Kita

I tug the hem of his shirt as close to my knees as I can while Daniel drives me back to the sorority house. I don't even want to talk to him, though some part of me can't help but watch him. He's holding so much in, I wonder what else he wants to say. But the stuff he already told me is completely ridiculous. Still, the way that he's practically mangling the steering wheel in his big hands, there is obviously a lot more on his mind.

But I don't want to hear it. I do not want to hear any more of this nonsense.

What does he even think he can get from all of this? Just flat-out lying about the sisters of Chi Rho Pi? Everybody knows the stuff that they do in the community is generous and vitally important. In fact, I remember going to a house sponsored picnic when I was 16, back when I'd only been in the foster system for a couple of months. It was terrific.

It was just a simple picnic at a park a few blocks from my house. I happened to walk by it and see the banners and balloons. There was a barbecue, a bouncy castle, kids running around on the swing set. And all these beautiful sorority girls, ladling out scoops of potato salad and handing hot dogs to little kids. One of them saw me staring and beckoned me over.

They didn't even ask me if I belonged there. They didn't even ask me for anything. I just ended up hanging out with a few really nice college girls for a couple hours, seeing what life would be like in their shoes. They were so happy, so carefree, living lives with purpose and promise. College students with futures. It was like some kind of fairytale, to me.

So where does this guy get off, just slinging mud at them?

He pulls to the curb in front of the house, and I start to get out, then turn back to him. His expression is so strange, like he's sad. Like he's sorry for the things that he said, sort of wounded. I feel bad for him and almost want to reach out and touch him or something. He raises his hand, holding up a key.

“Kita, I want you to take this.”

I cringe back a little bit. What is he talking about? His dark eyes are serious and steely.

“I know this is going to sound strange, and I totally understand why you feel the way you feel. But it's my job to know things, you might say. About people. And I know a few things about Lizzie and the sorority house. So if you ever need a place to stay, someplace safe —”

“I have a place to say,” I remind him.

He softens slightly, his broad shoulders slumping just a little bit. Why do I feel like I'm sad?

“I know you do,” he says softly. He reaches forward and presses the key into my palm, then folds my fingers over it. “Take it. Throw it away when you get inside, I don't care. But just take it. I promise you there's nothing weird about it… there are no strings attached… but I would just feel a million times better knowing you have options. Okay?”

I pull my hand back away from him, feeling the impression of his fingers over mine. For a few long seconds, we sit without saying anything else. Then I get out of the car, fully intending to throw the key in the bushes on my way in the front door. But somehow, instead, I just hold it tightly, squeezing it until I can feel the ridges pressing themselves into my skin.

When I get in the front door, Lizzie and Claudia stand up suddenly, snapping a laptop closed. Their cheeks are flushed and their mouths hang open, as though I caught them in the middle of laughing.

“Hey, hi guys,” I mumble awkwardly, wrapping my arms around myself and remembering that I'm wearing someone else's shirt.

Claudia raises her eyebrows and rakes me over with her eyes, sucking in her cheeks judgmentally.

“Oh,” she purrs. “Looks like somebody had a good night. Did your daddy loan you that shirt?”

I rock back and forth a little, feeling suddenly woozy again. “Um, no… he's not my… I just —”

Lizzie sucks her teeth in disgust. “Your daddy owes me $400.”

“He what?” I gasp.

But they don't answer me. They tilt their heads toward each other, laughing as though sharing a joke between them.

“What are you guys talking about?”

They don't look at me for a few seconds, and I can feel myself getting red. I don't like to be angry. I don't like to speak out, but this is a little ridiculous, I think.

Lizzie starts laughing out loud again, staring up at the ceiling with her mouth open so wide I can see her molars. “Oh my God, you know what's really funny? I didn't even think you had a daddy. You been holding out on us, little innocent Kita?”

“That's not a nice thing to say,” I mumble under my breath, but I don't even think they hear me. They just hold each other as they laugh, doubling over and running out of breath over and over again.

Honestly. It really isn't very nice.

I back out of the room and head upstairs. Emma sees me on the stairs and almost stops in her tracks, her mouth falling open slightly. Then she gathers herself and raises her eyebrows, smirking.

“Oh, good morning, Emma.”

She doesn't say anything as she passes me. On my way to my room, I see Lonnie and Babs in their room, and they seem to cut off in the middle of saying something as soon as they see me. Then they raise their hands in cutesy little waves with their fingertips.

I need to get out of Daniel’s shirt. I think everybody thinks I slept with him or something. They're all laughing at me, and I hate that. Especially since I didn't. I've never slept with anybody, not that I go around flaunting that information or anything. But I don't like people thinking they know something, when obviously they don't know anything.

As I walk into my room, I feel someone slipping behind me. It's Serena. She looks pissed, then relieved, then pissed again. It's not that unusual for Serena. She is sort of a dark person.

Without a word, she walks past me into my own room and opens the laptop on my desk. She taps the screen.

“Password,” she barks.

“I'm sorry, what?”

“Fine, enter your own password. I need show you something, Kita. Right now.”

I really want to get a shower, get into my own clothes, but the way she's looking at me I can tell she means business. Normally I wouldn't oblige her sort of rude command, but something tells me she won't leave this room until I do.

I slide in next to her at the desk and enter my password. She takes over the keyboard immediately, bringing up YouTube and a video with the Chi Rho Pi logo on it. The video loads a close up on Lizzie's face, then the interior of the bar. The camera is kind of shaky, and I see Claudia pointing toward the dance floor and the three podiums.

“Turn it up. What is she saying?”

That's me, next to Claudia. I'm standing there with my arms over my head, grinning like some kind of idiot. My shirt barely covers my breasts. Lizzie moves the camera back to her own face.

“This year we have a really creamy crop of newbies, if you know what I mean. Kita here is our very own Russian spy doll. Her mom is in jail right now!”

I gasp, my fingers flying up to cover my mouth. Serena snorts sympathetically.

“We’re not sure she’s a spy, but she’s definitely jailbait! She really needs to be taught a lesson… A little light spanking should do the trick! Bet she’ll just tell you all her secrets!”

I shake my head. This isn’t happening. Lizzie said this? Posted the video? It’s already got twenty-thousand hits and the comments say things like:

Loved my cherry pie last year. Ur the best Lizzie!

Bake sale is a classic! So sorry I missed getting that sweet tight ass this year!

The camera focuses on my face again, and I don't look right. My eyes are almost closed, and I'm smiling, sort of, but lopsided. My arms are still over my head.

“Do that dance again, Kita!”

I shake my head, to slowly, but continue to sway.

“Mike… Doug... come over here and show Kita a good time, would you?”

A couple of men rush into the frame, making weird hand gestures and grinning with their tongues lolling out. Lizzie drapes an arm around each of them, pouting suggestively.

“What do you guys think of our little Russian spy baby? What do you think she's worth?”

The first guy rolls his eyes, and then he puts out his hand and slides it up my thigh, up into my skirt. I shudder, watching this. I have no recollection of this at all, and it's sort of like he's touching a mannequin or something, but at the same time that's me. That man was touching me.

I feel like I’m going to be sick.

“Hey, Mike, don’t spoil the merchandise!” Lizzie crows from out of frame.

“You know, how am I supposed to know the goods are really fresh, Lizzie?”

He leers at the camera with his hand still hidden beneath my skirt. I reflexively crush my knees together and snap the laptop closed.

“I don’t want to see anymore,” I mutter.

Serena huffs through her nose. “You need to see this, Kita. You need to see what they did. And all of it is on video… all of it. This is bullshit. I'm out of here.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“I mean fuck this stupid sorority bullshit!” she hisses, furious. “I’m moving back into the dorms. These girls are messed up!”

My mouth falls open as I stare at her. I don't know what to say. I don’t know what to say at all.

But I do know Daniel was right.

“The rest of the video,” I whisper, my voice hoarse and far away. “What’s on it? There was a man… did you see —”

“Oh yeah, there was a man all right,” she scoffs. She's breathing fast and rough, like she's barely holding herself together. Serena is usually pretty short tempered, but I've never seen her like this. “Fricking Guardian Angel, if you ask me. Is he really your dad?”

“My — oh, no. What? They’re really saying that? He is definitely not my dad,” I reply awkwardly, not really wanting to explain that I don't actually have one of those as far as I know. And if I did, he wouldn’t keep popping into my head the way he is, all strong and handsome and...

“Well, whatever he was, he saved our asses. I heard that right after we left, the cops shut the whole damn thing down. Lizzie is pissed. Not to mention, two of the sorority girls were already called in for disciplinary hearings today because they got arrested, and at least four other people are being kicked out of school.”

I walk stiffly over to my closet, pulling a cotton dress off a hanger with shaky fingers. What am I going to do? I feel so humiliated. So betrayed.

My memories flicker in my mind in a brief montage: Lizzie and Claudia laughing at me, Emma laughing at me on the stairs, Lonnie and Babs laughing at me. Everybody's laughing at me.

Everybody except Serena, and I don't even know what she thinks. I presume there's more the video, they are probably laughing at her too.

“My parents are coming to get me in two hours,” she informs me through clenched teeth. “This is only the start, Kita. Who knows whatever else they are going to put on the web. Do you have somewhere to go?”

I shake my head. I don't know what to do. I want to take a shower, but I can’t imagine showering here anymore. I can imagine doing anything here. I need to…

I don’t know what.

And then I look down, unfolding my cramped fingers. My hand has been in a fist since I walked through the door. The brass key glimmers against my palm. My skin is raised around its edges, almost as though the key is becoming part of me.

“Kita? You okay?”

“I really don't know if I’m okay,” I reply in a shaky voice that sounds almost like it’s coming from someone else. “But I think I know where I'm going.”