to do with courtesy, I was sure.

I turned back around then not knowing what I was going to do but refusing to stop.

I found her eating quietly at the counter, and upon my arrival, she raised her head to meet my gaze.

"I'm hungry," I said to her.

Her gaze went over to the platter by her side. "There is still..."

"I'm not hungry for food."

My message was clear and she put her fork down.

I started to head over to her and she got down from her seat. She took several steps back, and I stopped. I stared into her eyes and she into mine. I took a step toward her and she took several backward until her back connected with the wall behind her.

She briefly broke my gaze to see what had obstructed her retreat but in the next moment, I was on her. For a moment I was almost afraid to touch her, terrified that my desire for her would consume me whole, but the moment my lips were on her neck and I inhaled her scent, and my hardness pressed against her, I lost coherence.

I ached for her lips, for the taste of her, but somehow managed to keep myself in check. I kissed her pulse and felt her shudder, small gasps escaping her lips as I traced my lips to the nape of her shoulder. My hands connected with the bare skin of her full breasts and burned as they covered the voluptuous mounds.

I so badly wanted to kiss her but instead, I settled for her pale pink nipples, pulling the swollen buds into my mouth and sucking desperately on them.

Her hands were all over my shoulders... and my back and my buttocks... holding on for dear life as well as grinding her pelvis to mine.

She lost herself and tried to pull my head up for a kiss, but I avoided her lips and banged my hand against the wall at the frustration of not allowing that bit of intimacy for myself.

She, however, was not having it. She pushed me away from her. We glared at each other, chests heaving and arousal blazing from our gazes.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I want to kiss you. I won't do this if I can't kiss you.”

A surge of anger shot through me. "We've already had this conversation."

"It wasn't a conversation. It was you informing me of your wishes. Now I'm informing you of mine. Beyond these times there will be no need for kissing, but during them, I will accept nothing less. I cannot connect with you otherwise."

She glared at me, and when I made no move to act accordingly, she turned around to leave but I grabbed her shirt and pulled. She slammed into my chest with my hand sliding around her waist to keep her bound to me. "What game do you think you're playing with me?” I asked, my hand slipping up her shirt and rightly demanding access to her breasts.

She allowed my touch and leaned her head against my shoulder. "You can think whatever you want.”

My other hand found its way past the waistband of her shorts to find that she was without any underwear. The instant access weakened me as I grabbed her soaked sex and buried my nose in her neck, inhaling her scent as though it were the elixir for my existence.

With my thumb, I stroked hard against her swollen clit, and then slipped two fingers into her. The grind of her buttocks against my swollen cock, and the soft gasp that escaped her lips fuzzed my mind.

I opened my eyes a few seconds later to meet her passion-glazed eyes. We were so close that my nose was pressed against her cheek.

"Kiss me," she said, and my gaze faltered down to her soft pink lips. There was nothing else I wanted in the world at that moment than to do just that.

"Beyond these times,” I said, not certain if I was addressing her or myself, "our lips will not meet."

She shut her eyes then and I did the same. I took her lower lip in mine and kissed her with the fervency and precision of the passion that was currently burning through me. Her taste was intoxicating, and as she rode the fingers I was thrusting in and out of her, I found myself coming dangerously close to the mind-shattering orgasms that I had thus far only been able to find with her.

We broke the kiss soon after, while I turned her around and hoisted her up. She encircled her legs around my waist, while I cleared whatever stood in our way from the kitchen counter.

I heard the platter of food that she had left to me crash to the floor, but neither of us paid it any mind. I withdrew my fingers from within her and then lowered my knees to the floor, pulling the shorts from her hips and jerking her legs wide apart.

I now had the full view and access to her smooth, swollen, and creamy core and the sight drove me half mad.

My mouth was on her sex in an instant, and as I worshipped her throbbing clitoris, she had to exert her strength in keeping herself in place.

"Xander…" I heard her call out my name in incoherent cries.

“Xander... My God..."

I kept going and soon enough she came all over my face. I could barely come up for air as her arms were locked around my neck in a vice, holding on for dear life. She was quaking above me, as she tried to regain herself.

Eventually, she pulled me up to her and crushed her lips to mine. I held the edge of the counter to keep myself standing as she explored my mouth with her tongue. I quickly pulled her shorts from her ankles and then drew her hips towards mine. My cock sprung out and when she reached for it, I let her play with the painfully hard member of my body that seems to have a mind of its own when it came to her.

Eventually, I couldn't bear her teasing anymore so I took back control of my cock, and positioned it at the entrance of her sex. I teased the swollen head up and down her sweet core much to her delight, and then the moment her guard came down, I watched her face as I thrust the entire shaft into her.

Her mouth shot open in a soundless gasp, forming an o that spoke more volumes than any words that she could have uttered. My eyes brimmed with fascination as her lips slowly relaxed into a dirty smile as her body shudder slightly. I loved that response from her and the fact that I was the only man that was yet to discover it made me want to keep it that way.

I drew her hips even closer to mine and began pounding into her without any stealth. My thrusts were not rhythmic or calculated, but primal and urgent. I drove into her faster than the seconds could roll by and she could barely keep up. I couldn't stop. It seemed like I had waited forever for this possession of her and now that I had it, it was a race to the finish line but with a never-ending plea to not reach it. She drew my lips to hers and I accepted them, but she quickly gave that up when my thrusts almost displaced even her body form the counter.

She came before me, her scream an untamed primal exclamation of wonder that sent me spilling my seed into her at the last thrust.

She collapsed unto me, while I laid my head against her breasts, spent and close to crippled by the waves of ecstasy coursing through my body. My entire being was alive and brimming with a buzz that made me want to take her again and right there. I felt bare, my heart and my brain and my body, and that was the only reason I could point to for uttering the words that followed.

"Never get pregnant,” I muttered with what little coherence I could manage. "I forgot to include it in the contract but...

I didn't feel like I had to complete my sentence to get my message across, however, I was wrong because suddenly, I felt a shove of my shoulders away and it caught me off guard. I was pushed backward and only managed to break my fall when my back hit the marble counter behind me.

I watched her send me a deathly glare and then jump down from the counter.

It took her a few moments to draw the life back into her legs, and then she picked up her shorts and began to walk away.

"Where are you going?" I asked and went after her.

"To ensure that I don't get pregnant."

“What?"

I grabbed onto her hand and spun her around to face me. Her gaze fluttered down to my hardening cock and I didn't miss the hunger in her eyes for more.

"What was wrong with what I said?" I asked her. "Why are you offended?”

She scoffed at me. "Xander Cage, you’re not that big of a deal."

My response was simple. “I never said that I was."

 

 

 

 

♡

 

CARSON

 

 

He was a big, fucking deal, however, his words made me feel lower than I ever had

It was true that I was living in his home, and banking on his influence to open the doors that I hadn’t been able to for the last ten years, however, to think so little of me as to suspect that I would allow a child to come into this world for the purpose of securing a part of his assets, seared me in the heart.

Never get pregnant.

I turned away again to leave but he wouldn’t let me go.

“Every single time I lay my eyes on you, I want to be inside of you. Getting pregnant would be a tragedy that neither of us wants so you can get upset all you want, but I meant what I said. Ensure that it does not happen. We don’t want to bring a child into this.

.7yu6yhu”

I blinked at his logic and realized that we had not been on the same page. I lowered my head then in shame, at the reveal of my insecurity, but he’d already caught it. I tried to free myself, but he wouldn't let me go, his eyes boring into mine.

"You thought I was just protecting my money? Why? Because you have nothing? But that's the truth, isn’t it? You do have nothing. Isn’t that what this entire arrangement is about?"

I froze right then.

“That doesn’t mean that you will always be in that state. Once not very long ago I also had nothing. That's not the story today. So, stop getting so damn offended all the time, and embrace what you are right now, it is much more than most will ever be."

She scoffed. “And what am I? The wife that you pay to have sex with?"

"If that's your perspective then kudos to you. In my eyes, you're a fighter without any sentiment when it comes to your dreams. You'll do what needs to be done. With me, however, you constantly seem to be holding a gun and ready to fire. I don't know why and when the fuck I became the bad guy, but it needs to stop.”

He let me go then and I watched as he walked away to his room, and banged the door shut behind him.

 

 

♡

 

CARSON

 

 

A few hours later I sent Xander a text message. Would you like to have lunch?

There was no response. I tried again at dinner time and when my phone beeped about half an hour later I almost fell from my chair rushing over to the bed to retrieve it. I shut my eyes for a few seconds, and when I realized what I was doing I reopened them and gazed at my phone to read the message.

It was from Bethany. How is married life going?

Just then, Ida’s text came in too, asking a similar question and I almost blocked the both of them. I collapsed on the bed in disappointment, wondering what the hell I was doing and why I was allowing his lack of response to bother me so much.

This was a short-term agreement and one that demanded little interaction from either of us. “But why does it only have to be that?" I asked myself. What was wrong with Xander and why couldn't I fall in love with him? The way I reacted and felt about him was something I'd never experienced with anyone else, and thus far he had been nothing but decent to me.

He had a great aversion to the idea of marriage as he had explained so many times but what about me? I had never given it a thought. Did I not ever want anyone in my life, and when I eventually did, would I want anyone apart from him? All along love had been the last thing on my mind but now that I didn't have to worry about rent and food, my head was beginning to wander, finding something else to fuss about.

Angry with myself, I walked out of my room and headed to the kitchen. I was starving. Passing by the counter where he had ravaged me earlier that morning brought all sorts of thoughts to my head and suddenly I wanted him to come out of his room. It was only then that I realized that he probably wasn't in the apartment anymore. Dispelling all thoughts of him from my mind, I focused on making my dinner.

Soon, a message came in from Ida. Why is your newlywed husband already working and having business dinners with David instead of you?

I gazed at the text message for the longest time, trying my best not to feel anything as I stared at it. I didn't respond to her but instead finished with my meal, stored the rest of it in the refrigerator and headed back to my room to continue working.