Why did I just tell Caspian to rape me?

Because I can’t help myself. I can’t watch another woman deal with even a drop of the violation and pain I’ve felt. I won’t let Caspian hurt this woman.

I don’t know who she is. I shouldn’t feel guilty for any pain she might endure. I shouldn’t feel responsible for saving her from the same fate I’ve faced. But the way her dark eyes bulge wide when she stares at me, with a sadness I didn’t think was possible until I was taken, made me want to do anything to save this woman.

I don’t care what happens to me. This woman is fragile. She couldn’t survive the same things I’ve been through. She’s too kind. One crack of a whip would break her.

Caspian lets go of, and ignores, the woman, as they both stare across the living room at me: his new prize.

I haven’t moved since I pleaded with him to take me, instead of her. He hasn’t either. We are both locked in a staring contest which might never end. The intensity flowing between us has us locked together in a wind that will never stop blowing.

Neither of us realizes it, but Caspian starts walking toward me. His feet stop automatically, just in time to prevent his body from crashing into mine. God, his eyes are so beautiful. And dangerous. And kind. And mysterious. And bright, but with specks of dark.

I don’t breathe. I don’t move. I don’t back down. I try to lock down everything I’m feeling tight away in my chest so Caspian won’t have a clue how to break me, while I try to figure out what he’s feeling. He’s a walking contradiction. He has equal parts light and dark. But that can’t be true. He has to have one side of him that is stronger. Is it the light or the dark?

Right now, dark.

His chest rises and falls sharply as he sucks in all the oxygen in the room with each breath before exhaling deeply enough to blow me over. The beauty I saw on his face turns to a painful stare. All the light from his eyes evaporates until I’m not even sure his eyes are blue anymore.

He’s decided. He’ll take me instead of the woman behind him. He wants me. And I’m giving myself to him willingly. He doesn’t have to tell me his decision. His body does.

I smile. It will probably be my last smile. So I savor it. I let the tiny bit of joy from winning cascade through my body, warming me all the way to my fingertips. My cheeks pink and my eyes soften. I saved her. I don’t know who she is, the woman still standing behind Caspian, staring at us like she doesn’t have a clue what’s happening.

You’re safe, I whisper in my head. Run. Hide. Find joy in your last days. I’m not playing games though. I’m not that type of woman. I prefer reality.

“I’ll be in the bedroom,” I say, turning. Happy to get one more word in before Caspian lets his inner demon out. I can see the evil in him growing stronger and stronger as every second ticks by. Dante lets his monster out freely. Caspian keeps his locked away. It’s how he has so much control.

But now I’m permitting him to let his true self out. And it appears it takes Caspian time to unlock the door to the dungeon in his soul. I’m not going to stand here and watch the darkness cloud him, as fear starts creeping up my own body. Caspian doesn’t get to see my fear.

My instinct is to wrap my arms around my body as I walk back. Holding myself to bring me comfort and keep Caspian’s negative energy away. But I won’t let him see me cower. So I strut with my hands by my side. My legs are steadier than they’ve been since I arrived here.

I open the door to his bedroom. I don’t know whether to hope he will follow me immediately, or he will take his time. Immediately, I decide, before I lose my nerve. I want this over fast.

I get my wish.

Caspian presses my body against the wall before I even realize he’s in the room. I don’t know how he’s able to walk in this house without making loud steps.

I wait for the hit. Or for him to choke me. Knock me out again, like he did last time. Or like Dante has done countless times.

I know Caspian is a brute. I see it fully in his eyes now as he pants over me. His breathing may be unsteady, but he is perfectly in control of himself.

I close my eyes slowly and deliberately, trying to find a happy place for my mind to go to. I imagine Caspian’s deck, where I’ve read so many books this last month. What was the name of the last book I read? It had a blue cover, I remember, but the title escapes me. It was about a prince going on a grand adventure to save his kingdom. I try to remember the book, but it’s easier to remember the feeling of the sun burning my skin. The smell of the pollen scattered over the deck, making me sneeze. The cool breeze is making me shiver in the early morning, before the sun fully rose.

“Open your eyes, Gia,” Caspian says.

I won’t. I don’t care what he does to me, but I need my happy place. I need to go somewhere that isn’t reality. It’s the only way I’ve survived this long.

“Open your eyes, Gia, or I’ll go back and—”

I open my eyes. He doesn’t have to finish that sentence. I don’t want him to hurt that woman. He knows it. And now I’ve obeyed him, he knows he can use it to get me to do almost anything.

I hate him. Maybe even more than Dante. I could deal with the physical pain as long as I had my escape. I don’t know if I can daydream with my eyes open. I need to get under Caspian’s skin, so he’ll punch me. If my eyes are swollen shut, then he can’t ask me to open them.

Caspian shakes his head slowly, side to side.

“You, Gia Carini, made a big mistake.”

I swallow hard. I don’t disagree. If I cared only about myself, then it was a mistake.

I saved her, I repeat to myself. That’s what I need to hold onto. I saved another woman.

“You want me to rape you?” he asks, his voice deep and rumbling in his throat.

“Yes,” I say, without hesitation or fear.

“Good.”

I blink, but force my eyes back open, before the blink turns into shut eyes again.

Caspian licks his lip, like he is deciding the best way to devour me.

And, damn it, my nipples perk up at the thought of his tongue licking me like that.

Caspian will not turn me on. It’s just because he’s good looking. His body is strong and fit. His hair is luscious and dark. His eyes are what I like most about him, but they’ve changed. This isn’t the same man I had fantasies about. This man is dangerous.

I am not turned on by Caspian, I repeat over and over to myself.

Caspian backs away from my body. He hasn’t even touched me yet. Not really. Other than moving me to the wall, but I’m pretty sure my body moved voluntarily.

“Undress me,” he says, standing a few feet away from me.

“What?” I ask, not expecting him to give me a command. Dante commanded, but he preferred to use his fists to get me to do what he wanted.

“Do you need your hearing checked?” he asks.

“Um…no…I just…don’t understand.” I would have expected him to tell me to undress. Dante always kept his clothes on when he raped me. I’m wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants. Not exactly real clothes, but it at least hides my body.

Caspian sighs. “I’m not a patient man, Miss Carini. If you’d prefer I use alternative means to persuade you to behave, then I can. If not, I prefer to give you a command, and for you to follow it as soon as I’ve said it. Understand?” His voice is threatening. He will hurt me if I don’t behave as he says, but if I do, he might not beat me. Can I do that? I hate following men’s directions. I’ve dated a few men that thought they could control me in the bedroom and my normal activities. It never worked out for long.

I just healed. I don’t really want a broken bone again. Not so soon. Not when I haven’t had a chance to run yet.

And he’s asking me to remove his clothes, not mine. He’s not asking me to suck his dick or fuck him, yet. I’ll behave, as long as it’s what I want. Then, I will fight.

I walk over to Caspian. He’s wearing a buttoned-down shirt and slacks. I grab the top button at the top of his shirt. My hands tremble at little as I grasp the button. What the hell is wrong with me?

I take a deep breath, as I slowly undo the first button.

“Today, Miss Carini,” Caspian says, eyeing me firmly. I don’t know why I’m Miss Carini, instead of Gia. But I like both of my names rolling off his tongue. Either name he calls me sends chills down my arms and warms my core.

I move my fingers faster, but my stupid fingers stumble at every button, unable to get the tiny buttons to move properly. Caspian doesn’t scold me again though. I finish the last button and pull the bottom of his shirt out of his pants. Then, I push the shirt off his broad shoulders, as Caspian shrugs out of the shirt.

My jaw unhinges, staring at Caspian’s naked torso. Rippling abs cover most of his body, before forming a perfect V that disappears into his pants. I’ve never seen a more toned body. But the shock is in the tattoo which winds around his body.

It’s a thorn from a rose bush. I know it’s a rose bush because he has one in his backyard I’ve stared at for weeks now. But unlike the rosebush in his backyard that is full of flowers, his tattoo has one single flower on his chest, over his heart. I want him to turn around so I can search his back for more flowers, but I know from the pain in his eyes, there are none.

“What does the tattoo mean?” I ask. I don’t expect him to answer me, and honestly, I’m not sure I need him to speak to tell me. It’s pretty clear he lives a dangerous life with plenty of thorns. I would guess the thorns represent his kills, and the flower is his heart, slowly withering away.

“The thorns are every time I’ve felt pain. And the flower is the only time I’ve felt love.”

I catch my breath as he speaks. Love. Caspian is capable of love. He’s capable of feeling pain. Dante wasn’t capable of either.

“I will never love you; remember that.”

Goosebumps cover my body, and I shiver. I don’t know why his words affect me so. I don’t want him to love me. I know him loving me won’t help me escape. I will remain trapped in this house forever, if he loves me. And my only hope at feeling happiness would be for me to love him back. I don’t want love. Love is just its own form of a prison.

I want freedom. I never realized how wrong I was in thinking I wanted a boyfriend, before Roman sold me. I’m done with guys. I don’t need a man. I just need me.

Caspian’s eyes drop to his pants, and I know he wants me to continue undressing him, as he requested.

I squat down in front of Caspian, refusing to kneel. It would feel too much like I’m submitting, and I’ve had Dante’s cock shoved down my throat in that position too many times for me to ever voluntarily get in that position again.

I untie his shoes, careful not to look up at him as I do. I don’t need to stir any other feelings, whether pleasant or scary, inside me.

When I’ve untied his shoes, I carefully remove them. I stare at his shoes a second longer, before I realize they aren’t designer shoes. In fact, I would bet they didn’t even cost him a hundred dollars. They look nice, but anyone who knows fashion wouldn’t be fooled.

I toss the shoes aside.

“Careful with those,” Caspian snarls.

I chuckle. “Why? The shoes are cheap. You don’t spend any of the money you supposedly make.”

Caspian grabs my arm and jerks me up. “I asked you to undress me, not comment on the amount of money I do or don’t have. I don’t have Carini money, that’s true, but I wasn’t handed money like you were. I earned every penny. How much money have you actually earned?”

I narrow my eyes, and my anger pulses through me. “You don’t think I earned every dollar I was given? I may not have had a traditional job that brought in new money, but I earned every dollar of my inheritance. Being a Carini isn’t easy. Especially being a daughter. There was a reason I was so desperate to find a man on my own. I needed a way out. And the only way to leave was by marrying a wealthy man. Even after my father was gone, it didn’t change anything. I was still a woman living in a man’s world. Seen as nothing but charming arm candy.

“You don’t think my leg was the first broken bone I’ve ever experienced? Those bruises on my face weren’t my first either. My father used to call me a whore. And Dante’s men, you killed in front of me to try and scare me, are just a few of hundreds of deaths I’ve seen before. Don’t tell me I didn’t earn the money I have! I’ve spilled more blood and tears earning my money than you have.”

My body trembles as I speak. Not from fear, but from the passion in which I speak. I’ve always felt like I was nothing. Not important. I never brought in any money. I never went to college. I have no special skills. But I do know, unlike other heiresses, I’ve earned everything. And I won’t let Caspian take it away from me with a few words.

“My pants,” Caspian says after a few seconds pass.

I glare at him as I roughly remove his belt, then undo the button of his pants, before shoving his pants down. Ensuring to scrape my nails against his legs as I push them down.

I cross my arms, taking a step back now that I’ve finished undressing him, still steaming.

But then I get a glance of his body. His thighs are bigger than both of my legs combined. Muscles meant for hard work. But it’s what’s between his legs that has all of my attention. His cock is long and thick, pointing directly at me. He wants me.

I should be disgusted by his cock. I’ve seen enough of them since I was sold to know it doesn’t matter how beautiful of a cock the man has, or how gorgeous the man is, I still don’t want a dick inside me that I haven’t invited in willingly. But his…

I’m drooling thinking about his delicious cock. I want to feel his dick. I want his thighs pounding it inside me. I’ve dreamed about sex with Conti. I’ve imagined it, but even in my imaginations, I never thought his body would be this perfect. I try to think back to the last time he raped me, but he never showed me his body then. Maybe if he did, that time would have been more enjoyable.

No. No. No.

Caspian still wants to rape me. He wants to hurt me. Force me to have sex with him. It doesn’t matter if I’m attracted to him, this is still wrong.

My body doesn’t understand the difference between right and wrong right now. All it knows is that there is an incredibly attractive man with a cock straining to be inside me. My nipples are hard peaks beneath the thin T-shirt that I know Caspian can see. My cheeks are flushed, and my eyes tell him exactly what I want his cock to do.

I wish this were different. I wish I weren’t his captive. Then I would be flirting with him, happy to have a one night stand with him. Instead, I’m doing everything I can to make the walls of my pussy clench up tight, instead of dripping with desire to welcome him in.

Caspian smirks.

And my mouth drops. The bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s why he had me undress him first. He knew I would find him attractive. He knew I would be conflicted.

Fucking bastard.

“Now, it’s my turn.”

I gasp as his mouth comes down on mine. His hand cradles the back of my neck, and his lips smash into mine. I haven’t been kissed since Roman. Dante and the rest slobbered, but those weren’t kisses. And before I realize what my traitorous body is doing, I’m kissing him back.

His lips are so soft and sweet. So different than the way the rest of him is behaving. I can’t help but moan as we kiss. I’ve been so deprived of anything that feels like love. I’m desperate to keep the kiss going. My tongue massages his. My lips push hard against his, needing more and more of the kiss. My hands wrap into his thick hair, keeping his mouth against my lips.

But just as I get what I want, he pulls away, stopping the kiss. I’m breathless, but I will never admit I liked the kiss, or want him to do that again. Never.

He doesn’t smile, but I see the hint of pleasure on his swollen lips after our kiss. And I can see in his eyes, he knows I’m reacting the same way.

Damn.

I need to gain control again.

How?

“On the bed,” Caspian commands.

Think, think, think. I need to follow his command, but I need to do something that also breaks it at the same time. I walk over to the bed, lie down on my stomach with my feet in the air, making it as hard for him as possible to get what he wants. It’s not a great plan, but it’s all I have at the moment.

Caspian walks over to the edge of the bed. Not even surprised by my tiny bit of rebellion, and flips me over.

“Undress.”

I purse my lips. “I undressed you.”

“Fine.”

He grabs my ankles and pulls me to him. “I don’t need you naked to have you.”

My legs dangle over the edge of the bed, as he steps between them, before grabbing my neck again and pulling me into a kiss. This kiss has more passion than our first. His teeth nibble on my lip, but not in an excruciating way. I’ve soaked my panties by the time he’s done kissing me. I fall back to the bed. My lips numb with pleasure.

He kneels down in front of me, his mouth attacking my pussy over my sweatpants.

I gasp and grip the comforter. What the hell?

I can’t think, as he kisses my most sensitive area over my pants. I haven’t experienced any pleasure in months. And I groan and moan, far too loudly for what he is doing.

I bite my lip to keep the sounds from coming and tighten my grip on the comforter. Why is he doing this?

He’s playing with me. Making me enjoy him. It will make me hate myself later for finding any pleasure in this, but I can’t help what my body feels.

He stops.

“Now, remove your pants.”

I shove my pants down without thinking, my body already begging for his tongue on my pussy.

“Much better, Miss Carini.”

He lowers his mouth over the lips between my legs. What I wouldn’t give to have a razor to shave. But his tongue stops, just short of tasting me.

“You don’t deserve it, Gia. You don’t deserve to feel my tongue flick over your clit, or into the deepest trenches of your pussy. You must learn when you follow my directions, you get pleasure; when you don’t, pain.”

He flips me back over and smacks my bare ass with the palm of his hand.

“Fuck,” I cry out, surprised the small amount of pain caused anything to leave my mouth.

The sting spreads, as he smacks my ass again. I yelp, but it doesn’t really hurt. It’s nothing compared to Dante. Caspian’s smacks won’t even leave a mark.

I start panting, anticipating the next smack, but he spreads them out, never letting me anticipate his next strike.

He strikes again and then lets his hand slide slowly down my ass to my dripping slit.

“That turns you on, doesn’t it, Gia?”

I bite my lip, not wanting to answer him.

He slides two fingers inside me as he moans. “It does, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” I barely whisper.

“God, there are so many things I want to do to you, Gia. But I don’t want to break you too fast. Fuck waiting for a taste though.”

He flips me again, and his mouth is instantly on my cunt. I cry out in pure ecstasy. I’ve never felt so much pleasure from a man’s tongue pushing into me. My body writhes underneath his touch. And my fantasies become a reality. Caspian Conti is making me orgasm. He knows it before I do. His lips curl up as he makes me come.

“Fuck you, Conti,” I cry out, as my body trembles my orgasm.

“I will gladly fuck you.”

He stands up with an amused expression on his face. He grabs my legs, jerking my body to him.

“I’ve waited too long for this.” His cock rests at my entrance, and for a second, I think he is going to ask me for permission. Ask if I want him to fuck me.

My answer would be yes. I want Caspian Conti to fuck me. After what he just did to my body, I want to know what his cock would feel like. Sex with him would be amazing. Incredible. I know it without even experiencing it. I know my body craves his. I don’t understand it. Other than saving me, he’s done nothing to earn me. He doesn’t get to fuck me without earning it.

“No,” I say, as defiantly as I can. I pull myself back on the bed away from his cock.

He cocks his head to the side and his face tenses. He’s not used to being disobeyed. He’s not used to being defied. And I prepare for a fight that rivals Dante.

But I refuse to be raped again. I will protect the woman that Caspian brought home, but I won’t let him violate me. I can’t.

He moves to grab my ankles, but I scoot further away.

“No,” I say, louder.

He doesn’t stop moving. He crawls up onto the bed, as I continue to scoot back. My head turns to the door. Did he lock it? Could I escape? He’s much faster than me. But if my adrenaline is running, could I get free?

“Try it,” he growls.

My head snaps back to Caspian. Him reading my thoughts is getting really annoying.

“You can’t rape me.”

He raises an eyebrow, as he climbs further up until his body is over mine. “I can’t?”

“No, you can’t. You won’t. You’re better than, Dante. You won’t hurt me like that. You just made me come. You aren’t cruel,” I say, hoping my words are true.

“Am I?”

“Yes, you’re kind.”

“No, I’m not kind.”

I take a deep breath, and all I breathe in is him. His sweat, his cologne, and my cum on his breath. And it drives my womanhood wild.

“You won’t rape me,” I repeat.

He frowns, and I see in his eyes that he won’t. I don’t know why. He’s raped me before. He might have assaulted other women before. But I know he won’t rape me, now.

“No,” he finally says, defeated.

“Will you rape the other woman you stole?” I ask.

He chuckles lightly like he knows something I don’t. “No.”

I frown. His word doesn’t give me much confidence.

“Why?”

He lowers his face until it’s directly over mine. “I guess you will have to trust me.”

He leans back, and his eyes scan my body with hunger. He still wants me, and my body is craving for his touch again. I feel empty, cold. I want to feel the warmth of his body pressed against mine.

My back arches and my breasts graze his chest. One spark changes everything.

I don’t know who kisses who, or whose body crashes with the other first, but our lips lock, and I know nothing will stop us this time. This time, I said yes. I will say yes. This isn’t rape. This is the best goddamn sex of my life.

Our tongues dance again, both pushing harder into each other’s mouths, both needing more. My fingernails dig into his back sharply as his body presses hard against mine. He settles between my legs automatically, his cock resting at my entrance, and then suddenly, he stops.

“No,” I say because I don’t want him to stop.

Caspian takes it in the same way as I said before. To stop. With pain in his eyes, he slowly inches off my body.

I grab his neck.

“No, I meant…” Shit, I can’t say it. I can’t tell him to fuck me. He’s holding me captive. He wants to rape me. What’s wrong with me?

But I’m not thinking with my brain. My body is trembling with need for a release. I’ve been raped, but I haven’t had sex. The kind that makes your toes curl, and your body whole. Not in months. I need it. I need it to make all the horrible memories go away. I need it to be my choice. I need to tell him what I want.

He hesitates, not sure what I’m about to say.

“Fuck me, Conti.”

His cock slides inside me the second the words leave my mouth. I’m soaking wet, so his passage inside me is easy. But I still stretch around him, as he pushes further in sweet agony.

But the second he does, memories come back. Of him raping me before; of Dante.

“I got you,” Conti says. His lips come over my hardened nipple, a move that was only met with rough teeth before, and I calm.

My body comes alive then, pushing out any stray memories. Caspian may have raped me before, but Conti hasn’t. Conti was my savior. Conti is who I want to fuck. I want this.

So I don’t let the twisted-ness of the situation ruin how I feel.

I arch my back as Conti kisses down my neck, like I had imagined so many times before.

I moan loudly when his cock brushes against a spot deep inside me. A spot no man has ever hit before.

“Yes,” I cry, as he hits my clit over and over with his body.

His lips cover mine, silencing me. But my purring continues with his every movement. I can’t get enough. My body can’t take much more, and yet I want this to never stop. I’ve never had sex that made me lose my mind like this.

I no longer care about anything terrible Caspian has done before.

I don’t care he didn’t save me when I ran into his lap from the car.

I don’t care he killed a dozen men in front of me.

I don’t care he raped me.

I don’t care he’s holding me captive now.

I’m sick. Sex with him has changed me, and I don’t know what to do with myself now.

“Come,” he says in a deep, commanding voice. A voice I’m not sure I hate or love. But even if I wanted to disobey his command, there is no way my body could disobey.

“Yes, Conti.” I come, screaming his name. Pretending I didn’t just let a man who raped me, fuck me.

We both finish, completely spent, but nowhere near sated. The exhaustion gets the best of us, however. We don’t talk. We don’t fuck again. We drift slowly off to sleep with our arms and legs entangled together.

I realize nothing I thought about Caspian was true. Everything has changed. He’s not who I thought he was. Or he is. Maybe he is exactly who I thought he is.