Six
Melanie
One more time in the past.
In my own head.
Ever since Shane rejected me and berated me, I'm careful not to let him catch me staring. He's my one weakness, well next to really sexy shoes, and I can't let him go no matter how hard I try. He is everything I want in a man. He's sexy, charming to colleagues and clients, confident without being arrogant, intimidatingly smart, and quick-witted.
Did I mention sexy?
Over the last few weeks, I've come up with a set of rules to get through work without making a fool of myself.
1. Don't get caught staring at sexy boss' delectable ass.
2. Make sure my wayward thoughts and daydreams are not spoken aloud in case he might hear me.
3. Wear the sexiest shoes I can everyday because they make me feel sexy and not to drive him insane even if it's an added bonus.
4. Be the best fucking gopher associate in this firm. Knock him off his ass every chance I get.
5. Don't let him see how much he affects me.
6. Text Beth to have wine or tequila ready for me whenever he drives me nuts with his deep voice and dimples.
7. Do not touch or get starstruck with any of our clients.
8. Make as many contacts in the industry as I can and make a name for myself.
9. Keep my parents proud of all the hardworking I've made and will-do.
10. Remember that I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and need to take advantage of my surroundings.
What Beth said about me having a crush is entirely true. The problem is that the crush has gotten worse. I've acted aloof and uninterested in anything beyond a professional relationship, but ti doesn't stop the intimate thoughts I have roaming in my head. She also reminds me that I live in one of the greatest cities in the world for distraction.
New York City is my "oyster bitch". If I want to stare at my hot boss whenever I get the chance, go shopping on my lunch hour, or see a different show every night of the week, then you bet my fine ass I will. I'll retain my dignity in being obsessed with my own happiness. I'll shop for the shoes that make me fierce in my own mind.
I don't only shop for designer shoes because I have stuff called rent to pay for, so I also buy any kind that stand out to me at vintage shops or even the department store. Any heel that will make a statement with my mood. If I'm happy, I daintily glide in my stilettos and fierce pumps. If I'm pissed off, it's my thick soled platforms. When I'm boned assed tired, I wear wedges to make sure I don't fall on my ass.
Apparently, I'm a "Glamazon." I'm a five foot nine, honey blond woman with tight curves from all the walking in heels. I don't believe in all of that bullshit because confidence is they key no matter what shape, size, or color you are. The nickname is just what I've heard since my first internship when my confidence grew.
I have to look professional and presentable every day for work because we never know when we're going to be pulled into a meeting. I don't overly do my make-up though because it gives me acne. I know my strengths and my weaknesses with my looks. Confidence is definitely my strength when I wear what I want.
I've gotten compliments over the years for how I am, everything from cute to beautiful. I was never a schlub, but there was never a need for a cocktail dress while studying in the law library for thirty hours a week. Once I started actually dressing up for interviews and presentations, they came more frequently. In all reality, I quickly ignored them. They never held any true merit in my opinion.
Any compliment related to my work though, I beam with pride and admiration. It's not cockiness or being conceited because I never used my looks for advantage. I needed my work to speak for me. I also happily accepted constructive criticism because it only presented a new challenge for me to be better in my work ethic.
I was a nerd in high school because I wanted to get a college scholarship in New York and then move on to law school. I took pride in my appearance when necessary, so that companies would take me seriously for internships and interviews. My resume was more than impressive and I've earned everything I've gotten in my life. Once I hit the real world, if I wanted clients to take me seriously, I had to look the part.
Everything that came after is where the rules come in.
The rules I've made will work if I have anything to say about it. I won't let myself be ruined professionally, emotionally, or physically by this man. The interference I told Shane about was fighting my way for top grades while people told me I should remain a snow bunny in Vermont or having to work a part-time job because my scholarships didn't cover everything. I wasn't blessed with a magic memory to only have to study a little and then pass with ease liked some of my classmates. I sat in that library with a few dozen other study groups, freaking out about the smallest question that could be on a test.
I've made rules for myself several times throughout my life and this Shane situation is no different. These rules will make sure I don't make the same mistake again. Being alone with him without a large physical barrier between us is not an option.
Beth laughs but also agrees with my rules. I've managed to stay on the good side of every partner at work. Life is getting so much better. I just need to be able to move on from the Shane channel at some point.