Chapter Eighteen
Ian had only stepped into fatherhood about twenty-four hours ago, but as he watched Kenzie drive off with his daughter his stomach sank.
“She’ll be fine.”
Sarah’s soft comment had him closing the door and turning to face her.
“I know. Kenzie’s amazing with children, and Emily seems quite taken with her already.”
Folding her arms over her chest, Sarah gave a small smile. “She is. I thought she might be a little scared to go have a slumber party with someone she just barely knows, but she didn’t even let me finish my sentence before running to grab her suitcase.” She paused. “I think she loves the idea of having an instant family.”
“How long will she have that instant family if you pull her away from us again?”
When she flinched and took a step backward, he knew his words had been far more accusing than intended.
“I haven’t made any decisions yet.” Her gaze searched his, and she seemed to want to say more. Or maybe she was waiting for him to say something. “We have a lot to talk about.”
“Aye. We do. And it looks like we have the whole night alone.”
And yet, talking suddenly sounded like the absolute last thing he wanted to do. He couldn’t help but slide a gaze over her and take in the curves of her body beneath the sundress.
After the caber toss—that moment when he’d kissed her in front of everybody—he’d been filled with the need to have her again.
Having a whole night alone. It was something that had never even been an issue. He’d been a single man who’d never dated a woman with a child. Being alone with a woman was never a problem.
And yet now here he was. And this might just be one of the few times he’d have Sarah alone for a while. He didn’t want to take their time together for granted.
“Oh no. Ian, you’ve got that look in your eye.”
He took a step toward her. “What look is that, doll?”
“The one that says talking is the last thing on your mind.”
“I want to talk. After.”
“After what?” She swallowed visibly, but he saw the flare of answering heat in her eyes. “We have sex?”
“Make love. It’s never been just sex with you, Sarah.” He stopped in front of her and caught her face gently between his hands. “Not then.” He pressed a brief kiss against her lips. “And not now.”
There was a flash of relief in her eyes before she let out a soft sigh.
“Do you really mean that?”
“I have no reason to lie.”
“You have Emily. Maybe you’d say anything to keep us here—”
He crushed the rest of that offensive sentence with a harder kiss. Slipping his tongue out, he teased hers into an equally passionate response.
He lifted his head a moment later. “Does that feel like a lie to you?”
She shook her head.
“I’ve been thinking about it, and if you don’t want to move to Whidbey, then I’ll accept your decision.”
“You will?” Pain flashed in her eyes and her words were choked. “Just like that?”
“Aye.” He gave a sage nod. “But you should be warned that I’ll plan to move to Virginia as soon as possible.”
Her mouth parted. “But…your shop is here. Your family is here.”
“I love you, Sarah. I never stopped. And I want to be with you and raise our daughter.” His jaw flexed and he let out a shuddering breath, knowing his words were the truth. “If following you to Virginia is what it takes, then aye, I’ll do it.”
She stared at him a moment longer, before her eyes filled with tears and she blinked them away.
Oh shite. That wasn’t good. Now he’d gone and made her cry? “Sarah…”
“You always know exactly what to say,” she choked out, before throwing herself into his arms. “You’re right, we can talk later. Make love to me, Ian.”
His chest swelled with the jolt of pure relief, even as the feel of her body flush against his had need coursing through him.
He caught her hips and kissed her again—more thoroughly this time, as if his leaving or staying would be decided by this moment. The way she clung to him and kissed him back, though, gave him hope.
The last two times he’d made love to her, it had been too quick. He hadn’t touched her the way he’d wanted to. Tasted her everywhere he’d wanted to.
Sliding his hand up her back, he found the hidden zipper in the dress and tugged it down. Sarah lifted her head enough to assist him and shrugged out of the sundress.
When the cotton fabric disappeared from her body, a strangled groan escaped him at the sight that was left. No bra, just the sexy curve of her naked breasts and a thin pink thong with flowers on it.
“Ah, you’re so lovely.”
He watched the shiver take her body at his words. Saw the flare of need in her eyes.
He lifted his hands to cup her breasts, thumbing each dusky peak and watching them tighten in response.
“I love how they do that, doll.”
She arched her back, pressing herself firmly into his hands.
“Ian…”
He knew what her soft plea was for, and lowered his mouth to close around one nipple. Her husky moan was all the appreciation he needed.
Lightly, he played with one breast while bathing the nipple of the other with his tongue. Her head fell back against the door and the small moans she made grew in frequency.
His own arousal grew with each flick of his tongue over the soft, textured tip. He sucked harder, grazing with his teeth now.
When her hips slammed into his and she made a sharp cry of need, he knew she was ready for more.
Sliding a hand between them, he moved his palm down her belly to cup the heated mound of flesh between her legs. The discovery of the damp thong had his cock hardening in response.
He traced his fingers back and forth over her sex, wanting to bring her higher on that plateau of desire.
After a moment, she made a cry of frustration and clenched her thighs around his hand. As if to stop the sweet torment. Or maybe it was a plea for more.
“Spread your legs,” he ordered softly.
It took a moment before his words even seemed to register, but then she shifted her stance and opened her body to him.
Ian made another slow pass over her mound, before curling two fingers into the panties and tugging them to the side.
He slipped his hand over her naked, heated flesh. His groan mixed with hers at the moisture that he discovered.
Unable to draw out the torment, he slipped a finger deep into her body.
The hot suction of her flesh had him choking out her name.
She curled her hands tighter around his shoulders and moved her head to press her lips against his neck.
While she stoked the fire inside him with seductive nips, he added a second finger inside her and worked them in and out in gentle, but deep strokes.
Her hips rocked against him and the way her sheath suddenly gripped him, he knew she was so close.
Too soon. He wanted to draw it out. Please her other ways.
When he pulled his fingers from her, she cried out in protest.
“Oh don’t stop,” she whispered raggedly. “Please—”
“I want to go do down on you.”
“Oh.” She let out a shuddering breath. “When you put it that way…”
He picked her up and carried her across the room, before setting her on the table they’d so recently dined at.
Her eyes went wide. “Wait, here?”
“Aye.” He couldn’t help the deep, promising laugh.
Her cheeks reddened with a blush, and he waited for her to protest or push him away. But when he caught the small sides of her thong and tugged them off her hips, her eyes fluttered closed.
Pleasure, or being caught up in the moment, seemed to have won out.
“Your dinner was amazing,” he murmured with a lopsided grin, “but I’m in the mind for some dessert.”
That earned him a snort of laughter that turned into a gasp when he again pressed a finger back inside.
“Ian…”
“I hope to spend my whole life looking at you. Touching you.” He sank down to his knees and pulled her forward, draping her legs over his shoulders. “But I’ve waited too many years to taste you again.”
And with that he was done talking, and ready to claim her in the most intimate way.
He nuzzled her sex, before teasing through the slick folds with his tongue. Tasting her and getting heady on her cries of pleasure. He reached up to cup her arse, squeezing the soft flesh as he teased her clit, stroking the tiny spot over and over, before closing his lips around it and suckling.
“Ian…oh please…that feels so good.”
Her hips rose and fell against his mouth, as her cries grew higher and more frantic.
Beneath his hands her arse clenched and she let out a choked gasp. Ian made a murmur of approval and stayed with her as she climaxed—even as his cock strained painfully against his jeans.
When her thighs eased up on their death grip and she went lax, he lowered her back onto the table.
Even with her eyes closed, she fumbled to grab his hand and squeezed it.
“That was incredible.” Her soft words were unsteady. “I may need to return the favor.”
“I may need to take you up on that. Later.” Right now he wanted nothing more than to be inside her. Having her mouth on him, while it would no doubt be fucking amazing, wasn’t what he needed right now.
He moved swiftly to his feet, already pulling off his clothes. And then, finally, he remembered the condom in his wallet.
“Let me grab protection.”
She caught his hand again, stalling him. “Don’t use it on my account.”
Her slowly drawled words had him pausing, their meaning sinking in. No protection? And she was okay with the risk? His mind quickened. Did that mean she was staying on the island? Wanted a future with him?
“You’re overthinking it.” She propped herself up on her elbows and gave a gentle, encouraging smile. “Just make love to me before I take the initiative.”
Everything male and primal inside him responded to what was basically a challenge. The image of Sarah pregnant again, and him being there for her this time around—it felt too damn right.
He placed his hands around her tiny waist and lifted her. Her arms and legs wrapped around him as he carried her toward the bedroom.
Theirs mouths fused together in another heated kiss. It distracted him to the point where he stopped to hold her against a wall, needing to just slide inside her for a moment.
Cupping her arse, he supported her weight as he lowered her onto his throbbing cock. Her wet heat welcomed him, and he let out a throaty groan.
“Oh yes.” Her thighs tightened around his waist and she pressed herself down onto him.
“Ah….” He closed his eyes, rocking up into her in smooth, steady thrusts.
So perfect. Always like coming home when he was with her like this.
They lasted a few minutes taking it slow against the wall, but as his arousal grew more primitive it wasn’t enough. He wanted to take her faster, harder.
He moved them again, staying buried deep in her body as he carried her to the bedroom.
“I want to be on top.” Her lips pressed against his shoulder. “Please, Ian.”
As if he would argue with that? Instead of lying her down as planned, he maneuvered himself onto the bed and reclined, never pulling from her.
Sarah arranged herself on top of him. Her small hands exploring his chest as she began to move on him slowly.
Christ. That felt amazing.
“Ah…just keep doing what you’re doing.”
“I will.” She rode him faster, her nails teasing over his nipples. “You feel so good.”
He could get used to this position with her. Watching her breasts sway as she took the initiative, just as she’d promised moments ago.
Unable to completely hand over the reins, he curled his fingers around her waist and thrust up into her.
Her startled gasp was full of pleasure.
“I’m so close.”
“Me too.” He closed his eyes and plunged again.
She rotated her hips, bringing him deeper and hitting uncharted territory.
“So…close.” She threw her head back and let out a series of soft cries.
The spasms of her body around his cock sent him closer to the edge. He took over completely, rolling her back under him and thrusting into her fiercely.
Faster. Until he felt her nails pierce his shoulders and the combination of pain and pleasure hurtled him over the threshold and into oblivion.
“I’m an idiot.” Her soft confusing confession a few minutes later brought him down from the nirvana-like high from his release.
“Why?” He lifted himself off her enough to search her gaze, his heart constricting a bit. “Because you slept with me again?”
“No, because I’m a judgmental fool who never questioned why the man I loved might’ve gone to jail for beating someone up.” She touched his cheek and met his gaze.
The man she loved. His heart stuttered at her confession, but she continued talking before he could ask her to repeat it. Just to be sure he wasn’t hearing things.
“Kenzie explained everything tonight. I wish you would’ve told me.”
“She did?” Ah, of course she did. Kenzie carried too much guilt and often blamed herself for his prison time. Any chance she had to redeem her big brother, she took it. “I suppose I should’ve told you, but I’ve gotten in the habit of being tried and convicted by people. That day in the office, when I told you about my felony, I realized you were likely doing the same.”
“I was. And stupid for it. I don’t blame you for what you did.”
He sighed. “Aye, well the courts did. Colin was just inside the restaurant. I could’ve summoned him outside to arrest the attacker. Instead I—”
“Instead you acted on emotion. You’re a passionate man, Ian. It’s why you responded so strongly when you saw Kenzie being hurt. I don’t think it makes you a bad person. More so the opposite. And I’ve met this guy who attacked her. Excuse my language, but he’s a real piece of shit.”
“Aye, he is. And unfortunately he’s walking free.”
“He’ll screw up. Karma always catches up with guys like that.”
“I sure as hell hope so.” He gave a grim shake of his head. He didn’t want to think about this. Not now. There was something else looping in his mind.
“Back to something else you said.” He pushed a strand of hair back off her forehead. “Did I hear you right when you said you loved me?”
She laughed, her gaze sparkling clearly with the emotion now. It left little doubt he’d heard right.
“You caught that, did you?”
“Caught it. Clung to it. Am so happy that my love isn’t one-sided.” He cocked his head and pursed his lips, adding lightly, “Though I’m also a bit scandalized by your request that I knock you up again.”
Sarah choked on a laugh and slapped at his chest. “I made no such request.”
“Mmm hmm. You kind of did, actually, when you told me to take you bareback.”
She laughed outright now, a blush stealing her cheeks. “In some ways, you’ll never change.”
“Do you want me to?”
“No. I love you exactly the way you are.” She toyed a finger over his chest. “Which is why I don’t want to leave Whidbey at the end of the summer.”
He stilled, not daring to get his hopes up. “You don’t?”
“I don’t. I don’t want to leave you again, or take Emily from the father and family she’s only just discovered.”
A shuddering breath of relief escaped him, and he lowered his head to her breasts. He nuzzled the soft flesh there and listened to the rhythmic pounding of her heart.
“I don’t think you realize what that means to me.” Another thought occurred to him and he lifted his head once more. “So does that mean you’ll marry me then?”
A smile flirted around her mouth. “Aye.”
He laughed at her attempt at a Scottish accent, even as his heart swelled with love.
“There’s no one else for me, Ian. There never has been.”
“And Neil? Will he still be a part of Emily’s life?” Maybe he shouldn’t have asked, especially at this moment, but it was something they would need to discuss.
“No.” Her tone dropped and her words chilled. “I made sure in the divorce documents that he has no rights to her. To me.”
Good.
There was so much he still didn’t know. Should probably know if they were to go forward from here.
“Will you tell me about him? Why you married him?”
“Yes.” Pain flickered across her face. “Because my dad set us up and encouraged us to get together. He was everything my dad wanted for me. A strong military man who would take care of Emily and me. Give us security.” She sighed. “I was still so young. So easily influenced. But Neil…was a terrible mistake.”
All the little hints she or Emily had dropped in conversations floated back to him. He wanted to know everything. As painful as it might be to hear it.
“Why? What happened?”
She hesitated. “Neil and I spent out honeymoon in a hotel in Tokyo. My dad paid for it. It was the first time we…”
She couldn’t finish the words, but Ian heard what she couldn’t say. He hated the image of another man touching her. Trying to seduce her. But it was a part of their history. They’d been apart for eleven years, so it was only natural that both of them would’ve had other lovers. Even if none had ever claimed his heart the way Sarah had.
“And?” he prodded when she didn’t go on.
“And it was awful.” Her smile was sad, almost bitter. “I knew I didn’t love him, and it started to sink in that night that I’d made a mistake. I could only think of you. Any time he tried to touch me, I’d cry.” She closed her eyes. “It made him pretty angry. He knew I was thinking about you. Knew I was still in love with Emily’s dad.”
“And what did he say?”
“He didn’t say much. At least not verbally. He let his fists do the talking.”
“What the fuck did you just say?” Someone was going to die. Just as soon as he figured out where this son of a bitch was.
Rage spiked inside him and red clouded his vision. Her husband had hit her.
“At the time I thought maybe it was a fluke and he’d just lost his temper with me that night. We didn’t try again for months, and I’m pretty sure he found someone else to sleep with. Which I actually was grateful for.” She hesitated. “Though now and then he’d want to try again. It was always awful, and so he’d leave me alone for a while. I started saving my money to leave him. My dad had passed away by then and my mom could barely pay the bills. I felt stuck.”
Fuck. Dammit, the guilt was squeezing his chest like a wrench.
“But after he came back from his last deployment a year ago he hit me again. And he did it in front of Emily. I moved out that night. It was my breaking point.”
“Did he ever hit Emily?”
“No. I would’ve killed him.”
His chest couldn’t seem to untighten from the mass of knots it’d become. “But he hit you.”
“Not often, but yes. I’m not proud that I stayed as long as I did—”
“Fucking hell. I should’ve been there—”
“Don’t even make this your fault. Don’t shoulder this blame. You didn’t know. You couldn’t have known. I should’ve never married him in the first place.”
“I suppose there’s a lot of things we should’ve done, or shouldn’t have done.” He sighed and shook his head. “We made some wrong turns in life, and I can only think that this all would’ve been avoided if I hadn’t made that huge fucking mistake with Hailey.”
“Listen to me, Ian. I forgive you for it.” She met his gaze squarely. There was only a hint of sadness there, but the dominant emotion was sincerity. “I think I did years ago, honestly. We were both so damn young and neither of us made the best choices. I’m not without guilt. I said horrible things to you that were only driven from a broken heart. I didn’t mean them.”
She forgave him for that night. Amazing. How was he blessed with such an amazing woman?
“Sarah.” He kissed her gently. “I should’ve tried harder to keep you and known your words were empty. I should’ve tried to find you in Japan.”
“As much as you broke my heart that day, I broke yours as well.”
Aye. She had. And yet he would never blame her for it.
“Pain can make us do stupid things.” She bit her lip and shook her head. “I hope some day you’ll be able to forgive me for not telling you about Emily.”
“I don’t blame you. I might’ve done the same. You didn’t know the details of my conviction, and you had to think of Emily. We played the hand life dealt us.”
She kissed his chest and made a soft sigh. “I think Gran left me the house to give us a bit of a push. Thanks to her, we have a new hand. A fresh start.”
“And I intend to play that hand like a bitch and win big,” he growled and lowered his head to kiss the tip of one breast again.
Her laugh turned into a moan, and beneath his weight she squirmed. Her legs opening to him again.
“I’ve already won big,” she murmured. “I have you. I love you so much.”
His heart swelled. “I love you more.”
“Not possible.”
He caught her hands and slid them above her head, pinning them there. Using his knees, he pushed her thighs apart and then sank back into her slick body again.
“I guess I’ll just have to prove it.”
“Yes.” Her eyes closed and she sighed with pleasure. “I guess so.”