I take a deep breath as my plane hits the tarmac. I’m finally home. It’s been a long fucked up journey, but I can’t wait to step off this plane and see my girl. The pilot comes over the intercom. “Welcome to Boston. You may now exit the plane. Thank you for flying with us.” A huge smile spreads across my face. It’s been far too long since I’ve been home.
I quickly stand to grab my bag from the overhead compartment and exit. I don’t have any luggage checked because we travel light. As soon as I deplane, I make my way down to the pickup area where I find my best friend, Chloe, standing there in uniform along with her partner. Chloe and I have been friends since elementary school. We’ve been together all our lives, and have helped each other through all of life’s curveballs. She’s a Boston cop, it was what she always wanted to be, and busted her ass to get there. I, on the other hand, told her she was crazy. I told her she should join the Army with me. I limp over stiff from the flight. She wraps me in a hug and squeezes me tight. I can’t help but keep my eyes on the guy standing beside her. “Lexi, this is my new partner, Officer Keegan Ward.”
I didn’t think my smile could get any bigger. I was wrong. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” This dude is seriously hot. My eyes rake over his firm muscular body. He shows me his award winning smile. It’s so perfect my panties combust. I can see the Irish side of him, and I like it.
“Thank you for your service.” His deep green eyes stare into mine as he continues to shake my hand.
“Listen, we have to get back on duty. I’m going to drop you off. You can get settled and we’ll do dinner when I get off my shift.” Chloe breaks the trance we’re in.
I turn to her. “Yeah, that’s cool.” We exit the airport, and of course, parked right there is her cop car. “Really? You’re putting me in the back of a cop car?”
She shrugs. “Sorry. It was that or leave your ass here until my shift is over.”
I exhale a deep breath and climb into the back with my bag. I’ve been confined to small rooms for what feels like forever, and now I’m in the back of a cruiser like a criminal. She pulls out of the airport and maneuvers through Boston like a pro. It takes us all of twenty minutes with traffic to pull up to her building on First Ave. It’s a huge brick building that looks like it’s been converted from some sort of factory or something. It’s not far from the water and there’s a huge deck off each apartment. She opens the downstairs door and leads me to the elevator. “I live on the fourth floor. The apartment is plenty big enough for the both of us, and there’s a deck that has an awesome view of the water.”
She unlocks her apartment and shows me to my room. There’s already a full size bed in there with a small bureau. “Thank you so much, Chloe. I seriously don’t know what I would do without you.”
She smiles. “I know.” We both giggle as we hug it out. “We have to run, but I’ll see you in a few hours for dinner.” I’m so thankful Chloe is letting me stay here. I have plans to get a job and an apartment of my own, but until I do I needed a place to stay. Living in Boston isn’t cheap, but between my disability and hopefully a nursing job, I’ll be just fine.
“Sounds good.” She hands me a spare key and walks out the door with her partner in tow. That’s one fine ass, I think to myself as I watch Keegan follow her out.
I take my time checking out the apartment. It’s gorgeous--stainless steel appliances, modern light wood cabinets, and granite countertops give it a new feel. The kitchen is a cook’s dream, not that I’m much of a cook, but I can hold my own. The living room isn’t huge, it has a small wood stove in the corner that looks untouched. There’s only one bathroom, but it, too, has been updated with his and her sinks, and has plenty of cabinet space for us to share. I make a mental note that I need to run out and get some stuff for myself. I know she won’t mind sharing in the meantime, but I don’t want to take all her shower supplies. Continuing my way down the hall I walk into my room and decide to unpack the few things I have. As I’m putting the last away a yawn escapes me. I’m tired from all of my traveling and decide a nap is a good idea. I toe off my shoes and climb into my already made bed. Another yawn escapes me and I’m out.
“Where are you off to?” Pierce calls to me.
I give him a smile. “I’m going to take a shower and try to relax before our mission tomorrow. What about you?”
“Great minds think alike. I just finished mine and now I’m going to try and reach my girl before I turn in for the night.”
“Have a good night.” I continue on my way, dragging my feet as I go. We’ve been out in the field so much lately I feel like I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in days. I’m about to step into the shower when the ground starts to shake.
I jump up from my bed, sweating. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I look at the clock and realize Chloe won’t be home for at least another hour, so I decide to check out the new neighborhood. I look in the mirror realizing I look awful, so I apply a little eye liner, mascara, and lip gloss before tossing my long brown hair into a messy bun on my head. Once I’m happy with my appearance, I grab a sweatshirt, my cross-body purse with my wallet, and the new key Chloe gave me. When I get downstairs, I decide to head in the direction of the water. I grew up in Boston, but not in this neighborhood. It’s a beautiful area. The breeze coming off the water is cool, reminding me it’s fall, and that means winter is coming. I love having four seasons, despite the brutal winters we tend to get here.
A smile spreads across my face when I spot a nice little place to grab a bite to eat and a drink. The sign reads Pier Six Restaurant and Bar. I step inside and the hostess greets me. “I’m going to sit at the bar.” She nods her agreement and I walk past her. I take a seat and wait for one of the bartenders to come over. There’s a thin woman with long brown hair and a tall buff guy with dark hair. The guy comes over. He’s cute and has a nice smile, but it’s not as nice as Ward’s smile.
“What can I get you?”
“I’ll get a shot of tequila, Cuervo Gold preferably. A Malibu and pineapple, and a menu,” I state flatly.
He pulls the bottle of Tequila and while he pours he asks, “Rough day?”
“Something like that.” I instantly down the shot without salt or a lime. Not that I don’t enjoy them with my tequila, but I need to forget the nightmares that haunt me and I simply don’t care to wait. The doctor keeps telling me I need to stop getting lost in my own head, but it’s easier said than done. I analyze everything, it’s who I am.
The bartender comes back with my drink and a menu. I quickly look it over and decide to have a bowl of chowder. I’m starving because I haven’t eaten much of anything today with traveling, but I’m supposed to be having dinner with Chloe shortly, so this should tide me over.
As soon as I close the menu he returns to take my order. “I’ll have a bowl of chowder please.” He nods and walks away leaving me to sip my drink and remain lost in my thoughts. There’s a TV over the bar and though I’m staring at it I’m not really watching it, or hearing it, for that matter. My head is swirling with thoughts about all I have to do to set up my new life. I need a job. I’ll have to get some civilian clothes, and I need a place to stay. Not to mention I should probably reach out to my parents, but I’m not quite ready for that yet.
The bar is filling up since it’s a Friday evening. People are flowing in for an after work drink to try and forget the shit week they’ve had. The noise pulls me away and brings me back to that awful day. I didn’t know it at the time, but I lost some friends that day. I didn’t find out until I woke up at a hospital in Germany. A tear runs down my face as I think about my dear friends, Callahan and Bailey. I quickly swipe it away and just in time. The bartender is back with my chowder. “Another shot please.” He gives me a leery look but pours it anyway. I again down it before he can hand me the salt and a lime. He takes my shot glass and I ask him to get me another rum and pineapple while I dig into my chowder. It’s delicious but it’s too bad I don’t really feel like eating anymore.
“Hey pretty lady. I’m Tony.” Some guy with messy brown hair and a cheap suit takes a seat next to me.
“Listen, Tony. I’m not in the mood for company.” I’m trying to hide my buzz, but it’s not working.
He looks at the bartender as he places my drink down and says, “Put that on my tab.”
I look at the bartender and say, “Don’t.” I turn back to the guy whose name I’ve already forgotten. “I told you I’m not in the mood for company.”
“It looks to me like you could use some company.”
I sigh. “Looks can be deceiving.” I turn away from him and continue to pick at my chowder while I watch the news. There’s something on about a robbery in Boston. Worried about Chloe and Ward I listen in to ensure there’s no news of cops being injured.
The bartender comes back over a few minutes later. “Are you going to stir your chowder or eat it?” He has a slight grin on his face.
I shrug. “I like stirring it.”
He laughs. “Well you can stop crouching over and eat. You scared him away.” I look over my shoulder, and sure enough he’s gone.
I turn back to the bartender so I can inform him I’m not a total bitch but he’s already walked away. Now I really feel like an asshole. He’s probably wondering what the hell my problem is, but to be honest, I don’t give a fuck. One of the biggest issues with the world today is that everyone judges everyone else. Walk a mile in my fucking shoes, and then judge me.
I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting here, but I do know I have two more empty shot glasses in front of me plus the drink I’ve been sipping on. I’m finally feeling good. I take in my surroundings and realize the place has gotten much busier. As I scan the room I catch Chloe walking through the door with a look of fear on her face. This is why I’m numb, so I don’t have to feel fear, maybe she needs a drink, too. “Hey, my girl is here.” I slur my words.
“There you are. Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?” She storms over to me, catching me as I’m about to tumble out of my seat.
I laugh. “I just came out for a drink.” I shake my head like it’s no big deal.
The bartender calls over. “She hasn’t paid her tab.”
“You’re a nice bartender.” I smile at him.
“And I’m glad you’re a happy drunk and you have a friend to get you home safe.” He chuckles at my silliness.
I watch as he hands Chloe my tab. Her eyes go wide, but she pulls her card from her purse, pays the tab, and drags me out of the bar. “You and I need to talk.” She huffs with frustration as we walk the short distance back to her place. The combination of her pulling on me and the salty air turns my stomach.
“Stop.” I try pulling my arm from hers.
“I will not stop. We are talking the second we get home.”
“No, stop. I’m going to be…” I pull away to vomit into the shrubs next to us. I hear Chloe sigh as she pulls my hair out of my face. She rubs my back to try and comfort me, but it’s not helping. This just reminds me of the day I found out my friends were dead. I did the exact same thing. I rolled over and emptied the contents of my stomach. Sick with regret I couldn’t save them. When I’m finally finished, I stand up to face my friend with tears streaming down my face. Tears I shed for my friends, and the nightmares that remind me of their loss.
“Come on, boo. Let’s get you home.” She puts her arm around me and helps me home, walking at a much slower pace. I can see the sympathy in her eyes. She knows a little of what I went through.
When we finally get upstairs, she makes tea and hands me some Advil that I happily take. I know I’m going to be hurting in the morning. “I’m sorry I scared you. I only meant to go for a quick drink or two and then come back to meet you.”
“Did you really only eat chowder with the four shots of tequila and five drinks?” My eyes go wide. I didn’t realize I had that much. She sighs. “I’m whipping us up something to eat.”
I follow her into the kitchen and take a seat at the snack bar. “I want you to know that I’ve been talking openly about my issues for a while, it’s just not helping.” My voice is still slightly slurred. Chloe turns to me. “I don’t want you to think I’m not doing anything. I need to find a new therapist and I know that, but it’s hard. You have no idea what it’s like…” A tear runs down my cheek. “It takes time to find the right one.” People who have never had to meet with a counselor don’t realize that you can’t just walk into someone’s office and pour your heart out. You have to click with the person.
“What happened to the one the military set you up with?”
“She sucked. I told her what she fucking wanted to hear so she would send me home.” I sip the tea she made me. Between the tea and the vomiting I’m starting to sober up. Chloe turns back to the stove to continue cooking. “How can I help? I love you, and it kills me to see you like this.”
I shrug. “Be patient with me.”
“I can do that but know I’m also going to be on your ass to get this therapist set up and get you squared away.” She turns back to me. “It’s for your own good.”
“I want to get better. I don’t want to live my life like this.” I get off the stool and go straight to my friend. I wrap my arms around her and cry, it’s a horrible ugly cry, but I needed it. I haven’t let it all out, not once, since I found out that I lost my comrades, my friends, months ago. I held it all in, pretending like I was fine, pretending like I don’t blame myself for not saving them.
“I got you, boo.” She holds me while I let it all out. It feels good to cry.
I sniffle. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Do you think you can eat?”
“Yeah, I’m already feeling better.” What Chloe doesn’t realize is we got our hands on alcohol all the time. We drank often to forget the shit we saw over there. This isn’t my first rodeo with alcohol.
“Good, what do you say you let me finish making us some dinner?”
I giggle as I wipe my face. “Sounds good. I’m starving.
“I’m sure. You only ordered a cup of chowder.”
“What’s up with your new partner? He’s a hottie!” I need to change the subject. I no longer want to think about my friends or the fact I got wasted tonight.
She chuckles but never turns away from the eggs she’s cooking. “He’s a cool guy. He’s sweet, friendly, strong, and single.” She stresses the word single. “I actually think you two would be good together.
“I don’t know that I’m ready for a relationship, but I can tell you I’m ready to get my world rocked. It’s been far too long since I’ve had my brains fucked silly.” She bursts into laughter.
“You have such a potty mouth.” She laughs. I love Chloe, but she’s a bit opposite of me. I have zero filter, and she’s a good girl who always watches what she says.
“You spend almost a year overseas surrounded by men that you have to prove yourself to and see how you sound.”
Her head whips around with her eyebrows raised, as if to say, really? “I do that on a daily basis. Don’t for one minute act like I don’t know what it’s like to have to prove yourself to a man. I’m a fucking cop.” Now it’s my turn to laugh. Chloe may be a cop but she doesn’t cuss like one. She was raised with brothers, who swear like drunken sailors, but her mama would seriously fuck her shit up if she was caught speaking that way.
“Ha, you said ‘fucking’. I’m going to call your mama.”
She laughs and flips me off. “You’re such an ass, but I’ve missed the hell out of you.” She puts a plate in front of me.
“I’ve missed you, too.”
The rest of our night is a mishmash of catching up, girl talk, and me recovering from my drunken disaster.