Chapter Eight
Kenzie arched a brow, the same damn way Ian did all the time, and stepped into the house.
“Which brother of mine has been here? Or do I really need to ask?”
Crap, maybe she shouldn’t have let that comment about trading McLaughlins loose.
“Never mind, I don’t have to ask. The blush on your face says it all.” Kenzie strode into the kitchen. “I see you’ve got the wine going already. Good, because I’ve brought dinner. Aleck sent me with a couple shepherd’s pies, chips and another apology.”
“Oh yum. Tell him apology accepted, with or without the pies.” She snagged the brown bag from her friend and peeked inside, inhaling the scent of meat and gravy. “Though the pies are definitely helping.”
“I know, right? So why was Ian here?” Kenzie’s tone was deceptively light as she grabbed a wineglass and poured herself some. “You want some?”
“No thanks, I’ve still got a bit left from earlier.” Sarah pulled the shepherd’s pies from the bag and began to unwrap them. “Ian was, um, was working out a payment for my car.”
“What happened to your car?”
“You didn’t hear?” Sarah cast her a quick glance as she found plates. “I assumed you would’ve. Both Colin and Ian showed up at the scene to help me.”
“No, I didn’t hear. Scene? Did you get in a crash?” Alarm wove through Kenzie’s rising voice. “Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine. I swerved to avoid a deer and ran off the road and hit a tree.”
“You’re so lucky you’re okay. You should’ve just hit the deer.”
“Exactly what your brother said.” Sarah grimaced and carried the plates to the dining room.
“And your insurance will say so too.” Kenzie followed her and took a seat.
“He said that as well. Which is why I’m not calling them to file a claim.”
“So Ian’s fixing your car?”
“Yeah.”
“I hope he gave you a good deal.” Kenzie paused to take a bite, but her gaze stayed on Sarah. “You’re blushing again.”
“He’s not charging me.”
“Well now. That is a good deal.”
“Yes.” Sarah diverted her attention and focused on her food. It was much easier burying her head and focusing on nearly orgasmic shepherd’s pies from the McLaughlin Pub.
“Ian’s not a bad guy you know…”
Kenzie obviously had no clue of the type of guys Ian did business with. But she obviously knew her brother was a felon. How could Kenzie even try to deny that her brother was the type a smart girl stayed clear of?
“Maybe while you’re here you guys could let the past go and give it another chance? It’s clear there’s still some chemistry between you both.”
Sarah fell back against her chair, shock roiling through her. “Holy crap. You did not just say that.”
“Why, because he made an awful mistake? We all do. He’s not perfect.”
Sarah made a soft snort. “He’s nowhere near perfect. Besides, Ian and I were ages ago. I’ve moved on.”
“Have you? Because I see the way you look at him. And that doesn’t scream ‘moved on’ to me.”
With her heart pounding now and despondency clawing at her throat, Sarah shook her head. “Please, I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Fine. Sorry, you’re right. I’m being ridiculous. Of course there’s not a chance for reconciliation there.” Kenzie gave a chagrined shrug. “I’m afraid I’ve always been reluctant to let go of the idea of you as a sister-in-law.”
Yes. It had been the topic at so many slumber parties, or during coffee runs made before first period. Kenzie had always been thrilled with Sarah and Ian dating.
“So tell me about Neil. I didn’t even know you’d gotten married until you emailed me months later.”
“Sorry, yeah. It was all very low key.” The food she was eating began to taste like sawdust as thoughts of her ex-husband filtered into her mind. “We met when I was almost twenty. He was just a few years older than me. A sailor my dad worked with and introduced me to.”
“Right, I remember you said he was in the navy. Well you certainly bounced back from Ian well enough.”
Ouch. Ouch a hundred times over. Though she knew Kenzie hadn’t meant to be accusing or anything, just conversational.
“But it didn’t work out between you guys, huh? I’m sorry.”
I’m not. “Sometimes you’re better off alone.”
“Oh, trust me. I understand.” Kenzie’s forehead furrowed as she continued to eat. “I think I’ve resigned myself to being single, but I’ll be all right.”
“I don’t know how you’re single.” Sarah shook her head, truly confused. “You’ve always had guys trailing you around like lovesick puppies. Men love you.”
Something like pain flashed in Kenzie’s eyes—and maybe something darker. Fear? Before she shrugged. “They love the idea of me. Or just my body.”
She wanted to ask her friend to elaborate, but then Kenzie laughed and her expression turned light once more. “We sure know how to turn the topic to the heavy stuff, aye?”
“Aye.” Sarah couldn’t help but grin and mimic Kenzie good-naturedly.
“You said something about movies? Am I going to have to turn on Lifetime? Or do you have something good floating around?”
“Pretty sure Gran has some classics.”
“Singin’ in the Rain? We watched it with her once when we came over for pizza, I remember. I’d totally watch that again.”
Sarah remembered that day too. Her lips curled fondly. Gran had been awesome to come hang out with. She’d even brought Ian over on several occasions for dinner.
Standing from the table, she murmured, “Well, I’m sure we can find it around here somewhere. Let’s watch it again.”
*
Ian lay in bed, staring at the slow-moving ceiling fan since sleep was evading him.
His thoughts wouldn’t stop going a mile a minute. And every last one of them had to do with Sarah.
Just thinking about what had happened in his office had his dick stirring once more. He’d struggled to not walk around with a hard-on the rest of the day.
And tonight, it still lingered. He knew before he fell asleep, he’d likely take matters into his own hands. Literally.
Though his arousal had tapered somewhat after the sour conversation with Gina. She’d not been happy in the slightest to learn he was moving on.
But it wasn’t fair to her. Not that she’d wanted serious, but now he couldn’t even give her casual. Not with Sarah on the island.
Gina hadn’t taken the phone call well. And had cursed him to hell and back, vowing to head out to another bar in town and take home the first biker she could find. If she’d been hoping to make him jealous, she’d failed.
If anything, he hoped she would do exactly that. Perhaps it would help her move on quicker. He worried that she might’ve gotten a bit attached, despite protests otherwise.
His thoughts returned to Sarah. Again. He remembered the feel of her lips beneath his, and he made a murmur low in throat.
Bollocks. What was wrong with him?
He wasn’t seriously entertaining the idea of trying to rekindle something with her again, was he?
No. Perhaps he could seduce her into some short-term island fun, where no emotions beyond lust were involved. But anything serious was out of the question. He would never be good enough for Sarah. Not in his eyes, and certainly not in hers.
Closing his eyes, he remembered how everything had gone from so perfect, to so completely fucked up.
*
“Have another whisky, Ian. You brought it.”
He shook his head, even as his glass was topped off by some guy he recognized from gym. Shite, when Da discovered he’d snatched the bottle from the pub, he was going to have kittens.
The music at the party blared, and nobody seemed to worry since the kid throwing the party lived out in the middle of the woods with no neighbors for miles. His parents, both doctors, were in Seattle for a medical conference.
“Are you having fun?” Hailey appeared at his side, a shot glass in her hand.
“Aye, it’s a good party.”
“Hell yeah it is.” She bumped her glass into his. “Cheers.”
“Cheers.”
They drank their shots together.
She set her glass down and hiccupped. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were glassy.
“You’re completely pissed, aren’t ya?”
Hailey frowned, pushing back a wayward strand of chestnut hair. “What? No, I’m not mad.”
He grinned. “Not mad. Drunk.”
She gave a wide grin that flashed a dazzling smile, and propped a hand on her hip. “Oh. Yeah, I think I’m a little drunk.”
And a bit adorable too. Big brown eyes that seemed almost doe-like. She wasn’t much taller than Sarah, but quite pale and a little on the scrawny side. Her clothes weren’t as fashionable as some of the other girls’ at the party, but she looked pretty in the short blue lace dress.
He knew her family struggled with money. Actually, rumor had it her parents were crackheads and she was just trying to graduate and get off the island.
And Sarah had told him she was able to stay on the cheerleading squad from a scholarship. Sarah had befriended her early on—taken her under her wing, so to speak. There weren’t many weekends where Kenzie, Sarah and Hailey weren’t sleeping over at Sarah’s house. Sometimes Kenzie had them over, though, and he loved those nights. He’d always manage to sneak Sarah away for a few stolen kisses.
But they were tight-knit friends, the three of them.
“So is Steve the designated tonight?” He glanced around the crowded room, trying to pinpoint Hailey’s boyfriend.
“No. Steve went to some party in Anacortes.” She hesitated. “Actually, we broke up a couple days ago.”
“Shite, really? I’m sorry. Sarah didn’t say anything about it.”
“I didn’t tell her. I’m still in shock.” Hailey’s cheeks, already red from alcohol, flushed further. “He dumped me for some college chick at Western.”
Christ, his gender could suck.
“But enough about me and my shitty love life,” Hailey continued, a bit bitterly. “Want another drink?”
He mentally calculated how many he’d had. Three? Or four? “I’m actually good.”
“Just one more. Then you can tell me where you’re going to school next year.”
He didn’t have the heart to turn her down when she returned with a beer.
An hour later, when Hailey ran off to use the bathroom, he took the time to call Sarah and tell her how much he loved her. Asked her if she’d pick him up in the morning, since Colin had needed to borrow his car.
He knew the call likely fell into the drunken dialing category, and he’d tried to keep his voice from slurring. Because one beer had turned into two. Or was it three? Hailey had just kept bringing them to him—and those were on top of the shots.
They’d ended up on the deck outside, talking about colleges. About Sarah and how perfect she and Ian were together. The music had been good, the crowd positive.
He lost count of the drinks she’d given him, but he must’ve had more than he’d thought, because he was starting to feel pretty tired. Dizzy.
Shite, he hoped he didn’t make an arse of himself and throw up on anyone.
He excused himself and stumbled to the bathroom, but when he spotted an open bedroom door, the temptation to lie down on the empty bed for a moment was overwhelming.
Falling onto the mattress, he closed his eyes.
“Ian?” The soft voice seemed to be miles away.
The bed dipped and he felt a warm, female body next to him.
Sarah?
“You’re so sweet to me,” she whispered and wrapped an arm around his waist.
Did her lips brush his neck? Did he kiss her next? It was hard to tell. It was all becoming a blur as he followed her down the dark path into oblivion.
The next thing he knew someone was calling his name.
“Ian?”
The voice, soft and hesitant, pulled him from the dark void. Ian struggled to open his eyes, and when his lids finally opened, he was blinded by the sunlight pouring into the room.
“Ian?” The questioning, female voice grew closer.
He struggled to sit up, realized the weight of something was weighing him down. Or someone.
Shock slammed through him as became aware of the soft body curled up next to his. Naked—just as naked as he was. And the woman wasn’t Sarah, but one of her best friends.
No. Shite, no this wasn’t happening.
“Are you in here?” There was a soft knock on the door.
“Wait,” he rasped, trying to ease away from Hailey.
But the door twisted open and Sarah’s head ducked inside.
“There you—” The color leeched from Sarah’s face as she took in the scene.
“Sarah, wait.”
“Oh my God.” Her voice rose now.
“It’s not—”
“What it looks like? How can it not be?” she choked out, eyes wide with horror and tears. “And is that Hailey?”
Hailey, who’d been out for the count, stirred at the sound of her name. And then quickly came awake and sat upright.
The sheet fell from her, exposing a breast and slamming another nail into the coffin of guilt against him.
She’d climbed into bed with him. Had been all over him. That much he remembered. After that, not so much.
This wasn’t happening. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have fallen back into the selfish, uncaring bastard that he’d been before Sarah?
“Sarah,” he muttered thickly, not even sure what he could say. “I love you. You’ve got to know—”
“That you’re a horrible, horrible person?” she ground out, silent tears running down her face. “Yes, I can see that. I think I always knew it, but got caught up in whatever illusion you were projecting to get me into bed. To think I mistook lust for love.”
Ian shoved himself out of bed, not giving a damn about nudity anymore. “You know that’s never how it was.”
“Apparently, what I thought I knew was all crap. You’re exactly like my dad always said. Worthless. I’m only sorry it took something like this to make me realize it.”
He caught her arm when she tried to run, swinging her back into the room. Her fists plowed into his shoulders and she let out a sob.
“You don’t mean that, doll.”
“Don’t doll me. It’s a good thing you’re great in bed, Ian, because that’s about all you’ve got going for you in life. Good luck turning screwing into a career.”
From the bed, Hailey made a small gasp of dismay, but Ian couldn’t think about her now. Could only think of how he could possibly calm Sarah down. Help her understand…but, fuck, understand what? He couldn’t even understand why he’d done what he’d done. Why he’d throw away everything to sleep with another chick he wasn’t even attracted to.
“Sarah, take a breath. We can talk rationally when you’ve calmed down.”
“Don’t even try and placate me. You’re a pathetic excuse for a human.” She was in a full-on rage now. Crying and trembling, struggling to free her wrist from his grip. “You know what? I’m surprised you even made it through high school, but you’re never going to get anywhere in life.”
Ouch. Holy hell, but that had hurt. Everything she was saying hurt.
“Aye?” He nodded slowly. “That’s how you’ve always felt, isn’t it?”
She lifted her chin. “Pretty much, I just spent too long trying to tell myself you’d change.”
With a sheet wrapped around her, Hailey approached the two of them. “Sarah, please. I know you’re upset, but—”
“There is no ‘but’ that could possibly excuse this.” Sarah turned her fury, her pain on the other woman. “You’re one of my best friends. Or you were until you slept with my boyfriend.”
“I’m so sorry,” Hailey whispered, and there was genuine regret in her voice. Tears.
“Save it for someone who cares, because from this point on I don’t.” Sarah jerked away from Ian, stumbling toward the door.
“Don’t leave like this.”
She shook her head, but hesitated at the door. “There will never be anyone more important in your life than you. You’re a selfish asshole. You’re nothing, Ian, and will always be nothing. To me and to everyone else.”
He couldn’t even move now, couldn’t bring himself to try and argue. The desperation and despondency had begun to fade, and the hardened part of him that was damned good at surviving rose to the surface.
He wasn’t proud of the way he let his expression become almost mocking as she stared him down one last time. But it was the only way he knew how not to break. And she was damn close to breaking him.
He forced a crooked smile. “Well now, I’m sure it’s a relief to have that off your chest.”
“You can go to hell,” Sarah whispered. “Both of you.”
And then she’d fled the house.
*
Ian opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling fan again, bringing himself back to the present. Out of the painful memory.
Every word Sarah had spat at him that day had been like toxic darts, burying deep into his body and poisoning his soul. Killing any shred of decency he’d had left.
He’d known he’d screwed up, and good, but he couldn’t have been prepared to see her sweet demeanor fade into such hate and spite. The way she’d finally stripped away the fluffy outer shell to show exactly how she felt about him. How she’d probably always felt about him, while she’d just been indulging her wild side with a bad boy.
He was nothing. Would never be anything.
How much of a class fool did it make him to have thought she’d seen him differently? To think she’d brought out another side of him to the point where he’d begun to think it was possible to change.
He’d been fooling himself as much as her.
When she’d left the party house, he’d had every intention of giving her a few days to cool off before trying to talk to her again. Trying to smooth things over, at least to the point where maybe they could be friends.
Because the idea of losing her completely had been almost a physical pain. And yet within a week she’d been gone. Hadn’t returned to school and then the whispers came that she’d moved to Japan with her family.
And then moving on with his life was the only choice he had.