Two years and seven months. That’s how long it had been.

There was a time when I woke up feeling like a starved man, like a lonely soul washed up on a desert island without the warmth of human touch to keep him sane. There was a time where I thought I’d explode if I had to look at a pretty woman’s calves for a half-second too long. But truthfully, after a while, even that hunger kind of faded away and I forgot about the fact that it was my longest dry spell to date.

I pitched up at my folks’ place at around 6PM, knowing that Hugo always came late and I didn’t feel like drawing the whole affair out longer than necessary. When you’re training for missions that involve interacting significantly with civilians, you need to keep your cool and make sure they never get so panicked as to get in your way. I felt that way about my folks. They were kind, sweet people, no doubt. They also caused more damage in the name of ‘helping’ than any two single people in history. So, Hugo and I kept the juiciest parts of our lives under wraps and played nice so my mom and dad wouldn’t have too much to stress about.

I parked and made my way up the drive, cursing out loud when I realized Hugo was yet to arrive. But I did notice another car, one I didn’t recognize. The door opened after my knock and I looked on in surprise.

“Hugo?”

“Hey bud, come on in.”

“You… got a new car or…?”

I followed him out to the back patio where the folks liked to set up dinner on summer nights, and tried to figure out why he was grinning like that.

“Nah, not a new car, bud, it’s uh… OK don’t get mad but before we head over to say hi…”

“Hugo what did you do?”

He grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eye.

“She’s a nice girl, just give her a chance, OK?”

I kicked the kitchen cabinet.

“You fucking kidding me?” I hissed, but there he was, giving me that stupid grin. I punched his arm. Maybe this was it. Maybe this time my brother would set me up and instead of it being some awful disaster, it would be how I would find the future Mrs. Turner. I cursed and looked down at myself.

“You could have at least told me so I knew to dress up a little better,” I whispered. He laughed and blew me a kiss.

“She’s gonna love you. Let’s go say hi,” he said and walked out to the back.

I took a deep breath, put on my game face and followed him towards the sounds of laughing and some unobtrusive jazz music.

“Baby! Look, here’s my boy now!”

Mom came over and laced her arms round my neck to deliver a few kisses to my head, then sauntered off, leaving me magically with a drink in my hand.

“Max, come on over here,” my dad said. “You hungry? Your mom’s made something epic this time, just you wait. And uh, this is Madeleine, friend of your brother’s. Where’s …babe, where’s Lisa? Is she in the kitchen? Tell her Max is here.”

The girl named Madeleine stood from her chair and extended a hand to shake mine. Nice smile. Fancy hair. Could it actually be that my brother didn’t have appalling taste after all? Dad returned with my sister Lisa trailing behind him.

“What’s up, bozo,” she said and gave me a playful hug that turned into a mini wrestling match.

“Nothing, scrub. I hear there are some good eats in our future.”

“Yeah, mom’s outdoing herself today… for some reason,” she said and gave the slightest, almost imperceptible glance towards Madeleine.

The next few moments disappeared in a chaotic mess of people talking over one another as we all found our seats and mom bustled with the dinner – which was over the top even by her standards. With a little kick of pride, I noticed Madeleine steal a few glances my way. Maybe being the subject of a secret date intervention that my entire family found fit to spring on me wouldn’t be so bad after all…

Lisa and Madeleine were talking happily with one another while I helped myself to some potatoes.

“Actually, my brother can probably tell you all about that, he was just in Pakistan,” Lisa said and pinned me with her gaze.

“Oh really? That’s so interesting, I’m jealous. I studied pre-Islamic architecture in that region and I’ve always wanted to visit,” she gushed. It was clear she had a pair of amazing breasts under that wrap top of hers, but I’m a man with considerable stealth training, and there’s no way she knew I was looking.

“Oh, so you’re an architect?” I said and took a forkful of potatoes. I was beginning to get the distinct impression that I was being watched.

“Oh, no, no way. I studied anthropology,” she said and gave me a warm smile.

“Anthropology? Cool. So you’re an… anthropologist?” I said and she kept smiling.

“No, not quite. I’m currently working in the marketing team at a publishing house in the city, actually.”

“Cool. Is it a Pakistani publishing house or…?”

“Oh for heaven’s sake Max,” my mom said and suddenly swatted my arm.

“What?”

Madeleine was laughing but suddenly I was certain: I was being watched. This sucked.

The chit chat went on and on, but I was soon floundering for something to say to the girl, who simply stared at me with wide eyes and laughed too hard at whatever bullshit I came up with. What kind of parents invite some strange woman to family dinners? It was weird.

“Well, I think it’s great that Madeleine works up in town, although I can’t say it’s the right place for a young woman these days,” my mom said and got that look on her face. My sister rolled her eyes and looked away.

“Mom, not now.”

“What? Haven’t you told your brothers?”

My ears pricked.

“Told us what?”

Lisa shot me a pleading look.

“Mom and dad are just meddling again, as usual,” she said and sighed loudly. “It’s nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to worry about? Honey, assault is assault and–”

“Wait, someone was assaulted?” I said. Madeleine’s eyes grew wider.

“Nobody was …ugh, see this is why I don’t tell you guys things. Can we drop it? I had a little incident coming back from campus the other night, it was no big deal.”

“Incident,” I said. God how I hated that word.

“Yeah, it was nothing. A couple guys, drunk probably, they were messing around. I was alone and I guess they thought they’d mess with me a little.”

I suddenly felt cold.

“Mess with you? Lisa what the hell happened?” I could see Madeleine squirming in her seat a little but I didn’t care.

“Well, nothing, jeez. They tried to grab me. Like I said, they were both pretty drunk, so I tried to fight them off… they were both bigger than me. I managed to scratch the one guy’s face pretty bad, but luckily I could run away.”

We all stared at Lisa, who was doing her best not to make eye contact with anyone.

“Guys, like I said it’s no big deal, I didn’t get hurt, it’s over.”

Lisa was my baby sister. I could never look at her without seeing the snot-nosed four-year-old with a My Little Pony t-shirt trying to catch squirrels in the back yard.

I pushed my empty plate away from me.

“These were students?” I said.

“Nah, I don’t think so. It wasn’t actually on campus anyway, so…”

“I’m sorry, I just can’t believe you’re not more outraged.”

“Your sister was very brave” mom said.

“So, do you know who these guys are? Have you gone to the police?”

“I told her to report it to the campus police, and she reported it,” mom said.

“The campus police?”

“Yeah, they have a lot of initiatives for like, violence on campus and stuff.”

“But what about the real police? I mean there has to be some surveillance somewhere, there has to be a way to find out who these assholes are.” I was seriously getting riled that nobody at the table seemed to give more of a damn.

“Well sure, Max, I told the counselor I spoke to that we’d discuss it on Monday, whether I should file a proper police report, or maybe it’s better to just let it blow over, you know.”

I couldn’t believe my ears.

“So you’re going to just let them get away with it? What did they do to you Lisa? And you’re just letting them get off scot-free?”

Lisa’s face flushed a little.

“Well what did you expect me to do? I already told you I fought back,” she said. Everyone else at the table was glued to their seats, and everyone seemed to find an awful lot to look at in their laps all of a sudden.

“I know you did, I know you fought back. You know what I’m saying. Why were you even out there at all?”

She sighed and readjusted her weight in her chair. I could always speak to Lisa about anything. She might have been the outsider growing up, what with Hugo and me being twins, but the older we got the more protective I felt over her.

“It was pretty late. I usually wouldn’t come back that way either, because I know a lot of people will walk over to the train station through there and–”

“I’m sorry, Lisa, but no.”

We all turned to look at Madeleine and her suddenly epic frown.

“You shouldn’t blame yourself, none of what happened is your fault, and don’t let anybody tell you that.” She placed her hand on Lisa’s shoulder. Lisa looked at it there. “It’s completely irrelevant how late it was or how much you drank or what you were wearing…”

“What?” I said. “Who said anything about what she was wearing?”

“Max, please.”

“It’s OK, mom, nobody’s blaming Lisa, but she just said she never goes that way and…”

“She was assaulted. Let’s keep the blame where it belongs, shall we?” said Madeleine. Her voice was completely different.

“Again,” I said calmly, “I’m not blaming her, obviously I’m talking about ways she could have protected herself.”

“Protected? You’re victim blaming.”

I could hear dad clear his throat from the other end of the table. Madeleine continued.

“She has a right to go out into the world as she pleases, and it is completely and utterly irrelevant where she is or what time of day it is.”

“You know what? You should test that out in Pakistan. Go there, I really encourage you, seriously, and see how long that attitude lasts you.”

The room fell silent. Madeleine’s fancy hair was almost twitching at the ends she seemed so angry. Dad cleared his throat again.

“Come on, Max, there’s no need to talk about any of that, she’s just saying.” I ordinarily would have dropped it. I was the last person in my family to harp on things. But this was different.

“Lisa, you don’t have to just take it, you know. You have power in situations like that. There are ways to fight back, smart ways. I can show you how. Even two guys, you can take them both no problem if you know what you’re doing.”

“I think your sister’s done talking about it, baby,” mom said.

“Actually, that’s the problem right there. We should talk about it. I don’t get why everyone’s tiptoeing around it. Lisa, you think those boys didn’t mean it somehow? I promise you, they know exactly what they’re doing, and they don’t give a damn about you. In fact, they’re counting on you being too weak, too ashamed to say anything.”

“In civilized cultures women shouldn’t have to physically fend off men,” Madeleine said coldly.

This time I turned to look at her. She was still fuming, and returned a defiant gaze right back at me.

“It’s true. A woman is entitled to as much bodily autonomy as a man is,” she added. I could feel my face getting hot.

“Well, if it’s equality you’re talking about, let me tell you something Lisa. I know men like that. I know how they think. And trust me, if it was me who they jumped… I’d beat the living crap out of them. And you bet I’d go to the police with it.”

“Max, that’s enough.”

“Think about it, Lisa. Men like that exist because women let them get away with it. They’ll just try that shit with someone else now. You don’t have to take it, you know. You can fight back.”

Lisa was sitting very still and staring at nothing, and Madeleine took the opportunity to butt in again.

“I’m sorry but violence is never the answer. Lisa shouldn’t have to stoop to their level to–”

“Actually, violence is sometimes the answer. Tell me Lisa, how close a call was it? If those guys had gotten their way, what would they have done to you, be honest?” I could make out the muscles in her jaw clenching down.

“Max, just drop it…”

“They… they’d probably,” Lisa started but couldn’t finish. Everyone round the table finished her though for her, in their own minds.

Silence.

Madeleine hastily pushed her chair back and stood, and was soon out of the room. Mom followed. I turned to see both my father and Hugo looking at me with oh shit you did it this time faces. But I didn’t care. Lisa was my baby sister and it was an outrage that she was just going to let some bullies run roughshod over her like this. I heard some quiet talking in the kitchen and ignored it. Dad poured himself some more wine.

“You could teach me things? Really?” Lisa said at last. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Absolutely.”

“Even if it was two guys? Could I really have fought them both?”

“Yes. Of course yes. You always have a choice Lisa. I can show you, whenever you like.”

She smiled at me then so sweetly that she was right back to being a four-year-old in a My Little Pony shirt. Dad chuckled under his breath and drained half the wine glass in a sip, just as mom came back into the room.

“Well, Madeleine says she thought it was better if she just left, so…”

She stared at me pointedly. Hugo rubbed the back of his neck but I could tell he was trying hard not to get involved.

“You’re so violent since you came back, you know that?” mom said and took the remaining wine from my dad before drinking it herself. “So confrontational about every little thing. I don’t know why stuff has to be a fight with you. The sooner you get yourself established properly with your business, the better.”

“Well, I’m going into a new business,” I said.

They all looked at me.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

I poured myself the last of the wine and swirled it in my glass till the sides went translucent pink.

“I’m going to buy a gym and start teaching self-defense classes to women,” I said matter-of-factly, then raised my glass to toast myself. Everyone looked at me like I’d lost my mind. Well, everyone except Hugo.