Chapter Ten
Gabrielle
I took several wrong turns on the way back to my apartment from the Club and when I eventually made it, I felt like I couldn't remember getting there. My brain was too full of thoughts about what the men had asked me to hold anything else. I walked into the apartment and dropped down on my living room couch. I stared ahead of me at the blank TV screen, hoping that it would give me some sort of insight. I was obviously incredibly attracted to the men and enjoyed spending time with them, but did that mean that I could have a child with them? Would I really be able to raise a child with four fathers, but without the promise of a committed relationship? Could I actually do this?
That was the question that was still on my mind the next day when I arrived at the chocolate shop to clean up. I hadn't had a chance to before leaving for the gala and I hoped that the task of putting everything back together after the week of constant work would help me to think through the decision that I was facing. I had been wiping the same section of counter for nearly an hour when my phone rang. I picked it up without looking to see who it was.
"Hello?"
"I need to have lunch."
Skylar's voice brought a smile to my lips.
"Is that husband of yours forgetting to feed you again?"
"He said something about feeding the children and taking them to the dentist."
"In that order? I don't think that you're supposed to do that."
"I'm sure he'll figure it out. The point is, the smell of the dentist office makes me sick, so he's going to do it and I have the afternoon to myself. Which brings me back to… I need to have lunch."
"The smell of the dentist office makes you sick?"
"One of the many joys of pregnancy. They say that the whole sickness thing only lasts for the first trimester. Lies. I still can't get near onions or eggs."
"Well, to be fair, you've never liked onions."
"That's true. Come on. Meet me at that awesome burger place."
I knew that I still had so much to do around the shop, but I wasn't making any progress. Taking a break and spending some time with my sister may be the perfect way to shake my brain into thinking more clearly. Skylar was already eating when I sat down across from her.
"Thank you so much for waiting for me."
"Sorry," she said. "This baby has got to be a boy. I'm starving all the time." She looked at me strangely. "Is something wrong? You look upset."
I shook my head.
"Not upset," I said. "I just have a lot on my mind."
"Anything that I can help you with?"
I thought about the text that I had gotten from Jackson earlier in the day asking that I not talk about them or what they had asked me with anyone. Somehow that made facing this decision so much harder than it already was. I already felt like I was out on a limb that no one had ever been on, completely unsure of what I should do, and now they had taken away my ability to talk it over with anyone who might be able to help me get through it. I understood why they were doing it, though. They were powerful and well-known in the Club, which meant that there were always going to be people who didn't like them and who would try to make things harder on them. If they heard that the Griffin brothers were looking for a woman to have a child for them, they could use that information to their own advantage. I wasn't sure in what ways, but the ways that people could hurt other people never ceased to amaze me.
But I still wanted to talk to somebody. I wanted to talk to my sister. Like she should have been, she had always been there for me when I was going through difficult things. Just as she had come to work at the chocolate shop to help me, even without telling our parents, Skylar had always been there to help me even when she didn't fully agree with what she was helping me to do. I wanted her to help me through this. Even if I couldn't tell her exactly what was going on, maybe I could find a way to skirt around it, to ask her about it without really asking about it.
I let out a resolute sigh.
"All right," I said. "What would you tell someone who was trying to make a decision and they didn't know which way to go?"
"Well, I would want to know more about the decision that they're making. What are the good and bad parts of each side of it?"
"One side of the decision would be the easy way to go. It would be basically staying on the same path to that they are already on and just kind of trying to figure out things one step at a time. They are kind of struggling right now, and going with the other side decision could stop that struggling, but they aren't entirely sure that it's the right thing to do. The other side of decision would be a major change in their life and would be huge for them. It would literally change their life completely. It's something that they would never have considered, but it sounds exciting and may be really great for them."
"That was fantastically vague."
"I know," I said. "But that's really all I can say right now. What do you think? What would you tell somebody who was trying to make a decision like that?"
"I would tell them that it sounds like they don't really know yet what they want to do and that they should take some more time to think about it. Sometimes it seems like the easy way might be the right way just because it's more comfortable, but that's not always the case. Sometimes something is worth doing because it's so hard. The thought of doing something that completely changes your life can be really scary, but if their life is worth changing, then maybe that's something to think about."
For the next several days I couldn't get the men off my mind. That wasn't so unusual, I hadn't been able to stop thinking about them since I met the four of them, but it was different now. I wasn't just thinking about how attracted I was to them or how much I wanted them. Now I was thinking about the possibility of crafting my entire future around them, but not in the way that other women think about crafting their futures around men. I wasn't thinking about falling in love with them. I wasn't thinking about having a relationship with them or maybe one day marrying them. I was thinking about having a child with them and enjoying an indulgent and privileged lifestyle as I helped them raise that child. It was something that was so hard to wrap my head around. Yet, at the same time, it felt thrilling to think about. It was obvious that they felt the same way about me that I felt about them, and it was exciting and flattering that they would have chosen me.
I was still thinking about it, still trying to envision myself as the mother to a child who had four fathers, raising the child in a world that I was just beginning to experience. It was still hard to think about, but I was starting to realize just how appealing this possibility could be. I had always known that I would be a mother, but I never had any prospects, and I had been too focused on my own life and my own dreams to even consider trying to find someone to marry and have a child with. Now I was being offered the opportunity to experience motherhood while also pursuing my dreams and living a life that I could never have imagined. Though I knew it was odd to think about these four exceptionally wealthy men, who had never known anything but luxury, as people who were in need of help, the reality was also in the back of my mind. If I agreed to this, if I committed myself to this arrangement, I was helping people who needed it. It wasn't just about them getting the rest of their money. I knew that. I could see it in their eyes when they were talking to me about their family’s legacy and their need for it to carry on. I could see that each and every one of them wanted this child. They wanted another generation who they could raise and shape, and who they knew would carry the bloodline on in a way that would make their father proud.
"Gabrielle? Are you with us?"
I looked up and saw my mother staring at me from across the table. I had been so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize how long I had just been sitting there staring at the table, ignoring everything that was happening around me. I was supposed to be having dinner with my parents, but I looked down at my plate and realized that I hadn't even taken a bite of the meatloaf that my mother had made.
"I'm sorry," I said. "Yeah. I'm here."
"You aren't eating," my father said. "I thought the meatloaf was your favorite."
"It was when I was seven."
"Oh," my mother said.
I felt guilty for the comment.
"I'm sorry," I said again. "I'm just really distracted tonight."
"I can see that," my mother said. "Is there anything that you want to talk to us about?"
"No," I said. "I mean, I don't really... I'm still trying to work through it."
"Does it have anything to do with that chocolate shop?"
I looked at my father.
"What do you mean?"
"We've driven by there a couple of times in the last two weeks and noticed that it hasn't been open."
"I know," I said. "I've been taking some time off."
"Oh," my mother said. "I didn't realize that business was doing so well that you could take that much time off."
I knew that she didn't mean anything by it, but the words cut into me.
"Business is doing fine," I said. "As a matter of fact, I was taking time off because I catered a large event and I needed to devote all of my time to preparing the chocolates and desserts for that, and they paid me enough that I didn't need to open the shop for a few days."
I felt like I was justifying myself, like I was defending myself against them, and I hated the feeling. I had hoped that telling them about the gala would show them that there was something more to my business, but it only seemed to make them more suspicious.
"Well," my father said. "That's very nice. Maybe that will get it out of your system."
I looked at him strangely.
"What do you mean get it out of my system?" I asked.
"Oh, honey," my mother said. "He didn't mean it in any bad way. He just means that maybe now that you have gotten to do something exciting and serve your chocolates to people that you will get through this phase and move on. It'll be like when you took ballet when you were little. By the time you had your recital, you felt like you were done and you didn't want to take lessons anymore."
She was laughing, but I didn't feel any levity in the moment.
"You still think that this is just a phase?" I asked.
"Of course it is, Gabrielle," my father said. "At least, we hope it is."
"You hope it is?"
"We just mean that we love you so, so much and we want to see you happy and successful. It disappoints us when we see that you aren't living up to your potential and using the education and skills that you have."
"I am using the skills that I have," I said. "I am good at making chocolate. I'm sorry that that disappoints you."
"We just wouldn't want to see you suffer a failure. We want to make sure that you are well taken care of and can live a good life. You've done this now. You've proven to everybody that you can open a shop and that you can even get a catering job. Now it's time to move on. If you can, maybe keep the shop as a little hobby, but we think that you should start looking for a career that actually means something."
"Or maybe a husband who could take care of you and who would be able to support your hobby."
They weren't trying to hurt me. But knowing that somehow made it worse. The sincerity and care in their voices made the words cut more deeply. I felt like if they were truly attacking me, if they were being insulting or really vicious, I would have been able to handle it better. I could have simply shut off my emotions and defended myself. But the fact that they really seemed worried about me and as though they thought they were doing what was best for me only made me more upset. It made me feel like they couldn't see me and what they were doing to me.
Jackson's words came back to me as I lay in bed trying to sleep that night. He had told me that I was important, that what I did mattered. It was something that I needed to hear and that resonated more deeply in me than he could ever know. I knew now that those words meant even more than he probably thought they did. I knew that if I wanted the life that I had envisioned for myself, it was something that I would have to continue to do without the support or encouragement of my parents. They didn't understand, and I couldn't blame them for it. I couldn't be angry with them about it. I had to accept it and know that pursuing my dreams was something that I would need to do on my own. I owed it to myself to follow my heart, and that meant pursuing everything that felt right to me. The men were offering me an incredible opportunity. I wasn't thinking about a fairytale. I was just thinking about the life that I wanted. They were offering me a life of passion, comfort, prosperity, and the ability to raise a child while also knowing that I could pursue the dream that I had held within me my whole life. With them, I had a reliable future ahead of me. I felt like the decision had already been made.