Destiny

I should have said something. I shouldn’t have hidden it. My mistake was glaringly obvious from the waves of bubbling fury rolling off Jordan I felt while several feet separated us.

“I was going to tell you,” I said, stepping cautiously toward him.

His lips twisted. “Before you left this time?”

“Jordan—”

“You’re leaving? Are you fucking kidding me? Swear to God—”

“I’m coming back.” My hands flew up, palms up. I had to calm him down. I didn’t want a fight. Not after last night. Not ever.

“In a decade?” He sneered. He was entitled to every ounce of his pain, but every barb he flung showed something else. He might have promised he’d be able to forgive me, but he hadn’t yet.

I’d earned that, but I wouldn’t tolerate much of it. I’d learned too much about myself over the last month, and one was that I didn’t have to be anyone’s punching bag.

“Take a minute and calm down. Let me speak.”

He waved the paper in the air, my flight confirmation crumpled in his hands. I’d only printed it so he had our information when we did fly out. And I should have told him. Last night. Yesterday. I shouldn’t have hidden it from him, but I wanted everything planned so I could answer all his questions before I went to him.

“You are not taking my kid from me, Destiny. There is no way in hell I’m allowing that shit to happen. Not again.”

“I’m not.” My hackles rose. The fierce protectiveness I had for Toby overshadowed my need to calm Jordan. “We’re coming back, Jordan. And I should have told you, but I wanted everything set in place.”

His chest heaved and dipped. He twisted and set his coffee mug on the counter, turned back and shoved his hands to his hips. The crumpled piece of paper a ball in his large fist. “Explain.”

“We’re going home to get our house on the market.” I stepped toward the feral beast slowly and reached for the rest of the papers. I handed him the market analysis the realtor I’d contacted in Friendswood sent me. “See?”

He glared at it, snapped it out of my fingers and scanned it. For a second, his features softened. Then hardened all over again.

Before he could call me a liar, or whatever else he was going to dish out, I kept talking. “I wanted Toby to go back so he could say goodbye to his friends. I’ve got things to work out with Allison at the design firm, about me continuing to telecommute from here, but that would mean traveling back to Houston occasionally, and I haven’t decided if I want to do that yet. And it’s only a one-way ticket because when we return, we’re driving the moving truck.” I flung my arm out and gestured toward the boxes in the kitchen. “I’ve been packing up Tillie’s things so I can donate them, or sell them, but I don’t need them. Not with the stuff I’ll be bringing.”

He stared at me, glanced at the market analysis again and then dropped it to the kitchen counter. His hands went to the counter, arms flexed, head down.

I took that as a sign he needed a minute to cool down, so I shuffled around him, gave him space and grabbed my own coffee mug. On my way, I slid the other papers onto the counter.

“The rest of all of that is Toby’s paperwork from school so I can get him registered here. And I need to figure out football and basketball stuff.” Jordan didn’t move, and I’d saved the best for last. At least, I’d thought I saved the best for last but considering he wouldn’t look at me, uncertainty spiked.

Yet this wasn’t about me. It was about Toby. And his dad. The man he desperately wanted to call dad and was too afraid to ask.

I took a couple sips of my coffee, fortified myself with wake-up juice and gathered my strength. When I spoke again, my throat clogged with emotion. “There’s a paternity test in that stack of papers. Toby wants you to take it. Wants me to get you added to his birth certificate.”

His shoulders tensed and slowly, ever so slowly, it felt like it took a thousand years for him to raise his head, he asked, “What?”

I moved toward the counter and slid my mug to it. “It was his idea. We aren’t leaving, Jordan. We were going to say goodbye to our life there so we could start our new one here.”

With you. I bit back the words. His reaction had been deserved, but it taught me a lot. And I was terrified of what it said about us, the us I wanted with Jordan, Toby, and I living together. Becoming a family.

Clearly we weren’t ready for that yet.

“Paternity test?” His voice went thick and rough. He shook his head as if he had to clear it, but it was clear from his expression I’d shocked him. I gave him a minute to absorb that reality and when he didn’t say anything else, I continued.

“I was waiting for the right time to talk to you about it, but I was trying to line everything up first.”

“How am I supposed to know if you don’t talk to me?”

“Toby wanted to be here so we could tell you together, but I’d decided to tell you at the bar last night. Then Jenni showed up and you ushered us out so fast and distracted me once I got here, I forgot.”

“I should have been involved in the decision from the beginning.”

“Why? Because you don’t trust me?”

He flinched. Barely perceptible but I still saw it and the pain of that, the realization he was still trying to get over what I’d done to him but hadn’t yet, scored a mark to my heart.

“You don’t. Do you?”

He shoved his hands through his hair, head tipped back to the ceiling. It was that pause that told me everything I already suspected. His words only confirmed it. “I thought I did.”

It was the same as a no and we both realized it at the same time. My chest deflated, his hand went from his hair to the back of his neck. “I don’t know, Destiny. Maybe this all happened so fast, maybe I do need more time. Not because I don’t love you, I do, I swear it, but I don’t want this to keep coming back up either.”

“I understand.” I did. It killed, but I got it. I hated it. I thought we were past it, but clearly my betrayal and lies had been a snake, coiled and waiting to strike. “Then I suppose it’s a good thing I’ll be gone for a couple weeks, isn’t it? You’ll have that time.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“Yeah, because you’re afraid I won’t come back and that’s not trust. You can’t keep me chained to you so I don’t run away, and I’m not. Toby wants his dad, Jordan. It was his idea about the birth certificate. I won’t deny him that.” I inhaled a shuddering breath that rattled my rib cage. “I love you, and I’ve told you I’d earn back your trust. It was our mistake to think it would be easy to brush aside a decade of me hiding him from you and not have it come back to us.”

“I love you,” he stated. So plainly.

I didn’t need the reassurance. “I know. And in a couple weeks, when we’re back, we’ll figure out where we go from here.”

He blinked, looked out the kitchen window behind me and slowly brought his blue eyes back to me. When our gazes met, his features had softened. Finally. He was getting it. And when he spoke, he almost made my knees give out. “You’re stronger than you’ve always thought you were. You know that, right?”

I went to him then, unable to keep the space between us. Needing him. I pressed my hand to his cheek. He covered my hand with his, turned his head and kissed the heel of my palm. “I’ve had a really great guy in my life showing me the way to that. And maybe I’ve started listening to the right people telling me who I am instead of believing the wrong ones telling me what I’m not.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

His head dipped, his lips met mine. He kissed me softly, sweetly. My hand slid to his neck, his went to my waist but the kiss didn’t go further. He didn’t deepen it. I took what he gave me and treasured it because this was big. Huge.

Somehow, he was telling me in that kiss that he believed we’d get through it together.

He pulled back, corners of his eyes crinkling as he licked the taste of me off his lips.

“How can I help?”

* * *

“You have everything packed and set aside that you want to keep?” Jordan asked.

We were at the airport. He’d insisted on driving Toby and I and it was zero-dark-thirty in the morning. I was barely awake because I’d had little sleep, mostly because last night, Jordan insisted on staying the night at Tillie’s with Toby there, and it’d taken Toby a while to fall asleep.

And Jordan had kept me up for several hours after that, making love to me, reaching so deep into my soul it was like he was trying to plant himself deep inside, so I had no choice to return to him.

Soon, he’d know there was no choice. I’d always belonged to him.

After he’d asked me how he could help, I took him up on it and we spent the rest of the day separating everything of Tillie’s I wanted to keep. Most of it was photos, although I was keeping some of her kitchen items and a few keepsakes that meant a lot to her. But outside of that, there’d been a distance. He was afraid I’d change my mind and wouldn’t return. I was still hurt that not only did he not trust me, he didn’t seem to be trying either. The thick unease settled over us and while we’re still together, our new relationship was tenuous at best.

“It’s all in the master bedroom,” I replied and pressed my hand to his cheek. “Thank you. For your help and for being you.”

“I’ll get the house taken care of while you’re gone. But call me. Hourly. Daily. Whenever you want, even if it’s just to say hi.”

I couldn’t miss the worry in Jordan’s eyes. I’d fight and bleed to do all I could to erase that look in him. “I will. I love you.”

That worry softened and he grinned. “I love you, too.” He looked down at Toby, whose head was dipped to his phone, thumbs flying across the screen. “I love you too, little man. You know that, right?”

Toby’s head jerked up. His spine went straight, and his little jaw relaxed like it could hit the floor. His eyes flickered to me before meeting Jordan’s gaze. I knew there was so much he wanted to tell Jordan. So much he had to say, but it was then I realized, it was the first time Jordan had given him that confirmation.

“Yeah,” he said. His chin wobbled.

Jordan crouched down, slid his hand around the back of Toby’s neck and pulled their heads close together. “I’ll take that test, Toby. I’m honored. So damn honored you want that from me. Then when you and your mom get back and get settled, we’ll celebrate that, okay?”

“Okay…Jordan.” My little guy swallowed a lump in his throat, tears brimmed in his eyes. “Thanks.”

“Do anything for you. Always. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Damn it. I turned away and swiped my eyes before I lost it. I’d cried enough. Cried for Tillie. For taking Toby from Jordan. From seeing them every single time they interacted. This was more special though.

This was more precious than gold.

Jordan stood and slid his arm around my back, tugging me to his side. He bent, kissed my temple and whispered, “I love you, Destiny. Go do what you need to do so you can get back to me. Then we’ll work on putting this family back together in a safe and healthy way.”

“I will. Promise.”

His lips pressed my cheek. Slid to my ear. “I believe you. Now go get on your flight before I haul your ass back to my place and never let you leave.”