“You learned to run from what you feel, and that's why you have nightmares. To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control.”
― ,
Then…
Jesse Montgomery
HE LOVE ME, I love him too. But I can’t tell him that. My mother is going to ruin everything, either way I lose him. I can betray him and send him to prison for a crime I committed, or I can sign his execution paperwork by calling her bluff. One, he will hate me, two, he will be gone. I see no other way out of this. Mother wins, either way.
I don’t care about the business, she can have it, but Danny is dead and nobody knows about Travis. According to fathers will, everything goes to me. Mother needs me around, but Bane knows the truth and for some reason mother doesn’t want it getting out.
After we made love, we packed up our stuff and headed on the road. Bane seemed content for the first time, and I don’t want to see that happiness disappear. I have a week to make up my mind. Less than that, if I want to come up with a clear plan. Less damage as possible, yeah right.
Bane reaches over and grabs my hand and rubs his thumbs over the top. Electricity vaults up my arm at his embrace and sadness consumes me at the thought of losing him again. I send him a sweet smile, and he returns the gesture. I never said the words back, but he seemed to be okay with that.
We stay with our hands interlocked, staring forward, not wanting to break the trance, it was peaceful. We have been driving for hours and he pulls up to a highway café. It was quaint and homey, with a bubbly blonde waitress who took us to our booth. I ordered a Denver Omelette and Bane smiles, not understanding the sentiment, I raise an eyebrow. He chuckles and orders a Hungry Man Breakfast Platter with extra sausage. How he is going to eat all that baffles me, but nothing surprises me anymore. He couldn’t be his size by eating salads.
After the waitress politely excuses herself, Bane turns to me and smiles, and the warmth in his eyes both excites me and bothers me. I only have so long, then I must let him go. He may hate me, but at least he will be alive. Fate is a fickle bitch, she tore us apart to have us back in each other’s arms, to lose each other once again.
“What is on your mind, Jesse”
I don’t say anything, I don’t know what to say? Oh, by the way, I know we finally got each other, but, I am going to send you to prison to save your life? Or how about, my mother is psychotic bitch who wants you to go to prison for a crime I committed, but don’t worry, its only for the rest of your life.
He stares at me, his eyes pleading for an answer. I know he can feel something, and I wish I could tell him, But I can’t risk it, he has given up enough for me. He reaches over and grabs my hand and gives it a tight squeeze.
“You can trust me, I know I failed you before, but I am here now. Tell me”
“Y-you didn’t, fail me,” I stutter, trying to find the right words.
“Then what is it, you have been acting strange since the hotel room. Was it because I said the L word,” he is just as scared as I am, but he continues, “because you don’t have to say it back, I understand you need time”
“It’s not that” I mutter. I can’t let him get killed, I know prison is any better, but at least he would be alive, breathing, I could figure something out after that.
“Have you ever wondered if it’s your turn, to live your life. Bane you gave up everything for my family and yours, to keep their secret, Danny is dead. Maybe you should wipe your hands clean. Move on. Not die,” I breath, “maybe it’s not worth it.”
He squeezes my hand tighter, and scoots over to my side of the booth. He grabs my face in his.
“Listen to me, you are worth it. I am living now with you. Whatever happens, happens, in the end, your it, I won’t stop fighting for you. Got it”
I nod, feeling warmth course through my veins, no one has ever said such beautiful nothings to me. No one cared enough in that way to try. He was my everything. I loved him with all my heart. Momentarily forgetting the ugly truth of our situation, I say the three words that sealed our fate.
“I love you, Bane”
He returns my words with a genuine smile, he shakes his head and chuckles. He pulls me out of the booth and throws enough for our meal and thirty-percent tip.
He wraps his arms around my waist and hoist me up so I’m straddling his hips. I let out a content giggle, and put my face into his neck to hide my embarrassment. Everyone in the diner is staring and my brute man takes me out to the truck, hoots and hollers from the other patrons send me in to a hysterical laughter. He sets me on the bed of the truck and positions himself between my legs.
He places a small peck on my nose,
“Say it again” he demands.
“I love you” I whisper, not recognising my voice.
His lips connect with mine, and a moan escapes his lips. His hand comes behind my head, pulling me closer. He fingers tangled in my hair. My hands come up and around his neck never wanted to let go. The kiss is possessive and I know he is staking his claim. He pulls away, his lips swollen for the heat.
“It’s our turn, and no one can take it from us. No one.”
A tear escapes my eyes at his words, and the reality of the situation bares down on me. Only me. I am so sorry, Bane.
✽ ✽ ✽
Now…
What is happening? I am so confused. I deserve what I am getting, but I was praying for the end. I didn’t want to suffer anymore. Now he is keeping me alive, his change of moods is cruel, he said “not now”, this must be a game. He is playing with me. I guess physical torture isn’t the only kind he offers.
He walked out and left me here in his bed, clothed and confused. My body is screaming in agony, but I still try to stand. This is the most physical freedom I have had in days, I will be taking advantage of it. My body wants to move and I will not deny it that pleasure, no matter how painful it was to even breathe. I walk to the bathroom, first wanting to see the damage. I lift the shirt and what greets me causes me to shiver, tears well up in my eyes, I will scar, this will be with me forever, if I live that long. The words, LITTLE LAMB is carved into my stomach. Deep, crusted, bloody cuts are forever engraved into me, and no matter what, I will never forget what they did to me in that room.
I continue to stare at my reflection, I am pale, and tired, I know at least one of my ribs are cracked, and the bruises littering my body will fade but slowly. I don’t know how I am standing right now, but I won’t stay down, not when I need to fight. He may be avenging his incarceration, but I was doing it to save him, so I will not lay down and die or be abused. Not anymore.
There is a knock at the door, and I lower my shirt and walk into the bedroom right as he is opening the door with a plate, steam billows off the plate and the smell of eggs and toast assault my nose. My stomach growls in appreciation, but I can’t let him win.
“I am not eating that; how do I know it’s not poisoned” I sneer.
He ignores me and sets the plate down on the end table.
“You shouldn’t be up, you need to heal.” He counters.
This time I ignore him, I just stare at him with as much grimace as I can muster. He shakes his head, and walks over to me.
“Just eat, okay, I told you I won’t hurt you. There is a lot to talk about.” his hand comes up and takes a strand of hair and rolls it between his fingers, it’s a gesture he used to do before mother happened. He drops the hair and turns to leave, before leaving he concludes, “I’ll be back later, we will talk then.”
I hear the lock of the door after he shuts it behind him. I am still his prisoner, nothing has changed. I must find a way out of here, I pick up the plate of food, needing all the substance I can, because before he gets back, I’ll be gone.