Antonio
It had been two days since I last saw Doe, and every minute was a struggle. A struggle for me to stay away from her, to not barge into her room and cuff her to a fucking St. Andrew’s cross, and see her skin blush from my whip.
I knew Karina had put her in the bedroom next to mine, probably as a way to torture me. Knowing Doe was so close mind-fucked me out of a good night’s sleep, and blessed me with throbbing morning wood. Every minute I spent alone, my thoughts were filled with images of her, of how her skin glowed when I gave her her first orgasm. When my touch was meant for her pleasure and not mine. For a few moments, she looked radiant. Beautiful. Fucking angelic. I could only imagine how she would look bound by ropes, hanging from the goddamn ceiling while she anticipated my next move—my next touch. Her next pleasure.
My thoughts turned more depraved by the second, imagining all the twisted things I wanted to do with her body—a body which had already been violated and corrupted in the cruelest of ways.
How fucked-up was I? What kind of fucking monster would want to do all those things to a woman who had been through the kind of hell Doe had?
That was why I chose to stay away. To not get close to her. Not after the mind-shattering kiss we shared the other day. Kissing wasn’t my thing. I didn’t like the intimacy of it. The mouth was a powerful thing. It had the power to hurt and destroy, as well as love and inspire. I didn’t want to give her false hope by having her think our kiss could mean anything more than just a lapse in time. At that moment, kissing her seemed to be the only way to distract her mind from being pulled down to the memories of the past. I could see it in her beautiful face. The fear. The panic. I had to kiss her. But I didn’t have to fucking like it so much—which was why I now chose to keep my distance. That one simple kiss had the power to morph into something much more destructive, something that would let me lose the last shred of control I had whenever I was around her. And that couldn’t happen. I couldn’t allow it. Not with her.
My phone vibrated, a message from Lucio appearing on the screen.
Lucio: Three more hours until showdown. Got everything covered.
Another reason I hadn’t seen Doe. We’d been plotting for our little get-together with the trigger-happy Russians. Seventy-two hours. That was what the card said. And tonight, those seventy-two hours were up.
Lucio had Boston Harbor scouted since yesterday morning, covering every corner, making sure we weren’t surprised by an ambush. Since we weren’t giving Doe back, we expected the worst, which was why we needed to prepare accordingly. We would never make the mistake of underestimating these fuckers again. Plus, with Dante not being with us, I felt more on edge. We couldn’t afford to let anything fall through the cracks tonight. Too much was at stake.
There was a knock at the door, and I closed my eyes knowing, who it was. Even though I had stayed away from Doe until now because it seemed like the responsible thing to do, I decided to send for her. There was something I wanted to share with her before we left to meet up with the Russians. And since Karina had informed me that Doe didn’t want to leave her room, I thought it fitting to send for her, to summon her to my study, forcing her to leave her cage. I knew there was no way Doe would refuse my request. After all, according to her, she belonged to me.
Another knock.
“Come in.” I swallowed the last of my bourbon then turned to face the door.
Karina walked in, Doe following with her eyes downcast. She was still wearing the dress I had chosen for her the other day. Apparently, it was the only dress she wanted to wear—the dress and shirt she wore the night when…fuck, I couldn’t think about it. Not about how I had so easily ripped an orgasm from her ruined body.
“Leave us,” I ordered Karina, and I noticed the scowl she sent my way. She hated when I ordered her around. Unfortunately for her, I had a role to play.
When the door shut, I saw Doe’s shoulders jerk slightly.
“Are you afraid?”
She looked up at me. Rule number one. “No, sir.”
“Do not lie to me, Doe.” I leaned back against my desk. “Are you afraid?”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. “I don’t know, sir.”
“Vague, but an answer nonetheless.” I crossed my arms. “Are you comfortable in your new room? Everything to your liking?”
“Yes, sir.”
I let out a huff. Real answers, that was what I wanted. Real fucking answers without wondering whether she was just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear. But I knew it would still be a long while before she would realize she had a personality of her own. That she actually had the freedom to do things without someone dictating her every move. And that included giving honest answers.
I pushed myself away from my desk and walked over to the iPod docking station placed by the window. “Do you like music, Doe?”
“Sir?”
The confused sound in her voice made me look back at her. “Music? Do you like listening to music?”
She bit her lower lip, her eyes conveying how puzzled she was. “I…I was never allowed to listen to music, sir.”
“Master V never let you listen to music?”
Her face paled at my mention of her captor. “Master V would put on loud noises whenever,” she sucked in a breath, struggling with her words, “whenever he had guests and demanded I…” her gaze faltered for a second before she looked back up at me, “I entertain his guests.”
Red. That was all I saw, blinding fucking rage, my fists balled at my side. I had to look back in front of me so she couldn’t see the anger that consumed me, thinking about Vadik allowing men to use her. To rape her. The fucker needed to die…slowly.
“But that wasn’t music,” she continued. “Master V called it his favorite kind of music to watch while his guests—”
“Don’t,” I snapped. “I don’t…I can’t…” I closed my eyes, clenching my jaw, forcing the images of her helpless body being raped and marred. But then I took a breath. This wasn’t why I had her come to my office, for me to lose my shit over the hell she had been through.
I switched on the iPod and turned to face her. The confusion in her eyes was almost beautiful in its innocence. This was why I was so mesmerized by her. The darkness she had been forced to live in made her appreciate the light. It made her unworldly and completely irresistible to a monster like me.
Music started to play, and I kept my eyes pinned on her as the slow, soft tune filled the room. Her eyes, her face, transformed to that of someone who was utterly spellbound.
“Clair de Lune.” My eyes never left hers. “It’s one of my favorites.”
Her head leaned to the side, a soft frown forming between her eyes as she concentrated on the music. And then she closed her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. Such sadness. Such brokenness.
I moved closer, cursing every step I took. It was against my will and better judgment, but the moment was just too fucking perfect for me not to get close to her. While she remained riveted with the music, her eyes still shut, I placed my hand on her hip. To my surprise, she didn’t jolt or shy away from my touch.
Faster and faster my heart began to beat, my body electrified by a single moment in time with this woman. I took her hand gently in mine, twining my fingers with hers, lifting it up between us—like two lovers ready to start their dance. More tears moved down her cheeks, one after the other. I wanted to carry her sadness. I wanted to take the burden of her stolen innocence and make it my own.
By God, how was this fucking happening?
Pulling her closer, I all but stopped breathing when I felt her body against mine. I waited for her. I didn’t want to move too fast, too abruptly. I wanted her to feel the moment, to feel the music…to feel me. So, I waited.
And then, it happened. The moment she leaned into me, placing her head against my chest, my entire world shifted on its axis. My blackened heart swelled, and I struggled to breathe. My chest ached, my mind reeling. So many fucking emotions. So many feels. It was insane…but so goddamn right.
Slowly I started to sway. Left to right. And I held her tiny frame against me with so much tenderness, as if she could break.
Left to right. Heartbeat after heartbeat.
For a twinkling in time, it was just us. No wounds. No scars. No darkness. Just. Fucking. Us.
If a perfect moment could have been bottled, this would have been it. This would have been the moment I chose to keep her forever.
I closed my eyes and allowed the music to carry us both through it. To let the music chase away the demons, even if only for a while. I had no idea what was happening, or where it would take us. But for this brief moment, I forced myself not to think about tomorrow. Or how I still believed I was the worst kind of wrong for her.
As the final notes of the song faded, I placed a kiss on her head. It was a desperate kiss. A plea that whatever was going to happen tonight would not ruin us both.
The music stopped, and I stilled. I wasn’t ready for it to end. I wanted more. But this was all I could allow myself.
When I let go of her and stepped back, she wiped her cheeks dry, and my chest wanted to crack wide open.
“I can’t promise your life will be better. I can’t promise you won’t ever get hurt again. But I can promise Vadik will never have the honor of touching you ever again.”
A whimper left her lips, and I took that as my cue to leave. To walk away.
As I reached the door, I stilled when I heard her quivering voice.
“Thank you.”
I held my breath for a moment then walked out, leaving her behind.
No matter what happened tonight, at least I had given her this. Music. A memory. Comfort.
But as I walked down the hall, I forced myself to shake every good feeling I felt during the last few minutes. What I was about to face, where I was about to go, had no place for good. A lot was about to happen, but one thing I would not allow was for anyone to steal the perfect moment Doe and I had just shared. A moment I would never, ever give her again…because I was just too fucking wrong for her.