Chapter Nine
Megan was glad to have the distraction of the two young and handsome men flirting with her at baggage claim as she waited for Shane. Her hands would have been shaking had she not been holding on to her purse so tightly and focusing on being witty while making it clear she was waiting for her special someone.
She felt him before she saw him, but kept on chatting with her admirers. It wasn’t about playing a game, but she didn’t want to leap on Shane and jump his bones in the middle of the airport. She didn’t want to scare him away. The trip was important. He was taking a small step into her life and she obsessed about doing it right.
“Boys, I think you might get your drool all over my wife if you stand so close.” Shane’s arms encircled her waist and he pulled her back, into the warmth and solid muscle of his body and she nearly groaned aloud at how good it felt.
She turned her head and met his gaze, just as his mouth claimed hers for a kiss. Everything in her melted as she opened for him. He kept her pinned to his body, back to front as he devastated her mouth, took and took and gave in return until she nearly fell over at the overwhelming sensation. Mine.
When he let her go, the sounds all around them returned slowly but she never took her gaze from his.
“Hi.” She was proud she could speak at that point and the wicked man he was, she saw he knew his effect on her. His smile was smug as well as sexy.
“Hi yourself. You taste good.”
She laughed, turning in his arms to wrap hers around his neck. Tiptoeing up, she kissed his nose briefly. “Good. I like to hear these things. God, I missed you.”
He squeezed her tight for a moment and she breathed in as he did, their bodies pressed together.
“So who are your friends?” He jerked his head and she remembered the two who’d been flirting with her.
“Oh them? Just a way to keep my mind off how long your flight had been delayed.”
They laughed behind her and she felt Shane’s jealousy ease through their link.
“You have nothing to worry about.”
“Good.” He turned a glare on her flirty companions and then tugged her toward the conveyor belt. She waved at them over her shoulder and Shane grunted.
She snuggled into his side as they waited for his bag, just loving being with him after being apart for nearly three weeks. Her wolf did summersaults inside her human skin at his scent.
“How was the flight?”
He kissed the top of her head. “Long. I must have looked at my watch every forty seconds. I thought I’d never get here.”
“But you’re here now. I’m so glad.”
“So we’re going to dinner then? At Lex and Nina’s house?”
“Don’t sound so nervous. Honestly I limited it as much as I could and Lay helped. It’ll just be Lex, Nina, Lay and Sid and my parents. My grandmother harrumphed at me and said she’d see you before the weekend was up. I know you met her briefly before but I can’t wait for you to spend some time with her. You’ll like her. Or she’ll beat you up. My grandmother isn’t one to be ignored.” She laughed.
She felt his tension ebb a bit as he reached for his bag and pulled up the handle. “Okay. I’m trusting you. And then we have sex, right?”
Grabbing his hand, she tugged him toward the escalators so they could take the skybridge to the parking garage. “Duh. Like a whole lot.”
* * *
He saw the low-slung, candy-apple-red Mustang and grinned. “Hmm. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised but I expected you to have a truck or something more hardy.”
She rolled her eyes as she popped the trunk for him to put his suitcase into. “I’m as hardy as I need to be.” Her gaze slowly made the circuit from the tips of his shoes to the top of his head. “If you recall.”
He nearly choked as he scrambled to get into the car without his cock popping through his jeans at the visual her comments left him with. Of her below him as he fucked into her body.
“So um, listen, there will most likely be discussion of the binding ceremony tonight. Lex, well, he’s very protective of his Pack and his family and he sees you as one of us now. Don’t be offended, it’s not meant to be that way. He just wants to include you.”
Panic rose a moment, until she reached over and took his hand, squeezing it.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
He felt her melancholy through the link. “Would you like me to do the ceremony?”
“Yes. It would mean a lot to me. But you’d have to run with me. As a wolf.”
He hadn’t run in three years even though there were times he itched to let his wolf surface. Part of him really wanted to see her as a wolf. His own wolf began to respond and he realized there was an integral bit of his soul he’d walled off.
Really he wanted to talk to Layla about things. But he felt conflicted. She’d been very quiet about the situation and he understood. She was Megan’s sister, she had divided loyalties. But in truth, he was very close to her even though they didn’t speak all the time. He felt like she knew him better than most anyone else on earth. Maybe that night when he saw her they could talk a bit.
“I’ll consider it. I truly will. I am committed to you. I want you to know that. A lot of this stuff is sort of foreign to me so I appreciate your patience as I try to get through it.”
She nodded in the twilight reflected through the windshield.
“It’s beautiful up here. I remember from the last time I visited. I get to Portland now and again. My aunt lives there.” He was babbling he knew but he was so ridiculously happy to be with her.
“I love it. There’s so much land around Lex and Nina’s place to run in. There’s a lake and several ground-fed streams. When you come again for a bit longer, we can go to the hot springs out on the Olympic Peninsula.”
“Mmm. You, wet and naked under the stars? I’m so there.”
She laughed and he loved the sound.
They made small talk as she described the area they drove through and he asked questions, carefully avoiding werewolf stuff until he felt like an utter tool. She was so careful to not offend him which he appreciated. But at the same time, he didn’t want her holding back. Stupid for him to expect to have it both ways and he knew it.
“Here we are,” she said as they pulled up a long drive leading up a winding hillside, blanketed with trees. Huge iron gates blocked the way and she pulled to a stop to enter a code.
“Wow, some security system.” The gates slid closed behind them and he scented the wildness, the cleanness of the air, the loam of the forest floor not fifteen feet to the edge of the drive.
“We had a scary few years where this was all very necessary. Things have been peaceful for a while now, but I carried a spare magazine with silver bullets for a long time.”
He exhaled sharply. He hadn’t given it much thought, what she did. But of course she’d have done exactly that. His woman was an Enforcer and he knew enough about werewolf Pack hierarchy to understand just how important her position was to the safety of the Alpha and to the Pack in general. It gave him pause and no small amount of anxiety.
She pulled into a large garage bay and turned to him. “Hey, it’s okay now. I’m safe. The war is over. But even if it wasn’t, I’m damned good at my job.”
Reaching toward her, he grabbed her, bringing her body to his so he could hold her tight as he found his breath. Being separated was hard enough, the thought of her being injured or killed made him nauseated.
“It’s the bond. I’m sorry. I know it’s intense for you. I take all this for granted, having grown up in this world. I’m Enforcer which means I’m Second. I’m strong enough to hold my spot. No punk-assed wolf or human is going to take me down. I swear to you.”
He kissed her forehead before he released her. Resentment began to well within him. It wasn’t about the bond, it was that he felt so fucking ill-prepared for all this. It was a part of him as much, if not more than the suburbs and medical school was.
“Nothing for you to be sorry about as long as you’re safe. Now, while I’m nauseated, I may as well go inside.”
He grinned and she chuckled. “Come on then. Layla and Sid are already here so you’ll know a few people and you’ve met everyone else before, even if was twelve years ago or like for ten minutes in LA.”
* * *
He didn’t freak and run away. That was a step in the right direction. She’d prepared Lex as best she could and Nina would help too. Lex wanted to kick Shane’s ass for not just taking responsibility and dealing with the bond, but Nina understood how he felt to a certain extent. Lex could be overprotective and Cade had called four times before she left for the airport. Thank goodness he was on the other side of the country or she’d have a hell of a time keeping them from pinning Shane to the wall.
She led him up into the house and couldn’t help but feel proud even as she wanted him to not be nervous. This was her Pack, her family, her home ground and she’d worked hard to be where she was. She wanted him to like it all too.
“Hey everyone!” she called out as they entered near the family room. Gabby came running and Megan scooped her up into a hug.
“Oh! He’s pretty!”
Shane laughed as she turned toward him with Gabby clinging to her like a monkey. “He is, isn’t he? Gabby, this is Shane, my mate. Shane, this is Gabriella Warden, my niece.”
Shane bowed to them and took Gabby’s hand, kissing it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Your aunt talks about you all the time.”
“Don’t flatter her too much, she’s already nearly impossible to deal with because of how much her father spoils her.” Nina came into the room and took Gabby from Megan. “It’s nice to see you again, Shane. Welcome and I hope you’re hungry. My mother-in-law—” she paused to laugh “—your mother-in-law, has invaded my kitchen and has prepared a feast.”
“Come on then, brace yourself.” Megan looked to him and he kissed her quickly, putting his arm around her waist.
“Go big or go home,” Nina called out.
Layla perked up when they came around the corner into the family room but Megan noticed she held herself back from jumping up to approach them. Shane stiffened a bit. Unsure if he should go to Layla? Surprised at seeing her? Megan wasn’t sure.
“Go on, it’s okay,” she murmured to him and nodded at Layla.
Sid approached and enveloped Megan into a hug. “You’re so awesome,” he said into her ear. “You know it’s nothing compared to what he has with you, right?”
“I don’t. I mean, I guess. All I have to guide me is how I feel about Adam. But I know Layla wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Or you for that matter.”
Still, she didn’t want to look at them. It was difficult, knowing he shared an older bond with her sister, that he’d created a level of trust she didn’t have with him yet. She hadn’t lied to Sid, she knew Layla would never do anything with Shane outside what was acceptable. It was their intimacy she was jealous of.
“Hey, I haven’t seen you in a few days. Don’t I get a hug?” Layla called out and Megan turned to her sister with a smile pasted on her face.
Layla noted it, her posture stiffening a bit before she hugged Megan.
“Enough of this stuff. I’d like to meet my new son-in-law!”
Trust her father to cut through the shit. Henri walked into the room with Beth on one side and Lex on the other. Lex’s eyes cut to Megan immediately, narrowing a bit as he looked between her and Layla for a brief moment and then swung his gaze to Shane.
“Dad, this is Shane, you remember him I’m sure from when he anchored with Layla and Sid.”
Her father shook Shane’s hand and then welcomed him to the Pack. She felt Shane’s wolf respond to her father’s and a rush of lupine energy filled the room. It was exhilarating but Shane looked a bit overwhelmed.
She reached out to squeeze his hand and he clung to her like a lifeline.
“Welcome to Cascadia, Shane. I hope you’ll find the land welcoming.” Lex shook Shane’s hand and then touched his chest over his heart. Tears stung Megan’s eyes at the gesture of brotherhood.
“Hey, everyone’s here. Sorry I’m late!” Adam walked in and Megan relaxed a bit at his presence.
He walked straight to her and gave her a hug, intuiting just what she needed. Someone who was all about her at the moment with no other motivations.
Adam and Shane did that male clap-back-hug thing they do and everyone headed into the dining room where the table must have been groaning under the weight of four hundred pounds of food.
“Jeez, Mom! There’s enough food here to feed a hundred people.”
“I figured you’d be so busy over the weekend you’d appreciate the leftovers.”
Her mother really rocked sometimes.
* * *
“So how are you doing?” Layla asked him as they stood out on the deck overlooking acres upon acres of forest. Megan was off putting Gabby to bed and he suspected, giving him a chance to visit alone with Layla.
“It’s a bit overwhelming. She’s really close to Lex. I guess I hadn’t really understood it until I saw them together. It’s um...a bit intimidating I suppose. He doesn’t like me much.”
Layla put her head on his shoulder. “Of course he likes you. Trust me, if he didn’t like you, you’d be in the emergency room right now. But yes, he and Megan are close, they always have been. She keeps him from being too tight-assed. She’s very close to Nina and I think is a bit of a calming influence on her. They just want the best for her. They worry that you won’t live up to your bond with her.”
“And what do you think about it?”
“I think you’re scared. This is like a whole foreign universe to you and you’ve been raised to be suspicious of it and suddenly you must know the only way to truly be with Megan is to embrace the very thing you’ve rejected your whole life.”
“Not scared really. But you guys can be like a cult. I have a life. I resent this ‘take it all or leave it’ ultimatum I’ve been given.”
She snorted. “You’re so full of shit. I’m not as close with Megan as I am with Tee but I know my sister well enough to know she’d never give you an ultimatum like that. But what is it you’re asking of her?”
He began to pace, the moonlight on his skin agitating him. “Is it too much to want her there with me? I have a medical practice there! A house. My parents live there. Why should I give that all up to come here?”
“You’re the only one who can answer that in the end. You know what she has here and what you’re asking her to give up. What she is. Who she is. And for what? Can you only be a doctor in Las Vegas?”
“Can she only be a werewolf in Seattle?”
Layla shrugged. “She can’t be what she is here in another Pack. Also, she’d have to fight her way up. Do you want that? She’d be challenged again and again and in truth they wouldn’t accept her because her mate has repudiated what they are. What sort of life would that be for either of you? Why would you want that for her?” She heaved a big sigh and shook her head. “I’m not going to engage in this with you anymore. If you want to have a serious conversation and you’re willing to be totally honest with me and with yourself, let me know. I’m going for a run. The moon is full, can’t you feel it pulling your wolf? How long has it been?”
“I’m tired.”
“Suit yourself. You know, what would it hurt to give just a tiny bit? To yourself? To her?”
She walked away and he struggled to breathe as his wolf paced inside him. He felt it, his other self, insistent in a way he’d not felt since his early twenties.
He felt Megan coming and tried to compose himself but when he turned, she stood naked in the silvery light of the moon. “Would you like to run with me? The others have headed out on the other side of the property. Gabby is asleep and Hiro is guarding her. It’s just you and me out here.”
“My God you’re beautiful.” He brushed his knuckles down her neck and she arched into his touch.
“What does your wolf look like, Shane? Will you show me? Share that with me? You can say no. I’m sorry if I’m coming on so strong. The moon calls and my blood rushes with the tides. I want to feel it with you. So much it hurts to hold my wolf back. But say the word, say no and we can go back to our house.”
“I...” He wanted to run. Wanted to feel the wildness course through him once again but the thought of losing his humanity stole his breath.
Her face fell and she nodded. “Come on, let’s go home.” She turned and walked away and he felt a gulf wider than the nearly twelve hundred miles between Seattle and Las Vegas open between them and it was his fault.
* * *
He was falling for Megan Warden. So hard he didn’t quite know how to process it. And yet, the issue of who they were and what he felt about it stood between them and he knew it. He just didn’t know how to deal with it.
So he showed her how he felt the only way he could. He loved every inch of her perfect, velvety skin. He showered attention on her body and through that, he hoped she felt what he did.
He loved the way she moved in the kitchen. Smooth, efficient, totally sure about what she’d do next.
“I love the way you do that,” he said, smiling. She turned and met his gaze.
“What? Peel potatoes? You’re easy.”
He stood and moved to her, needing to touch her. It’d stopped freaking him out, the need to be near her, the need to touch her, to smell her skin. It was part of what there was between them and he accepted it. Whether it was a werewolf thing or whatever, it was there and it was real and he was done trying to fight it.
She leaned back into him as he slid his hands over the curve of her shoulders, down her arms, encircling her waist and then back up to cup her breasts.
“Let me love you,” he said against the warmth of her neck.
“It’s all I want.”
He felt the rush of her emotion through their link and it nearly knocked him over. No one had ever been so much to him, had ever connected to him the way she did. The intensity of it roared through him.
Sweeping an arm across the counter to clear it, he picked her up and set her on the edge. Impatient, he made quick work of the frilly tank top she wore and her glorious breasts were at eye level.
“So beautiful,” he murmured, licking across the curve of one and then over to the other.
She arched, her fingers sifting through his hair, her scent rising to his nose, drowning him in her and he surrendered, letting himself fall.
Her nipples were hard against his tongue, her moans echoing through her chest. He wanted to give himself to her but he wasn’t good enough. She was strong. Sure. Self-assured and confident and he didn’t know what the hell he was other than a fool for her. There in Seattle, what was he in comparison to the men she knew?
Her grip tightened and she turned his head to her so she could see his face. “Do not do this to me. Give yourself to me, Shane. Stop holding back. I only want to love you. Can’t you feel that?”
“Let me give you what I can.”
He pushed her thighs apart and shoved the flimsy skirt she wore up, exposing her bare pussy. God he loved that about her. The way she owned her sexuality so unashamedly. It was a way he felt they really connected, where he could totally be himself without holding back.
His thumbs slid through her wet flesh and she gasped as he manipulated her clit, squeezing just so slightly. He bent, tasting her belly as he moved down to her pussy, her scent and the way she heated against his mouth drawing him to her.
He groaned when his tongue made contact with her, her taste zinging through his senses. She tasted like the best thing ever and he couldn’t get enough. Long slow licks, just the way she liked it and just the way he liked to give it to her, pulled her closer to climax.
He didn’t want it to end, wanted the quicksilver taste of her pleasure on his tongue, wanted the clutch of her fingers on his shoulders, the squirming against him as she pressed her pussy into his face.
Her nails dug into the hard muscle of his shoulders through his T-shirt and the sound of the cotton giving way made his cock even harder. The wildness of her, her strength and nature flavored her body, flowed into him like magic and for a very brief string of seconds, he understood what it meant to be a wolf. Accepted it as he danced fingers and tongue through her sex, drawing her closer to climax.
She cried out as she came, her body arching, stiffening, her emotion and pleasure flowing through the link and into the room around them. She was everything and more than he’d ever dreamed he’d possess but even as her orgasm began to die, he felt the space between them open up again.
* * *
He held her like she meant something to him and yet, it was like she was in bed with a stranger. When they had sex was the only time she felt truly connected to him and it wasn’t enough. She couldn’t settle for that, a piece of him that was only fleeting. She wanted him, all of him and he greedily held back. It made her tired. He made her ashamed, made her hold back when she wanted to share. She didn’t like it. And it made her deeply sad because the end was there and there wasn’t a thing she could do to make it better.
He’d been with her for three days and he’d avoided any talk of the joining ceremony. She hadn’t bothered to take him back to Lex and Nina’s and he hadn’t asked to go.
She had to face that he didn’t want her, not who she was. He wanted a human woman and she couldn’t give that to him. She wasn’t human and damn it, if he loved her, he wouldn’t want her to try and cut out her heart the way he had.
She knew he wanted to run. She saw it in his face. But she wouldn’t push. How fair would it be for her to do that? He had to come to her and accept not only what she was but what he was too. She had enough issues in her life, living a lie was just beyond the amount of energy she had to expend. And she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to pass as human.
She’d had hope when he got there Thursday night and now she had none. All she had was the thought of being bound for the rest of her life to a man who didn’t love her and never would. She wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all but she’d wait until she was alone.
“Megan, are you all right?” he asked softly.
“Go to sleep. You have an early flight.”
“You’ve been distant since Thursday night. I thought you wanted to try and make this work.”
She turned to him. “Don’t do this now. Just go to bed.”
“Do what?”
Rage suddenly boiled up and she wanted to punch him. “Are you really going to do this now? Because I’m not going to play. If you push me, you’re going to get it all. Is that what you want?”
“Of course I want you to talk to me! I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want it.”
“Fine. No, I’m not all right. You’re a damned liar and I am sick of being your piece of werewolf ass.”
He jerked back as if she’d slapped him but she caught the guilty look in his eye and it only made her angrier. “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“What wasn’t I clear on? You tell me you want to come up to visit. You tell me you want to get to know me but really, all you want is to fuck me. You don’t want to know me. You hate what I am and you actually make me feel ashamed. Never in my life has anyone made me feel ashamed of what I am. Until you. You’re supposed to love me and you make me feel like a back-alley whore.”
“I don’t understand. What have I done to make you feel this way? Why would you save this all up until right before I left?”
“What have you done to make me feel any other way? I have tried to be understanding. I have tried to slowly introduce you to my life. But you don’t want to know. You don’t want to go on hikes. You don’t want to meet my friends and family. You don’t want to know about my life. You don’t want to fit into it at all. Let’s be honest, Shane, you don’t want me for anything but shoving your dick into. And I let you. I love it when you fuck me so what does that make me? Huh?”
“A woman who likes to have sex with her husband, that’s what it makes you! And you don’t want to introduce me to your life, you want me to be a card-carrying member of the werewolf party.”
“You’re not my husband. You are a man ruled by his cock. You claimed me because you were hot to fuck me but you don’t talk to me like you talk to Layla. You don’t talk to me at all. And you are so fucked up. You are a werewolf. You are a werewolf! You really should get some help with your denial. And your mother needs to be slapped. Don’t bother defending her, I’ve already had the pleasure of a phone call with her so don’t try it.”
* * *
Confusion, guilt and hurt swamped him, followed by anger and then the last bit of her sentence registered. “You called my mother?”
“Oh for...” She got up and began to get dressed in short jerky movements. The bitter scent of unshed tears filled the room and he wanted to get on his knees and beg her forgiveness. He’d been a total prick, cold except in bed since she’d brought him back to her house Thursday night. “Your mother called me. Yesterday when you were taking a nap, as it happens.”
“Where are you going? You can’t just spring this on me and leave.” He got up to follow as she left the room.
“To sleep in the guest room. I think it’s best. I can’t take any more rejection from you without breaking and I don’t want to cry anymore.”
He wanted to go to her. Wanted to make it okay and yet he stood rooted to the floor, watching his life spiral out of control. “You’re not going to walk away from me. Let’s work this out. What did my mother say?”
“Ask her yourself, Shane. I’m not her fucking errand girl. She’s bat-shit crazy and I am having no part of this mess.”
“Please talk to me. How can we fix it if you don’t talk to me?”
“Don’t do this to me. It’s so cruel.” She gasped as her tears broke free and began to stream down her face.
“Please, Megan, don’t cry.” He moved to her but she held a hand out to ward him off. Within him, his wolf pushed harder than he’d ever felt, needing to fix her, needing to comfort her. He fell to his knees with an anguished growl as he fought it.
And her arms were around him, her scent, bittersweet with anguish, pain, love and regret, calmed and soothed even as it made him want to cry himself.
“Let it go. You don’t want this. I accept it. I love you so much. You can’t possibly know how much. Because I love you, I’m letting you go. The bond is irrevocable, I can’t make it go away but you can be free. I’ll arrange to have you driven to the airport tomorrow morning. Don’t call me. Just ride out the need and hopefully it’ll lessen.” She stood up and he heard the door open and close and he was alone.