Carmen opened her eyes. She was flat on her back, covers pulled up to her chin, staring up at a shadowed ceiling. Her mind was a complete blank. She floated on a sea of nothingness and watched the play of sunlight dance across the ceiling as the sun rose.

Nature called. She stretched and suddenly became aware of the burning in her calves as if she went on a long-distance run. Simultaneously, her vagina throbbed, and her mind lurched into gear. Everything returned in a rush. Lyla was safe, the monster was dead, and she had been fucked by Marcus Fletcher. She threw back the covers and raced out of her room like a kid on Christmas morning.

She knocked on Lyla and Gavin’s suite. No answer. That didn’t stop her from opening the door. She peeked her head around the door and found Gavin lying in bed with a gun pointed at her. He lowered the gun as she tiptoed forward until she could see Lyla.

“She’s asleep,” Gavin rumbled.

Carmen hovered over Lyla who had Nora cradled close and listened to the sound of their synchronized breathing. She closed her eyes for a moment and said a silent prayer of thanks before she noticed Beau on his doggy bed. She gave him a pat before she rounded back to Gavin’s side of the bed.

“You okay?” she whispered.

He grunted as he messed around with his phone. He’d never been the best communicator.

“Is it really over?”

“Yeah,” Gavin said.

She gripped his arm. “You promise?” Lyla told her last night, but she needed to hear it again. She needed to hear it from him.

He looked up. The light from his phone illuminated a thin scratch on his cheek that hadn’t been there the night before. He wasn’t wearing his suit or brass knuckles now. He wore sweats and nothing else. His energy was quiet but still alert.

“He’s dead? You’re sure it was Vega?” she asked urgently.

“Yes.”

Her voice was a bit hoarse as she asked, “Did you make him suffer?”

He stared at her for a long moment. “As much as I could. Lucifer cut off his head.”

She wouldn’t have been opposed to chopping off every limb with a chainsaw but being beheaded was okay. She only wished she could have witnessed it herself. “Why did he do it?”

He looked down, and she realized she was digging her nails into his arm. She released him and fanned her face, which felt hot.

“Vega wanted to prove to his father that he could do what he or Rafael had never been able to do.”

Marcus was right. “He did all of this to prove a point?” It was unfathomable that someone would cause so much death and destruction to prove to his family that he wasn’t weak. She lost Vinny over a fucker who had daddy issues? Her fingernails dug into her palms.

“Psychos don’t need a reason to kill. They just do it.”

“Right.” She let out a breath and rolled her head on her shoulders. “But he’s dead?”

“Yes.”

She frowned. “Lucifer beheaded him? I thought they were working together.”

“I cut a deal with Lucifer, and he handed Vega over.”

“You cut a deal with the devil?”

He gave her a cold look. “I’ll handle it.”

Of course, he would. “It’s really over?”

“Yeah.”

No more combat training, running for their lives, or waiting for the next disaster. Vinny had been avenged and she … she could start anew.

She smacked his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re still breathing.”

He glared at her as she exited. It wasn’t until she closed the door behind her that she realized she still wore the oversized sweater from last night that rode high on her thighs and nothing else. She hightailed it to the nursery and searched for her leggings and thong but didn’t see them. Gavin would shit a brick if he found out she fucked in Nora’s nursery. She went back to her room and found her leggings folded on a chair with her thong tucked primly into the fold. Marcus. He was so fucking cute and never missed a thing.

She stripped and stepped into the shower, tilting her face up to the spray. Relief, joy, fear, and guilt tumbled inside her like clothes in a dryer. Tears slipped down her cheeks, but she didn’t dwell on them. Moving on wasn’t going to be easy, but she was fucking game.

She stepped out of the shower and surveyed herself in the mirror. There were dark shadows under her eyes, but they sparkled with zeal. She lost a piece of herself when Vinny died, but she’d been given a second chance, and she wasn’t going to waste it. She would do whatever was required to push through the pain. Last night, Marcus helped her begin a new chapter. He awakened her body, which pulsed with life. That was the way to end this hellish ordeal—with a bang. She couldn’t live in purgatory anymore, not when she had a taste of ecstasy.

Her body was covered in scratches from her run across the desert and her hair … She fingered the ink black strands. It was time for a change. Thanks to her workouts with Blade and Lyla’s private martial arts instructor, she was in better shape than she’d been in years. She could do more lunges, but overall, not bad. She reached for her makeup bag and erased all traces of the past. The result was a fresh face, bright eyes, and a cheery peach lipstick that hadn’t seen the light of day for years. The dark, heavy makeup she’d favored for the past two years slinked to the bottom of her bag. She completed today’s look with white skinny jeans and a matching long-sleeve crop top.

When she passed the nursery, she found Gavin yawning as he changed Nora. Beau danced excitedly around him.

“Let me take her,” Carmen said. “Get some sleep.”

It was a measure of how exhausted he was that he didn’t argue. She beamed at Nora who smiled back. She watched Gavin’s retreating back before she gave Nora a mock serious look.

“You didn’t see anything last night, did you?”

Nora flapped her arms.

“You’re learning a little earlier than I planned, but you’re going to take after me, so I guess it’s not that bad. Aunty Carmen and Uncle Marcus got a little carried away,” she whispered conspiratorially. “He was good. Better than good. He was fucking phenomenal if you want the truth.”

A cherry-colored dress with a tutu skirt caught her eyes. She held up the tiny dress and was dazzled by the cheery color. She dressed Nora in the lace dress and clapped her hands.

“Who’s the prettiest girl on the whole planet? That’s you, baby.” She picked up the grinning baby and put her on her hip. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

They made their way to the kitchen. She set Beau loose in the backyard and heated up a bottle. Her stomach yowled, so she stuffed a strawberry breakfast bar in her mouth as she fed Nora, who latched onto the bottle immediately.

Carmen finished her bar and looked around for something else to eat. She snatched a green apple from the basket on the table and stared at the shiny surface for a moment, mesmerized, before hunger won out and she bit. Taste burst on her tongue, and she hummed in delight. Nora stared up at her with wide eyes as she finished the apple in record time.

She tapped her feet restlessly as she waited for Nora to finish her bottle. The gray blur dashing around the backyard caught her attention. Beau, a normally staid pit bull was going nuts. He ran full out, barking madly. Somehow, he too sensed it was over.

The rising sun lit a different world today—one that was new and full of possibilities. For years, she didn’t recognize a new day as anything more than endless hours where she had to appear normal while her insides wept and bled. Vinny’s death sent her into a tailspin of grief-stricken madness and guilt. She could finally tell Vinny that he had finally been avenged.

After Nora finished breakfast, she took her outside for a breath of fresh air. It was a beautiful day without a cloud in sight. Rust colored mountains rose above the wall that enclosed the fortress. The temperature wasn’t hot or cold. It was just … perfect. Her heart felt lighter than it had been in years. She was full of energy. Thanks, Marcus, she thought and couldn’t hold back a satisfied smile. He definitely liked kink. Just thinking about his hand in her hair as she sucked him off or the way he forced her on her hands and knees was making her hot again.

“Your godfather is fine,” she told Nora as she swayed to the sultry beat playing in her head. She couldn’t stay still. “What do you think I should do about him, baby?”

She twirled and was rewarded with a delighted baby laugh. Beau’s warning growl made her turn. A man she didn’t know stood in the doorway that led into the house. Beau pressed against her side, and she gripped his collar as she took in the stranger. He was dressed casually in black jeans and tee with a worn leather jacket molded to broad shoulders.

The fact he was walking around unescorted was interesting. This guy would have been decorated with bullets if he wasn’t supposed to be here. The stranger started toward her. Beau tensed at her side, but at her firm, “No,” he sat on his haunches.

The sun highlighted the man’s rich chocolate brown hair styled in a fauxhawk and his deep-set blue eyes. He was dripping sex appeal, but she wasn’t fooled by his guileless smile. He had player written all over him.

“Please tell me you’re the nanny,” he said in a New York accent that made her insides clench.

Oh, hell yes. A smoking hot bad boy with a New York accent was an excellent way to jumpstart her day. “If I am?”

“Then, baby”—he paused for emphasis and looked her up and down—“you’re going to make one of my fantasies come true.”

She liked a man who had fantasies. “And if I’m not?”

“Then you can tell me one of yours, and I’ll make both our fantasies come true.”

She laughed. “I like that line. You don’t mind if I use it, do you?”

“Feel free.” His eyes switched to Nora, who eyed him curiously. “This is Gavin’s kid?”

“Yes. Who are you?”

“Angel.”

Carmen shook her head. “No.”

“No?”

“Your name can’t be Angel. It’s a stage name, right?”

“Stage name?”

“You have to be a model or actor.”

His eyes sparkled with humor. “I’ll keep that in mind in case I need a backup career.”

“Do you have a brother named Demon?”

He threw back his head and laughed. The sound was raspy and full of genuine mirth, which made him even more attractive.

“Roque has many nicknames. I think we’ll have to add that one to the bunch,” he said.

She froze. Roque wasn’t a common name. She glanced at the gold eagle pendant lying contentedly in the vee of his shirt. The eagle’s wings flared proudly on his chest, the symbol of ancient Rome. “You’re Angel Roman?”

“So you aren’t the nanny,” he surmised and shook his head. “Damn.”

“I’m Carmen.”

His eyes narrowed. “Carmen … Vinny’s wife?”

“Yes.” She’d never met the Romans of New York, but she’d heard stories. Angel looked too friendly to be part of the notorious clan.

“Vinny was a good man,” he said and inclined his head. “I’m sorry we didn’t make it to the funeral.”

She hadn’t expected the Romans to attend. Vinny wasn’t a blood relation to the Romans. Manny took him in after his parents died in a car accident. Vinny changed his name in his teens.

“What are you doing in Las Vegas?” she asked.

“I took Gavin’s place.”

She opened her mouth to ask as what, and then it hit her. “You’re the new crime lord?”

He nodded.

“That’s why Gavin went to New York,” she said thoughtfully. Lyla must be relieved.

“You were with Lyla at the safe house?” When she nodded, he cocked his head to the side. “You look pretty happy for someone who was nearly gunned down two days ago.”

“Vega’s dead. That’s all I care about.”

Nora reached for him. He responded by moving closer, but he paused when Beau barked. She gave Beau a sharp command, and he quieted. Angel took Nora, but he stiffened when he rested the baby against his chest.

“What is it?” she asked.

He gritted his teeth and handed Nora back. “I got a scratch last night.”

She put Nora on her hip. “A scratch?” His collar shifted, showing the edge of a bandage. “What happened to you?”

He gave her a piercing look. “I was with Gavin last night.”

“In Hell?” She tugged on his shirt so she could see down the front.

“If you want to see me naked, all you have to do is ask.”

She got a whiff of his cologne. It wasn’t classy sin, but it was just as musky and seductive. His scent made her hand clutch the soft material of his warm shirt. Oh, shit. Had Marcus’s initiation awakened her sex beast and now she would get hot for anything with a dick and pretty face?

“That’s not a scratch.” She forced herself to concentrate on the two huge gauze pads on his chest and not the color of his nipples. “What happened?”

“It’s a whiplash. I’ll be fine in a couple of days.”

She looked up and was captured by hypnotic pale blue eyes mere inches from hers.

“About that fantasy …” he drawled.

Nora let out a shrill scream, breaking the sexual tension. Carmen stepped back as Gavin approached. She took the time to bitch slap herself mentally. This was Angel freaking Roman. Beneath those stunning good looks was a man trained to be heartless and cruel, and besides, he was the new crime lord. He definitely wasn’t a man she should be fooling around with.

Nora bounced excitedly as Gavin took her. Carmen slid sweaty palms over her jeans and focused on Gavin instead of his cousin.

“Lyla?” she asked.

“In the shower.”

Nora pounded Gavin’s chest and chattered as her father pressed a kiss to her temple. Both of Nora’s parents were alive and well today. All was right in the world. She scanned Gavin, who still hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt. In broad daylight, she could see that his knuckles were swollen, bruised, and full of nicks.

“Did you get hurt too?” She circled him and stopped dead when she saw the lash on his back. “What the fuck, Gavin!”

“What?”

The lash on his back was the length of her forearm and encrusted with dried blood. The skin around the wound was inflamed and must hurt like a bitch. “I hope you killed whoever did this.”

“Of course,” Gavin said.

“I think I got him with my trident” Angel said.

“No, I think I hacked his arm off with my sword,” Gavin countered.

Whips, tridents, swords? Only in Hell.

“I hear we’re not the only ones who got action,” Gavin said casually.

Her heart leaped into her throat. “What?” Did Marcus say something?

“I heard you killed your first man.”

She relaxed instantly. “Oh. Him. Yeah.” She was giddy with relief.

“You killed a man?” Angel’s expression was suddenly intense.

She folded her arms defensively across her chest. “I had to.” Neither man said anything, so she snapped, “And I’d do it again.”

Angel’s mouth curved into a delighted grin. “Babe, you keep getting better and better.”

Gavin looked at them and then declared, “Fuck, no.”

“What? We’re not related,” Angel said.

Gavin looked so horrified that Carmen couldn’t hold back a giggle. The devilish gleam in Angel’s eyes promised that she had a new partner in crime to antagonize the fuck out of Gavin.

“Not fucking happening,” Gavin decreed and pointed at the house. “Get out of here, Carmen. I need to talk to my cousin.”

She sauntered toward Angel and trailed her hand down his arm and murmured loud enough for Gavin to hear, “We’ll finish talking about fantasies later.”

“Fantasies? What the fuck, Angel?” Gavin snapped.

She smothered a laugh as she ran upstairs and headed to the master suite. She found Lyla in the bathroom, brush in hand, ghost white. Her eyes were puffy, and her lips were nearly colorless. Despite her wan appearance, a hardness in her eyes existed that hadn’t been there before. Lyla had come a long way from the fragile flower who ran from Gavin five years ago. Lyla morphed into a true crime lord’s wife. Even though her hair was still wet from her shower, Lyla had a gun in the waistband of her jeans.

Carmen rushed toward her and wrapped her in a tight hug.

“I fucking told you not to visit your mom in the hospital.” She couldn’t help herself. If Lyla hadn’t gone to the hospital, she wouldn’t have gone to Hell and endured whatever took place last night.

“Yeah.”

Carmen examined her glassy, bloodshot eyes. “Are you okay?”

Lyla stared at her for a pregnant moment before she shook her head. “No, but I will be.”

She braced her hands on her shoulders and squeezed. “Steven Vega?”

Lyla’s eyes kindled with rage. “He was there the whole time. He was tired of being bullied by his brother, his dad, Gavin … He put on the mask and became the man he wanted to be. It’s over now.”

“Yes, it is. Sit. I’ll do your hair.”

She pushed Lyla onto a bench in front of the vanity and took the brush from her. Lyla stared straight ahead. It was clear she was still in shock. Who wouldn’t be? Carmen let her be. Lyla lived in her head and needed time to work it out on her own, but she would get through this. She always did.

“Mom’s awake,” Lyla said quietly.

“Aunt Beatrice woke from the coma? Is she okay? Is she talking?”

“We got a call last night. I went to see her. She asked about Dad.”

Of course, Aunt Beatrice would ask about her worthless husband above everything else. Lyla wouldn’t meet her eyes in the mirror. She could feel the silent pain radiating off her cousin. She wrapped her arms around her from behind.

“You did what you had to, Lyla. Your dad would kill Nora—”

“I know,” Lyla said and shook her head. “I couldn’t tell her what I did. I just said he was dead. She didn’t ask who killed him.”

Lyla couldn’t catch a break to save her life. She survived Hell and now had to deal with her mother who woke from a coma, asking for her husband who Lyla killed in self-defense. She gave Lyla another squeeze and kiss on the cheek before she resumed brushing her hair. “Just leave it be, Lyla. You have time. It’ll work out.”

“You think we can have a happily ever after?” Lyla asked quietly.

“You and Gavin deserve it.”

Lyla met her eyes in the mirror. “And you too, Carmen.”

She blinked hastily and focused on French braiding her hair. “I need to tell Vinny it’s over.”

Lyla nodded. “And we can finally spread Manny’s ashes. It never felt right before. I miss him so much.”

Vinny and Manny, gone too fucking soon. She breathed through the pain as she finished the braid. “I know.”

Lyla reached back and grasped her hand. “We got him, Carmen.”

Their eyes met in the mirror.

“I threw a dagger in his back and crushed his bones with a shield. Gavin ran him through with eight swords, and then Lucifer cut off his head.”

“You crushed his bones with a shield?”

“Oh, and I kicked his severed head into the stands.”

She would have taken great delight in getting her shot at Vega for all the pain he caused her family, but it seemed that Lyla and the others had taken care of it. He died in pain. That had to be enough for her. She looped her arms around Lyla’s neck and pressed her cheek to her cousin’s. “You’re a fucking savage. I’m so proud. You’re a true crime lord’s wife.”

The corner of Lyla’s mouth twitched. “I’m the wife of a retired crime lord.”

“Yes. I just met Angel.”

“I’m worried,” Lyla murmured.

“Why?”

“He’s family. I don’t want him in the line of fire.”

Carmen read between the lines. “Angel isn’t Vinny.”

“But …”

“Let Angel and Gavin deal with it. We’re going to move on and watch Nora grow up and drive Gavin crazy. We’re going to laugh, eat, and enjoy life because we fucking deserve it. We made it, Lyla. He didn’t break us.”

“You’re different today.”

She smoothed Lyla’s hair. “What do you mean?” She wasn’t about to tell Lyla she fucked Marcus while Lyla battled for her life in Hell.

“You’re excited about something.”

“I can finally let him go. I want to try to find some kind of normal.”

“Some kind of normal,” Lyla repeated and nodded. “Sounds about right. Thank you. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.”

“What’s family for?”

“So you’re leaving?” At Carmen’s nod, she said, “Tell Aunt Isabel that Mom woke up.”

“Will do. I’ll be in touch, babe.”

She gave Lyla another hug before she went to the guest bedroom and crammed as much of her shit as she could in a bag. She would come back for the rest later. The need to see Vinny was riding her hard. It was the last step to complete before she started over. It wouldn’t be official until she told him Vega was dead.

She headed downstairs with her overnight bag slung over her shoulder. Blade and two guards stood in the foyer, conversing in low tones. Blade caught sight of her and jerked his head at the men, who immediately exited. Blade had been Gavin’s shadow for as long as she could remember. His position in the household blurred since he became Lyla’s bodyguard and Nora’s godfather. When Lyla went rogue and stole a car, she saw a break in Blade’s stoic demeanor. He went ballistic, revealing that Lyla’s welfare was more than just a job to him.

“You’re alive!” she chirped.

Blade didn’t crack a smile. His stony face was even more imposing than normal since he sported an angry gash on his cheek. He normally dressed in a suit to conceal the fact he was always armed, but today, he wore jeans and a tee with the double shoulder holster on full display. It looked damn good on him.

Blade took the overnight bag from her. She thought this was an unusually solicitous gesture on his part until he dropped her bag on the ground.

She shoved him. “What the hell, Blade? I have expensive shit in there!”

“You can buy more,” he said heartlessly. “Why’d you try to shoot Marcus?”

Damn tattletale security. “Because I thought he might be in with Vega.”

Blade blinked. “Marcus?” His incredulous tone made it clear he thought the suggestion was ludicrous.

“Why couldn’t he side with Vega?”

“Because he wouldn’t.”

Blade was naturally suspicious, yet he didn’t hesitate to vouch for Marcus. “Why?”

He gave her a hard look. “Ask Gavin.”

“That’s your answer for everything,” she grumbled. “You’re so dramatic. Did you sleep at all?” Knowing Blade, he hadn’t slept since they returned from Hell. She grasped the edge of his shirt and lifted to see if he had wounds like Gavin and Angel. “Did you get whipped too?”

Blade knocked her hand away, but not before she got a glimpse of his carved abs. It wasn’t the first time she saw his body. She’d gotten glimpses when they worked out in the past, but this was the first time she was interested in a more thorough examination. “Come on, Blade. Don’t be such a baby.”

He bared his teeth. “I’m fine.”

She ignored his warning and gripped his chin. “Did someone clean this? You don’t want another scar.” Her eyes flicked up to the thin cut on his eyebrow.

“What do I care about scars?” He grabbed her wrist and yanked it off his face. “Why are you touching me?”

“I’m checking you out.”

“Why?”

“Because all of you are too stupid and macho to get your injuries checked out. Gavin and Angel have whip lashes on their bodies and who knows what else? What about you?”

“I don’t have any lashes.”

“How did you get that cut on your face?”

“Machete.”

“A machete,” she repeated and shook her head. None of the guys who’d gone into battle last night left unscathed. “I should call a doctor.”

“You should see the other guys.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, they’re dead.”

Point made. “Fine. If you want to be scarred and prolong the healing process, go for it. I have shit to do.”

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“You’re moving back with your mother?”

She clapped her hands together. “Yes! Lyla isn’t under house arrest, Gavin isn’t the crime lord, and the psycho who murdered my husband is dead. Gavin tells me he suffered, and that’s all that matters. I can move on with my life. I want to go dancing or something, but I think I should dye my hair first. What do you think about me going red?”

He couldn’t control his sneer. “I don’t give a shit about your hair color.”

She ignored his surly mood and handed him her car key. Blade opened the door and tossed the key to a nearby guard who jogged toward the massive garage to find her vehicle among the fleet.

“You should have an escort,” Blade said.

“What for? Vega’s dead.”

“Vega may be gone, but there are still a lot of people who hate the Pyres, and you’re included.”

She shrugged. “We both know I’m not a target, not like Gavin and Lyla. Vinny was the crime lord for less than a week. No one cares about me. What do you think of Angel taking over?”

Blade didn’t answer immediately. His eyes moved over the guards while they did their rounds.

“Word’s out that he’s taken the title. Angel’s young so some might underestimate him, but he’s a Roman through and through. They’ll learn soon enough if they didn’t already hear what he did in Hell last night.”

She shouldn’t ask, but curiosity got the better of her. “So he’s a good fighter?”

“He survived in the pit.”

That must mean yes. “And you think it’s a good thing he’s taking over?”

“Isn’t that what I said?”

She rolled her eyes. Men. “He’s not what I expected of a Roman.”

His attention snapped back to her. He searched her eyes and then shook his head. “No.”

“What?”

“Fuck no.”

It wasn’t surprising that his reaction was nearly identical to Gavin’s. They were two of a kind. She could practically hear the lecture forming in his head. Fortunately, her gold convertible rounded the drive. She shouldered her bag and gave him the peace sign as she sashayed outside. “There’s my baby. Take care of Lyla for me.”

“I always do,” he growled. “Don’t do anything stupid, Carmen.”

She put the top down on the convertible before she perched on the seat. Blade was doing a good imitation of an Indian chief as he watched her from the top step, legs braced apart and arms crossed over his chest.

“What do you think of cherry?” she called.

“What?”

“Cherry for my new hair color!”

Blade scowled as several guards snickered.

“Seriously, though, red hair will be cute, right?” she yelled.

Blade walked into the house and slammed the door behind him. She laughed as she put the car in gear and stomped on the gas. The gates opened as she approached. Gavin’s fortress was far enough outside the city that she didn’t have to worry about the speed limit for a while, and she took full advantage of that. The car powered forward, winding smoothly on the long stretch of empty road. On days like this, she and Vinny would go on long drives, park in the middle of nowhere, and lay on the hood and talk for hours. God, she missed him. There would never be another Vincent Pyre.

Too soon, she reached civilization and slowed down … a little. Her city came into view. She loved this gaudy oasis in the middle of the desert. There was a manic vibe to the city that wasn’t for everyone, but she reveled in the dark beat of sexual energy, hunger, and ambition of the natives. She was one herself, after all. Las Vegas would always be her home.

She parked in the garage beside the Toyota she used to drive in high school. The door that led into the house opened before she could get out of the car. Her mother ran to her, arms open.

“Carmen Marie!” Mom leaned over the car door and hugged her tight. “I’ve been so worried!”

“Hi, Mom.”

Mom clasped her face and blinked. “You’re glowing.”

Carmen slid over the top of the door instead of opening it. She reached for her purse and overnight bag and put her arm around Mom’s waist.

“I know we need to catch up, but I need to talk to Vinny first.”

“Of course, honey.”

She gave her mother a kiss before she rushed upstairs. She walked into her modest bedroom, closed the door, and leaned back against it. A pewter urn perched on her dresser with VP engraved on the front. She dropped her bags and approached slowly.

“Hey, baby.”

She stopped in front of the urn and spread her hand over the curves she knew so well. How many days had she spent wrapped around this urn, willing Vinny to make an appearance? This was all she had left of him. It didn’t seem right that a man with such vitality could fit into a container. It had been almost three years, and she still couldn’t believe he was gone.

“It’s over. They caught him, Vin. It was Paul Vega’s son, Steven. He’s dead. Gavin made him suffer.”

She rested her forehead on the urn and hung on tight.

“I miss you,” she whispered against the cold metal. She tried to imagine it was Vinny’s warm flesh against hers. “Everyone says time heals all wounds, but that’s a fucking lie. Every day without you is worse than the one before.”

She bit her lip as her eyes flooded with tears. It had been years since he passed, but she’d never said goodbye. She refused. How could she with his killer on the loose? Now, the time had come to say goodbye to her best friend, lover, partner, husband, and soul mate.

She took a deep breath. “I told you I was staying with Lyla because she was on lockdown. The other night, shit went down. The fortress got attacked, and we had to go to a safe house. Lyla told me to take Nora and run while she stayed behind. I hid with Nora, and when I heard a soldier coming, I had to make a decision.”

Was it her imagination or did the air vibrate with tension?

“I decided to live.” Facing a future without Vinny wasn’t something she had ever contemplated. Even now, the realization that she was going forward alone was debilitating, but she breathed through the panic. She raised her head and saw her tear-streaked reflection in the urn. “I can’t grieve you anymore.”

Guilt engulfed her, but she gritted her teeth and continued, “I can’t take the pain. You’re not here, but I am. I need, Vinny.” Her words hung in the air, and she mentally braced before she confessed, “I slept with Marcus Fletcher.”

She closed her eyes and waited for a reaction. When none came, she lifted her chin.

“It was good.” Honesty forced her to add, “Better than good.” She waved her hand. “Fucking brilliant if you really want to know.” She pursed her lips and then added, “He did doggy style. You know I’ve always had a thing for rough and doggy.”

Her lips twitched, but she bit back the smile since it seemed inappropriate.

“When you died, I thought I did too. I’ve been living in this purgatory, but the other night, I decided to fight to live. When I pulled the trigger, I came back to life. I can see, feel, taste …” Her mouth watered at the memory of Marcus’s kiss. She swallowed. “I can’t imagine loving anyone the way I love you, but I can find small pleasures in life. At least until we meet again.” She placed her hand on the urn. “I’ll always love you.” She tapped her chest where her heart was trapped in a never-ending cycle of restitching itself back together again. “The pain will always be there. I know that now. I just have to find some sense of satisfaction in the small things.” Lyla’s words tripped through her mind, and she shook her head. “I don’t think I can spread your ashes. I’m not ready for that yet. I don’t know if I ever will be.”

She sat on the edge of the bed, chin balanced on her hand as she regarded the urn.

“Till death do us part,” she whispered. “We put off that trip to Bora Bora, that couple’s painting class, and you learning the tango. We thought we had a lifetime.” She mustered up a smile. “You should see Nora. She’s gorgeous.”

She waited, but she didn’t hear his voice in her mind. The silence stretched, and a tear slipped down her cheek when she realized she was truly alone. She’d broken their tie. She went up to the urn and touched the metal with her broken fingernail.

“I love you,” she whispered. “I built my life around you. My heart beat for you. You loved me, even my flaws, and I loved you with every breath I had.” Her face crumpled. It took a minute to regain her composure, and when she did, she forced a smile. “I’m going to live enough for the both of us. That fucker took you from me, but he didn’t break me. I want to dance on his grave, you know? I have to show everyone that your widow’s still smoking hot. I love you, babe. I always will.”

She kissed the metal and walked away. She closed the bedroom door and leaned back against it as tears streamed down her face. She didn’t want Vinny to see her cry. He’d seen enough of that already. She had to do this for the both of them; Lyla needed to know life went on even after you went through war.

Mom paced in the kitchen but stopped when she entered.

“Are you okay?” she asked and gave her another hug.

“Yeah.”

Mom rubbed her back. “You’ve been crying.”

“I …” She swallowed and tried again. “I had to tell Vinny it’s over. Gavin got him.”

Mom’s hand stopped at the top of her spine. “He’s dead?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank God.”

Her lips curved, and she pulled back. “Yes. It wasn’t official until I told Vinny.”

Mom pushed her into a chair. “Everyone’s all right?”

“Yes.”

Her mother murmured prayers under her breath as she turned to the stove. She came back with a steaming bowl of mac and cheese. “Eat that. You’re too skinny.”

Carmen didn’t hesitate. She grabbed the fork and took a bite. Her taste buds moaned in delight, and she dug in with gusto. Her queasy belly instantly leveled out as cheesy goodness filled the emptiness.

“Carmen?”

She looked up to find Mom staring at her. “What?”

“You’re eating.”

“Yes.”

Mom beamed. “I haven’t seen you eat like this in years. You’re getting better.”

“Better than what?”

“Just … better. You smiled, laughed, and ate, but you can’t fool me. I know you, Carmen. You were wasting away and now …” She clasped her hands together. “You’re back.”

Apparently, her acting skills needed work. “I couldn’t move on with that fuck still on the loose, but now I can. I just said goodbye to Vinny.”

Her mother nodded. “I understand.”

“Did … did you say goodbye to Dad?”

Mom hesitated and then said, “Yes, I had to.”

She eyed her mother who didn’t look recently widowed. Mom looked a decade younger than when her father had passed. Mom had adapted amazingly well, unlike her. “You’re good? You’ve been living alone for four months.”

“Yes, I’m great, dear. Are you moving back in?”

“Yes. Now that it’s over, everything will go back to normal.”

Mom reached out and grasped her hand. “Are you really okay?”

“I will be.”

Mom pulled up a seat, and she told her everything. When she finished, her mother’s hands were over her mouth.

“Oh, poor Beatrice …” she whispered. “I have to go see her.”

“I’m sure Lyla will go down there today even though she’s exhausted. You should call her.”

“Yes, I will.” Mom ran her hands over Carmen as if to reassure herself that her daughter was whole. “You don’t seem as upset as I thought you would be.”

“That fucker’s dead. I’m ready to move on.” She straightened and said, “What do you think about me with red hair?”

Her mother didn’t miss a beat. “What shade?”

“I can do cherry, burgundy, or an in-between shade.”

“You always look great no matter what.”

She pulled her phone from her pocket. “I wonder if Shonda can fit me in today at the salon.”

“You’re going to the salon after everything you just told me?” Mom asked.

“Yes, I have to start right now.”

“Start what?”

“Living. And changing my hair is the first step. Everything will fall into place after that.” She dialed and paced around the kitchen. “Hey, Shonda, it’s Carmen. I know it’s been forever. Can you fit me in? You’re the best! Wait, hold on.” She put her hand over the phone and asked Mom, “You want to come with me?”

“No, you go ahead.”

“Yeah, Shonda. Just me. I’m on my way.” She hung up and kissed Mom’s cheek. “I love you.”

“Love you too. You be safe.”

“Always.”

Carmen snatched her purse and rushed out to the garage. She fired up the engine and dashed across town. She wasn’t sure why changing her hair was so important to her, but it was. Her appearance was a reflection of how she felt, and the black hair had to go. Red was a power color, a defiant color that showed a zeal for life. On impulse, she swung into a Dunkin’ Donuts drive-through, and when she walked into the salon, she balanced two boxes of donuts on one hand while she pushed her sunglasses up on her head with the other.

“Bitch!” Shonda shouted and opened her arms wide.

Carmen tossed the donuts on the counter and threw herself at Shonda who wrapped her in a bone-crushing hug before she pulled back and held Carmen at arm’s length to examine her from head to toe. She suddenly gasped and slapped her chest as if she was putting out a fire.

“You took out your implants?” Shonda shouted.

The hairdressers left their clients to gather around and pat her chest as if they couldn’t see with their eyes that her chest was smaller.

“I’m going au naturel,” she announced proudly to the salon at large.

“Why?”

The question came not only from the salon staff but also several clients.

“Back pain,” she said.

“No pain, no gain,” Shonda said and got several grunts of agreement from the onlookers.

“My clothes didn’t fit right, and I can get a man without water balloons on my chest,” Carmen said.

Keenan, a black man who could work wonders with hair, tapped his sneakers and regarded her as if she crawled out from under a rock. He wore a striped button up shirt with a fuchsia scarf and a hat pointing sideways.

“I don’t like it,” he announced.

“Well, I do, and I have proof that not all men are repulsed, so …” Carmen put her hand in his face.

Shonda snickered. “You could cut off your tits, and you’d still have men lining up to fuck you.”

“Stupid white bitch, walking in here with that face and body,” Keenan muttered and snapped his scissors irritably. “Making everyone else feel like crap.”

“I missed you too,” Carmen said and kissed his cheek.

“And what the fuck is this?” Keenan snapped as he prodded the donut box as if it was a snake.

“It’s donuts,” she said and reached in to grab a frosted strawberry one with sprinkles. “Help yourself.”

“And she comes with fucking donuts,” Keenan muttered before he walked back to his client. “Who does she think she is?”

Carmen took a bite of doughy goodness, stopped in her tracks, and grabbed another before she skipped toward Shonda’s chair. She ignored the incredulous stares from the rail thin, high-maintenance broads who visited the salon every two weeks to make sure their glossy appearance never wavered. She made a show of eating the donuts, moaning in delight, and licking her fingers because she was in the mood to fuck with people. If there had been any straight men around, she would have licked off every sprinkle and made a spectacle of herself just for shits and giggles.

“Bitch, why’d you bring these donuts?” Shonda asked as she devoured a cake donut.

“Because life’s too short not to eat donuts.”

Shonda finished her donut and eyed Carmen in the mirror. “Don’t insult me by calling for an appointment. You know any of us would drop everything for you. You’re part owner, idiot.”

“Silent partner.”

Shonda rolled her eyes. “Whatever. You saved our ass. You can come in whenever.” She put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “You’re okay? I know you’ve been having a hard time since Vinny died.”

She gave Shonda a determined smile. “I’ll be better once we do my hair.”

Shonda nodded as if she understood completely. “What am I doing to you?”

“First, this needs to go,” she said, pointing at her black hair.

“You want to go back to blond?”

“I’m thinking red.” Carmen waggled her brows at Shonda in the mirror.

Shonda put a hand on her hip. “Are we talking red or red?”

“I’m feeling …” Carmen did a little shimmy under the tarp she was wearing. “You know?”

“I know just what I’m going to do to you, girl.” Shonda handed her a glass of champagne. “Now, sit back, relax, and tell Shonda all about it.”

* * *

Six hours later, Carmen stood in front of a mirror and examined the woman staring back at her. Shonda stripped away the black and replaced it with the color of rich wine. Long layers highlighted her features and gave her a sultry, seductive air. Her fingers and toes were the same shade of dangerous red. She had been waxed and received a facial that made her skin glow.

The woman smiling back at her held no resemblance to the exhausted creature she had been this morning. She spent the day catching up with the salon staff she’d known for years. She laughed, had food delivered, and willed the past away. The hours spent being waxed, prodded, and primped made her shiny and new again.

When she was a little girl, her favorite pastime was dress up. She loved that a shade of lipstick could make an impact and the right outfit could strike an audience speechless. She experimented as a kid and reaped the benefits as an adult. She knew which silhouettes suited her body type and what shoes made her legs go on forever. She used her looks and wiles shamelessly against Vinny who had been poleaxed and ripe for the picking. She had been fortunate that they fell in love and were perfect for one another. Many suspected she was a gold digger. She enjoyed playing the role because that meant she had the upper hand since they underestimated her. She was restless by nature and had a wild side Vinny didn’t try to tame. She didn’t care what people thought about her. All she cared about was how she felt about herself, and right now, she felt better than she had in years.

Keenan ambled up behind her. He’d been watching her progress throughout the day and sent many sour looks her way. They used to party ages ago. He never forgave her for hooking Vinny. It didn’t matter that Vinny was straight. If Keenan coveted, he believed he should be able to have. That was just his way.

“Jealous?” she asked as she fluffed her hair so it caught the light and fell perfectly around her face. She pouted at him in the mirror and posed, exposing her midriff and slight curves, even though she knew it did nothing for him.

“You’re back,” he declared.

“Back?”

“To yourself. You’re not moping around like a wannabe biker chick anymore. You’re Carmen. You can’t waste that look,” he said with mock solemnity.

“What do you mean?”

“Tell me you’re not going home to watch TV. We need to go out like old times.”

Carmen grinned. “Just tell me when and where and I’m there.”