Cree

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By the time evening rolled around, I was so excited I could barely contain myself.

The excitement was only tempered by thinking about what Aaron had probably done all day. From the time I had last seen him until this very moment, my entire day had been completely subsumed by one crisis after another. I had barely had time to breathe, let alone work on the project.

Had Aaron had the same problem?

Doubtful, which meant he’d gotten extra hours to work on the proposal. I didn’t know if he’d taken advantage of those extra hours, and in truth, I still couldn’t quite imagine that he had. Besides, what would working extra hours look like for Aaron?

Probably schmoozing with the partners and generally being attractive, but utterly useless, something he excelled at. I felt a stab of guilt for that thought. I hated being petty and even more hated when people judged me, so I tried not to do that to others. Despite telling myself that Aaron deserved whatever I gave him, allowing his behavior to dictate mine didn’t sit well with me, and I reminded myself I’d been raised better than that.

So instead of stewing on what Aaron had or hadn’t done, I thought about what would confront me when I reached him.

As I got closer, I could feel my nerves rising. Told myself it was simply excitement, eagerness to put the plan into action, but inside, I realized it was more than that.

And it wasn’t Aaron, or wasn’t entirely Aaron that had me on edge. The question was, did I really have the guts, the nerve to go through with this? To tell him exactly what I thought, exactly what I would tolerate, and exactly what he was going to do?

As I approached his office, I heard his hearty laugh, felt a stir of irritation along with something else I didn’t want to consider, and decided that I could and would.

Aaron had gotten his way for far too long, and if nothing else, I owed it to the world to be a corrective.

I took that responsibility very seriously.

“Did you get my email?” I asked after I barged in without knocking.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he said into the phone. Then he put down the handset and looked at me.

“You’re late,” he said, looking at me as though I should feel bad about that.

“Which you would have known if you’d checked your email,” I said, not letting my exasperation bleed into my voice, though it threatened to.

“I don’t like to be kept waiting, Cree,” Aaron said.

I scoffed. “I’d imagine your highness doesn’t. But he seems to forget I’m not one of his subjects,” I said, irritation at the way he’d summoned me here earlier flaring back to life.

“He didn’t forget,” Aaron said, his voice easy, smooth. Then he smiled. “I thought you’d gotten scared. Decided you didn’t have the balls to meet me face-to-face.”

I knew he was taunting me, and I told myself not to take the bait, but then I remembered why I’d come here in the first place and decided he had given me the perfect opening.

“Let’s cut the shit, Aaron,” I said.

He looked at me, lifted one perfect, masculine brow. But rather than speak, he stood, walked past me, and closed the door. Then he turned to face me, his back toward the only exit, blocking my path.

I chuckled. “Are you trying to intimidate me?” I asked.

“No, but I’d rather not have this conversation in front of prying ears,” he said.

“Oh,” I responded, before quickly recovering.

I hadn’t even considered that, which was definitely a failing on my part. It was late, but not so late that we could rely on the office being empty. I wondered what it meant that it had been Aaron, and not me, who had realized that.

But I pushed that thought aside, pushed all others but my primary mission aside. Then, after a few long moments where I stared at Aaron, searching for some insight into what he was thinking and finding none, I started to move.

I dropped my belongings and then stepped toward him slowly, my movements determined but not aggressive.

When we stood toe to toe, I locked eyes with his, hoping the expression on my face, as well as the stance of my body, told him I meant business. And even if it didn’t, he would understand I did before this conversation was over.

For a moment I found myself lost in Aaron’s eyes, the serene green brown sucking me in. It might have been a weakness, but I broke that eye contact, took the rest of him in.

He was casual, relaxed, at first glance, but when I looked deeper, I could see more.

The faint tension around his mouth, a mouth that I again noticed was incredibly appealing, full without being feminine, and I couldn’t help but think back to how it had felt against mine.

I disregarded that thought, and instead focused on the slight narrowing of his eyes. The difference was almost imperceptible, but enough for me to see that he was at the ready, eager to engage despite what his casual stance suggested.

His eagerness drove my own, and a moment later I continued.

“Like I said a moment ago, let’s cut the shit,” I said.

“And what, exactly, does cutting the shit entail?” he asked.

I clenched my teeth, his superior tone, the way he seemed to look down his nose at me, setting my teeth on edge.

But instead of allowing that to derail me, I lifted one corner of my mouth and mimicked his smile, my gaze on his.

“I thought you weren’t a fan of people playing coy,” I said.

“I’m not,” he replied without pause.

“But you’re more than happy to do so yourself,” I said.

“Is that what I’m doing?” he asked. His voice was calm now, almost teasing, but I paid that no attention.

“Yes, and as to what you’re up to…”

I let the sentence trail off, kept my eyes locked on his, my hands clenched into fists at my side.

It wasn’t the most powerful stance I could have taken, nor one that adequately reflected my sternness and my resolve, but I assumed those would be clear soon enough. Although it was an open question. I’d intended to be strong, put Aaron in his place, but right now, I was thinking of anything but. His pure magnetism was sucking me in, and I couldn’t help but remember how it had felt to kiss him, couldn’t stop myself from wanting to kiss him again.

I blinked, trying to bring myself back to the moment, and when I did, I met Aaron’s eyes.

“What’s the matter? You usually love the sound of your own voice, but for some reason, you’re not completing your sentences,” he said.

I let the completely unsubtle dig pass without comment.

Aaron was trying to fuck with me.

Aaron seemed to get an inordinate amount of pleasure from fucking with me, but that was okay. Because he was about to learn that I gave as good as I got.

“Do I need to spell it out for you, your highness?” I asked, reclaiming my equilibrium.

Aaron sneered, quickly covered it, but I had seen the look. And I knew that adding in the title, saying it with the opposite of respect was something that got to him. I wasn’t one of his loyal subjects, and there was nothing he could do about it.

“You know what,” he said, his voice different now, not quite excited but a little livelier, and almost instantly putting me on edge. “Why don’t you spell it out for me?”

He leaned forward, looking down, not quite looming over me, but closing some of the small space between us.

Perhaps it was another attempt to intimidate, but the action had the exact opposite effect.

I was in the midst of anger, thinking about all the ways I would pay Aaron back, but having him this close to me was proving to be quite distracting. In fact, I could smell the faint whiff of his aftershave, see the subtle rise and fall of his chest with each breath, could practically feel the heat from his body, and could do nothing to stop myself from remembering how it had felt to be in his arms.

Which was exactly what I should have been afraid of.

I had known that what he had done before was simply a ploy, yet here I was falling for it, again allowing myself to be pulled into Aaron’s vortex.

I wouldn’t allow that, couldn’t allow it, and I needed to stop right this moment.

I looked away, but then looked up again and met Aaron’s eyes.

“I’ll spare you my personal observations about your character, though I will say I wouldn’t put anything past you. But that aside, I know what you think you’re doing,” I said, my voice more edged than I wanted it to be, but something that I couldn’t help.

“And what am I doing?” he asked.

That sound was still in his voice, the tease, the dare, something that was almost impossible for me to resist. But I refused to pay attention to that, wouldn’t allow him to get to me any more than he already had.

“That…kiss,” I said, hesitating, though I hadn’t wanted to. Still, saying it out loud, acknowledging it in his presence was a powerful moment.

Both of us had been aware of what had happened, but discussing it out loud, that was something I had thought I was prepared for. But thinking about this confrontation and the reality of going through with it were two things I still needed to reconcile.

“Ah, that,” he said nonchalantly, as though it meant absolutely nothing to him.

I shook my head, my completely ineffectual way of dealing with the shock of his response. That kiss had meant nothing to him. I’d known that, but hearing him confirm it left me a little off balance.

But I recovered quickly. Of course it had meant nothing to him. It meant nothing to me either. For me it was an annoyance, for him it was a means to an end. That he was so cavalier about it, almost callous, confirmed that once again.

“Yes,” I said, “that.”

“What about it?” he asked.

“What about it?” I repeated incredulously.

“Is there an echo in here?” he said, looking at me, his sarcastic expression taunting me.

“No there’s not an echo in here, but there is an asshole in here, one who I’m not going to allow to fuck this up for me,” I said, my voice tight.

“So that’s what you think I was doing?” he asked.

It appeared that my new tone, the one I called my serious voice, had no effect on him.

I hadn’t really expected it to, had hoped, but hadn’t expected. But to again see him so easily rebuff me was an irritant.

“No, Aaron,” I said. “I don’t think that’s what you were doing. I know it’s what you were doing. And I want you to know that it’s not going to stop me.”

I finished with a flourish, then looked at him, waiting for his reaction.

Barely got one.

I waited a moment longer, but he just stared at me, one of his brows lifted in question. “Is that all?”

“What do you mean is that all?” I responded.

“You made your little speech. I have dinner reservations. Can I go now?” he asked.

“Dinner reservations?” I said, looking at him incredulously.

“Yes, you know, dinner? The place where people with lives outside of this place go on occasion. You should give it a try,” he said.

“Some of us have responsibilities, your highness,” I spat back lamely.

“And some of us hide behind those responsibilities, Cree,” he said, parrying my response.

He circled me and headed toward his desk. I turned and watched him, glaring at his back, my anger ratcheting up. I had told myself I wouldn’t allow this to happen. I’d promised that I would keep my cool and not let Aaron, his arrogance, his entitlement, my reactions to him, derail me.

But in the space of a second, those admonitions, that promise to myself, was gone completely.

“You’re pathetic, you know that?” I said.

Aaron didn’t stop immediately, but instead went to his desk and began loading items into his briefcase. Once he was done, he closed the top, the soft swish of the expensive leather as he buckled the case filling the tense air in the office.

When he was finally done, he turned to look at me, but I didn’t dare meet his eyes. I didn’t want to, not when I was so angry I could barely see straight, not when I knew I was losing the upper hand here. Starting to question if I’d ever had it at all.

Aaron paused a moment, and then sauntered back toward me, coming to a stop when we were again toe to toe.

“I’m pathetic. Do tell,” he said.

And again the arrogant tilt of his head, the dripping condescension in his voice was too much for me to bear.

“As you wish. You strut around here like a fucking peacock, screaming, ‘Look at me, I’m a prince, I’m rich, I’m handsome,’ but I can see through all that,” I said.

“And what do you see?” he asked.

“What do I see?” I asked, mirroring his question to buy myself some time. If I were being honest in that moment, I would say that I saw a rich, handsome prince who was a hell of a kisser, but saying that wasn’t an option.

Aaron’s next response spared me.

“Still an echo. Answer the question,” he said.

It was on the tip of my tongue to continue. I wanted to, but for some reason I held back.

I stared at him, the words bubbling up, threatening to explode, but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to push them out.

The seconds ticked by, each seeming slightly longer than the one before until Aaron finally broke the silence with a laugh. The sound was deep, rich, condescending, and entirely at my expense.

When he finally stopped, he looked at me, and there was no trace of humor on his face.

“Exactly as I thought,” he said.

“What the hell does that mean?” I asked.

My stomach started to tremble, a mix of anxiousness, anger, and fear creating the most dizzying mix.

Aaron smiled, this time the humor more than apparent.

“You look down on me. Think I’m a fucking peacock, to borrow a quote, but you know what you are, Cree?” he asked.

“I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” I said drolly, though inside I was anything but.

“Yes, I am going to tell you. You’re a fucking coward. You’re here, standing in front of me, have a chance to finally, after all these years, say exactly what’s on your mind. And you won’t take it,” he said.

He narrowed his eyes now, his expression serious, his head tilted down as if to close some of the distance between us.

I was frozen in place, considering what he’d said. Knowing that what he’d said was true. I was ashamed of that but even more ashamed that Aaron had noticed, that he was the only one who’d ever dared say so out loud.

“See. Look at you. A little mouse. Frozen in place, too terrified, too weak, to speak up,” he said.

He went quiet again, waiting, giving me a chance to prove him wrong, I sensed.

I wanted to, desperately, but I stayed quiet, didn’t speak, didn’t move, didn’t want to risk it, not when I didn’t know what I would do or say.

Aaron sneered, the disgust in his expression a palpable thing, one that almost made me want to shrivel from the intensity of it.

“See, you’re proving me more and more right by the second. You may think I’m insecure, brainless, that I skate by on my title and my looks and my money, which are all admirable things, mind you, and that may be true. But I have you pegged, Cree. You think this is your chance, you think that you’re going to go somewhere. But you’re wrong. And you know why? You haven’t gone anywhere before, and you won’t go anywhere now, because you’re too fucking scared to take what you want. You think if you’re a good girl, follow the rules, do as you’re told that you’ll get your reward.”

He broke off, laughed, shaking his head as though it was the most ridiculous thought in the world. And maybe he was right. Maybe that was ridiculous. On those rare occasions I’d been brave enough to consider it, that thought had occurred to me. And on some of those dark, lonely nights when I’d allowed my mind to drift, I’d wondered if I was failing myself, using what I perceived as fairness to mask my own fear and timidity.

I’d never let myself dwell on the question long enough to come up with an answer, but Aaron had no such problem.

“Wrong. You won’t. No one’s going to reward you just because you deserve it. You think my family got a kingdom by waiting in line? You think I got this job by hoping someone would pick me? No, my family got a kingdom because they took it. I got this job because I took it. But you can’t do that, Cree. It’s not in your nature. So be pissed at me, hate me, even. That’s your prerogative. But deep down, know that it’s all your fault. Know that you are where you are, and not where you want to be, because you’re too fucking afraid to step out of the shadows.”

He hadn’t raised his voice at all. In fact his words barely had any inflection, but each of them had been devastating, a lash against my soul.

And also correct.

Deep down, but not so deep anymore after what Aaron had said. I knew that he had been right. Knew that for all the complaining I did about him, for all of the anger I had at people for so easily kowtowing to him, for all that I knew them doing so was wrong, I also knew that Aaron was right.

I was timid, tried to pretend I wasn’t, but I was. I didn’t step out, didn’t take what I wanted. Maybe it was because I had been raised to be polite, maybe I didn’t think I deserved it, but whatever the reason, I knew that what Aaron had said was true.

And I also knew that in this moment, this very moment here, that was going to change.

“You think I’m timid. That I don’t take what I want?” I asked.

My voice was a whisper, a little bit raspy, much more breathy than I wanted it to be, but I got the words out.

“As you said, I don’t think it. I know it,” he responded.

The way he looked at me, with such certainty, like he knew without a doubt that he was correct, made standing still impossible.

“No, you don’t,” I said.

And then, before I could lose my nerve, regain my common sense, I stretched up as tall as I could and kissed him.