Chapter 5
All in all, the airplane flight was bearable. I sat near the aisle and ignored Annie when she talked about how blue the ocean was and how far down it looked from the window. Megan, a little girl who sat in the seat next to mine, kept me distracted by singing nursery rhymes with her mother and sharing her Cheerios. She said I looked hungry, so she forced a few wet O’s into my hand. I held them there for nearly two hours until she fell asleep.
The first thing that hit me when I got off the plane was the warm, thick air of the island—so different from the chilly, wet climate of the Northern California coast. The gentle breeze was sweet with tropical blooms, and the sun was intense against my skin. Annie and I rented a soft-top Jeep Wrangler, so we could feel the elements on our skin, especially the warm, liquid wind that immediately nourished the newly formed crow’s feet around my eyes.
It took us a good half hour to get to the condo on the golf course that Silvy rented for the week. It had its own kitchen, two wicker lounge chairs on the private veranda, and a separate master suite for each of us.
“Man, your mom really went all out. I wonder how much this set her back.” Annie dragged her over-packed suitcase to the far room, past the table holding the welcome basket of complimentary fruit.
“I wish she hadn’t gone so overboard. A cheap hotel would’ve been fine.” I unpacked my toiletries and brushed my teeth free of the horrible airplane food.
“Hurry up, and let’s go check out the beach!”
Sure, let’s just jump right into the water, why don’t we? It figured she wouldn’t let me have one moment of bliss before reminding me we were on what amounted to an oversized raft.
“Oh my God, the colors here are incredible.” I joined her on the grass outside our sliding door, looking out over the lush landscape. “Daddy would’ve loved it here.” I thought fondly of the days my father and I spent away from civilization, enjoying our hikes up the coastline.
“I can’t believe your family’s never been to Hawaii. It’s such an easy trip.”
“We’ve always had the restaurant to worry about. We were lucky to go camping now and then. Silvy and Dad only got to go on a couple of vacations alone together. They went to Shasta that time—you remember? And Tahoe once. They’d planned to do a lot more traveling, but then . . .”
Annie turned to me with open arms when she heard the crack in my voice. “I know,” she said, holding me. “Sometimes we just shouldn’t wait to do the things we want to do. Speaking of that, change your clothes, so we can go exploring.” She pushed back and gave me a smile.
I wiped the tears away and took my orders dutifully. In a few moments I’d donned my brand-new beachwear and pulled my hair through the back of my shark hat. With sunglasses firmly in place, we were off to see what I’d never seen before in my life—a tropical paradise.
~ ~ ~
Not a quarter mile from our resort’s private beach, we stumbled onto the island’s only nude beach, and Annie was ecstatic. “Becka, my friend. This is gonna be a vacation to remember. Looks like that bathing suit shopping was a waste of time after all.”
Dread flooded over me as I was coaxed completely out of my comfort zone. Before I could turn and run, she had me through the woven bamboo archway and into the land of the naked. At first, I diverted my eyes, as any nude-beach-novice would do, but once I got up my nerve, I couldn’t keep from gawking at the hundred or so people flashing their goods for all to see.
We walked five paces to the strip-down area, and Annie wasted no time. In five seconds flat, she was completely undressed except for her sunglasses, her wide-brimmed sun hat, and her crisscrossed leather sandals. She grabbed a huge blue beach towel from the cabana table and headed toward two vacant umbrella-covered lounges placed ten feet from the water. I stood there, fully clothed and in shock. I never realized she had it in her, and I was certain I didn’t.
My mouth must have been gaping when a perfectly naked lifeguard crossed my path heading for the outdoor shower. The only evidence of his vocation was the Red Cross on his white wristband.
“It’s only skin, you know? We all have it.” His blinding white teeth glowed from his tanned face. “You’ll be surprised how liberating it is once you join the crowd.” With that sage advice, he flipped on the faucet and let clean water trickle down his body, washing away the sand covering his muscular legs. Of course, I stared—at everything. And yes, everything was tanned, which was a little disturbing. I’m not gonna lie.
Annie spread her towel over one of the lounges and reclined toward the aqua-blue water, flaunting her nude body with pride. “Come on Becka, you can do it!” she yelled across the short expanse of sand, calling attention to the fact that I was the only clothed person in sight.
“Shhh,” I said, “I’m coming. Just give me a second.” I, too, could be a woman of the world. I painstakingly peeled away each piece of my clothing and folded them into a neat little pile. The moment the breeze grazed my bare skin, my nipples sprang high and hard.
I had to admit, I did feel liberated, though still very self-conscious. I tucked my clothes into my tote, grabbed a towel, and quickly made my way to the lounge next to Annie’s—my flip-flops throwing sand up the back of my legs and over my butt. That was an experience in itself.
From behind me, the lifeguard called out, “That’s much better.”
I turned back and blatantly watched him walk by.
“You’re gorgeous,” he said. “You should never be ashamed to show it.”
My smile stretched from ear to ear.
“Becka, you need to pace yourself. We just got here.” Annie looked proud and somewhat shocked. “Come on, let’s go get a piña colada.”
Without my ever lighting on the lounge, we traipsed down the beach in our birthday suits, Annie smiling at curious onlookers as I forced my gaze out over the water, trying hard not to wrap my arms across my chest in protection. I wondered if this was what Silvy had in mind when she said I needed to relax. I giggled to myself, knowing the answer to that question all too well.
~ ~ ~
The next morning brought a sense of freedom and my first real hangover, both at the same time. Lying there, rubbing my forehead, I was thankful I hadn’t had my dream. That was a good sign that this vacation was working. I also realized I’d forgotten to pack the Motrin. That mistake would have to be remedied soon.
Piña coladas definitely had more in them than fruit juice, contrary to what the cabana bartender tried to make us believe, especially since we’d each drank three of them on empty stomachs. We decided eating was probably a good idea only after the damage was done.
Hearing me rustle, Annie dragged herself from her bed and crawled into mine, her short hair sticking straight up, and her breath stinking of morning-after teriyaki.
“Pee-ew, girlfriend.” I pulled the floral coverlet up over my nose. “Did you eat something dead, or did something crawl in your mouth die?”
“Screw you, darling. You’re smelling pretty rank yourself this morning.” She started to tickle me, which brought me right out of the bed, running to the bathroom before I wet myself.
“What do you wanna do today?” I called from the bathroom.
“I don’t know. You wanna go shopping?”
“Good grief, no! I was thinking about maybe taking a drive up to those waterfalls the bartender was telling us about. Whataya think?”
“Whatever you want.”
I stared into the bathroom mirror at what used to be my hair, now resembling a human tumbleweed. My slightly round face was all aglow. The eyes looked more golden than brown. As I stretched my arms overhead, I felt the distinct sting of a sunburn in a few places where sun should never have shone.
“I don’t think I’ll be sitting in the sun today, darling,” Coming around the corner, I exposed my bright red breasts.
“Oh man, look at those red puppies.” She started to laugh until she ran her hand over her own sunburned flesh. “Whew, these are really gonna hurt later.” She peeked inside her top, shaking her head. “Did you bring any aloe vera?”
“Just had to go to the nude beach, didn’t ya?”
“And I’m going back.” She fanned her shirt. “In a couple of days. Remember, you’re supposed to show me a good time.”
“Show you? This is supposed to be my vacation!”
“Okay, I’ll be the dutiful friend who follows two paces behind.” She pouted, waiting for me to console her.
I had no intention of doing so. Not giving an inch, I said, “That’s not a bad idea. Let’s get ready to go.”
She was up and in the shower, dressed, and ready in fifteen minutes. Short hair and perfect skin made life so easy for her.
I pulled my hair into a wet ponytail, rubbed moisturizer on my face, breasts and shoulders, grabbed a quick cup of watered-down complimentary coffee, and then stuffed Daddy’s hat in my backpack. We headed out the door ready to find breakfast somewhere on our travels.
Two hours later we sat at the foot of the most incredible waterfall I’d ever seen in my life. Feathery pale green ferns and huge, red and purple-lace flowers clung to the rock wall behind the cascading water. Refreshing mist filled my nostrils and tickled my eyelashes as tiny droplets clung to the tips.
Within minutes, Annie was bored to tears just listening to the sound of the water echoing in the narrow volcano-formed canyon, so she decided to hike the rest of the way up the hill. I stayed behind.
I cupped the cool, clear water in my hands, letting it filter through the tiny crevices between my fingers. A brilliant colored spider made her way across her water-jeweled web toward an unlucky fly. Above me, the sun shone across the mist, creating a rainbow that rippled in three directions. Lying now on a rock at the edge of the pool, I closed my eyes and dreamt of a time when my life would make more sense. I must’ve fallen asleep because I jolted awake at the sound of a voice from the landing just above where I lay.
“Becka,” the call echoed off the water and walls. At first, I thought I was dreaming, so I lay still and let it come. The familiar voice became clearer when my name was called again, this time from a point closer than the last.
“Becka, are you all right?” The deep baritone was so sensual it made me smile. I didn’t open my eyes until I felt the touch of a hand on my cheek. Even then, I couldn’t believe I was awake. “Are you all right?” Jonathan removed his pack and sat next to me on the rock, touching my cheek with the palm of his hand.
I gathered everything inside my heart and soul and tried to move away, feeling caged by the intimate way he leaned over me. The concern in his eyes held me down until he saw I was okay.
“Thank goodness.” He didn’t move away. “I thought you’d passed out again.”
“What the hell?” I sat up and scooted back. My voice was controlled, but my heart was beating out of my chest. “Did you follow me here?”
“I followed you and Annie from the resort, yes. It was your mother’s idea for me to come to Hawaii. She told me where to find you.”
“Why would she do that?” I stood up and took a step away.
“She thought I should come here and talk to you.” He watched me as I slowly put distance between us.
I remembered my mother’s coy smile when she gave me the airline tickets, and I knew in that instant he was telling the truth. Silvy’s meddling frustrated me. “That figures.”
I gazed over his slightly squared, handsome face. Not handsome in the pretty sense, Jonathan was handsome in the serious, rugged sense. His wavy hair was tucked behind his ears—the mist brightening the lighter strands. The eyebrows, a slightly darker shade, were manly, but they were not too bushy. His skin was bronzed with a fresh tropical tan, and those kissable lips were surrounded by the shadow of a day-old beard. A satisfied smile broke when he noticed my perusal, but I didn’t stop staring until I caught those eyes—the color of the deepest part of the ocean.
“How old are you?” I asked, finding no noticeable wrinkles. The oddness of the question surprised us both.
“Twenty-nine.” He slowly stood up and moved toward me.
“Oh.” I watched him carefully.
“Does age matter to you, Becka?” He raised his hand.
“Matter for what?”
“Does it matter how old I am, if you want me, and I want you?” He took another small step, closing the distance.
Whoa. I stepped into the cool water up to my knees to put a little distance between us. Even water was better than the overwhelming sexual energy vibrating around Jonathan. “Do you always blurt out what you’re thinking?”
“You don’t like questions, do you, Becka?” He tossed his pack farther up on the rock, slipped off his hiking boots and socks, and stepped into the pool.
“Your questions have no answers, Mr. Parker.” I watched his taut body press against his T-shirt and cargo shorts. “I have a question of my own, if you don’t mind,” I said, forcing my eyes from his flexing muscles. “Why are you here? Why did Silvy think we should talk?”
“Because your mother thinks we belong together.” Once again, he spoke without pretense.
“Oh.” My breath caught. “So, the two of you decided ambush would be the best way to convince me of this?” My stomach clenched.
“She just wanted you to stop running for one second and listen to what I have to say. She thought Hawaii would be the perfect place for us to have some time alone together without any distractions.”
“Why wouldn’t she let me in on this grand plan of hers?” I wanted to see how he would explain it, though I knew this was how Silvy works.
“Because she figured you wouldn’t approve. She told me you’re not a believer and you’d be tough to convince.”
“A believer in what?” I knew exactly what he was referring to, but I wanted to hear him say it.
“Doesn’t matter. We’ll talk about that later. Right now, I’d like an answer to the question I just asked you.” He stood directly in front of me, looking hopeful and desperate. His shirt, now damp from the mist, clung to his chest as he heaved deep, spearmint breaths.
“I don’t remember the question,” I lied, unable to move when he tilted my chin up with the touch of his finger. My knees threatened to give out from beneath me when he gently brought his face closer to search my eyes.
“I know you feel it, too. I can see it.” He pressed his nose into my freshly shampooed hair then swept his warm lips across my forehead. My brain screamed at me to move away, but instead, I brought my hands to rest against his strong chest and leaned in. The warmth radiating from him calmed me instantly.
“The way it feels almost hurts,” he whispered into my ear. He cradled my head between his hands and spread light kisses over my face—first around my eyes, then along my cheekbones, and finally capturing my lips, tasting them with the tip of his warm tongue.
At that moment, I was frozen in a fantasy dream, being taken by Prince Charming in a tropical paradise. I could do nothing but respond to his wishes. The taste of him was salt and spearmint; his scent was an intoxicating manly smell of soap and sweat. I’d closed my eyes, but I wanted to see. I wanted to be sure this was really happening to me, Becka Clemmons, celibacy’s woman-of-the-year.
When I finally found the courage to open my eyes, I saw him for the first time without fear in my heart. This gentle man, whom I knew nothing about, had me completely enraptured. I decided to let it happen, to try and satisfy this desperate feeling inside, so it would leave me in peace.
I drew my hands up over his strong shoulders, feeling the hardness of his body against mine. I ran my fingers through his hair as though I’d done it a thousand times before. My breasts, hard and demanding, melted against him.
My mouth opened, and I willingly participated in our first real kiss. The kiss sent shocks of excitement through every limb of my body, landing a current squarely at the pit of my stomach where an incredible ache began to grow. I was prepared to drag him on that rock and ravage him right there. I’d never had desire affect me the way it did with this man. It made no sense to me, but clarity wasn’t important at that moment.
“Becka.” He pulled away suddenly, leaving me desperate to have him back in my arms. “Can you feel it? This is not the first time we’ve been together. It feels too natural and real.”
“Please don’t make this more than it is. It’s just desire, nothing more.” Tears ran down my cheeks for no reason I could grasp. I felt the fear coming back to me, replacing the need with its fury. “I . . . I can’t, Jonathan. I don’t understand this.” I took his hands from me, biting back regret. My stomach was sick with emotion.
From above, I heard Annie calling—the voice of rescue just in time. I backed away slowly, leaving him alone to face our connection without me. I was too afraid to face it with him. It was just too intense for me.
“I have to go. Annie’s waiting.” I grabbed my things and started to climb, rushing away from the man I knew I was supposed to be with. I couldn’t stop myself, but then I turned to see him there, standing alone in the water and holding his hands over his face.
“I’m sorry, Jonathan. I’m so sorry. This is too weird for me.” Running, I reached the top of the trail where Annie sat in the driver’s seat of the Wrangler, honking the horn and not noticing that I’d been crying.
~ ~ ~
The next three days passed in a blur. Annie and I toured the island and spent time on the beach. She never once asked why I was a million miles away, searching for some answers. At times, she seemed distracted, looking at me like she wanted to say something, then deciding against doing so at the last moment. I didn’t pry, and neither did she.
There’d been no word from Jonathan since I left him alone in the pool. I didn’t expect that there would be. My heart ached for the pain I saw in his eyes, but I still couldn’t make myself find him and do what I knew I needed to do.
I spoke to Silvy on the telephone and broke the news that her little romantic rendezvous had backfired, scolding her for sending Jonathan to Hawaii to ambush me. Angst came into her voice when I told her what he’d said, and that I’d run from him when I couldn’t take the intensity.
“Becka, you’re making a mistake,” she’d said. “There’s something about this young man. You should listen to him and stop being so afraid. I’m telling you, there’s something real here.”
When I hung up the phone I lay alone on my bed and wept.
Annie dropped the book she was reading out on the veranda when she heard my sniffles. Without a word she curled in next to me and held me close until I could cry no more, never once asking what was wrong or why the tears. This was one of those times when I was reminded of why Annie’s my best friend.
~ ~ ~
It took hours to fall asleep that night after my long cry. My head pounded from the pressure, and my eyes were red and swollen nearly shut. Annie stayed with me until I finally told her to go get some sleep, assuring her she didn’t have to deal with my falling apart. It was something I had to work out on my own. She retreated, reluctantly, to her own bed, and now snored like a lion.
Once I finally fell asleep I drifted into a bizarre dream state. It felt like I was awake, looking up at the ceiling of my room, but then I heard it—the sound of the ocean at high tide. This time when he came for me, I was aware of him, unlike before when it was always a surprise. When he reached me, I let go of my fear and held him close as though I were afraid to let go. The lovemaking was even more incredible, and I relished each caress with my soul. It was better now that I knew it was our last time. The knowing empowered me.
When it came time for me to follow him into the water, I still went in willingly, even though I knew where it would lead. I trusted this man with my whole being. I wanted to be with him no matter where he went. We swam and played, and yes, I again made the move away from him into the darkness. Again, I was disoriented and out of control. I started to gasp for air, but then something changed. I awoke before the water took my life.
Feeling as though I’d tricked the fates, my breath slowed, and the sobs of loss didn’t come. Finally, I thought to myself, I’m gaining on whatever it is that haunts me. Soon it would go away altogether. My much-needed cry must’ve loosened something inside of me and was helping me let go.
Unable to fall back to sleep, I decided to go for a walk in this moonlit paradise. I wrote a little note to Annie, gathered my things quietly, drew my hair into a clip, and dressed on the veranda. I needed to be alone. For the first time in months, I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe this feeling of insecurity and angst was going away. Maybe I’d feel normal soon.
The damp grass of the golf course was cool under my bare feet. My sundress clung to my body as the humidity of the night saturated the thirsty fibers. The moonlight cascading across the ocean in the distance sparkled with friendly lights.
For a long time, I watched the waves come in like liquid jewels, crashing down on the sand and then slipping back away in silence. The breeze, warm and sweet smelling, blew the few loose strands of hair away from my face, cleansing away the last of my drowsiness and clearing the remaining pressure from my head. I could get used to having a tropical paradise handy for these healing strolls.
As I walked, I thought of Silvy’s belief that Jonathan may be the answer to all my questions. There was something about him that had convinced her. I wanted to trust my mother’s instincts, even though my unnatural draw to this stranger was so out of control. Silvy was usually right. I realized that even as I fought against her intuition. Her gift of insight into the yearning of souls was passed to her from our ancestors. A gift that obviously missed my generation.
I walked for the longest distance before I turned into the entrance to the nude beach, now missing its naked sun worshippers. It was quiet here except for the beat of the waves. The water near the Cabana Bar, slid quietly in and away where the lounges would again be placed in the morning. I waded into the water, testing myself, ready to face my one true phobia.
“Come on, Becka,” I coaxed myself. “It’s only water.”
When the warm tropical waters rushed over my feet, I felt timid, yet determined. The sand swirled around my toes, tickling them and making me smile. Maybe, I thought hopefully, I just don’t like cold ocean water? Of course, I was trying to fool myself into believing there’s a difference, so I kept walking.
I stood in ankle deep water, letting the gentle tide push and pull against me, sand slipping out from under me like tiny pools of quicksand. I stepped out a few feet more, walking farther down the beach toward a grouping of rocks and feeling liberated once again on this stretch of sand.
Leaning against the only dry, flat rock, I let the waves push against my feet and legs with their gentle rhythmic inhale and exhale. My dress, getting wet with salt water, came over my head and out of the water’s reach. I was alone. I didn’t see the harm in being nude on a nude beach, especially at night.
I reclined to look at the millions of stars in the sky. I was sure this was more what Silvy had in mind when she sent me on this vacation. Me and the cosmos, face to face, learning about one another. My mother believed in the messages written in those stars. I just admired their brilliance and strength, each light holding itself so gracefully in the sky.
I lay there a good fifteen minutes before gaining the courage to slide off that rock and wade out farther into the water. Facing my demons was the only way to conquer them. I think I heard Daddy say that once to Rich when some homophobe harassed him about being gay. If my brother could face that, I could certainly face this. It was the only way I knew to move past it and rid myself of the nightmare completely.
Knee deep was fine, but waist deep was sensational. The water was now warmer than the air. I liked the way it moved around me, caressing me and holding me tight in its embrace. Further in, I felt the pressure of the current flexing its power. I stood for a long moment getting used to the sensation. It was then that I understood why my family fell so in love with the water against their bodies. The weightlessness was a type of freedom I’d never before experienced.
When the first wave hit, I forced myself to remain calm. When the second took my feet from under me, it wasn’t so easy. With salt water burning my eyes, I groped for footing, but there was no bottom to touch. The wave had flipped me upside down, turning weightlessness against me.
The first swallow of water came only after I held my breath for as long as possible, causing the fuzziness I’d felt when I’d passed out. My parents once told Rich and me that if ever we found ourselves pulled down by the riptide, we shouldn’t fight against it, and we should allow the wave to bring us out. This was a feat harder than any I’d ever been dealt, leaving my fate up to a force of nature I’d feared my entire life.
Panic set in just a second before I felt something strong grab me under the arms, pulling me to the surface. I fought it at first until I felt sweet oxygen hit my lungs. I spit and breathed deeply, coughing salty sea water out of my throat. I didn’t realize I’d been rescued until a few moments later when I was lying on the beach alongside Jonathan, both of us shaking uncontrollably.
I rolled to him then, cuddling in close to his damp body, feeling the undeniable need to comfort him, even though I was the one who’d nearly drowned. We lay there together, me nude and him fully clothed, until we could both breathe normally again. It was only then that I found myself wondering how he found me and why he continued to come to me even though I kept pushing him away.
“Why’d you do that, Becka? You should know better!”
I didn’t answer him at first, frustrated that he’d gotten yet another tidbit of private information from Silvy.
“My mother shouldn’t have told you all this stuff about me.” I tried to get up and move toward where my dress lay, but my oxygen deprived body was not yet willing to go.
“Your mother told me nothing except you were stubborn as hell. And man, was she right.” His voice was still irritated.
“I’m stubborn, I admit that. Especially when someone baffles me as much as you do.” I rolled again toward him, placing my sand-covered hand on his chest. He kept his eyes from mine, concentrating instead on the moon.
Finally, I gathered the nerve I’d been searching for since the first day I saw him. I guess nearly drowning will bring out the balls in anyone. “Why don’t you tell me what this is all about, Jonathan? Who the hell are you? And why do you look at me the way you do?”
“You have to figure that out on your own, Becka. You’ll never believe me if I tell you. You’ll just run.” He looked at me with sincerity, hoping somehow his words would jolt me into understanding.
“I don’t run from things I understand.”
“You’re too afraid to understand! You let fear run your life!”
“I’m not afraid of anything. I just went into the water, didn’t I?” My voice echoed down the beach as my lungs finally felt up to helping me walk. I got up and reached for my dress. I wasn’t interested in fighting with Jonathan Parker.
“I think you’re confusing bravery with stubbornness. I thought I’d lost you a . . .” He got up and followed me, unwilling to let me run away this time.
“Were you about to say again? What does that mean?” I stopped and turned around, searching through the darkness for the answer in his eyes and again feeling an eerie familiarity.
His hands covered my bare shoulders protectively. “I wish you could see what I see.” His eyes probed mine as the moonlight reflected the pain on his face.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked. “You don’t even know me.” Tears welled, washing away the fury along with the ocean water that blurred my vision.
“Becka,” his lips now an inch from mine. “I’ve known you forever.”
I was lost the moment his lips met mine. His words and his body so true, each touching deep inside my soul. I might be doing this for all the wrong reasons, but I couldn’t stop myself. Maybe, making love to him will break this spell he has over me. Maybe, it’ll make me understand why I feel the way I do. Either way, I couldn’t turn back now.
He picked me up into his arms and carried my weakened body to the outdoor shower. I lost my breath when he intimately removed the clip and combed his fingers through my hair to rinse away the sand. His touch set me free. The cool water running over my skin, coupled with his gentle hands sweeping the grit from my arms, my stomach, and down my legs, brought chills to my soul.
I was mesmerized as he unbuttoned his sea-soaked shorts and let them drop to the ground. When his shirt came over his head, I couldn’t peel my eyes away. I reached out to touch him, just to be sure I wasn’t dreaming. As the water rinsed away the sand, his muscles flinched with each stroke of my hand. I’d never seen a sight more glorious than his wet, nude body reflecting in the moonlight. I wiped away the sand sticking to his back, and his shoulders, down over his waist, and along his taut rear end. When I pressed my bare breasts against his back and slid my hands around his waist, he turned and held me back.
“I’ve waited for you too long to make love to you here, Becka. I want to take you back with me, if you want to go?”
I had no will to refuse and no reason to back away this time. I wanted him, and he wanted me. There was no way I could run from the reality that some force was going to make this happen, even if I feared it would hurt me in the long run.
We wrapped two beach towels around our bodies. I took his hand and followed him silently back to his bungalow set deep in the jungle setting of the Aloha Resort. We closed ourselves in and began the most exquisite experience imaginable.
~ ~ ~
If I had to choose one word to describe our lovemaking it would be soul-melting, but that’s not really a word. One word would be erotic, or amazing, or righteous, or real, or maybe even spiritual, but none of those words alone come close to what I experienced in the arms of Jonathan Parker that night.
When we closed ourselves into that steamy bungalow, all sense of reality was lost to me. The romantic moon provided the only light in the room as it shone brightly through the open shutters onto his mussed queen bed. The smell of him, a musky scent of soap and newly inked books, mingled with the bamboo of the walls. It was a potent, intoxicating aroma that I’d happily choose as my drug of choice for all eternity.
He guided me to the edge of the bed to sit. Every muscle in my body clenched when he dropped to his knees in front of me and laid his head in my lap, his wet hair cool against my hot thighs. He held me to him for a long time as though he prayed at my feet.
I combed my fingers through his thick hair, finding the slick feel of it irresistible. The beat of his heart and the warmth of his breath against my skin sent shivers through my body. When I tried to pull him up to me, to have him take me quickly, he looked up at me with that sexy smile and shook his head.
“Can I touch you, Becka?” he whispered as he ran his finger along the top of the towel covering my body.
“Yes,” I exhaled, nodding.
He kept his eyes on mine as he slowly peeled the towel away, exposing my breasts. “You’re so beautiful.” His voice was an ache.
I leaned in and held his face between my hands. “You’re damned beautiful yourself.” I kissed the end of his nose and his eyelids, taking his lips between mine and sucking each one until he groaned. He cupped my breasts as we kissed, running his thumbs enticingly around the nipples, bringing them to hard points.
Finally, he stood in front of me, moonlight reflecting off his strong, shirtless body. I stood to face him, our bodies only inches apart. I ran my hands over his broad, muscular shoulders and down his chest. He was warm and smooth and quivering as my curious hands explored his flat stomach. Brazenly, I tugged the damp towel away from his hips and let it drop to the floor. The deep breath he inhaled told me everything I needed to know. When I reached to touch him, he grabbed my hands, taking them instead to his mouth and kissing each palm, smiling once again in that devilish way.
My legs quivered when he laid me down and moved his nude body to lie next to me on the bed. Every part of our skin touched at exactly the right spot, the urgency of his flesh obvious against my stomach. When I met his gaze, I saw undying commitment and undeniable lust.
There was an understanding between us, a knowing so deep it couldn’t be explained with mere words. I felt connected to this stranger, though it made no sense why I should. All I knew for sure was I needed him with every fiber of my being and I was growing impatient to have him.
Frustrated, I rolled him to his back and straddled him, ready to take control. Again, those soulful eyes told me this meant more than just sex to him. He wanted to make love, slow and easy. He needed me more than merely wanting me, so I submitted.
He rolled me back over, now him above me, holding me down with his weight, exciting me with the control he took. He began with one long kiss that started at the top of my head, across my forehead and down the contours of my neck, slowly making his way over the length of my trembling body. He suckled each tender part of my flesh, using his talented tongue until finally my legs were gently parted. I moaned when the room began to spin around me. Years of emptiness washed away as I lost myself to Jonathan’s touch. The energy around our bodies magnetically gathered us together to create one glowing being.
I’d never heard myself beg during lovemaking, but this time I couldn’t help myself. “Please, Jonathan, I can’t wait any longer. Please.” My breathless pleading put an end to waiting.
He entered me gently, kissing me with the most sensual, exploring lips imaginable as he did so. I’d been so long without a man, I’d forgotten the incredible feeling of fulfillment. With Jonathan, fulfillment surpassed the mere physical. I was too engrossed to let its power frighten me.
He groaned with pleasure as I met his hips with my own. Each movement was a part of a perfectly timed dance. “Amazing,” he whispered into my ear as he dragged my body over his once again, watching me writhe upon him with pleasure. My curls were wild around my shoulders, and my sun-warmed breasts were plump and bouncing with the perfect rhythm. “You are so beautiful.” His now familiar hands caressed me, encouraging my passion to rise again.
“Now,” I urged, gaining my breath, “I want you to do with me as you wish.” Rolling from him, I laid myself out for his taking. I was willing to do whatever he desired to bring him satisfaction.
“Come here.” His deep baritone voice was thick with desire, and his wicked, sexy smile gave way to serious need. He moved over me, never taking his eyes from mine. He gently trailed his warm lips over the line of my waist and over my hips, leaving heat on every inch he touched.
I held my finger to his mouth when he started to speak, somehow sensing his words might ruin the moment. I didn’t want to run away; I just needed to be with him. I didn’t want to know why it felt so natural; I just wanted it to continue. The moonlit night, the unprecedented desire, our bodies so in tune with one another. It was overwhelming.
I let out a long sigh when he entered me once again. It felt so good and right to have him inside of me. We fit together perfectly.
“You feel amazing,” he groaned, his eyes closed tight, taking in each movement. I was amazed this sensuous man craved me as much as I did him. Jonathan Parker and I were one, and I never wanted it to end. He’d gotten to me. He’d taken away my fear, and he’d rescued my heart. I’m no romantic, but this was it for me, and I let myself have it.
I pulled his hips into mine, drawing him in deeper. His low moans were telling, his voice filled with unbridled passion, “Rachel,” he cried out in pleasure, “I’ve missed you so much!”
My body went still as my mind processed the words. “Rachel? Who the hell is Rachel?” I yelled out the question, the pain in my heart pulled breath from my lungs as I struggled to get away from him.
“Oh no, Becka! Wait! You don’t understand.” He shouted after me in the darkness as I ran away. “Please.” His voice faded away in defeat. “No!” The word was a cry.
I ran as fast as I could from the bungalow, making my way back to the condo through blinding tears. I don’t know how I found my way. I left him alone with his naked self and thoughts of Rachel, feeling like a total idiot for trusting him.