Rosa
I don’t know what’s gotten into Javier, but it makes me nervous. I’m questioning what to do next.
He’s a killer.
When he finds out I’m with the CIA sent to track his every movement, he’ll no doubt kill me. He’s told me without saying those exact words. It will happen.
The woman in me craves to simply ignore my duties. Play pretend. Act as though I never worked for the agency. That I was always a little ol’ maid.
“May I use your phone?” I croak out to the cashier.
He’s old and seems used to the request because he hands me a portable. “If you’re calling long distance, I’ll need to know the number so I can look up the cost to bill you.”
I give him a clipped nod. “United States.”
“Make your call,” he grunts.
With shaking hands, I start to dial the number I was forced to memorize. Agent Stokes’ number. I’m to call him the moment I can. Those were his orders over four years ago. If I lost contact with Michael, I was to get ahold of them when I could. I’m still baffled as to how come they haven’t swooped in to save me. It’s as though everyone is holding their collective breath, waiting for just a few more scraps of information. I’m assuming Michael didn’t tell them he raped me, so maybe they don’t even know I’ve lost contact. Whatever it is, I need to get ahold of them and see.
I can’t go on like this forever.
Now, too much is at stake.
I’m stuck in limbo and it’s not fair to any of us.
With tears in my eyes, I dial the number. Before I hit the last number, I hit the end button. I can’t do this. Thoughts of flying back to the US, working at a desk in Langley, spending every night alone while Javier sits in jail weighs heavily on me.
I don’t want that.
Not at all.
Sniffling, I hand the phone back to him. I browse the store and find what I want to purchase. It doesn’t cost me much and I shove it into my purse. Taking a deep breath, I swipe my tears and head outside. I find Javier not waiting for me on foot but inside his Thunderbird. The sun catches the red paint job and sparkles like glitter. He’s absolutely breathtaking seated on the white leather. A picture of perfection.
Mine.
But he doesn’t look at me.
His focus is straight ahead, his jaw set. I climb in beside him and clutch my purse tightly.
“I got it,” I squeak out and smile at him.
He doesn’t reply as he guns it. I quickly fasten my seatbelt as panic rises in my chest. Did he see me calling? He has no idea who I’d be calling. I’m freaking out for no reason.
“I want to show you someplace special,” he says, his voice cold and lacking inflection. He glances my way, but I can’t see his eyes hidden behind his fashionable sunglasses.
I reach for his hand, but he grips the steering wheel with both hands, denying our connection. “Javier, what’s going on? You’re scaring me.”
He flashes me a smile, but it doesn’t reveal his dimple. It’s not the good kind of smile. It’s the kind of smile that feels threatening.
“I want to go home,” I choke out.
“Do you now?”
“Yes. Let’s just go home and get in the hot tub.”
He turns down a street that’s lined with trees. A kid runs out into the street after a red ball and he slows to let them pass. Then, he drives until we come to a clearing blocked off by several big rocks.
“Get out,” he snaps.
I jolt at his harsh words. He climbs out of the car and stalks to the clearing. I set my purse down and follow after him. Up here on this cliff, the winds are high and my hair blows all around, whipping me in the face. I follow him to the edge where he stands, looking over, with his hands on his narrow hips. In his pale gray slacks and linen white button-down shirt, he’s handsome as ever.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, my voice getting lost in the wind.
“Thirty meters,” he tells me as he points to the churning ocean at the bottom of the cliff. “Thirty meters from here to there.”
Panic flitters through me as I peer over the ledge. I grow dizzy at the height and clutch his elbow.
“We’re too close,” I choke out.
He turns toward me and tosses his glasses into the grass. “You’ve been lying to me, Rosa. Admit it.”
I gape at him in shock. “W-What?”
“About everything. You’re not Rosa Delgado, are you?”
Holding up my hands, I start stammering. “L-Listen. I am Rosa.”
He grips my wrists and pulls me to him. His eyes flash with a mixture of fury and heartbreak. My own heart cracks open in the process. “How can you lie straight to my face?” he demands, his voice harsh.
“I. Am. Rosa.”
He blinks in confusion. “I don’t matter to you. You have a hidden agenda.”
Not anymore.
“No,” I rasp out over the wind. “You matter to me. You’re everything to me, Javier.” Tears pool and then spill from my lids.
His brows furl together and he’s so visibly upset, I let out a choked sob on his behalf. The big, brave, fierce El Malo leader is broken. I broke him.
“I don’t understand how you can look me right in the eyes and tell these lies.” His jaw clenches and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows down his emotion.
I try to clutch onto his lapels, but his grip on my wrists is too strong. “Javier, please,” I beg. “Please listen to me.” He’s blurry through my tears, but I blurt out the words I’ve wanted to say for a long time. “I love you. I love you so much it hurts. It tears me in half. Right down the middle. I’m so lost and confused but somehow, with you, everything makes perfect sense.”
“Lies,” he roars over the wind, one of his arms wrapping around my waist.
“Not lies!” I shriek. “I’ve loved you from the moment you made me yours.”
He growls and presses his forehead to mine. Fire and fury blazes in his gaze. “If you love me like you claim, would you die for me?”
My heart sinks. I’d rather live.
But without him, my world feels empty. Going back to my life when Javier wasn’t mine and I was just drifting through the motions feels like torture. Every bit as awful as the shed. I didn’t realize what a ghost I’d become. I was hell-bent on seeking vengeance for what happened to my mother that I didn’t care it came at the expense of my happiness.
I was never happy.
The last time I was truly happy was when I skipped my way into that restaurant when I was a young girl. Before my happiness was stolen from me in the blink of an eye. It didn’t return until a couple of months ago when I somehow got dragged right to the center of Javier’s world.
And I am happy.
“I would die for you,” I tell him honestly.
His fierce features fall as he regards me in confusion. He releases my wrist but holds my waist tightly. Gently, he runs his nose along mine and then kisses my lips. “Then we will both die because I can’t live without you, manzanita.”
I don’t understand the violent change in our afternoon, but I know exactly how he feels. I cling to his solid frame, seeking out his comfort.
“If you tell me the truth, you can go. You don’t love me,” he says, bitterness in his tone. “You can walk away. But if you love me like you claim, you’re sentencing us both to death.” He points to the water below that churns wildly. “Millions of big, sharp rocks. Say the words and you may leave. I’m giving you your out.”
I tilt my head up and meet his stare. Then, I stand on my toes and kiss his mouth. “I love you, Javier Estrada, and you can’t talk me out of it.”
He growls. “I love you too, Rosa. Forgive me.”
With those words, he tightens his grip around me and then he leaps. Straight off the cliff. His body wraps around mine and his legs tangle with mine pinning them. My stomach is left on the ledge as we sail toward our deaths.
All I can think about is him.
Crash!
I expect instant death. Exploding bones. Not this. Not ice-cold waters and being plunged so deep I wonder if it ever ends. The waves yank me away from Javier and I thrash in the blinding dark depths as I try to figure which way is up. My lungs protest, aching to breathe, as I swim hard in no direction whatsoever. I believe I truly will die when a strong arm snags my middle.
Javier.
My savior.
He swims hard and powerfully in a direction that must be the correct one. And soon, my lungs get the fresh air they so desperately crave. I suck in a deep breath before a wave topples us once more. But this time, he doesn’t let go. He swims with me in his grip until my feet kick up gravel beneath the surface.
Land.
I’m weak and still gasping for air as he scoops me in his strong arms. He carries me to a warm, sandy area and sets me down. Before I can argue, he pounces on me. Our mouths crash together in a painful way as he lays me flat, his hands ripping my dress up.
“Javier,” I say, sobbing. “Javier.”
“I know,” he croons. “I love you too. I had to be sure.”
His cock is out and he pushes my panties to the side. With a quick, hard thrust, he drives into me. I latch onto his hair and dig my heels into his ass. He fucks me hard and without apology right on the banks of the water. His grunts and groans are claiming and animalistic.
I need him.
I can’t live without him.
My crying becomes overwhelming. I almost ruined it all. I almost called in to the CIA and would have lost him. I would have killed us figuratively.
I’m too selfish.
I’ll keep him until they rip me from his arms.
There’s no other way.
I don’t orgasm. It’s not about that in this moment. It’s just about being connected to someone in a way you’ve never been in your entire life. I claw at him and kiss him desperately. With a guttural sound, he comes. His thrusting becomes uneven and harsh until he falls against me.
“Rosa,” he says fiercely, his dark eyes finding mine. Panic flashes in them. Heartache. Loss.
“I’m here,” I choke out.
“I had to be sure,” he murmurs, water dripping from his hair and face. He looks so young and terrified. It kills me. “I had to be sure. Rosa, I had to be sure.”
I nod as tears leak out. “I know. I know, Javi, I know.”
“What is this place?” I ask as we pull up to a nondescript building. It’s dark and the only signs of life are a neon orange sign that boasts “open” on the brick wall.
“You’ll see.” He gives my hand a reassuring squeeze before he climbs out of the Thunderbird.
Earlier, we spent hours drying out and making love on the sandy banks. He revealed that those cliffs are ones he’s familiar with. Cliffs he’s jumped from hundreds of times. My safety was never at stake, but our future was. Because of his position in this country, he can’t trust just anyone. He shouldn’t trust me. But he does and I’ll be damned if I screw this up. Not now.
He opens the car door and helps me out. I clutch my purse in one hand and take his hand in the other. We’re both dry now. I look a fright with my messy hair and missing shoes that are now at the bottom of the ocean, but with the adoring way Javier regards me, I don’t care.
“Estrada,” a man hoots as we walk inside. The man is tall, much taller than Javier, and scary. He has more tattoos than anyone I’ve ever seen. His eyes are completely white, thanks to contacts, and when he grins, he reveals sharpened teeth. The man has more piercings on his face than I think humanly possible, but here he is. Looking like a total freak show. It should unnerve me, but Javier shakes his hand and then pats his back.
“Facundo and I used to run around together when we were kids,” Javier explains. “His father is friends with mine.” Javier points to me. “Facundo, this is my Rosa.”
I shake his hand and let out a nervous giggle when he kisses the back of my hand. “Nice to meet you, Facundo.”
He releases me and then holds his hands in the air. “What’ll it be?”
“I want a neck tattoo right here,” Javier tells him and drags his finger along his flesh that is unmarred by ink. “Want anything, Rosa?”
I want to prove my loyalty to him, but I have a few questions.
“Maybe…” I murmur, chewing on my bottom lip.
Javier smirks at me. “Think about it, mami. I’m going to take a piss. Don’t let her out of your sight and keep her safe.”
Facundo nods. “Yep.”
As soon as he’s gone, I rush out with a million different questions for Facundo. He’s very professional and answers them all honestly. My nerves take a backseat.
“Are you sure it’s safe?” I ask again.
He chuckles. “Positively. No te preocupes, cariño.” Don’t worry, sweetheart.
Javier emerges from the bathroom, drying his hands with a paper towel. He tosses the trash and then unbuttons his shirt. Before he peels it away, I stop him.
“I’m going first,” I tell him bravely. “Facundo is going to tattoo me.”
Javier’s brows lift in surprise. “Is that so, manzanita? Are you sure? Tattoos are a lifelong commitment.”
I snort. “Okay, Dad.”
His grin is wolfish. “Call me daddy and you can have whatever you want.”
“You two are kinky as fuck, aren’t you?” Facundo asks. “Muy caliente.” So hot. “Sit there, Javi, and she’s going to straddle you. It’ll make it easier for what she wants.”
Javier obliges and sits down on the bench that’s at a forty-five degree angle. I straddle his narrow waist and run my palms up his now bare chest. His shirt hangs from the side, but all his muscled tattooed goodness is available for my touch.
“Take your dress off,” Facundo commands. “It’ll just get in the way.”
Javier’s eyes are laser sharp as he watches me peel away my dress in front of another man. Facundo seems uninterested behind me as he readies his supplies. Javier pulls me against him so my bare breasts smash against his smooth flesh. I rest my ear on his chest, loving how I can hear the steady beat of his heart. Behind me, I feel Facundo pushing down my panties some with his latex gloved hands. Then, he starts cleaning the area. I close my eyes and breathe through my fraying nerves.
This is it.
I’ve become completely his.
The buzzing of the gun soothes my nerves until the bite of the tattoo gun stings me. I hiss in pain and Javier strokes my hair in a comforting way.
“Relax, mami, I have you.”
For once, the worries always plaguing me are gone. I curl against the man I love’s chest and relax to the sound of Facundo’s whistling.
I’m doing this.
I am El Malo.