CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

 

Jules

 

I FEEL LIKE I’M FLOATING. Weightless in black space. I don’t feel my hands, legs, face, or any other part of my body. It’s like they aren’t there. I exist, but I don’t exist. I try to think and there are no thoughts in my head. No images, no emotions, no memories. Nothing. I bring my hand to my face and see nothing. I try to touch my arm and feel nothing. I sniff and smell nothing. I listen and hear… a buzzing sound. When I turn to find the source of the noise, my head or eyes or whatever I am, goes in slow motion. Too slow for the movement I tried to make.

Suddenly, things change. The black space becomes blindingly white. So bright I’m forced to close my eyes. I no longer feel weightless, but weighted down, like my veins are filled with dense mercury. Millions of memories flash in my head all at once. They move from one to the other so fast that I can’t distinguish them. Emotions slam into me. Happiness, love, joy, pain, loss, fear, heartache, anxiety, horror, sadness, helplessness. They all filter through over and over again until my mind is a jumbled mess and my head feels like it’s going to explode.

When I open my eyes again, the bright light is gone. I look around, and immediately recognize my surroundings. I’m in the apartment my parents rented for me right after I graduated high school. It was a small one-bedroom rent-by-the-month apartment. I had to beg my parents to let me rent it. They thought it was pointless since I was leaving the next year for college. After I explained my reasoning for wanting a trial period of living on my own while still being close to them, they reluctantly gave in.

The apartment is just how I remember it. Cream-colored leather couch with mahogany end tables, a medium-sized television sitting on a mahogany TV stand with the stereo system beside it, along with my collection of DVDs and CDs. Pictures of my family sit on some of the shelves while more hang on the walls. I wasn’t there long, but I remember being so happy to have my own place that I had unpacked and was finished decorating within that first week.

I spin around when something catches my attention. I see myself walk out of the hallway carrying a suitcase. I set the suitcase down beside the couch and move to the pictures sitting on the shelf.

“Hello?” I call hesitantly, my voice sounding strange as it echoes throughout the room.

My other self doesn’t acknowledge me as she grabs the pictures, wraps them in bubble wrap, and places them inside a box. I walk further into the room until I’m standing beside her. When I reach out to touch her, I’m shocked as my fingers move through her arm. I look down at my hand and flex my fingers. I can see the beige carpet through them.

I glance back at the me still packing picture frames and see her smiling. It amazes me how happy and beautiful she looks as she hums a tune that sounds familiar. I listen carefully and recognize it as “It Feels Like the First Time” by Foreigner.

Once all the pictures are packed away, she grabs the box and carries it to the small dining room table, where she tapes it closed.

The doorbell rings and we both look at the door. I turn back to her and see her smile has grown to encompass her whole face. Something niggles in the back of my head, and I want to reach out and grab her as she makes her way to the door. Something isn’t right. Whatever’s on the other side of that door is evil.

“Jules!” I scream. “NOOO!”

She doesn’t hear me. As she passes by me, I try to grab her arm, but again, my hand slides through her. Time seems to slow down as she reaches the door. I watch tensely as she flips the dead bolt. Her smile is still in place she grabs the doorknob and twists. Fear and a sick feeling drop in my stomach when she pulls the door open and a shadow falls over her.

“You’re early,” she says quietly, her eyes lighting up even more.

From where I’m standing, the door blocks my view of who is on the other side, but I know something is terribly wrong when the smile slides from her face and fear replaces it.

She takes a step back, her voice trembling when she whispers, “Wh-what are you doing here?”

The shadow moves closer, and I hold my breath, waiting to see who it is. Terror freezes my ethereal form when it’s not a person who appears, or rather, not a person in solid form. It’s a silhouette, a darkness so great that it turns the air frigid and casts its shadow over everything in the room. The same silhouette that’s haunted my dreams.

It kicks the door closed then stalks closer to Jules, or the me that I’m watching, while she backs up until she hits the couch

“I’ve come to claim what’s mine,” growls the silhouette. The voice is eerie and malevolent, sending shivers down my spine. “You both made a very bad mistake, Jules. He can’t have you.”

Shock, fear, and pride fill me when Jules straightens her spine and says defiantly, “I’m already his, so fuck you. I love him. I will only ever love him. You need to give this infatuation up before you get hurt.” She lifts her arm to point to the door, and I can see the tremble she’s trying to hide. “I want you to leave! Now!”

Before she has the last word out, he’s on her and has a hand wrapped around her throat. A scream leaves my lips at his fast movement, but it’s quickly cut short. A tightness grips my neck, and I can’t draw in air. Pain like I’ve never felt before has me clawing at my throat. Stars prick my eyes, and I blink several times to try and clear my vision. The silhouette leans Jules over the back of the sofa, and I realize it’s her pain I’m feeling when his hand tightens around her neck at the same time it tightens around mine.

His voice is pure evil when he speaks next, and it sounds as if he’s actually whispering it in my ear.

“Oh, I’m leaving, but you’re coming with me… after I’ve had my turn.”

It’s then that he turns his head, and I get a glimpse of his eyes.

His electric blue eyes….

 

 

I WAKE WITH SCREAMS filling my ears. I spring up to a sitting position and realize the awful noise is coming from me. My throat feels raw and my mouth is dry. Terror grips me, and my hands automatically move to my throat, feeling the aftereffects of being strangled. Warm, rough hands grip mine and my eyes slide to Luca. The fear doubles for a moment before I sag back in relief.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Jules,” he says hoarsely. “You scared the shit out of me. You were screaming, and I couldn’t get you to stop.”

I look at him closely and see the anxiety and worry in his eyes. Eyes that match the ones in my dream. These aren’t evil though. They aren’t cold or angry. They radiate tenderness and safety. They also leave me confused.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble.

“Fuck,” he growls and hauls me into his arms. His warm embrace soothes me. His smell surrounds me and calms my quaking nerves. I rest my hand on his bare chest and feel his rapid heartbeat. I press myself closer to him and use the beat to slow my breathing.

Eventually, we both calm down. Luca pulls back and looks at me with a frown.

“What in the hell was that?”

I shiver as I remember the dark presence and what he did to the Jules I was watching. I don’t remember it happening, but I know that wasn’t just a dream. It was a memory. My hands shake as I grip the blanket in my lap and sweat breaks out across my forehead.

Wrongly interpreting my shiver as me being cold, Luca pulls the blanket around my shoulders.

“Jules, baby… what’s wrong?”

“I-I-I saw…,” I stutter. I clear my throat and try again. “The day I was hurt. I saw what happened. I was there, but I wasn’t. I saw myself open the door and there was a black presence that came in the room. He said he wanted me. He grabbed me by the throat and said he was taking me with him, but not before he had a turn.”

Tears leak down my eyes and bile rises in my throat at knowing what the dark presence meant by him taking a turn.

“Fuckin’ son of a bitch,” Luca snarls. He flings the covers off him, and I start to panic when he gets up from the bed.

“No!” I yell and reach for his arm. “Please don’t go.” My voice cracks.

He doesn’t turn back to me, but he doesn’t walk away either. He just stands there beside the bed, his chest heaving with each raspy breath he takes. My heart breaks for the both of us. I know the thought of him hurting me has broken something vital inside of him, and it kills me because I also know there’s nothing I could ever say to fix that broken part.

He sits on the side of the bed. His shoulders droop as he rests his elbows on his knees and drops his head in his hands. The grip he has on his hair has to hurt, but I think he wants the pain. His back is stiff, and I can see the quivers in his bicep as he reins in his emotions.

Cautiously, I scoot closer to him. I put a leg on each side of his hips and slide forward until they cradle his legs. My chest meets his back and my arms wrap around his stomach. I lay my head against his back. His heartbeat is just as erratic as before.

One of his hands grips mine, and at first, I think he’s going to push me away, but he doesn’t. Instead, he lifts it and places it over his heart.

His voice is rough when he speaks. “It should be me comforting you. I’m a sick bastard for what I’ve done. I should be rotting in hell right now, not being comforted by the person I hurt.”

“Luca—”

“Even if you don’t remember what I did, you still shouldn’t want anything to do with me. My touch should repulse and frighten you. I fuckin’ repulse and frighten myself, because if I’ve hurt you in the past, I’m capable of doing it again.”

“Stop!” I demand. I try to pull my arms free so I can move around him and see his face, but he holds me in place.

“It’s true, Jules,” he says gravely. “What if whatever switch that went off seven years ago goes off again? I wouldn’t fucking survive it if I ever hurt you again.”

This time I force him to let me go. With a kiss to the center of his back, I climb from the bed. I flip on the lamp on the small table beside the bed and wedge myself between his legs before getting to my knees and sitting back on my heels. His head is no longer in his hands, but it still hangs, his hair falling forward and blocking my view of his face.

When he lifts his head and I get a good look at his eyes, the stark pain I see in them makes my heart feel like someone drove over it with a semitruck. The pain is crushing and has me sucking in a breath.

This man isn’t simply feeling sorry for himself. His guilt is all-consuming and slowly obliterating him.

I grab his hand and lay it against my cheek. “Do you know why your touch doesn’t repulse or frighten me?” I ask quietly. He shakes his head. “Because it’s gentle and soft. It makes me feel safe and protected. It doesn’t take or force, but gives and soothes. It isn’t cold and unforgiving. It’s warm and gentle. That first day, even through the panic attack I had, I still felt a connection to you. One that, after I calmed down, intrigued me. One I wanted more of. Those few times you visited me while I was sleeping, my dreams didn’t torment me. Even if you didn’t know it, you scared my nightmares away. You’re a good man, Luca. You take care of the people you love. You protect and cherish them. Aria adores you. So do your parents and Ella. I don’t remember what happened before, but whatever was in you then, isn’t now. I have zero doubts in my mind that you would never hurt me.”

His expression is pained as he listens to me, but his eyes never leave mine. Once I’m finished, he slides his hand to the back of my head and pulls me forward until our foreheads meet.

“You humble me way too fucking much, Jules,” he mumbles gruffly.

“Do you feel like you could ever hurt me again, Luca?”

“No.” His answer comes immediately and without reserve.

“Then listen to your heart,” I reply.

He closes his eyes for a moment, and I wonder what’s going through his mind. When they open again, some of the self-doubt is gone. I slide my hands up his bare thighs until my hands meet his briefs. His head lowers to mine and he gives me the softest of kisses. My hands continue their path up his body and around his waist. His wrap around me, and it makes me feel just as I told him: warm and safe.

The kiss deepens and a groan rumbles from his throat, causing my own needy moan to slip past my lips. Our tongues explore each other, tasting, stroking, and nipping.

His arms tighten around my waist and he effortlessly lifts me to his lap. I wrap my legs around his waist and my butt settles on his upper thighs. His hard shaft bumps against my wet center and tiny shocks of pleasure form in my lower stomach and work their way across my whole body. His hands slip under my tank top, and he slowly pushes the material up. Our lips break apart and he pulls the top over my head. Cool air meets my heated flesh and my nipples pebble.

Luca gathers my hair in one hand and pulls it over one of my shoulders, then drops his mouth to the skin he exposed. The scratchiness of the scruff on his face feels good and sends shivers racing up my spine. His lips move across my collarbone and down to the top of my breasts.

He lifts his head and gazes down at me. “You’re so fucking gorgeous it makes my chest hurt.”

He plumps one of my breasts and presses against my back with his arm, causing my back to arch and my chest to push out. He devours me with his hot mouth, and I throw my head back and moan deeply. I never knew the pleasure of having a man suck on my nipples could be so intense. Not just any man, but Luca. He’s the only one who could ever make me feel this way.

One of my hands goes to his hair, and I gather it between my fingers. I love the feel of his hair. It’s soft and thick and feels good against my fingers.

His mouth leaves my breast and does the same to the other. When he pulls away, I press my mouth back to his, needing more of his taste. Fitting his hands against my butt, he rocks me against his hardness. My panties are soaked through, and for a moment embarrassment hits me because I know it must be seeping through to his briefs, but when I feel the metal ball of his piercing nudge my clit, all embarrassment flees as pleasure consumes me.

When his hands slip inside my panties and palms my bare butt cheeks, I curse the material and wish it was gone.

As if sensing my thoughts, he murmurs against my lips, “Do you particularly like these panties?”

“Not really.”

I gasp in shock and pleasure as I hear the material rip then feel it fall away from me. More moisture rushes to my center, and I know it definitely must be leaking onto him now.

“Sorry, baby. I didn’t want you off my lap long enough to take them off,” he explains.

“It’s okay,” I breath.

His lips quirk up into a sexy smirk that does absolutely nothing to help my worries of soaking his briefs.

“Do you want this?” The smirk drops from his face and he turns serious.

“More than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

His eyes flare at my response, the blue turning darker from his pupils expanding. His lips hungrily latch on to mine and we devour each other whole. A cry bubbles up my throat when his fingers slide through my slick folds, then two push inside.

“Fuck me. You’re so goddamn wet,” he groans.

I drop my gaze from him, suddenly feeling shy. His fingers stop moving inside me.

“Jules, baby, look at me.”

I lift my gaze back to him.

“I fuckin’ love that you get so wet for me. There’s no better feeling than having my woman react to my touch the way you do.”

I smile. “I like that. Being called your woman.”

“As long as you’ll have me, you’ll always be my woman.”

I peek at him through my lashes and ask him nervously, “Forever?”

Something passes over his face. Joy, wonder, happiness… maybe love? Whatever it is, it matches my own feelings and is positively beautiful.

“Forever,” he confirms deeply.

I can’t help but smile, his answer filling me with so much bliss I can feel it in my bones. Moving forward, I press my lips against his. “I need you, Luca. Make love to me.”

He groans and slips his fingers from me. Leaning back and looking down, I see him pushing his underwear down far enough to free his shaft. The metal ball twinkles in the light from the lamp and a bead of moisture leaks from the tip.

Mesmerized and feeling brave, I reach between us and run the tip of my finger across the drop of precome. He hisses out a breath, then groans when I lift my finger to my lips, tasting his essence.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he growls, the heat in his tone sending tremors through me. He grips the base of his cock. “Lift up.”

I do so, and he places the tip at my opening. We lock eyes as I slowly sink down on him. Luca is big, so I feel incredibly full when he’s only halfway inside me. He stops my movements by grabbing my hips, then lifts me, only to sink back inside. He does this several times, and each time I slide down his shaft, he slips a little more inside.

Once he’s in all the way, I sit back on his thighs and gently rock my hips forward and backward. This position feels incredibly good because my clit scrapes across his pelvis bone with each forward movement. Whimpers leave my lips as sparks start to ignite in my stomach. My legs tighten around him, and I move faster, chasing the erotic bliss I know awaits me.

Luca grabs my hips and starts lifting me up and down. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hold on as he beautifully uses my body to bring us both over the precipice of ecstasy. My release starts in my clit and magically works its way through each part of my body. Shivers, tingles, and tremors fill me, leaving my limbs feeling weak.

Luca groans deep in his throat and his body tenses as his own release hits him only seconds after mine. I rest my head in the crook of his neck, exhausted and spent, but in such an exquisite way. Warm hands run up and down my back, further relaxing me.

After several moments, once our hearts have calmed and our breathing has gone back to normal, Luca stands. Instinctually, my legs tighten around his waist, but there’s no need because he easily holds me up by cupping my bottom. Even so, I slide down a fraction of an inch on his shaft, provoking a moan from me. His husky chuckle hits my ear.

“Where are we going?” I mumble sleepily, my head too heavy to lift from his neck.

“Shower,” he grunts.

“I’m too tired to shower.”

“That’s okay, baby, I’ll hold you up and bathe you.”

I smile against his neck, liking his answer. And he does exactly as he says. With me still in his arms, he turns the shower on, steps inside, and lets me lean all my weight on him as he cleans us both then takes us back to bed.

I lie snuggled up in Luca’s arms and drift off to sleep feeling utterly cherished.