“Is this, like, revenge? Are you trying to get back at me?” I yelled at him.

I couldn’t believe it. For a good few minutes I had thought the shameless and poorly hidden head bobbing behind the bushes was Derek for sure, but when no attack came, I got curious. I didn’t know what I was expecting when I walked over to uncover my spy, but I certainly wasn’t expecting him.

Truth be told, I was the one who was embarrassed. It was more or less the precise spot I had been hiding out in only a while ago, on a night that I did not want to be reminded of. I never considered a fact that suddenly became obvious to me: from this point in the bushes, my house was pretty visible, too. I glanced over my shoulder and saw the unobstructed view towards my front door and tried to gather my thoughts.

“I’m sorry …get back at you?” he said, looking hilariously confused. I looked him over. He was dressed in grey track pants, had bare feet and a lighter in one hand. My eyes travelled down to find a cigarette dropped between his feet. A smoker, partaking of his filthy habit outside in the garden. Unbelievable. It was clear he had seen me that night, and now he was …I don’t know. Trying to humiliate me? Is that why he had asked me out on a date? It took me way too long to stand there in front of him and figure it all out when I was doing my best to act outraged.

“Don’t play dumb, please,” I said, and tried to jut my hip out to show I wasn’t intimidated by him. Even if he was twice my size. “Look, I didn’t mean anything by it, don’t take it personally or anything …but God, spying on me like this? It’s so creepy.”

I watched as the cogs seemed to whirl behind his eyes, then his jaw slackened.

“So it was you then!” he whispered, and then he took a step toward me, suddenly frowning.

“Of course it was me. It certainly wasn’t Mrs. Able next door, right?”

He was still frowning at me.

“Wait, what are you talking about?” he said.

“What? Nothing. What are you talking about?” Fuck. Was I misunderstanding and he hadn’t seen me creeping around outside after all? We both stood eyeing one another like cowboys at high noon.

“The review. The review of my self-defense class you left.”

All the blood drained from my face right down to my feet.

“Oh, that.”

“Yeah that. What were you talking about?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all,” I said quickly and rejoiced inside that by some miracle, he hadn’t seen me that night. But then again, I hadn’t expected this either. He narrowed his eyes at me. Damn, he was a good-looking man. A good-looking jock, I should say. And a creeper, too, which I was now allowed to judge him for since he didn’t know I had done precisely the same thing.

“I don’t understand why you left such a negative review. It’s a new business,” he said quietly. “Did you really not enjoy it?”

My mind raced.

“I… I’m so sorry Max. To be honest I didn’t even know you stayed at this complex,” I said, and immediately felt like a moron for saying it. His frown was deepening. But I felt a little bolder now that my guilt was out of the picture and he was still the one peeping at me from behind the bushes.

“But to answer your question, jeez, I don’t know. It’s not personal, OK?”

“You said I was inappropriate.” His voice was cold. I was beginning to want to just run away from this whole encounter. He pinned me with his gaze and I had nowhere to put my own eyes to get away. Something about seeing his naked feet on the gravel was almost more intimate, and so I cast glances back to my front door instead.

“Is it because of… you know, because I asked you…”

I laughed.

“Look, no, obviously not.”

“Really? Because I’ve been thinking hard about whether I was inappropriate or not and–”

“Jesus, can you really not accept that maybe the class just sucked?” Whoops. That was definitely a step too far. It’s hard to say exactly how I knew he was getting angry at that moment, because he made no visible signs. No tightening in the jaw. No reddening in the face. But it was like his whole aura sank and deepened with anger, and I suddenly felt like a class-A bitch.

“It sucked?”

“Well …to be honest, yeah,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant. He bent down, picked up the cigarette and examined it like it held the secrets to life. He flicked it away into the flowerbeds. Then, without looking up at me, he said, “the class didn’t suck, you just got hurt, and you got hurt because you have a bad attitude.”

We got started staring at one another again.

“Excuse me? I had a bad attitude? Well, maybe that’s your problem right there, treating paying customers like that. Well, you don’t have to worry, I won’t come back, rest assured.”

“Yeah but you left a review to scare off other people. That’s not fair.”

I tried to chase from my mind the memory of him on the sofa that evening, his cock in his hand and his eyebrows twitching like that. If only he knew.

“It’s totally fair. You offered a service and I rated that service as a consumer. Look, if you’re running a business, you can’t take that kind of thing personally.”

“But it is personal. I don’t understand. Have I done something to offend you?”

“I already told you. But I’ll say it again. The class sucked. Sorry. You clearly know what you’re doing but teaching is another thing entirely…” I stopped speaking as I realized I accidentally might have given him a compliment. He noticed me looking at his chest.

“I think you’re wrong about that. The other students loved the class, and I did a good job with it.”

“Well, where are their reviews?”

“Katie, please take that review down.”

“No,” I said quickly. “And it’s just Kate.”

I could see his nostrils flaring. I had wanted to ask him about being in the Navy. I had never met a SEAL before and had no idea what they were about. Just the word conjured up ripped heroes in action movies, and he certainly looked the part. Too bad all those muscles came with a big honking asshole personality. He was probably so used to bullying his way through life. Well, I was done with big men and their big egos, and maybe I was going to play the hero of the story for once, and teach him a thing or two.

“Look, I get your point, but the class wasn’t for …entertainment. You aren’t meant to just pitch up and get those skills for free. There’s still some effort required on the student’s part.”

“Oh, I made an effort.”

“You have to put in the work, or you won’t get results. It’s got nothing to do with the facilities or your personal opinion about the teacher…”

I glared at him.

“Look, I don’t know you, and we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. Please take that review down, and we’ll look at a free class or something…”

“No.”

The look he gave me could kill kittens.

“Are you serious?”

“Yup.”

His jaw clenched. “You don’t understand a damn thing,” he hissed, and turned to leave.

“And you don’t understand your target market,” I spat back.

I don’t know how or why, but seeing the anger on his face did something strange to me. He was a complete idiot, obviously, but in that split-second I didn’t want him to leave.

“My target market?”

“Yeah. Women. I don’t know, maybe you haven’t had much experience with that demographic.” His eyes went wide.

“Oh, I’ve had plenty of experience,” he said, drawing his words out. I knew it. Not only a jock, but a womanizer too.

We both fell into staring at one another. Again. It was surreal, to be flinging insults like this with a person I had just met. Something twisted in me wanted to say even meaner things, just to see what he would do. And for some reason, he didn’t walk away. So the only thing to do was stare at one another. Again.

“Look, do what you want. But you left that review out of spite. I don’t know why it’s such a crime to have asked you out…”

“Oh, it’s no crime. Kind of creepy, sure, but the review had nothing to do with it. It was just your class.”

It gave me a secret thrill to know that even though it was probably just him trying his luck, that he had asked me out. But at least turning him down evened out the playing field a little. His face lost that angry tone and he nodded once and stared down at the gravel.

“Well, OK then. For what it’s worth I tried my best with that class and I meant no harm. I thought you seemed kind of cute so I asked you out. But, cool. Thanks anyway for your feedback,” he said, and walked away stoically.

I stammered for something to say after him but came up with nothing. He thought I was cute? I groaned and trudged back to my house, let myself in and threw myself on the sofa. I heard the distant slam of a door. God, I was an idiot. Why did I have to be such a bitch to him? I had gone too far. My mother always told me that I should stop treating every guy in the world like they were Derek in disguise, and she was right. I mean, clearly he was a big meathead and I wasn’t wrong to leave that review… but maybe he wasn’t as big of a meathead as I first thought.

I went to the living room window and tried to get a look at his apartment. But I could only just make out that the house was dark inside and all the curtains had been drawn. I had to find a way to speak to him again. I wasn’t sure yet if I wanted to apologize or to tell him off even more for being such a dick. But once I had the idea, I couldn’t shake it; I had to find a way to speak to him again.