Destiny

This was happening. Me and Jordan…together. In all my years, and since I’d returned to Carlton, I never once thought a reconciliation with Jordan was possible, much less that he’d forgive me enough for this to happen.

As he walked toward the bathroom and closed the door behind him, a smile broke on my face that stretched to my ears.

I had no idea what came over me in the bathroom. Ten years and the only lover I’d had was Paul, and even though we had years together, I still chose to follow instead of lead when it came to bedroom intimacy. Seeing Jordan in the bathroom and the way his eyes darkened with desire for me, it jumpstarted something in me.

A hope I’d thought had fully extinguished.

We could do this. Not sex. That I had no doubt we’d work through. But we could do us. A family. The three of us. I needed to keep my shit together long enough for him to trust me again.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled the scent of his room. Woodsy, spicy…it was all man, exactly like his linens and sparse room décor I caught glimpses of when my eyes opened. There was only one choice I had. One decision to make…and that was to do exactly what Jordan had told me to do.

I reached to my back and unclasped my bra. The lace scraped against my already tightened nipples and a shiver of delicious friction spiked in my veins. My thong went next, falling to the floor.

I was stepping out of them, naked, when the door to the bathroom opened and Jordan walked through. Light behind him shone, shadowing his face, giving off enough to light to illuminate the size of his body. He was so much larger. Stronger. So much more masculine than he’d been in his late teens. Mostly, he was still the most incredibly sexy man I’d ever laid eyes on, and for tonight, he was all mine.

“Hey,” I said, nerves taking over. My feet were rooted to their spot on the carpet and he seemed in no giant hurry to move from the doorway. Was he having second thoughts?

Doubts skittered through my mind as he stood there.

He crossed his arms, still clothed only in his tight, boxer briefs. The brief touch of his length and hardness hadn’t been enough. I was desperate for more of him. Hell, I was desperate for all of him.

“Sit on the bed,” Jordan said, and excitement blossomed. I remembered this part about him. Couldn’t have forgotten it even if I’d been hypnotized into forgetting everything about Jordan.

When it came to sex, he liked to be in control.

I stepped backward until the backs of my thighs brushed against his soft comforter. I sat down slowly, thankful for that simple command. My knees were shaking so hard it would have been difficult to remain standing. My hands went to the edge of the bed, curled around the bedcovers and he took his first step toward me.

Then another. And another. He moved slowly, his arms still crossed, his head tilted down until he was so close I had to lift my chin to look him in the eyes.

“You’re making me nervous,” I admitted. The corner of my lip ended up between my teeth.

“Good. Then that makes two of us.”

“You’re nervous?” Jordan was never nervous. Maybe he was having second thoughts.

“As fuck,” Jordan said. “I don’t know if this is smart. I don’t know if this is right. I don’t know if it’s going to help us or fuck everything up for Toby, but all I can think about is if you still feel and taste as good as I remember.”

Oh God. My eyes drifted closed. My heart was pounding. My body at risk of overheating. He hadn’t even touched me, and my limbs were on fire. What would it feel like when he finally did all those things he’d said he wanted?

I’d combust.

“I don’t want this to mess anything up.”

“Good. Then that makes two of us.” He touched me then. His thumb at my jaw. The pad of his thumb brushed along my flesh beneath my jawline and shivers skated across my skin. He drew closer. I could feel it by the scent of him growing until his lips were on mine. Slowly. Testing. A rush of breath left my lips as I leaned in closer to him and then we were kissing. His hands were on both of my cheeks, holding me still, angling me how he wanted me. My hands went to his thighs and curled around the backs. My legs parted, and I pulled him closer to me until my back was arched, his tongue was in my mouth and we were falling slowly, gently to the bed beneath me.

“Jesus,” he groaned, pulling from the kiss. His hands were fire to my cheeks, his body a massive weight on top of me. “I want to take my time and explore every inch of you, but I want to be rough and take you, Des.”

I’d always hated my name. Hated everything it stood for. Jordan saying my nickname, at that moment, at that time, made me love it more than I ever had, even the hundreds of times he’d spoken it before.

He might not have forgiven me yet. He might not trust me yet, but he was trying, and I’d spend every hour of the rest of my days trying to prove to him I was worth it.

I slid my hands up his sides to his shoulders, leaned in and kissed his shoulder. “I want you to take me however you need.”

His forehead pressed against mine. His chest heaved against mine. “If you need me to stop, if it becomes too much, I will. Just say the words.”

“Now you’re scaring me,” I said, teasing him as my hands continued to run up and down his sides, his shoulders, his hips…everywhere I could reach. I wasn’t scared. Overwhelmed, yes.

“Promise me,” he said. “If this becomes too much. If you change your mind, you’ll let me know.”

“It won’t.” There was no way it could. I’d waited a decade for this. “But I promise you.”

“Good.” Then he took me. His mouth slammed against mine like I’d finally unleashed something primal in him. His hands were at my breasts, pulling and tugging my nipples until I pulsed with wild need for him. My hips undulated against him, pressed against his hardness until I found the right rhythm where I could rub my center against him. The friction against his boxers wasn’t nearly enough. I wanted his thick length inside of me, but every time I brushed against him, his answering moan and his fingers and the taste of me made me wetter.

My hands went to the waistband of his boxers and I pushed them down until I wrapped my hand around him.

“Shit,” he grunted, his mouth now at my neck. I cupped him, relished in the feel of him against me, surrounding me, and then I was being moved.

He turned me over, pushed me farther up the bed and his hands were at my hips, his lips at my back. “Everywhere,” he whispered. I want to taste you everywhere.”

Every single touch from him was a high voltage wire, burning through me, driving me wild with need until he had moved farther down, rolled and he yanked me down onto his waiting mouth.

“Ride,” he grunted and that delicious vibration of him right at my core almost sent me over the edge. But then his mouth was on me, his hands pulling me against him and I had no choice but to do as he commanded until I threw my head back and let that sensation wash over me. It hit at my center, spread to my limbs, and I bucked against him as my orgasm crashed through me like rolling thunder, slowly edging back until I was sated.

“Oh shit,” I gasped. It hurt to unclench my jaw I’d kept snapped closed through it, aware enough of Toby in the house to remain as quiet as possible.

And then I was on my back again, arm draped over my eyes, listless and hot and cold and shivering and absolutely perfect. And Jordan was still there, touching me, moving slowly.

“You have more in you?” he asked, his voice thick with need he hadn’t yet quenched.

“I’m good.” My arm fell to the bed and I smiled, lazily, barely able to move a muscle. “I’m better than.”

“Good.” He reached to the nightstand, tore off a condom and I watched with wild fascination as he removed it, rolled it down his hard length and then he moved on his knees, hands at my thighs, spreading me wide open. “I think now I can go a bit slower, now that I know how incredible you still taste.”

“I want to see,” I said, and he jerked in surprise. I’d never done that before. Not with him, for sure. When we were teens, him going down on me had always felt strange, that I’d liked it so much even weirder, but even then, I’d always wipe his mouth before he kissed me.

But this was a new beginning, and we were different people, and whatever he was bringing out in me made me want to do dozens of things I’d never done before. I curled my hand around his neck and tugged him down to me. I slid my tongue into his parted lips, kissing him, tasting me on his tongue, sweet and tangy, but God…so good at the same time. And he was at my center, sliding into me as I pressed against him. I stretched around him as he entered me, pushing in slowly, almost reverently like he wanted to remember every stroke.

I let him take me as he needed, our bodies clinging together, his hands beside my shoulders, my hands below his hips, holding him close to me as we moved, found our rhythm in no time.

“Yes,” I gasped into his ear. “More. Harder.”

“Slowly. Patience,” he demanded. I nipped at his ear, moaned into his throat as he adjusted. He was hitting that perfect, beautiful spot deep inside and it didn’t take long until I was feeling it all over again.

That beautiful hint of a climax spreading and alighting deep inside until it grew, so large, so powerful, less forceful than before, but still one of the best I’d ever had.

I gasped against his mouth, kissed him while his hips moved faster, his thrusts deeper, more forceful. “Close,” he grunted. “Get there.”

“I am.” My fingers dug into his shoulders. I spread my legs farther. I took all of him, every last beautiful inch and clung to him until I was shaking and trembling.

My orgasm hit me slowly and powerfully until all I made were sounds and vowels, whimpering into his mouth.

And then he was there. Right there with me. His rhythm faltered, his speed accelerated, his thrusts turned savage and he got up on his arms, hands braced to the bed. He stared down at me, muscles popped at his neck while he buried himself inside of me, groaning out his own release until he collapsed against my chest.

“Wow,” I whispered. I shoved my hands into his hair, felt his silky black locks slide through my fingertips as he caught his breath. “I know you were worried about that messing up something, but personally, I think it went pretty well.”

He laughed against my collarbone, lips pressed teasing kisses along my shoulder. “Smartass.”

We held each other until we’d relaxed and I pushed him gently. “I have to go get cleaned up.”

His hips rolled, reminding me he was still inside me. “I don’t want to let you go.”

His voice was rough and thick and didn’t sound like all he meant was being inside me. I pushed my hand through his hair, slid it to the side of his neck. “You won’t have to.”

He blinked harshly, and it threw me. It was the first hint of doubt or fear he’d shown me so openly. “Good,” he finally said.

He smacked my ass playfully. “Go get cleaned up. I’m exhausted, and I want you in my arms before I fall asleep.”

I kissed his cheek and moved, hurried through my bathroom routine. On the way back to bed, I slid into my underwear on the floor and then curled into Jordan’s body. He wrapped his arms around me and held me to his chest. “Tonight was good,” he said, already half asleep. “I liked it.”

“Me too.” I kissed his chest and settled against him. In moments he was asleep, breathing softly.

I followed him shortly after, relaxed and smiling.

* * *

I woke with a jolted start. My eyes jumped open and I immediately saw soft, dark sheets against my chest and beneath my hand. Deep navy walls in front of me and a white door leading to a bathroom.

Jordan’s house. I was in his bed and as I stretched my limbs, the memories of the night before assaulted me. His body on mine, his lips on me. His mouth devouring me.

Sweet, sweet heavenly bliss.

I spread out in bed, the sun shining brightly through slightly opened blinds and reached for him even though I somehow knew I was alone.

Another thought hit me, making me leap out of bed. Toby.

I scrambled to my feet and hurried to the bathroom. I’d left my clothes in a pile on the floor and after quickly tugging on my shorts and going back to his room to put on my bra, I dug through Jordan’s dresser and found a gray t-shirt.

It fell to my knees, so I quickly tied it into a knot and went to the bathroom where I splashed water on my face and scrubbed away yesterday’s mascara from beneath my eyes. It took minutes to make myself look presentable enough for Toby to see me, and I felt no shame in digging through Jordan’s drawers to find a hair-tie, hoping I’d come up empty. When I couldn’t find anything, I smiled, grabbed the toothbrush I used last night and brushed my teeth.

Then I hurried out of his room and down the hall, coming up short when I saw Toby’s door open and his bed covers a mangled mess, but the bed was empty.

Sounds hit my ears coming from downstairs, followed by a manly chuckle which had to be Jordan. A lighter one quickly followed and before I knew it, my cheeks ached from grinning so large.

I reached downstairs and paused in the entryway of the kitchen. They hadn’t seen me yet and I took a minute to watch father and son work, making breakfast, and an even larger mess. Waffle batter was spilled all over the kitchen counter in front of them. Three glasses of juice were set aside, and Jordan stood next to Toby. One so tall and one so small, but so very similar, a tear fell down my cheek as Toby grinned up at his dad, laughing again while they poured the batter into the waffle maker.

I could watch them all day. Every day. And except for my own insecurities, there was no longer anything keeping that from happening.

With that thought, I stepped into the kitchen. “Are you two making a mess or breakfast?”

Toby slid his tongue out from his pressed together lips as he concentrated on pouring the batter into the maker.

Jordan grinned at me over his shoulder. “Morning sleepyhead. You slept in.”

I hadn’t checked to see what time it was, but a quick scan of the microwave and the clock in blue numbers said it was well after nine. I couldn’t remember the last time I slept so late. “Must have needed it.”

I went to Jordan and stepped between the two of them, kissing the top of Toby’s head. Jordan’s arm curled around my side and he kissed my cheek, hugging me quickly and letting me go. “Good morning. Sleep okay?”

Heat sparked at my neck and traveled upward. His look was knowing, also remembering. I cleared my throat and stepped back. “Yeah. It was a good night.”

“The best.”

“Gross you guys.” The laughter in Toby’s voice made me jump and I turned.

“What?”

“You two. Touchy feely and all that talk you think I’m too young to get. It’s gross.” He squished his face up and rolled his eyes. The look was utterly adorable, but he’d hate it if I pointed out how cute he was. And based on his expression, he was more pleased than displeased.

The teasing was new, too. If Jordan and I had been trying to hide we were trying out reconciliation, we’d clearly done a poor job of hiding it from him.

Not that he seemed to mind.

“Right. I’ll can the sweet stuff,” I teased him and stepped away from both of them. They went back to checking the waffles while I helped myself to coffee. Since they looked like they had everything under control, I spotted a stool across the island from them, slid onto it, grinning while I drank my coffee.

“Did you guys have anything planned for today?” Jordan asked. He’d propped his hip on the counter across from me. Peeling my eyes off the exposed skin around his waist was difficult. He was wearing light blue pajama bottoms, tied and slung low on his hips. I remembered Toby was in the room, feet from Jordan, and conquered the task of lifting my eyes from Jordan’s stomach to his face.

Based on his smirk, he knew my thoughts had driven straight to the gutter.

“Not really. I need to finish packing Tillie’s things. Thought today would be a good day to work on it.”

Two black brows slowly lifted. “You’re packing up her stuff.”

It was more a statement, tinged with something heavy I didn’t quite understand. “Yeah. At some point, I’ll have to get rid of it. And I don’t think she’s decluttered since the mid-nineties. There’s a lot to go through.”

“Right.” A muscle jumped in his jaw and he took a drink of coffee.

I fear I’d said something wrong, but there wasn’t time to ask because Toby declared the last waffle done.

While they plated the finished breakfast, I grabbed silverware from the drawer and spread the bamboo placemats onto the table. Jordan brought over the orange juice. Toby carried a platter of waffles stacked sky high and beneath that, three plates for all of us.

We settled at the table. Tears, thankful and grateful and oh so damn hopeful ones, burned my eyes. I looked to my lap and sniffed them back. Hid them. We’d had meals together before, planned ones. Ones with Jordan’s family. This breakfast. This moment was different. This was a family waking up on Sunday morning to waffles and casual togetherness.

“Mom?”

I blinked harshly and grinned at my boy. “Breakfast looks delicious, honey.”

“You okay?” Cute, black ten-year-old boy brows wrinkled together on his forehead.

“Yeah.” My gaze slid to Jordan and back to my boy. My grin shook. “Yeah. I’m happy.”

“Get eatin’, bud. We’ve got balls to go hit when we’re done.”

My head swung toward Jordan. His voice had gone hard and rough, startling me.

The look on his face startled me more. It was as intense as his voice. Harder.

But there was something else there, a heat simmering in his eyes that lit a spark south of my waist.

Yeah. He was happy, too.

He winked at me and cut into his stack of waffles.

Toby mumbled, “Right,” and shoved a bite of waffle into his mouth.

“Hit some balls?” I asked still stunned by Jordan. This meal. My kid taking everything in stride. Could it be this easy?

Warmth fluttered in my stomach.

“Yeah.” Toby talked with a mouth full of waffles, too excited to remember his manners. “Jordan said he’d teach me how to golf.”

“You can come with us,” Jordan said, “I can teach you, too.”

He could barely throw out that invitation without laughing.

I had the athleticism of a drunken one-legged monkey. “I’ll pass.”

“Probably for the best,” Toby said, not bothering to hide his laughter. “Mom would probably break a club. Or the windows behind the driving range.”

I pointed my fork at him and glared. “Watch it, kiddo.”

He laughed harder. “It’s true.”

At the end of the table, Jordan snorted.

“Don’t you start.” I glared at him.

He threw out his hands, well one of them. A fist bump went in Toby’s direction. “I didn’t say a word. But it does seem our boy knows you.”

Toby gaped at him and his laughter died immediately.

The air was sucked out of the room. The intensity of the moment, draining all of us dry. That he not only thought it…but he said it. So easily. Like he’d said it every day for the last decade and we’d done this very thing a million times before.

My chest stung, overheated with the need to throw myself into his arms, onto his lap, kiss him crazy and thank him so damn much, repeatedly, because he’d made this so easy for all of us, like we all fit together and this was meant to be.

“Yeah.” I winked at Toby who was still staring at Jordan. He was having a hard enough time holding onto his emotions. So clear on his face, his struggle, that need to know his dad and be loved by his dad.

Incredible. Two words. Our boy. And everything changed.

We were most definitely staying.

“Yeah. Our boy.”

Jordan’s phone rang, and he scowled at it on the counter behind me before standing from the table. “That’s the resort’s ringtone. I gotta get this.”

I tucked back into my waffles, glancing at Toby to find his eyes, awed and sweet and so hopeful that he’d finally found his father—and it ended up being a man who loved him— watching Jordan.

“Hey,” I whispered. “You good? You can take a few minutes if you need to.”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I’m cool.” He shoved a forkful of waffles into his mouth.

I stared at my son like the sun was shining directly onto him, because as far as I was concerned, it did.

God had given me an incredible boy. And hopefully soon, He’d give me the family I always wanted.

“Sorry,” Jordan said, coming up behind me. He pressed his hands to the back of my chair, brushing the hair off my shoulder. “There’s a problem with the woman’s brunch and golf tournament starting in a couple hours. I need to shower and head into work for a few hours.”

Disappointment dulled Toby’s smile. “No golfing?”

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Okay?”

“Sure.”

Warm breath and full lips brushed my ear. “I gotta get it in the shower. But I’ll give you the keys to my truck so you guys can head out when you’re ready. That okay?”

I shivered at the feel of him so close. So impossible to fight. My reaction to him was a living, needy thing I had no control over. “Sure, Jordan.”

He chuckled quietly. Drove me crazy.

“Good.” He smacked the side of the chair. “Eat up. And make sure you help your mom clean up, kiddo.”

He walked away and once his steps up the stairs had evaporated, I turned back to Toby. “Hey. How about after this, you and I go for a drive? I want to show you something.”

“Sure. Something cool?”

I highly doubted he’d think the middle school I attended was cool. Still, I grinned at him and lied through my teeth. “Of course it is.”