I haven’t looked at Killian since we sat down at the table, opposite my grandfather. I can’t. I don’t believe what Killian said when we were alone downstairs. He didn’t say anything else. It was just those five words.
“I want to marry you.”
I don’t believe them. I don’t think I ever will until I see him down on bended knee. And even then, it won’t be because that’s what he really wants. It will be because that is the only way he can become CEO.
“What were you doing with that boy, Kinsley?” my grandfather asks.
Our waiter interrupts us, and my grandfather orders wine for the table. He asks Killian for his opinion but not mine.
When the waiter leaves, Granddad turns his attention back to me, waiting for my answer.
“He was nice. I met him at the shoot earlier. I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to date while I waited for Killian to decide if he wanted to marry me or not.”
I feel Killian’s eyes on me, but I still don’t look at him. I’m too pissed to look at him. He did the same thing an hour earlier with a woman. Why can’t I?
“You know the rules, young lady. The same rules still apply as when your father was alive. If you want to date, you run the guys by me. I will tell you whom you should or shouldn’t date. You’ve made too many horrible decisions in the past to allow anything else. You shouldn’t have been on a date with Cedric.”
“I’ve made one horrible mistake. One,” I say, glaring at my grandfather for bringing it up.
My eyes dart to Killian, but he doesn’t seem to know what mistake we are talking about.
I move on. “What was wrong with Cedric? He seemed like a perfect gentleman if you asked me.”
“Tell her, Killian.”
Killian takes a deep breath. “Cedric is a scam artist. He only dates rich women and then scams them or steals money from them.”
I turn to him. “And how exactly do you know this?”
“We do background checks on all our employees, including the models. There were some suspicious things when his returned. The suspicious information didn’t touch my desk until after the shoot. Otherwise, I would never have let him do the shoot. He’s a wanted felon in three states. We called the police. He was arrested as soon as he left the premises.”
Fuck! How the hell am I supposed to make my own decisions in my life when I keep making the wrong ones?
The waiter pours us each a glass of wine, and I down my glass in one gulp. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me as I do, but I don’t care. The waiter pours me a second glass.
“This is why you can’t make your own decisions without consulting me or Killian. You are too naïve, too easily taken advantage of, sweetheart. We are just trying to protect you.”
I don’t respond to Granddad’s words, but I can’t believe them. I didn’t do anything, except go on a date with Cedric. I didn’t make up my mind about him yet. If they had just given me time, they could have seen that I would have turned Cedric down on my own.
“Are you ready to order?” the waiter asks.
My grandfather nods. “I’ll have the sirloin, medium rare. Kinsley will have the same.”
I don’t hear Killian order. I’m too busy sulking. This is what my life will be like. Everything will always be decided by these two men. I will never get a choice in what I eat or drink. I will never get a choice in what I do. I will never get a choice in when I have children or what their names will be or what they do with their own lives. I will never get a say. I’ve never had a say.
I quickly sip on my wine, and before I know it, I’ve finished another glass. The waiter immediately fills it again.
“Regardless, I have some good news to share with you, Kinsley,” Granddad says.
I’m not hearing him though. My head is spinning. I’m dizzy. I’ve felt this way once before, and I know what’s going to happen next. I can’t be here when it happens.
“Excuse me. I think I’m going to be sick,” I say as I stand from the table.
I rush to find the restroom that is back on the first floor. I run, barely making it to a toilet stall before the contents from my stomach come back up.
God, I hate alcohol, I think as I heave into the disgusting public toilet.
A few seconds pass, and I hear the door swing open. Great.
Now, whoever has walked through that door will get to hear my embarrassment as I puke into the toilet.
I try to reach back to at least lock the stall door to keep the woman from seeing me, but I can’t without moving away from the toilet, and my stomach isn’t finished emptying yet.
That’s when I feel his arms on me. He’s holding back my hair as he slowly rubs my back.
“It’s okay, princess.”
I want to fight him off, but I’m too weak to do that. I vomit again and again, to my disgust. I can’t believe he is in here, taking care of me like a real boyfriend would. But we aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. We aren’t even friends. We are nothing.
When I finally finish, I just feel like collapsing, but Killian holds me up.
“Come on, princess. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
He helps me stand and leads me to the sink. I watch as he turns on the warm water and puts a paper towel under the water before wiping my face.
He doesn’t say anything. He just intently stares at me. There isn’t disappointment on his face. There is just nothing. It’s like he is doing a business transaction. That’s what I am. I don’t have to be stupid to know what my grandfather was about to say. He was going to tell me that Killian agreed to marry me. I’m not ready to hear those words from him. If he says them and I hear them, then it’s over. I have nothing left to fight for. My destiny has already been decided, but I’m not ready to know what my future entails yet.
“I want to go home,” I say.
He nods. “I sent your grandfather home. I told him I’d make sure you got home okay. I told him you would talk to him tomorrow.”
“Thanks,” I whisper.
I follow Killian out of the restroom. A woman, who was just about to enter, stares wildly at Killian. She’s probably thinking we just hooked up in the restroom. I see Killian smirk at her, and my cheeks blush.
I make it out of the restaurant without stumbling, but Killian scoops me up.
“I can walk,” I protest while hating and loving being in his arms. I hate the confusion he brings out in me.
“I know, princess, but you shouldn’t have to.”
I don’t fight him. I just let him carry me into the casino. I let him carry me, despite the stares we get on the casino floor. I don’t care. Let them think what they want about me. My life is over anyway.
To my surprise though, Killian doesn’t take me to my room. He takes me to his. I don’t protest. I’m too tired to do anything else. And we have some shit we need to work out anyway.
He lays me on his bed that is just like the one in mine. He leaves and quickly comes back with some water, aspirin, and the hotel’s cookies. He hands them all to me. He doesn’t have to speak to get me to take them. I know they will make me feel better.
“You shouldn’t drink so much.”
“No shit,” I say before swallowing the pills.
He smiles. “You’re cute when you curse.”
“I learned from you.” I sigh. “What do you want, Killian? Why am I here?”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Why did you agree to go out with him?”
I sigh. “Why not? I know what happened between us last night was just a one-time thing. And I just thought, if I could prove that I am capable of finding a man on my own, one who is good for the company, then my grandfather would give me more time to be more involved in the decision. I just thought I could do better than you.”
I study his face to see if my words hurt him, but they don’t. “And you were out with that brunette at the bar anyway.”
A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “That was my sister.”
“Oh.” I take a deep breath. “Why did you agree to marry me?”
“Because I want to be CEO. And I’ve realized that it is the only way I will ever get that.”
I sit up too fast, and the dizziness that ensues makes me grab my head. He grabs ahold of me and forces me to lie back in bed.
“I just want to go back to my own bed.”
“No, not until we figure this out.”
I sigh. “There is nothing to figure out. You want to marry me to get the CEO position, but you don’t really want to be married to me. I don’t want to marry you either. I’ll just tell my grandfather that I don’t care about the money or being connected to the Felton empire. You’ll get everything you ever wanted.”
“That won’t work.”
“It will. It was your plan after all. And you do no wrong, remember?”
“That’s not true,” he says. His body moves closer to mine. “I do a lot of things wrong. I do a lot of things that I shouldn’t do.”
I roll my eyes. “You’ve never done anything wrong in your life.”
His lips crash with mine. His lips are full of hunger, of need. I feel my body giving in to the kiss, but I can’t let it happen.
I push him away. “What was that?”
“It was me doing something that I shouldn’t.”
“Why shouldn’t you?” I ask, confused.
“Because you can’t fall for me,” he says.
But when he kisses me again, I wonder if he is the one who can’t fall for me.
I push him off of me. But his mouth just finds my neck instead of my lips.
“I’m still mad at you,” I say.
His mouth tugs at my earlobe. “I know.”
“I’m still mad at you for making Eli break up with me.”
I moan when he nips at the lobe.
“I know.”
“I’m still mad at you for ruining my date with Cedric.”
He tangles his hand in my hair, tugging my head back, so his lips have better access to my neck. “I know.”
“I’m still mad—”
“I know.” He moves his mouth back to my lips, shutting me up.
I’m about to make a terrible choice. As his tongue caresses mine, I know I’m going to end up fucking him again. His hands slide down the sides of my body, feeling my curves.
“Fuck, I want you, princess.” His greedy eyes take in my body, but it’s not good enough to see me in the sexy dress. He wants more.
His mouth kisses down my neck to the edge of the dress. His hands grab at the top, and when I don’t protest, he rips the dress in half. It’s the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.
His eyes now lust with need to have my body. His hand grabs my breast without him asking, without him waiting to see if this is what I want. I’ve already told him with my parted lips, with my lust-filled eyes, with my heavy breathing. They all tell him how badly I want him, too.
“This is wrong,” I say.
He takes my exposed nipple in his mouth. He twirls his tongue around the hard bud, making me forget why this is wrong as I moan his name. He grabs my other breast and twirls his thumb around it.
“Maybe,” he says.
It makes me smile at him. He smiles back before disappearing between my legs. He pulls my panties down with his teeth, leaving me completely naked while he is still fully clothed. I grab at his shirt, and he gets the hint. He rips his shirt off. I watch as a few buttons fall to the sides. He stands and unzips his pants, removing them and his underwear.
He moves back on top of me, his lips hovering above mine. “I can’t believe you let him kiss this,” he says, running his thumb across my lips before devouring them with his own. “These lips are mine, not his.” He kisses me again harder, marking me as his own, showing me how jealous he really was when I was kissing Cedric. “He doesn’t have a right to these lips.”
He bites on my bottom lip, tugging on it like Cedric did earlier, but when Killian does it, liquid pools between my legs.
When he releases it, I repeat his words, “These lips are yours.”
He smiles at me. He moves down my chest and finds my breasts. He roughly grabs them, rougher than he has before. He takes one in his mouth, nipping hard at the nipple.
“He doesn’t get to see these nipples. He doesn’t get to taste their hard peaks or hear you moan his name as he drives you crazy.”
I moan as his tongue drives me wild. “Just yours.”
He moves lower, stopping between my legs. He takes my clit into his mouth, sucking ferociously, making it his. “He doesn’t get the pleasure of watching you come.”
I moan, “No, only you.”
When he’s done, he leans back and flips me over onto my stomach. He smacks my ass, hard. It stings, but it somehow also brings me pleasure.
“This ass? It’s mine, not his.”
“I’m yours, all yours,” I moan.
He smacks me again before he pulls me onto all fours. I hear him rustle with the wrapper of a condom before I feel him pushing at my entrance.
“You remember that, princess, before you go on another date. You remember that, when you get back, I’m going to punish you like I’m going to punish you now. You don’t deserve to come. You don’t deserve to feel good. You deserve to be punished for not understanding that you’re mine.”
He thrusts inside me without warning. It hurts at first as he fills me. This time, instead of going slow, he moves fast, but this time, I accommodate him. It feels good, going faster.
“Fuck, Killian,” I moan.
He slaps my ass again, and I cry out.
“Do you understand how jealous you made me?” He slaps me again as he thrusts inside.
“Yes,” I moan.
“Will you do it again?” He crashes into me again.
“No, never,” I moan as his balls crash into my clit.
“Why?”
He thrusts again, bringing me close, so close.
“Because I’m yours,” I pant.
His hand reaches around, massaging my clit, as he crashes his body into me again.
“You can come, princess,” he says as he massages my clit.
And I do. My body convulses as the waves wash through me. Killian follows right after, and we both collapse into a pile on the bed. His breath feels hot on my neck.
“You’re mine, princess,” he says before kissing me on the neck.
Then, he gets off me to go clean himself off in the bathroom, leaving me spent on his bed.
A large smile is stuck on my face. Cedric was right. Jealous fucking is definitely the best.
I don’t know what this means. Does Killian like me more than he has been letting on? I can feel my heart already falling for him. It’s not just because the sex was the best thing I’ve ever felt. It’s because he took care of me in a way no one ever has. He knew what I needed. He knew I needed him to feel jealous. He knew I needed him to own me. He knew I needed him.
I feel my time running out as I slip out of Killian’s bed. He’s still sound asleep, snoring, facedown on the bed.
Last night was amazing. By far, it was the best time I’d ever had with a man. But it was just his way of trying to control me. He was manipulating me to do what he wanted. He doesn’t care about me. And he sure doesn’t love me.
I shake my head at myself. I can’t believe he got me back in his damn bed. I used to be able to tell men no so easily. That woman is gone.
I find my ripped dress on the floor. I can’t put that back on. I go into the closet and find a T-shirt that I doubt he will miss and slip that on over my head. I also find a pair of his workout shorts and slip those on. If anybody sees me, they will know for sure what happened last night, but it doesn’t matter anymore. My time is running out.
I collect my ripped dress and purse off the floor.
Killian snores loudly, making me pause at his bedroom door to look at him. My heart aches as I look at him lying in the bed. If I stayed for just a few more hours, I’m sure we would spend the morning together fucking and then eating breakfast. It’s what I want—to spend more time with Killian. But every moment I spend with him, the further I fall under his spell. I become more attracted to the idea of marrying him, of letting him run my father’s company.
I can imagine it now. It would be a life of fucking, a life of butting heads, a life of me giving up my control. Our life together would be intense. I might even be able to love this man and have kids with this man.
The only problem is, he would never feel the same way about me. He would always resent the fact that he was forced to marry me to get the job of his dreams. He would resent that he had to give up his life of banging different girls to come home to the same boring woman every night. He would resent that his life was no longer his own.
I can’t do that to him. I can’t do that to me. I don’t know how to avoid that outcome without a fight though. And it’s a fight that I’m not sure I can win. But I have to try.
As much as I want to stay here and be kissed awake by this man, I can’t, so I do the only thing I can do. I leave without a word, without a good-bye, without any explanation.
I make it back to my hotel room without anyone seeing me. It is four in the morning, so I wasn’t expecting too many people to be roaming the halls, but this is Las Vegas. Anything and everything happens here.
I close the door to my hotel room and lean against it, taking a deep breath. I can’t be around Killian anymore. I’ll destroy both of our lives if I am.
I take the neck of the T-shirt I’m wearing and bring it up to cover my nose before taking another deep breath. I relax when I realize it smells like him. I take several more deep breaths before I make my way to my bed. I leave his shirt on as I climb under the covers. I set my alarm for two hours from now. I drift back to sleep as I breathe in his manly scent, imagining his arms are wrapped around me instead of the shirt.