Time is a funny little thing. It can pass by in a blur or travel slowly. It can eat you up, destroy your life, and swallow you whole. I’ve wasted so much time as I watched it slide through my fingers for all the wrong reasons. It flew across horizons. Sat still on mountain tops. Washed in with the rain, dried up with the sun.

I never worried about my future or how much time passed me by. It was all mapped out by the power of money and greed. I never gave a thought to all the time that enveloped my life. Not until I stuck my thumb out alongside a dark and dreary road.

Not until love captured my time and all I wanted was for it to stand still. To give me more. To go back and allow me to live my life over.

I’ve been secluded in Doctor Hot Pants’s office for the longest time. The seconds of the clock ticking a brutal reminder of Katch’s state. The beating of my heart stilling. Only to pick up again, to powerfully try and beat its way out of my chest with every footstep that walks by the closed door in hopes it’s someone I know finally coming in here to let me know if Katch is alive.

Katch’s words of ‘I love you’ mixed with Trent saying ‘I’m your dad’ tumble over and over in my head until I kneel forward and place it in my hands. My life has been a lie.

“Caitlin.” I hear a sweet, familiar voice.

“Rachel.” I stand, my eyes blinking profusely, adjusting to the blinding light streaming behind the open door.

“Oh, honey. Come here,” she says, arms stretched out wide.

I go to her without any hesitation. The sound of the door shutting ehoes in this dimly-lit office.

“Have you heard anything. Is he alright?” I cry on her shoulder.

I’m struggling to put all the pieces back together. It’s all a fuzzy blur that won’t clear in my mind. I have this bandage covering my cheek, am wearing a pair of scrubs, and I don’t remember how, when, or where that took place. The last thing I recall is Curtis helping me get ready. That he would take care of everything. I know he will, but he can’t take care of Katch. He can’t bring him back to me if he’s dead.

“I haven’t. I can tell you that Brick is going to be okay. He was shot in the hand and hit in the back of his head.”

“Oh.” I completely forgot about Brick.

“Sit down. I brought you some coffee, clothes, and something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” I take the coffee from her hand and lightly sip it.

Rachel grips me by the hand and guides me back to the couch.

“My mom?” I ask.

“She’s here. They’ve admitted her.”

“They?”

“Snake and Trent,” she answers quietly.

Her eyes are seeking me out in a way only a best friend can. She knows everything.

“What about the cops finding out?” A slow smile curves at her lips. I have no idea what she finds funny right now.

“Listen to yourself. For a minute there I thought I lost you.”

“No cops, Caitlin. This is one of those situations where I’m not allowed to ask questions about what Curtis and the guys have done, and neither are you.” Of course, it is. It’s the one and only things Rachel gripes about.

“Well,” I say, my head is surging with a perplexity of unanswered questions, but it’s coming back in full-force lawyer mode. “I hope they burn him alive.” I mean it. I want Vince to burn in hell right next to his so-called drug buddy. The dead, infamous Clarence Winslow.

“There’s our girl. See, not lost.” She places her hand on my arm, rubs gently in a soothing motion.

“I am lost. If anything happens to Katch, I’ll be lost forever.”

“He’s going to make it. I know he is. You will, too.”

“No,” I say. “I won’t be. Not even if he does survive. I don’t know who I am, Rachel. My life has been a lie. That man, Trent, he said he is my dad. Did you know that? My dad!”

I bite out in the same fashion I would when I’m drilling a witness on the stand. She goes to speak, but I haven’t even started to let my frustrations expel from my system. They may be pointed at the wrong person, but right in this moment, if I don’t get this out, I’m going to lose my mind.

“If this is true, then that means I lived under a roof for eighteen years with a man who was verbally abusive. He shaped me into a monster like him. He faked my mother’s death. He stole my identity and robbed me of my childhood. He killed me before I had a chance to live. How ironic is it that one minute, I’m this big-shot attorney, and the next, I’m withering away in the background all because of him?” My entire body begins to shake. I don’t know if I’m coming or going. Who to believe, what to believe, or even if I have the desire to believe anymore.

“All of that may be true, but for you to sit here and tell me that you don’t know who you are is the biggest crock of shit I’ve heard in my life.”

I snap my head, ready to strike back at her.

“No. I listened to you, now you listen to me. You are loving, caring, and the strongest person I know. Stop for one second and take a look at everything that has happened to you this past month and tell me how many people you know would be sitting right where you are, waiting for answers on a man she loves? Not many, I can guarantee you that.” She pauses briefly. “And what if all this happening is actually a blessing in disguise? You’ve been given a normal life. One you get to choose the destiny to.”

“You’re wrong. If I were strong, I would have jumped at the chance to get rid of my father. I didn’t need him to survive. I chose to stay. Me. I chose to let him dangle that proverbial carrot in front of my face. To tell me that the Winslow name needs to leave behind a mark. We need to be powerful. The best and the only way to do that is to stay focused. To sit back and slice anyone’s throat who dares to get in our way. That’s not a sign of strength, Rachel. That’s weakness in an Oscar-worthy performance.”

“I’m not sure what lie is worse. The one I kept from you or the one that just spewed out of your mouth.” We both turn to see my mother sitting in a wheelchair at the entrance of the door. Trent is standing behind her.

My jaw drops at the sight, while my mind still toys with the idea of all this being an elaborate joke with me being the punchline. I fight to turn away from the two of them who just uprooted and severed everything I held to be true, but my head moves too slowly. Trent wheels my mother closer to me.

I spot the new-forming bruises outlining her delicate wrists and the rash around her lips from the tape. The price of her well-hidden secret. Years, I was loyal to the woman, dedicated to keeping her close to my heart, and I’ve spent hours warring with myself about her disappearance, and then all of this. Denial. It’s the one state where I can cope.

She reaches out for my hand, but I recoil from her touch. It’s not welcomed in my life at this time.

“I’m sorry, Caitlin.” Her voice hitches with deep-seated emotions. “You have to know I did what I thought was best.”

I don’t look her in the eyes and barely absorb the words she speaks.

“I know this isn’t the time with Katch’s condition, but I can’t lose you again. I was young and dumb. I chose the man who could offer me the world, but in the end, he destroyed everything right down to the core.”

I raise my head to look past her and see Trent standing still behind her, taking the coward’s route.

“I was on a rare vacation with a group of girls. I’d been with Clarence for almost two years. He was good to me then. I met Trent and fell in love with him. The secret and pressure wore on me. We spent the best weeks of my life together, until I had you.” She chokes her words on her tears this time. “I’d planned to move, to leave Clarence, to be with Trent, but there was no money or way of escaping his power and wealth. The only thing left of Trent was you.”

I finally find my voice. “Doesn’t mean Trent is my dad. I’m assuming you were having sex with both of them.”

My voice is cold and calculated. I’ve never spoken to my mother like this, and I can’t even find the energy to care. She’s lied to me.

“We can talk more about this later. I just can’t lose you again.”

Her plea is my final breaking point. Blinding rage boils up inside of me. It’s the wreckage of the last few months of my life and the realization everything was built on deceit. I rise slowly from the couch, feeling my cutthroat side coming to life with brutal force. My hands fly as I talk.

“Later? Because later will make this easier, Mother? Are you fucking kidding me right now? If what you’re saying is true, then you allowed the fucking devil to raise and shape me, but yes, by all means, let’s talk about this later, or hell, who knows? Maybe even sweep it under the rug. It seems secrets are your specialty.”

“Stop.” Rachel tugs on my arm until I’m sitting down. “This is no place. You can be heard outside this office.”

Tears. White blinding tears roll down my face.

“You’re right, Caitlin, but you’re going to listen to me, because I am not okay with you believing you’re weak. You are the strongest person I know.” She stands from her wheelchair to make a point. “Clarence had no time for babies. He wore condoms. After I had ended things with Trent and he moved away, I found out I was pregnant. Things were decent back then, and I wanted my baby to have the world, so I stayed and pretended for years.”

The door creaks open, and we all turn to see Curtis, but his presence doesn’t stop my mother. She keeps her head held high and continues on.

“The years passed and everything went horribly wrong. He was verbally abusive to me and started the head games with you. I sent you to the party that night as a rouse. I was packing our bags, planning to run. I’d found Trent on the Internet weeks before and re-connected with him. He was going to take us away, but I never made it. My death was faked with a burning car rolling over a cliff. Clarence was teaching me a lesson for lying to him. He knew where to hit me the hardest: you.”

A deadly silence fills the office. Nobody speaks up for long moments. The bits of information begin to fall in clearly labeled bins in my brain. The picture is being pieced together one revelation at a time.

“It’s all my fault,” Trent speaks up. “I tracked your mother down and waited until the opportunity struck to catch her alone. We started corresponding through letters because it was the only way she felt safe. I went wild with heartache when I read Louisa’s death notice. I had to get to you, Caitlin, but the more I researched, the more I knew things weren’t adding up. I vowed never to stop until I had you and Louisa with me. I moved here, got a job on the force, and started my investigation.”

My mother sits back down in the wheelchair and drops her head. “Don’t shut me out, Caitlin. I know it’s all too much. An empire built on a foundation of deceit, but I’ll never regret it because of the courageous, determined, and strong-willed woman you are. I love you, Caitlin. God, I love you.”

My spine finally gives out, hunching over in a heap. My forehead relaxing on the top of my thighs with utter defeat. I can see it all. It makes sense and is clear as day. Instead of the truth, my life was built on a delicate and fragile bed of lies, and now it’s all being torn away. I just can’t find it in myself to respond to her or Trent right now. There are no words capable of explaining the hollow feeling of my insides.

“Let her have some time,” Rachel reassures my mother.

The door soon opens and then closes. I can hear Curtis and Rachel embracing but remain in the safe cocoon of my own reality. It’s the only way of survival until I can be with Katch again. His dark, broody eyes will be my guide through this darkness, helping sort out the mess. He’s my opposite who will piece me back together.