Chapter Twenty

Eli

I haven't cried since Merry died, not even at her funeral. All the tears were just frozen up inside of me, all the sadness locked inside my heart. I couldn't let it go. Or maybe I didn't want to. The anguish was my punishment, my burden to bear.

Now, though, I can't seem to stop the tears. They trickle down my cheeks, my chin, my neck. The drops land on my hands clutching Quinn's shirt, on my own. Merry's letter set them free.

When they finally run out, I stay still in Quinn's arms. They feel warm around me. Her chest feels soft against my face.

Strange. Now that I'm done crying, my chest feels lighter. My shoulders no longer feel heavy. And yet, I don't feel empty at all. I just feel... at peace.

Is this what it means to let go?

Slowly, I push myself off Quinn. I see the wet stains on the front of her shirt and I frown.

"I'm sorry." I sniff.

Quinn shakes her head and smiles. "I'm just glad you're okay now. Besides, you look kind of cute when you cry."

I almost chuckle. How does she do that? How does she make me smile so easily?

"See. You're smiling now."

I look into her eyes. "It's all because of you."

"I didn't do anything." She glances at the envelope on the floor. "It was Merry, Meredith. Her words finally reached you. I bet she was trying to tell you all these years that it wasn't your fault she died."

"You think?"

Actually, I can't remember exactly what she said as she drew her dying breath. Did she really say it was my fault? But Quinn said there's no way Merry could have said that, and now that I think of - now that I've listened to - her letter, I realize she couldn't have said that. Maybe she was trying to say it wasn't my fault. Why didn't I realize it until now?

Quinn's right. I just felt guilty because I missed her, because I didn't want to let her go. But I can't be free without setting her free. And I can't keep her a prisoner inside of me.

"She wants you to be happy, remember?" Quinn touches my cheek.

I take her hand and kiss her palm. "I wouldn't have known it if you hadn't found the letter, though..."

"I didn't exactly find it."

"...if you hadn't come here. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"And I'm sorry I let Marianne enter this room without your permission. I'm sorry I entered this room without your permission."

I shake my head. "Marianne doesn't need my permission. Merry is her mother."

I glance at the other envelope on the floor, the one Merry addressed to her future child.

"I should give her that letter. But first, I should tell her about Merry. I've never done that."

"You should," Quinn agrees. "Marianne deserves to know about the woman who brought her into this world. She is a part of her, after all."

I nod. "Is she alright?"

"She's fine. She's at my house waiting for you." Quinn stands up. "Shall we go get her?"

I grab her arm. "Wait."

She stops.

"What you said earlier? Is it true?"

I know I was confused, but I heard what she said. She said she feels the same way Meredith did.

"What I said?" Quinn gives me a puzzled look. "What did I say?"

I narrow my eyes at her.

Oh, so she's playing innocent, huh? I pull her back to my side.

"Then I'll just have to make you remember."

I place my hand on her cheek and kiss her lips.

Quinn pulls away. "Actually, you know what? I do have something to tell you."

"Too late."

I kiss her again. This time, I slip my tongue inside her mouth. She sucks on its tip before kissing me back. Fiercely. Her hands caress my neck and my back.

She does love me.

The thought fills me with an unexpected sense of exhilaration. My heart races in my chest. I push her down on the bed. Last time, she was in control. This time, I am.

As I slide my hand behind her head to grasp a handful of her hair, I lick the lobe of her ear. She trembles. I kiss her neck next and let my lips linger on the scar beneath her jaw.

"Where did you get this scar?" I ask her.

"Scar? Oh, that scar?" She gasps as I lick it. "It was... one of my students a long time ago. He managed to... get a hold of this sharp stick and as I was trying to get it from him, he tried to use it as a sword against me. I moved my head, but he hit my jaw. Good thing it wasn't my neck."

"Good thing." I kiss her neck again. "Tell me the name of that kid and next time I'll teach him a lesson."

She snorts. "No thanks."

I reach the collar of her shirt. I grip the hem and pull the garment over her.

"Are you sure we should be doing this on Meredith's bed?" Quinn asks. "And I'm only asking because - "

I shut her up with a kiss. "You talk too much."

As my tongue pins hers down, I reach around her to undo the hook of her bra. I slip the straps off her arms and toss that aside. Then I cup one of her bare breasts.

Quinn gives another gasp. Then she grabs my wrist and frowns.

"We really should bandage that properly," she says as she looks at my palm, which is just wrapped in an old handkerchief.

"It's not that bad," I tell her.

Her eyes narrow. "Even so..."

"Fine, fine." I sigh. "You're the mom."

"Then let me do this." She presses a kiss to my palm. I feel the heat and the buzz from her lips all the way down my arm.

I grin. "All better now."

My turn. I circle the engorged peak of her breast with the tip of my tongue while I rub the other with my fingers. Quinn shudders. I flick with my tongue and push it down before wrapping my lips around it. Then I take her whole breast inside my mouth and suck as I squeeze the other.

Again, she shudders. Her back arches and her breast slips further into my mouth. A moan escapes her lips.

I pause to admire my handiwork before moving to her other breast. My fingers push out the button of her jeans and pull the zipper down. Then I slip my hand in to stroke her through the front of her underwear. She gives another moan and my fingertips grow damp.

It's a good thing it's my left hand that's injured.

I stroke her through the moist cotton and suck on her breast a bit more before I pull off her pants and her underwear and take off her shoes and socks. They all fall in a pile beneath her dangling feet.

Quinn lifts her head to catch my gaze and frowns.

"Why am I the only one undressed?"

"Fine." I pull my shirt over my head. "Happy?"

She sits up and tries to put her hands on me but I push her back down. I shake my head.

"Not yet."

I kneel at the foot of the bed and pull her hips forward. I close my eyes as I inhale her sweet scent. It calls me to dig in and my cock gets even harder.

Again, Quinn's head goes up. "Eli, what are you - ?"

I hold her gaze as I part the folds of her skin and lick her nub. She shudders and her head falls.

I run my tongue over and over that bud of flesh until it stiffens and then move on to the blossom between her legs. As I start licking, Quinn's hands grip my shoulders.

"Eli, stop. That's embarrassing."

Wait. She's never been licked before?

Still, I keep going, tracing the outer petals of that blossom before slipping my tongue in. Her hands go up to my hair and tug at the strands. Her gasps and curses spill out into the air as her hips and knees tremble.

I gather her sweet nectar on my tongue. Some of it coats my lips. I go back to her nub and blow on it gently before licking it again. Her nails scrape my scalp.

"Eli."

She squirms and trembles on the bed. I hear her head thrash on the mattress. My tongue begins to feel numb. My cock quivers and threatens to poke a hole through the front of my boxers. Still, I keep teasing that nub. I know it's only a matter of time before she -

She comes undone. Her hips jerk. Her nails dig into my scalp as she lets out a cry. Then her body grows still and I hear her gasps. Her hands slide off my head.

I lick my lips as I get off my knees and climb on top of her. Quinn may be breathless, but she still glares. Her cheeks are all red, though.

"What? You liked it." I stroke a burning cheek.

"It was too much," she confesses.

I take a few strands of her hair in my fingers. "Then should I stop?"

"No."

I grin. Like I could.

As I take off my pants and boxers, the front stained by my leaking cock, Quinn climbs further up the bed. I crawl on top of her. As I kiss her, she reaches for my cock and wraps her fingers around it.

I groan.

"Too much?" she whispers in my ear.

My grin goes from that ear to the other. "Not nearly enough."

I lift her legs and hook her knees above my arms. Then I grab her wrists and pin them down on each side of her head as I enter her. My jaw clenches and I hold my breath. It takes every drop of my self-control to keep myself from coming with her sucking me on so exquisitely.

Fuck.

When I'm fully sheathed inside her, I let go of her wrists. I gasp for air. Quinn cups my face. Her half-lidded eyes look into mine.

"I love you."

The words are a potent aphrodisiac. I swell inside her.

"Eli?"

I let out a sigh. "And I was trying to be gentle."

"What?"

I grip the backs of her thighs and begin pounding into her. The bed creaks. She wraps her arms around me as I rock her body with my own. I'm feverish, out of control.

Quinn has succeeded in driving me crazy.

My cock explodes inside her just before she tightens around me. As she milks my quivering cock of every drop I have to give, her nails scratch the taut muscles of my back. Her arms tremble around me even as my body trembles above hers. Her mouth presses against my shoulder and my skin muffles her moans.

When she's stopped trembling, she rests her head on my shoulder. Then her arms fall off me. I pull out slowly, climb off her and lie down beside her. My eyes gaze up at the canopy as I chase my breath.

Quinn lies still on her back as she, too, tries to catch her breath.

I turn my head towards her and stroke her cheek. She turns towards me and I see the tender glow in her eyes.

She really does love me.

And while I'm a cautious man when it comes to using that word, I know I feel something special for her. It makes me smile.

Quinn smiles, too, as she turns her gaze back to the canopy. "So this is what it feels like to lie down on a canopied bed."

"And?"

She shrugs. "It's not that different from my bed, but maybe that's because my ceiling is low."

I chuckle but stop as I sense her getting serious.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"Something about... her."

"Merry? Go on." She's earned that right.

"You loved her... for a long time?"

"I knew her since she was a child. Our parents knew each other. We were friends. She was like a little sister to me, even. Marrying her felt like the easiest, most natural thing to do."

Quinn looks at me. "So if you had a little sister, you'd marry her?"

"Don't make me sound like a criminal. I meant that I felt like I had to take care of her, to protect her."

"So it's a hero complex. Well, heroes and criminals do practically the same things, except heroes do them for the sake of the good of all and criminals do them for less noble reasons."

I prop my head up on my shoulder. "Why are we talking about this?"

Quinn sits up. "I guess I was just curious. From the sound of it, I didn't have a chance of winning against her. So I guess it's a good thing I didn't have to compete. Well, I'm not even sure if I can win against her now."

My eyebrows crease. "What are you talking about?"

She turns her back to me. I see the scar on her back.

My eyes grow wide as my heart stops.

That scar...

"I - "

"You're her?" I sit beside her. "You're that girl in the library, the one I met on Halloween."

"The one in the witch costume?" Quinn looks at me. "Or at least a witch dressed as a maid with a cat mask."

It is her. I knew it.

She shrugs. "Who would have thought, right?"

Who indeed?

I hold her hand. "How long have you known?"

"Since I saw your tattoo."

"Oh." I touch my chin. "So that's why."

No wonder she looked like she had seen a ghost. After all, it's been years since she last saw me. Nine? Ten?

"Wait. Does that mean Clive is...?"

"Your son," Quinn tells me as she looks me in the eye. "There hasn't been anyone else besides you, unless you count my vibe, which I think we can pretty much - "

"Clive is my son?" I stare at my lap with parted lips.

I can't believe it. I can't believe he's been with me all this time and I never knew. I can't believe such an amazing boy is my son.

"No wonder he's so smart."

Quinn punches my arm playfully.

I rub it. "Does he know?"

She shakes her head. "But he deserves to know."

I nod.

Her eyebrows arch. "You're okay with it?"

"I'm his father. He should know. I think Marianne will be thrilled to hear it, too. She'll finally have Clive as her brother." I touch Quinn's cheek. "And you as her mother. She's always wanted one, needed one, I think."

"And Clive needs a father," she says. "I think."

"And I need you." I take her hand and kiss it. "And you love me. So what do you say we all live here together? As a family?"

That's what we are, after all.

Quinn falls silent for a moment. Then her lips curve into a smile. Her hand squeezes mine.

"I say it's the perfect arrangement."