Dearest Elenore,
I’m truly sorry for what happened to you. I would never have inflicted this kind of pain on you. Yes, I’ve done unspeakable things in my life as I’m sure you’re well aware. Yes, I’ve killed girls before you, but you… you gave me hope that I could possibly change.
The fight you posses within yourself is what struck me stupid, and I began questioning myself and what I was doing. Can a leopard change its spots? In some ways, I really hope I can, but in other ways I’m not sure if I can. I promise you that I’ll never draw blood again from another person, unless that person goes near you.
You were my game changer, and for that I’m grateful. Yes, I’ll always be the monster who killed those girls, who shot you, and inflicted pain on you and others, plus a whole lot of other things. I want you to know one day I’ll make myself known to you, and I hope that you won’t turn me away.
Forever yours,
Your captor
My heart hammers in my chest. My face flushes, and I’m speechless. Lifting my eyes from the piece of paper, I find Roman watching me intently.
“Are you okay?” His voice is calm, he takes my hand, clutching it tightly. I swear my eyes are bulging out of my head right now.
“Umm… yeah, I think so,” I stutter. With shaky hands I fold up the paper, then grip it tightly. Can a leopard change its spots? My captor was so covered in them I’m not sure he could change. My mind’s racing, and the thumping in my chest is loud enough to echo in my ears as well. Deep breaths, Elenore…
“Who were they from?” Roman gestures to the flowers.
“Oh, ah… just a girl from the office.” I fumble over my words, not wanting him to know who the letter is from.
His eyebrows raise, and he asks again, “Are you sure you’re alright? It’s as though you’ve see a ghost.”
“Yep, I’m good.” Pull yourself together. “I was mad at you.” I deliberately change the subject.
A shocked expression crosses his face. “Wha… why? If it’s about the flowers…?” he questions.
I shake my head. He stops.
I grip the letter tightly and answer, “It’s not the flowers, although some from you would have been nice…” I pause. “I blamed you for not being there… This wouldn’t have happened if you were there on time, that night of our date.” A lump forms in my throat, but I clear it away and continue. “I don’t anymore, though. I’m sorry I blamed you.”
“No, no, don’t be sorry. I should have been there. I should have been better. I’m so sorry, Elenore,” he whispers. Something about the way he says my name seems familiar. It causes a twinge inside of me. I’m not sure what sparked it.
“It’s okay. Let’s not speak of it anymore.” I grip his hand tighter, and he rests his other one on top of our joined hands.
Roman releases a breath. “We need to discuss a few things. There’s so much that went on while you were gone, and we need to fill you in.” He lets go of my hand and a pulls out a notebook.
I knew this would be coming; I’m about to visualize my hell once again. At least this time Roman is here—and Suzie, even if she is asleep on the fold out bed beside my own. I’m safe. I give Roman the nod of approval to continue.
“So, I’ll start at the beginning after you were taken. Some of your blood was at the scene and so we tested it. It came back to a missing person’s case from twelve years ago.”
Wait, what? I attempt to sit up straighter, wincing in pain. “What are you talking about?” I ask. A million questions buzz through my head. He must have it all wrong.
“You were kidnapped when you were seven years old. These people didn’t have a record; we aren’t sure why they took you either, we’re thinking you witnessed something in a shop. So they took you to keep their secret and made you believe they were your parents.” My hand flies to my mouth. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Who were those people who claimed to be my parents?
“No, that can’t be right. Wouldn’t I have been noticed by people? Wouldn’t I remember who I was, or want to go home?” I shoot questions off, desperately wanting answers.
“You could have suffered Stockholm syndrome, where after a time, you’d submit to what they wanted in the hope of not being hurt again. From what I understand, you experienced a lot of hurt from those people.”
I nod.
He then continues, “Your real name is Rose Billings.”
Oh my goodness. My dreams. “Oh, my. Since I was taken, I began experiencing dreams. In them there was a little girl named Rose; could that have been me? Could I be remembering things now after all this time?”
“It’s a possibility. The trauma of the abduction could be triggering these memories.” He writes something down; I can’t make it out. But that writing… Everything around me stops, and I just stare at his notebook. “Now, don’t freak out over these next few things we’re going to talk about. We got in touch with your birth parents, and they’d really like to see you, but only when you want to.”
My head is all over the place. This isn’t real; am I dreaming again? My hand rubs my arm. I’m unsure how to respond, so I say nothing. Roman continues. The letter in my hand feels like a weight I can’t lift.
“You don’t have to see them right now; it’s all on your terms. We also found your diaries and the gun hidden in your apartment wall.”
“Oh my… no, please.” Tears fill my eyes.
“It’s okay. It’s only been me that’s read them.”
I drop my face into my hands and groan. Wait a minute, the gun? My head shoots up, and I look at him. “The gun?”
Roman looks unsure if he should continue or not.
“Keep going, please.” Even though I’m not sure I want to hear what else has been discovered, it gives me the time I need to really look at him. Look at his familiar features. Features of the man I happened to meet soon before my abduction. Coincidence?
“We also discovered the bodies of your kidnappers. Dean has given his side of the story, but we also need yours,” he continues, oblivious to the realization that’s dawning on me.
After everything I went through in that lifetime, he wants me to relive those moments. “Why? I don’t want go through that again. You have my diaries and Dean’s statement; I’ve got nothing more to say about it. They were monsters, and I had to defend myself.” I slam my fist on the bed, emphasizing my statement. I will not be made to feel guilty, when the people who took me were going to kill me.
“I know you don’t want to have to do it, but these questions are going to be asked, if not by me then someone else, and they may not be so kind hearted,” he states. My attention shifts back to his notes. I can’t take my eyes off them.
A silence fills the room. Suzie is still asleep. She’s been so stressed and probably hasn’t rested properly in weeks. “So you’ve read my diaries?” I ask. I don’t look at him because I’m afraid of what I might see.
“I did. I’m so sorry you went through that,” he says, softly. I’m not sure I believe him.
“I don’t want pity because of that time in my life. I believe it helped me get through what I’ve just gone through,” I grit out.
He shuffles uncomfortably in his seat. I sit up straighter. The noise of nurses chatting and phones ringing outside fills the room, and Suzie startles awake. “Elenore, are you alright?” She appears panicked.
“Yeah. I’m okay. We’re just talking through things.” I wave my hand between Roman and me. Suzie gets up and shifts over to the bed. She squints at Roman with what looks like an unpleasant glint in her eyes.
“I told you I was to be present, not asleep, when you came back and questioned her.” Her disappointment toward him is quite evident. She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at Roman.
“It’s okay, Suzie. Really. I’m in a much better head space today,” I assure her.
“No, Elle, I told him I wanted to be present when he spoke to you about certain things.”
If only she knew what I wanted to talk to him about. “You mean about my biological parents and the kidnapping from those people who had me.”
If Suzie’s eyes shot fireballs, Roman would be ignited right about now.
“You told her,” she barks. She begins to pace, rubbing her hands up and down her arms.
“Suzie, take it easy or you’ll be in a bed beside me. You’re stressing yourself out. Yes, I know. Yes, he told me. I’m alright with hearing it; it actually explains a lot about why they treated me how they did. The main thing is, you saved me and gave me a great home.” Suzie stops.
Roman clears his throat. “I’m sorry, Suzie. I needed to talk about other things as well. Elenore still needs to tell me what happened with those people who pretended to be her parents, and I have more questions about her recent kidnapping.”
She grunts at him, clearly not impressed at all. She straightens her clothes, then proceeds to run her fingers through her hair. With a quick kiss on my cheek, she looks directly at Roman and says, “If she even appears to be distressed, you’re to stop speaking. You got that?” She widens her eyes at him, as if she’s awaiting an answer. After he’s assured her that he’ll do what she wants, she leaves to go get a coffee.
“Can you tell me anything about the place you were kept?” he asks.
“I can,” is all I respond with, totally not happy with this lie he portrays.
“Okay… Where we found you, you were close to the city. Thankfully, those people stopped, or it could have been too late, and you’d be dead.” Roman drops his head.
“I would like to meet my parents if possible.” I smile. I look at him. His gaze shifts to me, and it’s in that moment I know for certain.
“I can arrange that for you. Do you want it to be here or when you go home?”
I open my mouth to respond, but not to his question. His phone rings; I pause.
“Blackwood here,” he clips. Listening to his side of the conversation doesn’t give much away. Hanging up, he appears out of sorts, rubbing his forehead.
“There’s been another girl taken.” He sighs.
My stomach drops. “So you didn’t take this one?”