Doe
It had been a while since he left. I couldn’t get myself to move, to get up from the floor. The fabric of his jacket felt so soft on my skin. Warm. I couldn’t remember when the last time was that I felt something so…so…comforting. I didn’t want to move in fear that it might go away. That the feeling might disappear. It was a small gesture, and he probably didn’t think anything about it. But to me, it was the nicest thing anyone had done for me in so long.
Do not be fooled by his kindness.
Do not hope.
To him, I was nothing more than I was to any of the others. He claimed me and even gave me a new name. Doe.
I was in a new place. Had a new master. A new name. After all these years, how was I supposed to wrap my head around all these new changes?
The door opened, and I found myself grabbing hold of the jacket, pulling it tighter around me while I remained bowed down on the floor.
Please don’t take it.
“Nessuno, no.” I heard the woman’s voice, then felt her hands on my shoulders. “Please get up from the floor.”
I kept my grip on the jacket while she helped me up. I wanted to hold on to it for as long as possible.
“What are you doing on the floor?”
My gaze remained downcast, my fingers moving against the soft fabric of the jacket still draped over my shoulders.
“Nessuno, are you okay?”
“Doe.” I said it out loud before I could stop myself.
The woman eased me back until I sat down on the bed. “Who is Doe?”
“I am Doe.”
“But I was told your name is Nessuno?”
I tightened the jacket around my naked body. “Nessuno was what the others called me. Now he says my name is Doe.”
“Who said, what others…wait. Please look at me.”
She placed her hand on the side of my face and gently urged me to look her way. I was reluctant. I hesitated. His number one rule was to always look at him when he spoke to me, but he didn’t say the same rule applied to everyone else.
“You can look at me. I promise I won’t hurt you.” It was the kindness in her voice which gave me the courage to look at her. And the second I saw her face, I saw him too. My new owner. Not master. Rule number two…never call him Master. They looked so much alike. The same dark hair. Big, round, dark, mysterious eyes. Only there was a light which shined from the depths of her brown irises—a light he didn’t have.
Happiness. I was pretty sure that was what it was. She was happy. An emotion I had no memory of having. But the simple frown on her face reflected something different. Sympathy, maybe. Sympathy for who? Me? Surely not.
Her eyes searched my face. “Who are the others?”
“My other masters.” For a second, I looked at her innocent eyes, wondering if she was as oblivious to our world as she seemed.
Confusion clouded her features. “Masters? What masters?”
I wanted to smile. Her naivety was beautiful, and I was envious of that. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done to not know a world as dark as ours. To walk in the light, and to carry the kind of happiness this woman unknowingly emitted to a hopeless, lonely, lost soul like me. And the longer I looked at her, the more I wished I had just a tiny speck of the happiness she evidently had in abundance. It had been so long since I allowed myself to want anything, to desire anything good, my emotions got the better of me. And it was only when the seemingly kind lady wiped a tear from my cheek.
“Tell me, please. What masters?”
I bit into my lower lip, my fingers tightening its grasp on the jacket around my shoulders. “I had many masters before Master V.”
“Who is Master V?”
“The one who sold me. The one who sent me here.” I bit the inside of my mouth. It was something I did a lot, which explained the raw, open sores on the insides of my cheeks.
“And who gave you your new name?” She lightly traced her fingertips along my hair, then tried to tuck it behind my left ear. I wanted to pull back, but I wasn’t fast enough.
She gasped, and I closed my eyes.
“Oh, my God, Nessuno.”
I swallowed. “Doe.”
Her hand touched the side of my face. “Who did this to you?”
“Master V says it’s because I didn’t listen. I didn’t obey.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
I turned my face away. “I didn’t listen. I didn’t obey.”
“Dear God,” she muttered softly. I heard the horror in her voice, the sorrow. But she needn’t feel sorry for me. I deserved it.
I didn’t listen. I didn’t obey.
The floor was cold and wet beneath my feet. Judging by the sliver of light which seeped through the cracks in the wall every time the sun came up, I guessed it had been four or five days since I was put in here.
Steel bars kept me caged like an animal while pieces of stale bread were thrown at me once a day. There was no need for them to bring me water. Every few hours, someone would come and hose me, the hard pulse of icy water slamming against my naked skin with such force, it felt like a thousand needles pierced my flesh. Afterward, I would lick the water from the cement floor while my body shuddered from the cold.
At night, when the sliver of light was gone, the only sound I heard was that of my chattering teeth. Just when my body began to dry, the cold subsiding, they would come again to hose me. For days, I endured the torturous routine, all because I offered to share a plate of food with one of the new girls. I earned that plate of food. I pleased the master, and he gave it to me as a reward. I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to share. No one ever told me that sharing was forbidden.
But as I stood there, cold water slicing through my skin, I kept thinking that it wasn’t enough. The punishment wasn’t enough. I screwed up. I made the mistake by sharing, yet I was the one still breathing. All she did was accept the tiny piece of meat I had offered her, but she was the one who lay face down on the floor, dead…in the dungeon right across from me. They kept the lights on so I could look at her corpse, so I could see what my act of kindness had cost. After only a short while, I started to smell the stench of kindness as well.
I didn’t listen. I didn’t obey.
The first day they forced us both into the dungeons across from each other, I thought our punishment would be solitary, starvation. I only understood when Master V had me shackled and chained in my cell, unable to move, unable to look away as he took his blade and sliced it across the new girl’s throat. I watched the blood flow over his knife and hand, her gasping, gurgling sounds filling my ears, and then I screamed. My cries slammed against the concrete walls, the chains above my head rattling, complaining as I struggled against their bounds.
Master V let her dead body drop to the ground as if she were nothing more than a sack of garbage. “You see, Nessuno. In our world, kindness is never rewarded. Helping others is never rewarded.” With slow yet determined steps, he made his way over to where I hung helpless and vulnerable. But in that moment, my hate for him overshadowed my fear. I knew what he was capable of. I knew the devil himself had carved this man into the monster he was today. Yet the rage and fury that crashed against every bone in my body right at that moment were much stronger than the terror he so easily evoked within me.
“You didn’t have to kill her.” My words were slated with pure venom, my glare as sharp as daggers. I had never wanted to kill a man as much as I did right then.
The corners of his mouth curved up. “Oh, I did. You left me no choice.” He stopped in front of me, evil reeking from his pores. “It was the only way for you to truly learn your lesson.”
Tears poured down my cheeks. “You didn’t have to kill her for my mistake. I didn’t know. I didn’t know!”
“Liar!” His voice slammed against the roof with warning. “You know the number one rule. You do nothing unless I tell you to. Did I tell you to share your food with her?”
I sobbed, my whimpers the only answer he got.
He grabbed my face, his fingers pushing painfully into my cheeks. “Did I?” he yelled, chills erupting all over my body. “Did I fucking tell you to share your food with her?”
“No!” A scream tore from my throat, regret and pain slamming against my chest.
“Then you didn’t listen. You didn’t obey. Therefore, you need to bear the consequences.”
I thought I was ready for it. I thought nothing could have hurt more than the pain of watching another die because of a mistake I made. But I wrong. I was so very wrong.
Master V grabbed my hair, pulling my head to the side, and I felt the icy blade as he dragged it along my cheek up to my temple. “If you don’t plan on listening, then I guess you have no need for these.”
And then pain.
Burning, searing, sweltering pain.
The scream that escaped all the way up my throat filled the cold, damp dungeon with an agonizing shriek. My body erupted, every nerve ablaze with unbearable pain that pulsed in rhythm with my heartbeat.
Warm liquid flowed down the side of my face, and when my screams ceased, my body exhausted from the agony, I let my head hang down to the side. That was when I caught a glimpse of the knife in his hand. A knife which was now covered with both my and the now-dead girl’s blood.
“I’ll let you keep the other one…for now. Maybe you’ll start listening more closely now.”
My labored breaths echoed inside my head as if I were under water, darkness slowly closing in from the sides of my vision. And then there was nothing.
I had no idea how long I had been unconscious, but the spray of a hose and the sharp sting of icy water woke me. Lying on the floor, naked and cold, two sentences repeated over and over inside my head.
I didn’t listen. I didn’t obey.
I didn’t listen. I didn’t obey.
With a shaking arm, I lifted my hand to the side of my face, pain gradually reignited with the levels of my consciousness. And when I felt the wound, my fingertips softly and carefully touching my mutilated ear, tears flowed freely down my face.
At first I cursed myself for being so stupid. For thinking it was okay to be kind. One would think a fifteen-year-old girl who had lived in this world for five years already would have known there was no such thing as kindness in hell.
“I didn’t listen. I didn’t obey.” The memory took control of my mind, the words practically repeating itself.
Pain.
Regret.
Death.
Kindness.
I was back there again, in that dungeon with nothing but a dead body to keep me company.
“Nessuno, are you okay?”
“It’s Doe. My name is Doe. He said my name is Doe.” I had to listen. I had to obey. There was no disobeying my new mast—owner. He hated it when I called him Master. It was his second rule. A rule I could never break. Not even in my thoughts.
“Okay. Doe,” the woman said, and I felt her hands gently move down to my shoulders.
I hissed then tightened my grip on the jacket. Immediately, she backed off, holding her hands in the air. “I’m sorry. Doe, I won’t hurt you. Nobody here wants to hurt you. Look,” she reached for something on the bed, “I brought you some clean clothes. There’s a bathroom right through that door.” She pointed toward a door on the other side of the room. “If you want, I can help you get cleaned up.”
I snuggled deeper into the jacket, which seemed four sizes too big. But the warmth and softness of the fabric was too comforting not to keep.
“Please, Doe. Let us help you.”
I continued to stare at her, her face and features showing no threat at all. She wanted to help me get cleaned up. She brought me clothes.
There was no such thing as kindness in this world.
She stepped closer and held her hand against her chest. “I am Karina. I’m Antonio’s sister. The man you met earlier.”
Antonio.
“He asked me to bring you these.” She held up the clothing. “He asked me to help you. Please let me help you.”
I scrutinized her face with my gaze, studying her. If he asked her to help me, I would be disobeying by not allowing her to. I had no choice but to allow her to help me.
Tightening my grip on the jacket some more, I nodded hesitantly before climbing off the bed.
My gaze met hers, and she placed her arm around my shoulder. “You have nothing to fear from us, Doe. We only want to help you.”
“He gave me my new name.”
Her dark eyebrows slanted inward. “Who did?”
“My new master. But he doesn’t want me to call him Master.”
“Who are you talking about, Doe?”
I gave her a half smile. “Your brother.”