Chapter Twenty
Micah watched couples and families walking along the wharf, where they’d stopped to refill the boat with gas. Darcy had left him ten minutes ago to use the washroom in a restaurant.
With her absence, the unspoken words between them became ash in his mouth. He’d added yet another perfect day to his list of favorites, and he became acutely aware of how few days they had left. How few days before he had to shatter her delusions of him and go back to his single life, where there was nothing left to lose but the foundation.
His gaze fixed on her familiar form rushing along the boardwalk, weaving in and out of groups as she rushed back to him. She spoke to some children as she passed, and they giggled and waved back. Before she left the main thoroughfare, she took a short detour to help an old couple move the woman’s walker up onto the sidewalk.
Not a thought for herself. She looked outward, always, to the betterment of everyone else. How could she have forgiven the way he’d lived most of his adult life? Before now, his contributions to society amounted to keeping gossip columnists employed.
The boat dipped down as Darcy stepped off the dock. She waved a hand in front of his nose. “Earth to Micah, everything okay, hot stuff?”
He grasped her face and kissed her. “Never better. What did you say?”
Sighing, she pecked him back. “Can we take a look at the outdoor market right across the street? I’d love to have a sexy dress to wear tonight.”
Micah kept his rising panic internal. He’d avoided public places at all costs in the past year. Crowds made him claustrophobic, not to mention someone might recognize him and start snapping pictures.
“Hey, maybe some other day,” she said, reading him easily despite his effort to hide it. She gave his hand a squeeze. “It’s getting kind of late anyway.”
“I’m fine. Let’s go,” he said, resolving to keep his issues from ruining their adventure.
“Really?” Her brow arched. “Are you sure?”
“It’ll be fun. Though, I hope you’re not looking for a dress for my sake. I’ll only spend the evening imagining you out of it, anyway.” He grinned, wishing he could tell her what he really thought, that she was beautiful no matter what she wore. Leading her on for anything other than sex would only lead to more confusion for that sensitive heart of hers.
“That’s what I’m going for.” She winked.
“In that case, what are we sitting around here for?” Micah grabbed the boat key and hopped onto the dock, offering his hand to Darcy. She took it, linking their fingers and tugging him toward the herds of people swarming around the tents.
He let himself relax as they approached the tarp-covered canopies that lined the far side of the street. The chances of being recognized with a hat and sunglasses in the massive crowd were minimal, and they wouldn’t linger for long.
Darcy tugged on his hand, stopping him. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
He pushed her sunglasses up her nose. “Lead, and I’ll follow.”
“Uh-huh. You just want to stare at my ass again.” She slipped her arm over his elbow and snugged up next to him. “Nope, you’re staying right here beside me.”
Chuckling, he ignored the meandering herds and listened to her voice as she pointed out this and that, her energy drawing the eye of just about everyone they passed. Her gaze tracked every stroller and giggling toddler that meandered by. He couldn’t help but want to see a child run to her arms for comfort. The way Fernando had hugged him only once.
Micah spied some clothing stalls farther down the row. Yes, that blue one would be perfect. “I think I’ve found your dress, Darcy.”
“Really? I’ve seen your taste in clothes, so if you like it, it must be amazing.”
He reclaimed her hand as they headed for the stall with a canvas canopy protecting two saleswomen from the sun.
Darcy ran ahead and picked the spectacular wrap dress off the rack, holding it up to her body. He only watched for a moment before the scent hit him. Heat-baked canvas, the musty stench licking at his nose like a rancid doorway to a nightmare, as it had for three weeks in that camp. The sound of the chatter amongst the people became a riot of noise. He shook his head, fighting to keep his breathing under control as echoes of screams overlaid the deafening sound.
A wet mouth was suddenly pressed against his. Strong arms wrapped his body, one around his shoulders, and the fingers of the other fisted into the back of his hair. Gasping, he opened his eyes, unaware they’d shut, and found bright blue eyes that halted his descent into madness in an instant.
“I’m tired, Micah.” Darcy’s smile rendered him helpless to do anything other than smile back. “Will you take me home?”
She was like a walking anxiety pill, addictive as fuck. Withdrawal was going to be painful. For so long, he’d shut himself away from the world and all its triggers, but a single kiss had kept him in the present. The smell of the canvas still hung in the air, but it no longer sent him hurtling into the past. Now all it stirred was the sweet taste of her mouth and the tingling sensation of her fingers in his hair. Other echoes continued to zing around the back of his mind, but with her elbow once again linked with his, they stayed behind that wall of glass that was growing thicker the longer he spent with her.
She was overwriting his nightmares with daydreams. Even if it was only a ruse to get closer to him, it gave him a shred of hope that he could rejoin the outside world again one day, in a capacity other than carefully choreographed appearances for the foundation. Every moment they spent together made it harder to think about letting her go. But he’d have to. Very soon.
He hugged her hard, kissing her back with the same vigor she’d used with him. “Just as soon as I get you that dress, and don’t waste that adorable glare on me. I know you said no gifts, but I want to give you this one small thing. Call it payment for all of my lechery over the past few days.”
He paid for the dress, accepting the bag with a nod, imagining how she’d look in it. A perfect memory to keep when she walked out of his life.
Once they made it back to the wharf, Darcy squeezed his forearm, smiling up at him. “Did you happen to see the coverage of the children’s program they opened at the Conroy Ranch two years ago?”
That wasn’t what he’d been expecting. Some comment about his almost-meltdown, or a pry into his inner thoughts. “No, sorry. Given how hard you’re blushing, I’m guessing it’s a good story.”
She swung around in front of him, giving a clipped laugh. “It was very nearly an epic disaster. There was a camera crew there, along with a few reporters from other papers. The special-needs kids were seriously overwhelmed by it all, especially because the camera guys and the woman with the microphone were bitching about every little thing. I thought I’d just go up to the kids and talk to them on their level, but that’s when it all went wrong.”
Micah’s stomach lurched. “Ranch. There were horses there.”
“Yeah, and the kids were standing in front of the barn door. Once I got close, this waft of horse smell hit me. I actually staggered. I had this instant sense of claustrophobia, and I couldn’t see anything behind my eyes but lightning, and I couldn’t hear anything but the screaming of horses and thunder. It wasn’t until I realized my ass was soaked that I’d fallen backward into a water trough.”
“Jesus. Tell me they weren’t filming.”
“Oh yes, it’s all out there in high def, with about a billion hits on YouTube. But it’s okay. The water kind of snapped me out of it, and the first thing I focused on was this little boy who’d come away from the group, and he was laughing. I jumped out of that trough and made a bigger fool of myself, until the other kids joined him, and then I bowed as if I’d planned the whole thing. One little boy’s laughter was all it took to bring me back. I felt like I could fly.”
“And now you’ve set me free.” He pressed his lips to her temple, stepping back to watch the joy rise slowly along her face, hitting her eyes last.
It faded too soon. “I haven’t done anything Manny and Cynthia haven’t done for you a hundred times, I’m sure,” she said, taking his arm again.
Only they hadn’t, because Micah always ran from everyone during his episodes.
It proved that he was too much of a disaster right now. He needed time to get his shit together, and she needed a white knight that he could never be.
They walked along the wharf for a time, staring out at the sparkling water. Although neither of them said much of anything, he had a feeling she didn’t want the day to end any more than he did.
Just before they made it back to the boat, Darcy stopped fast, his forward momentum causing her to stumble into him. “What’s wrong?” he asked, following her gaze to a couple by the water’s edge.
The young woman in a long summer dress posed for a picture. The man she was with held up a cell phone and snapped a few pictures, then pointed it out at the lake. She tried talking to him a few times, but he waved her away. Shoulders slumped, she turned toward the water, alone.
“Look at how lonely she is,” Darcy said. “I wonder when he’ll figure out he’s already lost her.”
Micah stopped on the dock and looked back at the man, his heart heavy. “I’m sure he already knows somewhere deep down. Maybe he’s always known he doesn’t deserve her, but hasn’t found the strength to admit it to himself yet.” Micah stared at her, watching confusion and fear float over her features. “He’s probably secretly wishing he could be a better man, but he knows it’s only a matter of time before she realizes she’s better off without him.”
Even if Darcy forgave him his sins, he couldn’t let himself go there with her. With anyone.
Micah turned away from those eyes that were once again boring into his soul as they had since she’d walked into his office, into his life.
It seemed a decade ago.
Or in another lifetime.
The sex might have been earth-moving, as she’d said, but the woman herself had tilted his world on its axis, and his bearings were still messed up. As he traced the lines of his life back to the beginning, he realized that if he hadn’t lost his parents and taken all of those wrong turns, even landing in that God-forsaken jungle, he’d never have met Darcy. Perhaps she was the final kick in the ass he needed to get his solitary life together in a way he could live with.
One more night of a fantasy world with Darcy Delacorte, the most fascinating puzzle he wouldn’t get to solve, despite beginning to want to. It was time for him to take his last looks, and to enjoy hers in return. To feel the last touch of her hands, and her kisses. The time for pretending this fantasy could be his reality was nearly over. Tonight, he’d confess the rest of his sins, and then he’d say good-bye.