FIFTEEN - SOPHIA
I am hungrier than I have ever been in my life. I expected torture but this is worse.
Charles has not been in for days. I think it is six days but with no clock and no way to distinguish between day and night it is hard to tell. We have had no food in that time. For the first few days, we were able to drink from the shower but now that has been turned off.
The first day was the worst in many ways. I kept waiting for him to come in, picturing him holding one of those knives I'd seen, perhaps even a gun. Was it impossible to think he owned one?
Each time there was a creak, I looked over to the door. Rock wasn't talking to me, he was lost in his own thoughts. I was terrified. It was the longest day in my life. But then it was nothing compared to what was coming. Without food, the days stretch outwards like elastic, getting ever longer. I had nothing to keep me occupied. I talked to Rock but his answers came sparingly. I knew he was thinking about his mother, about escaping here. I wanted him to know I was here for him but as time went on, I started to wonder if I wasn't perhaps making his life worse.
I thought too about what Charles had said, about everything I could remember from our conversations. He had mentioned bringing me here for Rock. I put the rest of the pieces together by myself. Rock had been brought here after his sister was killed. His only memories of his childhood were of me. He'd kept me in his head all this time. Had he asked for me or had Charles offered? Either way, that was why he'd been back, not to look around the old house but to snatch me. I should have guessed.
Would I have changed things if I'd known? I pondered that question often as my hunger grew. I thought about it even more when the water was switched off.
I only have to look at Rock to know I will never leave if not with him. Despite it all, I am glad I am by his side. He says little but I know he is watching over me. I am only able to sleep knowing he is protecting me from the worst. But he cannot protect me forever. He cannot provide me with water, the one thing I need most.
There is no water to quench my thirst. My throat is dry and my head pounds. My stomach has given up growling, it just feels empty, emptier than I ever thought it could.
Rock sits on the edge of the bed, conserving his energy. He is thinking. He has been thinking for hours. I beg him to talk to me but he only points at the cameras in the walls. He dare not share what he is planning. Charles is probably listening to us. He might be watching us too. For all I know, there are people out there now, betting on how long it will take us to die.
This is worse than pain, than being beaten. We have just been forgotten.
I know Rock feels it worse than me. He is bigger, he needs more calories to keep going. I am exhausted, the light is too bright for my eyes and I close them regularly.
I struggle to sleep though, I wake to the hunger gnawing at me, the realisation that there is no way out from our situation.
I think back and wonder if I should not have given myself to Charles. Would that not be better than this slow starvation?
But I know Rock would not let me go. He would hold onto me and make me stay rather than let me sacrifice myself like that.
So we sit in the cell and I can see no way out. My energy sags as the hours pass and I can do nothing but breathe. I lay back on the bed, Rock still sitting and thinking. "Sleep," he tells me and I do, obeying his command without realising it.
I dream of the fresh air, the wind in my face, or sitting down at some outdoor cafe by a lakeside. We are together, me and Rock. He is in shorts, having just emerged from the water. I am in a summer dress, eating scones and drinking tea from a china cup. It is a pleasant dream and I do not want to wake from it.
When I finally open my eyes, I find him still sitting there in the same position. I feel no better for having slept, my head hurting as much as before and my brain tortured by the thoughts of food once again.
I want to cry but I am too dehydrated. I can only feel miserable, leaning against Rock and wanting it all to be over.
I am glad we have each other. It would be so much worse to go through this alone. His head starts to sag on his chest and I realise he is exhausted. "You need to rest," I say and he shakes his head. "Come on," I add, nudging his shoulder down towards the bed.
He is asleep before his head is level, his eyes already closed, his chest raising and lowering.
He is still enormous but already his muscles are starting to shrink. He managed to keep exercising for the first day or two but even that has stopped now.
I want to eat so badly, I dream of food. I go over to the shower and pray water will emerge. Nothing happens. Is Charles even still here? Has he abandoned this place and left us here to die?
I sink to the floor of the cell and cover my head with my hands to block out the light. Before I know what is happening I am asleep again and that's when it happens.